Why do some teachers take dads more seriously than moms

[Anonymous]

Weird, I'm a dad who handles all the medical and school issues and I list myself as the first contact. Every single school staff member, except the nurse for some reason, will skip over me and go right to DW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a teacher and recently had a dad get semi aggressive with me. I no longer share anything other than positive things with the family. I avoid them as much as possible. There's concerns about the child developmentally, but I'm not going to talk with the family about that because it is a risk. I'm not risking my safety over it.

This is disgusting. If you have developmental concerns about a child, you share that information with the family. You share it with the mom with the principal and other people present. No one is going to jump you just because you say their child needs to be evaluated.

Nope. Last meeting with the dad I actually had to step back because it looked like he might get in my face. I will do every single thing to help the child while in my class. But I'm not dealing with crazy aggressive men. If he wants proper information, he should treat the people who care for his child all day, every day, with minimal respect.

Then talk to the mom. You're probably the reason she had to bring him in to the meetings in the first place, because you don't do anything to help the kid.

You have no idea what I do or don't do so your opinion doesn't count.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sexism, it's real. Thanks for confirming what every mom on this board already knew, teachers!

There can be a lot of internalized misogyny in female dominated professions.

I love that DH handles the parent teacher conferences and teacher communications. He is definitely the more confrontational of the two of us but if the teachers prefer to get direction from a man and my kids’ needs are met and I don’t have to go, I’m good with that.

I think these attitudes are more prevalent at the elementary school level. The teachers tend to be more traditional. You see almost all of them excitedly change their names upon marriage and use “Mrs.” It’s a throw back vibe. Middle and high schools have a much higher percentage of male teachers and with self-selection by teachers, it’s a different, more current professional vibe. That said, I still make my husband send the email if it’s important. That issue extends beyond schools though.

You clearly have not been in an elementary school in the past 5-10 years. Of course, people are excited to get married, but it’s not like they’re just waiting around for their Mrs.

I work in one. I didn’t suggest they’re waiting around for it. But it’s the only place in DC area in last 25 years where I’ve seen women insist on you using Mrs. rather than Ms. And some at my school use Miss! I don’t like the standard this sets for the kids with such outsized emphasis on women’s marital status in their professional titles.

It's gross, I agree. I have a relative who was so excited about telling her class and parents about her name change before i Had kids; I have now seen the same with my kids' teachers and find it odd

You think your cute veiled insults are smart don't you? I wonder if it is your kid who is the bully of 2nd grade? Or the 5th grader calling everyone the "n" word?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a teacher and recently had a dad get semi aggressive with me. I no longer share anything other than positive things with the family. I avoid them as much as possible. There's concerns about the child developmentally, but I'm not going to talk with the family about that because it is a risk. I'm not risking my safety over it.

This is disgusting. If you have developmental concerns about a child, you share that information with the family. You share it with the mom with the principal and other people present. No one is going to jump you just because you say their child needs to be evaluated.

It sounds like she did and the dad got aggressive. What’s your problem?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sexism, it's real. Thanks for confirming what every mom on this board already knew, teachers!

There can be a lot of internalized misogyny in female dominated professions.

I love that DH handles the parent teacher conferences and teacher communications. He is definitely the more confrontational of the two of us but if the teachers prefer to get direction from a man and my kids’ needs are met and I don’t have to go, I’m good with that.

I think these attitudes are more prevalent at the elementary school level. The teachers tend to be more traditional. You see almost all of them excitedly change their names upon marriage and use “Mrs.” It’s a throw back vibe. Middle and high schools have a much higher percentage of male teachers and with self-selection by teachers, it’s a different, more current professional vibe. That said, I still make my husband send the email if it’s important. That issue extends beyond schools though.

You clearly have not been in an elementary school in the past 5-10 years. Of course, people are excited to get married, but it’s not like they’re just waiting around for their Mrs.

I work in one. I didn’t suggest they’re waiting around for it. But it’s the only place in DC area in last 25 years where I’ve seen women insist on you using Mrs. rather than Ms. And some at my school use Miss! I don’t like the standard this sets for the kids with such outsized emphasis on women’s marital status in their professional titles.

It's gross, I agree. I have a relative who was so excited about telling her class and parents about her name change before i Had kids; I have now seen the same with my kids' teachers and find it odd

You think your cute veiled insults are smart don't you? I wonder if it is your kid who is the bully of 2nd grade? Or the 5th grader calling everyone the "n" word?

I don’t see any cute or veiled insults here. And you really think this person would raise a kid who uses that word? Please tell me you’re not a teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sexism, it's real. Thanks for confirming what every mom on this board already knew, teachers!

There can be a lot of internalized misogyny in female dominated professions.

I love that DH handles the parent teacher conferences and teacher communications. He is definitely the more confrontational of the two of us but if the teachers prefer to get direction from a man and my kids’ needs are met and I don’t have to go, I’m good with that.

I think these attitudes are more prevalent at the elementary school level. The teachers tend to be more traditional. You see almost all of them excitedly change their names upon marriage and use “Mrs.” It’s a throw back vibe. Middle and high schools have a much higher percentage of male teachers and with self-selection by teachers, it’s a different, more current professional vibe. That said, I still make my husband send the email if it’s important. That issue extends beyond schools though.

You clearly have not been in an elementary school in the past 5-10 years. Of course, people are excited to get married, but it’s not like they’re just waiting around for their Mrs.

I work in one. I didn’t suggest they’re waiting around for it. But it’s the only place in DC area in last 25 years where I’ve seen women insist on you using Mrs. rather than Ms. And some at my school use Miss! I don’t like the standard this sets for the kids with such outsized emphasis on women’s marital status in their professional titles.

It's gross, I agree. I have a relative who was so excited about telling her class and parents about her name change before i Had kids; I have now seen the same with my kids' teachers and find it odd

You think your cute veiled insults are smart don't you? I wonder if it is your kid who is the bully of 2nd grade? Or the 5th grader calling everyone the "n" word?

I don’t see any cute or veiled insults here. And you really think this person would raise a kid who uses that word? Please tell me you’re not a teacher.

The insults are around using "Mrs" and changing last names. And you'd be amazed to know how many parents and kids use the N word on the regular. I get a front seat from where I sit in my classroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sexism, it's real. Thanks for confirming what every mom on this board already knew, teachers!

There can be a lot of internalized misogyny in female dominated professions.

I love that DH handles the parent teacher conferences and teacher communications. He is definitely the more confrontational of the two of us but if the teachers prefer to get direction from a man and my kids’ needs are met and I don’t have to go, I’m good with that.

I think these attitudes are more prevalent at the elementary school level. The teachers tend to be more traditional. You see almost all of them excitedly change their names upon marriage and use “Mrs.” It’s a throw back vibe. Middle and high schools have a much higher percentage of male teachers and with self-selection by teachers, it’s a different, more current professional vibe. That said, I still make my husband send the email if it’s important. That issue extends beyond schools though.

You clearly have not been in an elementary school in the past 5-10 years. Of course, people are excited to get married, but it’s not like they’re just waiting around for their Mrs.

I work in one. I didn’t suggest they’re waiting around for it. But it’s the only place in DC area in last 25 years where I’ve seen women insist on you using Mrs. rather than Ms. And some at my school use Miss! I don’t like the standard this sets for the kids with such outsized emphasis on women’s marital status in their professional titles.

It's gross, I agree. I have a relative who was so excited about telling her class and parents about her name change before i Had kids; I have now seen the same with my kids' teachers and find it odd

You think your cute veiled insults are smart don't you? I wonder if it is your kid who is the bully of 2nd grade? Or the 5th grader calling everyone the "n" word?

I don’t see any cute or veiled insults here. And you really think this person would raise a kid who uses that word? Please tell me you’re not a teacher.

The insults are around using "Mrs" and changing last names. And you'd be amazed to know how many parents and kids use the N word on the regular. I get a front seat from where I sit in my classroom.

I don’t think those are the same GenX parents preferring Ms. to Mrs. on dcurbanmom…. Are you a young teacher?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sexism, it's real. Thanks for confirming what every mom on this board already knew, teachers!

There can be a lot of internalized misogyny in female dominated professions.

I love that DH handles the parent teacher conferences and teacher communications. He is definitely the more confrontational of the two of us but if the teachers prefer to get direction from a man and my kids’ needs are met and I don’t have to go, I’m good with that.

I think these attitudes are more prevalent at the elementary school level. The teachers tend to be more traditional. You see almost all of them excitedly change their names upon marriage and use “Mrs.” It’s a throw back vibe. Middle and high schools have a much higher percentage of male teachers and with self-selection by teachers, it’s a different, more current professional vibe. That said, I still make my husband send the email if it’s important. That issue extends beyond schools though.

You clearly have not been in an elementary school in the past 5-10 years. Of course, people are excited to get married, but it’s not like they’re just waiting around for their Mrs.

I work in one. I didn’t suggest they’re waiting around for it. But it’s the only place in DC area in last 25 years where I’ve seen women insist on you using Mrs. rather than Ms. And some at my school use Miss! I don’t like the standard this sets for the kids with such outsized emphasis on women’s marital status in their professional titles.

It's gross, I agree. I have a relative who was so excited about telling her class and parents about her name change before i Had kids; I have now seen the same with my kids' teachers and find it odd

You think your cute veiled insults are smart don't you? I wonder if it is your kid who is the bully of 2nd grade? Or the 5th grader calling everyone the "n" word?

I don’t see any cute or veiled insults here. And you really think this person would raise a kid who uses that word? Please tell me you’re not a teacher.

The insults are around using "Mrs" and changing last names. And you'd be amazed to know how many parents and kids use the N word on the regular. I get a front seat from where I sit in my classroom.

I don’t think those are the same GenX parents preferring Ms. to Mrs. on dcurbanmom…. Are you a young teacher?

Are you a young mommy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sexism, it's real. Thanks for confirming what every mom on this board already knew, teachers!

There can be a lot of internalized misogyny in female dominated professions.

I love that DH handles the parent teacher conferences and teacher communications. He is definitely the more confrontational of the two of us but if the teachers prefer to get direction from a man and my kids’ needs are met and I don’t have to go, I’m good with that.

I think these attitudes are more prevalent at the elementary school level. The teachers tend to be more traditional. You see almost all of them excitedly change their names upon marriage and use “Mrs.” It’s a throw back vibe. Middle and high schools have a much higher percentage of male teachers and with self-selection by teachers, it’s a different, more current professional vibe. That said, I still make my husband send the email if it’s important. That issue extends beyond schools though.

You clearly have not been in an elementary school in the past 5-10 years. Of course, people are excited to get married, but it’s not like they’re just waiting around for their Mrs.

I work in one. I didn’t suggest they’re waiting around for it. But it’s the only place in DC area in last 25 years where I’ve seen women insist on you using Mrs. rather than Ms. And some at my school use Miss! I don’t like the standard this sets for the kids with such outsized emphasis on women’s marital status in their professional titles.

It's gross, I agree. I have a relative who was so excited about telling her class and parents about her name change before i Had kids; I have now seen the same with my kids' teachers and find it odd

You think your cute veiled insults are smart don't you? I wonder if it is your kid who is the bully of 2nd grade? Or the 5th grader calling everyone the "n" word?

I don’t see any cute or veiled insults here. And you really think this person would raise a kid who uses that word? Please tell me you’re not a teacher.

The insults are around using "Mrs" and changing last names. And you'd be amazed to know how many parents and kids use the N word on the regular. I get a front seat from where I sit in my classroom.

I don’t think those are the same GenX parents preferring Ms. to Mrs. on dcurbanmom…. Are you a young teacher?

Are you a young mommy?

No. But thank you for answering my question.

I’m GenX and have never in 50 years heard a single non-Black friend or colleague or fellow parent utter the N word. I don’t know what they say behind closed doors. But they know I am not someone they could ever say that in front of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a teacher and recently had a dad get semi aggressive with me. I no longer share anything other than positive things with the family. I avoid them as much as possible. There's concerns about the child developmentally, but I'm not going to talk with the family about that because it is a risk. I'm not risking my safety over it.

This is disgusting. If you have developmental concerns about a child, you share that information with the family. You share it with the mom with the principal and other people present. No one is going to jump you just because you say their child needs to be evaluated.

It sounds like she did and the dad got aggressive. What’s your problem?!

NP but she DIDN'T. She said she had concerns but she wasn't going to share them. That's a bad teacher. She can go through the VP or the Principal instead of talking to the parents directly, but to not share that information with the family is really unprofessional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a teacher and recently had a dad get semi aggressive with me. I no longer share anything other than positive things with the family. I avoid them as much as possible. There's concerns about the child developmentally, but I'm not going to talk with the family about that because it is a risk. I'm not risking my safety over it.

This is disgusting. If you have developmental concerns about a child, you share that information with the family. You share it with the mom with the principal and other people present. No one is going to jump you just because you say their child needs to be evaluated.

It sounds like she did and the dad got aggressive. What’s your problem?!

NP but she DIDN'T. She said she had concerns but she wasn't going to share them. That's a bad teacher. She can go through the VP or the Principal instead of talking to the parents directly, but to not share that information with the family is really unprofessional.

I’m a different teacher, but if the family is aggressive or I think they may get aggressive, I’m not interacting with them or will only interact at a minimum. If my school district finds it unprofessional, they can fire me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sexism, it's real. Thanks for confirming what every mom on this board already knew, teachers!

There can be a lot of internalized misogyny in female dominated professions.

I love that DH handles the parent teacher conferences and teacher communications. He is definitely the more confrontational of the two of us but if the teachers prefer to get direction from a man and my kids’ needs are met and I don’t have to go, I’m good with that.

I think these attitudes are more prevalent at the elementary school level. The teachers tend to be more traditional. You see almost all of them excitedly change their names upon marriage and use “Mrs.” It’s a throw back vibe. Middle and high schools have a much higher percentage of male teachers and with self-selection by teachers, it’s a different, more current professional vibe. That said, I still make my husband send the email if it’s important. That issue extends beyond schools though.

You clearly have not been in an elementary school in the past 5-10 years. Of course, people are excited to get married, but it’s not like they’re just waiting around for their Mrs.

I work in one. I didn’t suggest they’re waiting around for it. But it’s the only place in DC area in last 25 years where I’ve seen women insist on you using Mrs. rather than Ms. And some at my school use Miss! I don’t like the standard this sets for the kids with such outsized emphasis on women’s marital status in their professional titles.

It's gross, I agree. I have a relative who was so excited about telling her class and parents about her name change before i Had kids; I have now seen the same with my kids' teachers and find it odd

You think your cute veiled insults are smart don't you? I wonder if it is your kid who is the bully of 2nd grade? Or the 5th grader calling everyone the "n" word?

I don’t see any cute or veiled insults here. And you really think this person would raise a kid who uses that word? Please tell me you’re not a teacher.

The insults are around using "Mrs" and changing last names. And you'd be amazed to know how many parents and kids use the N word on the regular. I get a front seat from where I sit in my classroom.

I don’t think those are the same GenX parents preferring Ms. to Mrs. on dcurbanmom…. Are you a young teacher?

Are you a young mommy?

No. But thank you for answering my question.

I’m GenX and have never in 50 years heard a single non-Black friend or colleague or fellow parent utter the N word. I don’t know what they say behind closed doors. But they know I am not someone they could ever say that in front of.

They aren’t holding their tongue around you. They just don’t use that word, ever. It’s not about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sexism, it's real. Thanks for confirming what every mom on this board already knew, teachers!

There can be a lot of internalized misogyny in female dominated professions.

I love that DH handles the parent teacher conferences and teacher communications. He is definitely the more confrontational of the two of us but if the teachers prefer to get direction from a man and my kids’ needs are met and I don’t have to go, I’m good with that.

I think these attitudes are more prevalent at the elementary school level. The teachers tend to be more traditional. You see almost all of them excitedly change their names upon marriage and use “Mrs.” It’s a throw back vibe. Middle and high schools have a much higher percentage of male teachers and with self-selection by teachers, it’s a different, more current professional vibe. That said, I still make my husband send the email if it’s important. That issue extends beyond schools though.

You clearly have not been in an elementary school in the past 5-10 years. Of course, people are excited to get married, but it’s not like they’re just waiting around for their Mrs.

I work in one. I didn’t suggest they’re waiting around for it. But it’s the only place in DC area in last 25 years where I’ve seen women insist on you using Mrs. rather than Ms. And some at my school use Miss! I don’t like the standard this sets for the kids with such outsized emphasis on women’s marital status in their professional titles.

It's gross, I agree. I have a relative who was so excited about telling her class and parents about her name change before i Had kids; I have now seen the same with my kids' teachers and find it odd

You think your cute veiled insults are smart don't you? I wonder if it is your kid who is the bully of 2nd grade? Or the 5th grader calling everyone the "n" word?

I don’t see any cute or veiled insults here. And you really think this person would raise a kid who uses that word? Please tell me you’re not a teacher.

The insults are around using "Mrs" and changing last names. And you'd be amazed to know how many parents and kids use the N word on the regular. I get a front seat from where I sit in my classroom.

I don’t think those are the same GenX parents preferring Ms. to Mrs. on dcurbanmom…. Are you a young teacher?

Are you a young mommy?

No. But thank you for answering my question.

I’m GenX and have never in 50 years heard a single non-Black friend or colleague or fellow parent utter the N word. I don’t know what they say behind closed doors. But they know I am not someone they could ever say that in front of.

They aren’t holding their tongue around you. They just don’t use that word, ever. It’s not about you.

I believe that’s true of my close friends. And vast majority of my colleagues and fellow parents. That was my original point. The baby teacher was implying that we, including our children, use that term. That was a despicable and unacceptable allegation and no doubt reflected far more on her community than mine. I was simply trying to deflect the inevitable argument that people say it even if I don’t hear it. But I think it’s strange to assert, like you did, that no one ever uses the word. I try to be more aware that there are likely people who aren’t as they seem and not be in denial of racism. And not speak in absolutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sexism, it's real. Thanks for confirming what every mom on this board already knew, teachers!

There can be a lot of internalized misogyny in female dominated professions.

I love that DH handles the parent teacher conferences and teacher communications. He is definitely the more confrontational of the two of us but if the teachers prefer to get direction from a man and my kids’ needs are met and I don’t have to go, I’m good with that.

I think these attitudes are more prevalent at the elementary school level. The teachers tend to be more traditional. You see almost all of them excitedly change their names upon marriage and use “Mrs.” It’s a throw back vibe. Middle and high schools have a much higher percentage of male teachers and with self-selection by teachers, it’s a different, more current professional vibe. That said, I still make my husband send the email if it’s important. That issue extends beyond schools though.

You clearly have not been in an elementary school in the past 5-10 years. Of course, people are excited to get married, but it’s not like they’re just waiting around for their Mrs.

I work in one. I didn’t suggest they’re waiting around for it. But it’s the only place in DC area in last 25 years where I’ve seen women insist on you using Mrs. rather than Ms. And some at my school use Miss! I don’t like the standard this sets for the kids with such outsized emphasis on women’s marital status in their professional titles.

It's gross, I agree. I have a relative who was so excited about telling her class and parents about her name change before i Had kids; I have now seen the same with my kids' teachers and find it odd

You think your cute veiled insults are smart don't you? I wonder if it is your kid who is the bully of 2nd grade? Or the 5th grader calling everyone the "n" word?

I don’t see any cute or veiled insults here. And you really think this person would raise a kid who uses that word? Please tell me you’re not a teacher.

The insults are around using "Mrs" and changing last names. And you'd be amazed to know how many parents and kids use the N word on the regular. I get a front seat from where I sit in my classroom.

I don’t think those are the same GenX parents preferring Ms. to Mrs. on dcurbanmom…. Are you a young teacher?

Are you a young mommy?

No. But thank you for answering my question.

I’m GenX and have never in 50 years heard a single non-Black friend or colleague or fellow parent utter the N word. I don’t know what they say behind closed doors. But they know I am not someone they could ever say that in front of.

They aren’t holding their tongue around you. They just don’t use that word, ever. It’s not about you.

I believe that’s true of my close friends. And vast majority of my colleagues and fellow parents. That was my original point. The baby teacher was implying that we, including our children, use that term. That was a despicable and unacceptable allegation and no doubt reflected far more on her community than mine. I was simply trying to deflect the inevitable argument that people say it even if I don’t hear it. But I think it’s strange to assert, like you did, that no one ever uses the word. I try to be more aware that there are likely people who aren’t as they seem and not be in denial of racism. And not speak in absolutes.

And that’s the last I’ll say. I don’t wish to further hijack this thread. The last word is yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a teacher and recently had a dad get semi aggressive with me. I no longer share anything other than positive things with the family. I avoid them as much as possible. There's concerns about the child developmentally, but I'm not going to talk with the family about that because it is a risk. I'm not risking my safety over it.

This is disgusting. If you have developmental concerns about a child, you share that information with the family. You share it with the mom with the principal and other people present. No one is going to jump you just because you say their child needs to be evaluated.

It sounds like she did and the dad got aggressive. What’s your problem?!

NP but she DIDN'T. She said she had concerns but she wasn't going to share them. That's a bad teacher. She can go through the VP or the Principal instead of talking to the parents directly, but to not share that information with the family is really unprofessional.

I’m a different teacher, but if the family is aggressive or I think they may get aggressive, I’m not interacting with them or will only interact at a minimum. If my school district finds it unprofessional, they can fire me.

Why can't you go through an intermediary? The counselor or the principal? Those parents deserve to know if their child has problems.