Why do some teachers take dads more seriously than moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because Mom‘s are more likely to get combative or defensive when things come up regarding their children, the majority of dads take the reasonable route and understand that their kids are not perfect in the teacher is not to blame.

Be real. The moms care just as much as the dads but the female teachers will go toe to toe with the moms but are easily intimidated by the dads and deferential. If only the mothers got as much respect for showing up and dealing with all of this. But they are treated like a giant headache for just being at the conference and daring to ask questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While wearing clothes that reveal certain parts of the body, teachers try to manipulate dads to believe all the bs.
Moms are not easy to manipulate and rightly question statements.
Signed,

A mom who uncovered teacher’s lies.

You’ve got some issues. If your story is true, it represents 0.00001% of everyone else’s story.

It’s true. I had two similar experiences within the same school.

[Anonymous]

OP -

This is not school specific.

This happens throughout society.

Haven't you noticed that your husband likely also gets better results when interacting with hotel employees, airline employees, contractors, etc?

There are scores of studies showing that service people and others are more responsive and more polite to men vs women

[Anonymous]

I'm a single mom, and I have thought about bringing a random dad to IEP meetings with me. Or maybe our cousin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a teacher and recently had a dad get semi aggressive with me. I no longer share anything other than positive things with the family. I avoid them as much as possible. There's concerns about the child developmentally, but I'm not going to talk with the family about that because it is a risk. I'm not risking my safety over it.

This is disgusting. If you have developmental concerns about a child, you share that information with the family. You share it with the mom with the principal and other people present. No one is going to jump you just because you say their child needs to be evaluated.

Nope. Last meeting with the dad I actually had to step back because it looked like he might get in my face. I will do every single thing to help the child while in my class. But I'm not dealing with crazy aggressive men. If he wants proper information, he should treat the people who care for his child all day, every day, with minimal respect.

[Anonymous]

Sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a teacher and recently had a dad get semi aggressive with me. I no longer share anything other than positive things with the family. I avoid them as much as possible. There's concerns about the child developmentally, but I'm not going to talk with the family about that because it is a risk. I'm not risking my safety over it.

This is disgusting. If you have developmental concerns about a child, you share that information with the family. You share it with the mom with the principal and other people present. No one is going to jump you just because you say their child needs to be evaluated.

Nope. Last meeting with the dad I actually had to step back because it looked like he might get in my face. I will do every single thing to help the child while in my class. But I'm not dealing with crazy aggressive men. If he wants proper information, he should treat the people who care for his child all day, every day, with minimal respect.

Then talk to the mom. You're probably the reason she had to bring him in to the meetings in the first place, because you don't do anything to help the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a teacher and recently had a dad get semi aggressive with me. I no longer share anything other than positive things with the family. I avoid them as much as possible. There's concerns about the child developmentally, but I'm not going to talk with the family about that because it is a risk. I'm not risking my safety over it.

This is disgusting. If you have developmental concerns about a child, you share that information with the family. You share it with the mom with the principal and other people present. No one is going to jump you just because you say their child needs to be evaluated.

Nope. Last meeting with the dad I actually had to step back because it looked like he might get in my face. I will do every single thing to help the child while in my class. But I'm not dealing with crazy aggressive men. If he wants proper information, he should treat the people who care for his child all day, every day, with minimal respect.

Then talk to the mom. You're probably the reason she had to bring him in to the meetings in the first place, because you don't do anything to help the kid.

Sounds like you might have some anger issues just like him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anecdotally, the PTO doesn't like him. They never pick him to volunteer for things, even though he volunteers a ton. I assume this is a friend thing, they only want to volunteer with their friends? They're scared he's a pedophile? I have no idea, but take advantage of my husband's flexible schedule, ladies, let your sons know that dads can and should be involved in their children's lives! WTH?

My guess with the PTO is that almost every time I have seen dads get involved with parent groups that are largely mom-based is that they tend to come in and only want to be in charge, try to delegate the grunt work to the moms while they take care of "big picture" stuff and mansplain things that most moms can do with one arm tied behind their back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sexism, it's real. Thanks for confirming what every mom on this board already knew, teachers!

There can be a lot of internalized misogyny in female dominated professions.

I love that DH handles the parent teacher conferences and teacher communications. He is definitely the more confrontational of the two of us but if the teachers prefer to get direction from a man and my kids’ needs are met and I don’t have to go, I’m good with that.

I think these attitudes are more prevalent at the elementary school level. The teachers tend to be more traditional. You see almost all of them excitedly change their names upon marriage and use “Mrs.” It’s a throw back vibe. Middle and high schools have a much higher percentage of male teachers and with self-selection by teachers, it’s a different, more current professional vibe. That said, I still make my husband send the email if it’s important. That issue extends beyond schools though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anecdotally, the PTO doesn't like him. They never pick him to volunteer for things, even though he volunteers a ton. I assume this is a friend thing, they only want to volunteer with their friends? They're scared he's a pedophile? I have no idea, but take advantage of my husband's flexible schedule, ladies, let your sons know that dads can and should be involved in their children's lives! WTH?

My guess with the PTO is that almost every time I have seen dads get involved with parent groups that are largely mom-based is that they tend to come in and only want to be in charge, try to delegate the grunt work to the moms while they take care of "big picture" stuff and mansplain things that most moms can do with one arm tied behind their back.

That was the case at our school. Almost all the presidents were men but women did almost all the work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sexism, it's real. Thanks for confirming what every mom on this board already knew, teachers!

There can be a lot of internalized misogyny in female dominated professions.

I love that DH handles the parent teacher conferences and teacher communications. He is definitely the more confrontational of the two of us but if the teachers prefer to get direction from a man and my kids’ needs are met and I don’t have to go, I’m good with that.

I think these attitudes are more prevalent at the elementary school level. The teachers tend to be more traditional. You see almost all of them excitedly change their names upon marriage and use “Mrs.” It’s a throw back vibe. Middle and high schools have a much higher percentage of male teachers and with self-selection by teachers, it’s a different, more current professional vibe. That said, I still make my husband send the email if it’s important. That issue extends beyond schools though.

You clearly have not been in an elementary school in the past 5-10 years. Of course, people are excited to get married, but it’s not like they’re just waiting around for their Mrs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sexism, it's real. Thanks for confirming what every mom on this board already knew, teachers!

There can be a lot of internalized misogyny in female dominated professions.

I love that DH handles the parent teacher conferences and teacher communications. He is definitely the more confrontational of the two of us but if the teachers prefer to get direction from a man and my kids’ needs are met and I don’t have to go, I’m good with that.

I think these attitudes are more prevalent at the elementary school level. The teachers tend to be more traditional. You see almost all of them excitedly change their names upon marriage and use “Mrs.” It’s a throw back vibe. Middle and high schools have a much higher percentage of male teachers and with self-selection by teachers, it’s a different, more current professional vibe. That said, I still make my husband send the email if it’s important. That issue extends beyond schools though.

You clearly have not been in an elementary school in the past 5-10 years. Of course, people are excited to get married, but it’s not like they’re just waiting around for their Mrs.

I work in one. I didn’t suggest they’re waiting around for it. But it’s the only place in DC area in last 25 years where I’ve seen women insist on you using Mrs. rather than Ms. And some at my school use Miss! I don’t like the standard this sets for the kids with such outsized emphasis on women’s marital status in their professional titles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Longtime (former) clinic aide.

If I had the option, I’d always call the father first, in an emergency, for routine calls. to come collect their DC.

Easier this way. They ask few questions, aren’t accusatory not suspicious and are rational and compliant. All in the name of efficiency and expediency.

Only got one complaint from a flustered and incompetent dad who hung up from our brief conversation and called his wife to say that he was super busy at work and resented the intrusion. Wife called me to say that she was a SAHM and that although the SIS info showed dad as 1. first call, this must be immediately amended and dad can only be called in dire emergency.

Do you not think it's b/c dads have the experience of being treated by your school (& society) as if they are important, so if you are calling , it must be important?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sexism, it's real. Thanks for confirming what every mom on this board already knew, teachers!

There can be a lot of internalized misogyny in female dominated professions.

I love that DH handles the parent teacher conferences and teacher communications. He is definitely the more confrontational of the two of us but if the teachers prefer to get direction from a man and my kids’ needs are met and I don’t have to go, I’m good with that.

I think these attitudes are more prevalent at the elementary school level. The teachers tend to be more traditional. You see almost all of them excitedly change their names upon marriage and use “Mrs.” It’s a throw back vibe. Middle and high schools have a much higher percentage of male teachers and with self-selection by teachers, it’s a different, more current professional vibe. That said, I still make my husband send the email if it’s important. That issue extends beyond schools though.

You clearly have not been in an elementary school in the past 5-10 years. Of course, people are excited to get married, but it’s not like they’re just waiting around for their Mrs.

I work in one. I didn’t suggest they’re waiting around for it. But it’s the only place in DC area in last 25 years where I’ve seen women insist on you using Mrs. rather than Ms. And some at my school use Miss! I don’t like the standard this sets for the kids with such outsized emphasis on women’s marital status in their professional titles.

It's gross, I agree. I have a relative who was so excited about telling her class and parents about her name change before i Had kids; I have now seen the same with my kids' teachers and find it odd