Frustrated

[Anonymous]

What are decent grades in college? If it is not a 3.8 or higher I think you are unrealistic to expect her to be admitted to the level of school you are looking at.

What does your daughter want to do?

Does she want to transfer schools or is this driven by you?

I have a student the same age for whom undergrad is not perfect and I am focused on supporting her looking for a solid internship for the summer. Is your DD planning to study abroad next year?

The point of college is a path to a job/career and/or possibly grad school while making new friends and growing socially and emotionally. What is she doing towards those goals where she is now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is her intended major?

Would you consider state flagships? Or are they not special enough?

PP...by this I mean more of the Big 10 Midwest and NE schools.

[Anonymous]

Your original post is all about you, what you want, and your goals for her. How much of her frantic efforts to transfer somewhere is you pushing her? I would guess it's all you and your dreams not hers.

What does she want? Does she actually want to transfer? Why? Why can't her career goals be achieved where she is?

You, at least, need to sit down and read some of the "Where You Go Is Not Who You'll Be" type books. Settle down, back off, let her live her life. Most people in the world go to "no name" schools and still succeed in life.

"This feels like the end of the road for her future possibilities" - if you think someone who is 20 and who is actually in college (and who is "taking challenging classes, getting decent grades, volunteering, clubs, etc.") has forfeited all her future possibilities, you need therapy. Seriously. Your mind is not at all in the right place.

[Anonymous]

Could she transfer to your in-state flagship? Also, at this point, it might be good for her to focus on the "what's next?" Can she do internships? Can she talk to her professors to try to get information about what is in her field? Is she interested in business or law and will she need further schooling? Can she look to start her own business one day? She is young and ambitious, OP, and there.are many things she can do without these schools

[Anonymous]

I also would suggest looking at your in-state flagship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s a bright kid but apparently not bright enough for the pretentious and sadistic admissions committees.

This, along with a lot else of what you say, suggests that you just don't get college admissions. She sounds like a lovely kid, and I'm sure you want the best for her. I just don't think that your fixation on transferring (which has taken up the last several years of her life) makes any sense.

[Anonymous]

DD is a Marketing major with a 3.6 or so GPA (above the recommended GPA for many programs) , lots of volunteer hours, club involvement, the whole nine yards and yet every time she tries , the door gets slammed in her face. Those so-called “flagships” that you are talking about are insanely competitive now, too. In state in Virginia and rejection after rejection. Meanwhile, community college students get priority at the same in state schools that keep turning her down. It’s infuriating to watch other kids with slightly better test scores or 0.05 better GPAs waltz in while she’s left with rejection after rejection. We’re tired of being at a college everyone looks down on and want a shot at better internships. But no matter how hard she works, she’s always overlooked.

BTW I’m not forcing her to do anything. Stop trying to force your narrative onto me.

[Anonymous]

I saw she applied to UF.

UF is very difficult even for in state students to get in to. Many top tier Florida applicants get rejected by UF and have to go to FSU, UCF, or Florida Gulf Coast.

UF accepts a lot of transfers from our community college students who are Florida residents.

Does your daughter even want to transfer? What about the friends that she has made?

I'd apply to state colleges and universities in your state.

[Anonymous]

- I know you don’t want to doxx your daughter, but could you find an equivalent school (maybe by using the Niche.com equivalent school list) so we can tell what kind of private college you’re talking about. If it’s a school like Hollins or Goucher, for example, and you can afford it, learn to love the one you’re with.

- If the school is truly the no-name Jesuit school down the street: I still think your daughter would be better learning to love it than trying to transfer. I think that most of the value people get from selective private schools comes from the freshman dorm. Moving to a a second private college after the first eight weeks might make sense if the original school is closing down, or if a student hates the first school or needs resources available only at the second school, but the second school will never really be a perfect networking home. I think a typical student will get a lot more networking value from sticking with a place like Hollins, Goucher or Creighton for four years than from moving to Tulane from Creighton for the sake of prestige. And, for any student at a school below about the top 30, getting good grades, having good activities and having good recommendations matters a lot more than the name of the college. Hardly anyone away from DCUM knows much about colleges other than HYPSM, the nearest big public universities and a few schools with good football teams. Knowing what Oberlin is, for example, is pretty weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:- I know you don’t want to doxx your daughter, but could you find an equivalent school (maybe by using the Niche.com equivalent school list) so we can tell what kind of private college you’re talking about. If it’s a school like Hollins or Goucher, for example, and you can afford it, learn to love the one you’re with.

- If the school is truly the no-name Jesuit school down the street: I still think your daughter would be better learning to love it than trying to transfer. I think that most of the value people get from selective private schools comes from the freshman dorm. Moving to a a second private college after the first eight weeks might make sense if the original school is closing down, or if a student hates the first school or needs resources available only at the second school, but the second school will never really be a perfect networking home. I think a typical student will get a lot more networking value from sticking with a place like Hollins, Goucher or Creighton for four years than from moving to Tulane from Creighton for the sake of prestige. And, for any student at a school below about the top 30, getting good grades, having good activities and having good recommendations matters a lot more than the name of the college. Hardly anyone away from DCUM knows much about colleges other than HYPSM, the nearest big public universities and a few schools with good football teams. Knowing what Oberlin is, for example, is pretty weird.

6 months at Tulane>6 years at "Creighton"

[Anonymous]

Most selective schools don’t have “marketing” as a major. So likely a bad fit?
What is her proposed n mi shot at T25 schools?
gpa a tad low.
She needs strong ECs and internships - not just volunteer work.
How close is she to her teachers/professors? Those LOR need to be glowing…
Test scores?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I saw she applied to UF.

UF is very difficult even for in state students to get in to. Many top tier Florida applicants get rejected by UF and have to go to FSU, UCF, or Florida Gulf Coast.

UF accepts a lot of transfers from our community college students who are Florida residents.

Does your daughter even want to transfer? What about the friends that she has made?

I'd apply to state colleges and universities in your state.

I was going to post this about UF as well. UF is quite a good school now. My kids are national merit type kids and UF is in our list.

It sounds like the best thing for your child would have been community college with a possible transfer but it sounds like you vetoed that for prestige reasons.

Honestly she sounds very average. Nothing wrong with that except that you think she’s not.

[Anonymous]

You are doing it wrong. You need to focus on doing as well as you can at your current school and get into the best graduate program you can. How do I know this? I was at the top of my class at a college you have never heard of which got me into a top law school which got me into a top law firm where I am now a partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long time lurker needing to vent. DD (20 years old, finishing her sophomore year) has applied to more competitive schools three times (two times as a college student one time as a high schooler) and gotten rejected all times. She’s currently at a private I never wanted her at in the first place.

Back in high school, she was a decent student (mostly B’s, a few A’s, not a good test taker) but not great, so I knew the Ivies and top-tier schools would be a stretch. But I thought for sure she could work her way up once in college. She’s poured her heart into her first two years at this lower place, taking challenging classes, getting decent grades, volunteering, clubs, etc.

Yet every single “higher” school she applied to has shot her down. Northeastern, Georgetown, UCLA, Tulane, UVA, Wake Forest, William and Mary, USC (dream school), UCSD, Irvine, UT Austin, UFlorida, Georgia, BostonU, BostonC, etc. She has one more chance to apply to transfer before she hits the credit limit that makes transferring impractical not to mention the additional semesters of tuition it would cost us. If this last try doesn’t work out, she’ll be stuck finishing at the same no-name place. This feels like the end of the road for her future possibilities, and I’m heartbroken, and honestly, kind of furious.

I understand maybe this is just “how it is,” but I see other kids in her high school class who breezed into brand-name colleges left and right. We spent thousands of dollars on tutoring, SAT prep, extracurricular camps, you name it. She’s a bright kid but apparently not bright enough for the pretentious and sadistic admissions committees.

Has anyone else gone through a situation like this? I’m trying to figure out if we have any last-ditch strategies, or if I just have to come to terms with the fact that my daughter may have to remain at a school that, in my heart, I believe is beneath her potential. I just want honest opinions and some glimmer of hope. Thanks for reading, everyone.

More Bs than As in high school plus not a good test taker means she was no where near the level of the students at the schools you are trying to attain(all basically T30-50), and her grades at her current college sound as though they are less than 3.8 or you would not have used the word “decent”. Transfer students to the T50 from lower ranked schools usually need to have 3.9+, 3.8 minimum.
She is not the right caliber of student for her aims: she would likely be well below average if one of them let her in. You need to accept the kid you have and help her accept the school and do her best there. People have many great jobs from many great colleges. People who breeze into T50 from high school are a different level. And those who graduate top of the class in all the hard classes and get 5s on almost all AP without tutors are a different level still, and can get into T10/ivy. Each kid needs to do their own best and not chase untenable goals. Let her be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are doing it wrong. You need to focus on doing as well as you can at your current school and get into the best graduate program you can. How do I know this? I was at the top of my class at a college you have never heard of which got me into a top law school which got me into a top law firm where I am now a partner.

While your post speaks truth, for the OP’s daughter there is no chance at law school (Lsat will not go well at all) and very little chance at most grad programs. She is not that caliber of student: she needed way too much support and tutoring in high school and from the implied ranking her college likely sends only very top kids to law school/grad. She is not top at her college.