Frustrated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:- I know you don’t want to doxx your daughter, but could you find an equivalent school (maybe by using the Niche.com equivalent school list) so we can tell what kind of private college you’re talking about. If it’s a school like Hollins or Goucher, for example, and you can afford it, learn to love the one you’re with.

- If the school is truly the no-name Jesuit school down the street: I still think your daughter would be better learning to love it than trying to transfer. I think that most of the value people get from selective private schools comes from the freshman dorm. Moving to a a second private college after the first eight weeks might make sense if the original school is closing down, or if a student hates the first school or needs resources available only at the second school, but the second school will never really be a perfect networking home. I think a typical student will get a lot more networking value from sticking with a place like Hollins, Goucher or Creighton for four years than from moving to Tulane from Creighton for the sake of prestige. And, for any student at a school below about the top 30, getting good grades, having good activities and having good recommendations matters a lot more than the name of the college. Hardly anyone away from DCUM knows much about colleges other than HYPSM, the nearest big public universities and a few schools with good football teams. Knowing what Oberlin is, for example, is pretty weird.

What school does this refer to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This feels like an average athlete striving to go pro… I also note the psychological game here. She concedes the girl is not HPYSM material but then makes it sound reasonable to frame her as Georgetown level. The truth is that Georgetown level is basically the same as HYPSM, maybe slightly less but not really since half or more of HYPSM is there for sports, diversity or wealth. Her daughter is nowhere close to any of this. By definition not everyone can be above average, let alone exceptional!

Exactly. OP (if they’re not a troll) had the audacity to name Ivies as a reach when they weren’t even in the stratosphere. The real reaches were UGA, W&M, UF, Tulane, etc. OP’s mistake was not having decent targets and safeties.

[Anonymous]

From my son’s perspective your daughter looks like she breezed through school and is off to a great start. Mine couldn’t even pass the prerequisite tests for community college - and he is not alone. Your daughter is on the high end of the scale when it comes to educational success. Sounds like she has found her place. Too bad that you all don’t see to see that and embrace it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:- I know you don’t want to doxx your daughter, but could you find an equivalent school (maybe by using the Niche.com equivalent school list) so we can tell what kind of private college you’re talking about. If it’s a school like Hollins or Goucher, for example, and you can afford it, learn to love the one you’re with.

- If the school is truly the no-name Jesuit school down the street: I still think your daughter would be better learning to love it than trying to transfer. I think that most of the value people get from selective private schools comes from the freshman dorm. Moving to a a second private college after the first eight weeks might make sense if the original school is closing down, or if a student hates the first school or needs resources available only at the second school, but the second school will never really be a perfect networking home. I think a typical student will get a lot more networking value from sticking with a place like Hollins, Goucher or Creighton for four years than from moving to Tulane from Creighton for the sake of prestige. And, for any student at a school below about the top 30, getting good grades, having good activities and having good recommendations matters a lot more than the name of the college. Hardly anyone away from DCUM knows much about colleges other than HYPSM, the nearest big public universities and a few schools with good football teams. Knowing what Oberlin is, for example, is pretty weird.

What school does this refer to?

Yes, poster, which one? My guess is Marymount this poster is referencing. Just the plain one, not Loyola.

[Anonymous]

What if you looked at this as a lesson in making the most of a less-than-ideal situation? It won’t be the last less-than-ideal situation she’ll be in. There will be more, likely many more, because this is life, and no matter how wonderful our kids are, and how much we adore them and try to make the world easy for them, life always contains enormous setbacks. Maybe this is an opportunity for you to help her look around and see not what ISN’T there, but rather what is. There are almost certainly incredible opportunities at her current school, but these can be harder to see when you always have one foot out the door. Encourage her to say, “okay, so this is reality, let’s start making the most of it.” This attitude will help her in life, not hurt her.

I suspect to really help her with this, you first might need to do some letting go. Let yourself feel the grief of what won’t be, but don’t wallow in it. Don’t dwell in anger or resentment— that will only model anger and resentment to her. Look for the good that’s there, and allow this truth to sink in: she doesn’t need to go to a top college to be worthy, bright, valued, and loved. She is already all these things.

[Anonymous]

mostly Bs and a few As in high school is not going to get you in to the schools you mentioned.

then you have "decent" grades in college? if she is at a no-name school she should be getting excellent grades!

you are delusional! yes, it is possible to transfer to a better school, but not if you are not doing a great job at your no-name school.

you both need to get back to reality and have her set her sights on something attainable, not the schools where she never had a shot and still doesn't. or make peace with where she is now and make the best of her current situation instead of still wanting what she can't have.

sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This feels like an average athlete striving to go pro… I also note the psychological game here. She concedes the girl is not HPYSM material but then makes it sound reasonable to frame her as Georgetown level. The truth is that Georgetown level is basically the same as HYPSM, maybe slightly less but not really since half or more of HYPSM is there for sports, diversity or wealth. Her daughter is nowhere close to any of this. By definition not everyone can be above average, let alone exceptional!

Exactly. OP (if they’re not a troll) had the audacity to name Ivies as a reach when they weren’t even in the stratosphere. The real reaches were UGA, W&M, UF, Tulane, etc. OP’s mistake was not having decent targets and safeties.

Those may be extreme reaches still. My DC likely would not even have gotten into most of these schools since he got a bad grade in AP Calc despite 1500 SAT. I can assure you he is light years smarter than her daughter who seems unable to get high marks at a second or third rate college despite desperately trying to transfer. I think she is wildly underestimating how smart kids still are after you take a step down from T10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long time lurker needing to vent. DD (20 years old, finishing her sophomore year) has applied to more competitive schools three times (two times as a college student one time as a high schooler) and gotten rejected all times. She’s currently at a private I never wanted her at in the first place.

Back in high school, she was a decent student (mostly B’s, a few A’s, not a good test taker) but not great, so I knew the Ivies and top-tier schools would be a stretch. But I thought for sure she could work her way up once in college. She’s poured her heart into her first two years at this lower place, taking challenging classes, getting decent grades, volunteering, clubs, etc.

Yet every single “higher” school she applied to has shot her down. Northeastern, Georgetown, UCLA, Tulane, UVA, Wake Forest, William and Mary, USC (dream school), UCSD, Irvine, UT Austin, UFlorida, Georgia, BostonU, BostonC, etc. She has one more chance to apply to transfer before she hits the credit limit that makes transferring impractical not to mention the additional semesters of tuition it would cost us. If this last try doesn’t work out, she’ll be stuck finishing at the same no-name place. This feels like the end of the road for her future possibilities, and I’m heartbroken, and honestly, kind of furious.

I understand maybe this is just “how it is,” but I see other kids in her high school class who breezed into brand-name colleges left and right. We spent thousands of dollars on tutoring, SAT prep, extracurricular camps, you name it. She’s a bright kid but apparently not bright enough for the pretentious and sadistic admissions committees.

Has anyone else gone through a situation like this? I’m trying to figure out if we have any last-ditch strategies, or if I just have to come to terms with the fact that my daughter may have to remain at a school that, in my heart, I believe is beneath her potential. I just want honest opinions and some glimmer of hope. Thanks for reading, everyone.

Those are T50ish schools for the most part.

Not happening with your DD's academic profile. You need to be more realistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long time lurker needing to vent. DD (20 years old, finishing her sophomore year) has applied to more competitive schools three times (two times as a college student one time as a high schooler) and gotten rejected all times. She’s currently at a private I never wanted her at in the first place.

Back in high school, she was a decent student (mostly B’s, a few A’s, not a good test taker) but not great, so I knew the Ivies and top-tier schools would be a stretch. But I thought for sure she could work her way up once in college. She’s poured her heart into her first two years at this lower place, taking challenging classes, getting decent grades, volunteering, clubs, etc.

Yet every single “higher” school she applied to has shot her down. Northeastern, Georgetown, UCLA, Tulane, UVA, Wake Forest, William and Mary, USC (dream school), UCSD, Irvine, UT Austin, UFlorida, Georgia, BostonU, BostonC, etc. She has one more chance to apply to transfer before she hits the credit limit that makes transferring impractical not to mention the additional semesters of tuition it would cost us. If this last try doesn’t work out, she’ll be stuck finishing at the same no-name place. This feels like the end of the road for her future possibilities, and I’m heartbroken, and honestly, kind of furious.

I understand maybe this is just “how it is,” but I see other kids in her high school class who breezed into brand-name colleges left and right. We spent thousands of dollars on tutoring, SAT prep, extracurricular camps, you name it. She’s a bright kid but apparently not bright enough for the pretentious and sadistic admissions committees.

Has anyone else gone through a situation like this? I’m trying to figure out if we have any last-ditch strategies, or if I just have to come to terms with the fact that my daughter may have to remain at a school that, in my heart, I believe is beneath her potential. I just want honest opinions and some glimmer of hope. Thanks for reading, everyone.

Transfers are far harder than freshman admissions - and most top schools prefer top community college students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a good counselor? She might have a red flag somewhere or isn’t tailoring for fit to school?

Sara H is doing transfer application counseling now
https://shop.saraharberson.com/products/transfer-package

Or
Transfer goat is all over r/transfertoT25
https://transfergoat.com/

Get professional advice.

[Anonymous]

1. Switch from marketing to communication(s). Most T75 have that major. No one has marketing.

2. Get social media communications internships at the intersection of another field you can plausibly say she's interested in based on ECs (environment; sustainable fashion; women's studies; repro rights; beauty; etc) - she needs a STORY!!

3. Figure out what classes she got closest to her professors. Find out where THEY went to undergrad and grad school. Those letters will be strongest there.

4. Spend 4+ weeks on a STRONG personal statement. Work with a professional. Lots of suggestions from this board.

5. Join at least 3 on-campus clubs (literary magazine; campus radio or TV; public relations student society; or even just social media team for various student organizations (including sorority).....she needs to have 10 activities.

Once she does this, she'll actually have something. As a sophomore applying to transfer, your college grades and college activities matter more than anything you did in HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a good counselor? She might have a red flag somewhere or isn’t tailoring for fit to school?

Sara H is doing transfer application counseling now
https://shop.saraharberson.com/products/transfer-package

Or
Transfer goat is all over r/transfertoT25
https://transfergoat.com/

Get professional advice.

I would schedule an hour consult with TG. They will tell you where your kid can actually be competitive so you can have a more targeted list. A 3.6 isn't getting into most of the schools you listed. Maybe they can give you a list of schools to target?

For example, it shows you the college GPA you need to be a competitive application: For UNC, they say you need above a 3.7
https://transfergoat.com/unc-transfer-acceptance-rate/
Same for UCSD if OOS.
https://transfergoat.com/ucsd-transfer-acceptance-rate/

Transfer Goat shows only 4-5 T30 with more than 25% transfer admit rate. Don't apply to any others. Search for transfer admit rate to BU/BC/Wake/Tulane.

[Anonymous]

Several people mention marketing as not being a major. I don't understand this. Marketing is a major/concentration/focus in most undergrad business programs (and is increasingly data-focused).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Several people mention marketing as not being a major. I don't understand this. Marketing is a major/concentration/focus in most undergrad business programs (and is increasingly data-focused).

OP, forgot to mention, your D is WAY WAY overshooting for undergrad business programs with a 3.6 at no-name school. Undergrad business programs are often more competitive for admission than arts & sciences majors.

3.6 sounds like she is in a good spot already, at an appropriate challenge level for her. She's not knocking it out of the park. It sounds like you are having a hard time accepting this. It'll be ok - she will find her way, like everyone else. It just might not look as easy as what you were hoping, which we all understand.

[Anonymous]

Please consider the option of both you and your daughter making the most of the options that I’m sure are available where she is currently in school. Spend energy pursuing something she loves to do, getting to know faculty and getting involved, rather than draining all her energy pursuing long shot transfers. This is the way to a happy life!