Why do some teachers take dads more seriously than moms

[Anonymous]

Because Mom‘s are more likely to get combative or defensive when things come up regarding their children, the majority of dads take the reasonable route and understand that their kids are not perfect in the teacher is not to blame.

[Anonymous]

I'm a teacher and recently had a dad get semi aggressive with me. I no longer share anything other than positive things with the family. I avoid them as much as possible. There's concerns about the child developmentally, but I'm not going to talk with the family about that because it is a risk. I'm not risking my safety over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a teacher and recently had a dad get semi aggressive with me. I no longer share anything other than positive things with the family. I avoid them as much as possible. There's concerns about the child developmentally, but I'm not going to talk with the family about that because it is a risk. I'm not risking my safety over it.

I’d do the same!

[Anonymous]

It is rare for dads to be reaching out about school stuff. So dads maybe get noticed more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Dad’s are emotionally more stable and easier for women to handle.

It's not only school employees who think this way. The stereotype is that mothers are hysterical or crazy and get ignored but fathers are praised for being involved at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a teacher and recently had a dad get semi aggressive with me. I no longer share anything other than positive things with the family. I avoid them as much as possible. There's concerns about the child developmentally, but I'm not going to talk with the family about that because it is a risk. I'm not risking my safety over it.

This is disgusting. If you have developmental concerns about a child, you share that information with the family. You share it with the mom with the principal and other people present. No one is going to jump you just because you say their child needs to be evaluated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YEARS of concerns and requests to teachers AND principals? My kids were in public schools for 12 years and I never spoke to a principal one time. What are you asking for?

This is the reason. OP is "that parent". Her husband isn't, at least not yet, because he hasn't been the one voicing concerns and making requests to teachers and principals for years. It has nothing to do with sexism. It has to do with compassion fatigue on the part of overworked teachers.

100% this. It’s not female vs male, it’s you vs not you.

Staff talks. When I am invited to a meeting with parents, the history with the family is shared. “Every year mom calls a meeting to complain about something, this year it’s Larlo’s seating arrangement. Just smile and nod, nothing is ever good enough.” Or “mom never agrees to new testing and wants increased accommodations every year, hold firm if she won’t approve testing.”

When dad comes instead, it’s a fresh start. There is no history to share.

Right or wrong, this is reality.

So, mom shows up to the IEP or 504 meetings and asks teachers to enforce the required accommodations and then when they don't because mom has a reputation for, OMG, advocating for her child, she has to call in Dad. That's so ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

The sexism, it's real. Thanks for confirming what every mom on this board already knew, teachers!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YEARS of concerns and requests to teachers AND principals? My kids were in public schools for 12 years and I never spoke to a principal one time. What are you asking for?

This is the reason. OP is "that parent". Her husband isn't, at least not yet, because he hasn't been the one voicing concerns and making requests to teachers and principals for years. It has nothing to do with sexism. It has to do with compassion fatigue on the part of overworked teachers.

100% this. It’s not female vs male, it’s you vs not you.

Staff talks. When I am invited to a meeting with parents, the history with the family is shared. “Every year mom calls a meeting to complain about something, this year it’s Larlo’s seating arrangement. Just smile and nod, nothing is ever good enough.” Or “mom never agrees to new testing and wants increased accommodations every year, hold firm if she won’t approve testing.”

When dad comes instead, it’s a fresh start. There is no history to share.

Right or wrong, this is reality.

So, mom shows up to the IEP or 504 meetings and asks teachers to enforce the required accommodations and then when they don't because mom has a reputation for, OMG, advocating for her child, she has to call in Dad. That's so ridiculous.

You didn’t understand what the PP was saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The sexism, it's real. Thanks for confirming what every mom on this board already knew, teachers!

There can be a lot of internalized misogyny in female dominated professions.

I love that DH handles the parent teacher conferences and teacher communications. He is definitely the more confrontational of the two of us but if the teachers prefer to get direction from a man and my kids’ needs are met and I don’t have to go, I’m good with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The sexism, it's real. Thanks for confirming what every mom on this board already knew, teachers!

This. One day in elementary school back to school night of all nights (so only the beginning of the year) some dad was screaming at a teacher in the hall and they were just letting him and responding to him kindly while all these families were milling around from class to class. He should have been kicked out of the building. Dads are either more checked out and the teachers appreciate not having to give detailed responses or they are someone they know they will see very little and so they can promise anything and then the mom will have to deal with the details, or they are either fearful or in awe of the guy. They just have an overall view that the mom has little power and they take advantage of this.

[Anonymous]

While wearing clothes that reveal certain parts of the body, teachers try to manipulate dads to believe all the bs.
Moms are not easy to manipulate and rightly question statements.
Signed,

A mom who uncovered teacher’s lies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While wearing clothes that reveal certain parts of the body, teachers try to manipulate dads to believe all the bs.
Moms are not easy to manipulate and rightly question statements.
Signed,

A mom who uncovered teacher’s lies.

You’ve got some issues. If your story is true, it represents 0.00001% of everyone else’s story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YEARS of concerns and requests to teachers AND principals? My kids were in public schools for 12 years and I never spoke to a principal one time. What are you asking for?

This is the reason. OP is "that parent". Her husband isn't, at least not yet, because he hasn't been the one voicing concerns and making requests to teachers and principals for years. It has nothing to do with sexism. It has to do with compassion fatigue on the part of overworked teachers.

100% this. It’s not female vs male, it’s you vs not you.

Staff talks. When I am invited to a meeting with parents, the history with the family is shared. “Every year mom calls a meeting to complain about something, this year it’s Larlo’s seating arrangement. Just smile and nod, nothing is ever good enough.” Or “mom never agrees to new testing and wants increased accommodations every year, hold firm if she won’t approve testing.”

When dad comes instead, it’s a fresh start. There is no history to share.

Right or wrong, this is reality.

So, mom shows up to the IEP or 504 meetings and asks teachers to enforce the required accommodations and then when they don't because mom has a reputation for, OMG, advocating for her child, she has to call in Dad. That's so ridiculous.

That’s not at all what I said.

When mom wants to move Larlo into team taught classes and get the district to pay for private reading instruction but refuses reading support elective and the need for updated comprehension and fluency testing (year after year), we don’t bend over.

When mom has signed a stay put order on an IEP from 3rd grade and the child is now in 9th but she refuses to get new data on the kid and wants more one on one instruction despite anecdotal evidence showing it’s not needed, we get tired.

When mom calls in September upset about the book the class is reading, October demanding her child not ever do math on a computer, and November because Larlo can’t be required to sit next to other kids (and the diagnosis is anxiety and the only accommodations listed are extra time and small group testing), forgive us if we don’t get excited when she calls in December to demand a parent meeting with all teachers about the cafeteria seating arrangements.

There is a difference between reasonable and unreasonable. My suspicion is mom has crossed the line into unreasonable.

If I’m wrong and she’s only contacted a teacher a couple times to clarify things or share new info and emails are ignored, I apologize. Then I would guess staff is intimidated by a father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a teacher and recently had a dad get semi aggressive with me. I no longer share anything other than positive things with the family. I avoid them as much as possible. There's concerns about the child developmentally, but I'm not going to talk with the family about that because it is a risk. I'm not risking my safety over it.

This is disgusting. If you have developmental concerns about a child, you share that information with the family. You share it with the mom with the principal and other people present. No one is going to jump you just because you say their child needs to be evaluated.

If you want data on your child, you need to treat the school employees with respect. You cannot scream at me in a parent meeting and then expect I’m going to call you when Johnny fails a test.

And yes, multiple parents over my 20 year career have gotten extremely furious and made my life very difficult when I implied their child was behind the rest of the class, to a degree that I was worried about. One contacted the principal and superintendent saying I was “racist” against her child and only contacted her because her son was black. If it was a white kid, I would be giving him more help in class so he wasn’t behind. I had at least 3 meetings that year to clear my name.

Not every parent is reasonable (though most are lovely!!) once bitten/twice shy and all that though