Frustrated

[Anonymous]

Long time lurker needing to vent. DD (20 years old, finishing her sophomore year) has applied to more competitive schools three times (two times as a college student one time as a high schooler) and gotten rejected all times. She’s currently at a private I never wanted her at in the first place.

Back in high school, she was a decent student (mostly B’s, a few A’s, not a good test taker) but not great, so I knew the Ivies and top-tier schools would be a stretch. But I thought for sure she could work her way up once in college. She’s poured her heart into her first two years at this lower place, taking challenging classes, getting decent grades, volunteering, clubs, etc.

Yet every single “higher” school she applied to has shot her down. Northeastern, Georgetown, UCLA, Tulane, UVA, Wake Forest, William and Mary, USC (dream school), UCSD, Irvine, UT Austin, UFlorida, Georgia, BostonU, BostonC, etc. She has one more chance to apply to transfer before she hits the credit limit that makes transferring impractical not to mention the additional semesters of tuition it would cost us. If this last try doesn’t work out, she’ll be stuck finishing at the same no-name place. This feels like the end of the road for her future possibilities, and I’m heartbroken, and honestly, kind of furious.

I understand maybe this is just “how it is,” but I see other kids in her high school class who breezed into brand-name colleges left and right. We spent thousands of dollars on tutoring, SAT prep, extracurricular camps, you name it. She’s a bright kid but apparently not bright enough for the pretentious and sadistic admissions committees.

Has anyone else gone through a situation like this? I’m trying to figure out if we have any last-ditch strategies, or if I just have to come to terms with the fact that my daughter may have to remain at a school that, in my heart, I believe is beneath her potential. I just want honest opinions and some glimmer of hope. Thanks for reading, everyone.

[Anonymous]

If she’s truly at a no-name college, it sounds like she’s trying to jump up several “levels” in prestige in the schools she’s looking to transfer to. Why not set your sights a little lower, at good, solid schools that maybe don’t have as much cachet as the ones you name, but will still provide a good education with a strong name.

[Anonymous]

Just let her live her life. She’s obviously not the most exceptional intellect that ever walked the face of the earth. She’s just like the rest of us. It’s okay. Maybe shift focus to career plans.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP that it sounds like she/you are aiming too high. You said she got Bs in high school and is only getting "decent grades" in college. That doesn't sound like a profile for the top schools. She probably would have been better off in one of those guaranteed transfer programs from community college to a state flagship.

I would aim to have her make the most of where she is, focus on career opportunities or possibly going to a better name graduate school (big name schools are happy to take your money for a masters).

[Anonymous]

Transfer is difficult these days if you aren’t coming from community college. Colleges are more interested in students from non traditional backgrounds than exchanging students at 4 years around.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like the grades might be the barrier for her. Mostly Bs generally won’t get you into those schools as a freshman and “getting decent grades” at her current “no-name” private suggests she might not be able to succeed in a more challenging environment. Higher ranked schools would likely want to see straight As from a “no-name” private transfer student.

Is this her goal, or yours?

[Anonymous]

What is her major? She has to be able to make a great case for transferring to the specific program she is aiming for.

[Anonymous]

She needs to stop. Grow where you're planted, you know? Pushing/encouraging her to apply elsewhere once or twice, fine. But over and over like this? She's going to get a complex that she's not good enough, if she doesn't already have one.

BTW, I've posted this a thousand times, but a partner at my law firm graduated from a total no-name law school so obscure that I had to look it up because I'd never heard of it after working in the legal industry for 15 years. He was a partner right alongside the people who graduated from Duke and Yale.

[Anonymous]

Have you worked with a private college counselor? It sounds like you/she might benefit from some professional advice at this point.

[Anonymous]

“Pretentious and sadistic”? This can’t be real.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a good counselor? She might have a red flag somewhere or isn’t tailoring for fit to school?

Sara H is doing transfer application counseling now
https://shop.saraharberson.com/products/transfer-package

Or
Transfer goat is all over r/transfertoT25
https://transfergoat.com/

[Anonymous]

I appreciate everyone’s input. I’m aware that my daughter isn’t a straight As valedictorian. I know she’s not getting into princeton but it also doesn’t automatically bar her from a better school. And yes, I used strong language because that’s how it’s felt watching her get rejected again and again.

We have considered “mid-level” schools, but even those seem tough to get into lately, and the ones I listed are places she’s always dreamed of attending. It’s not just me pushing some elitist agenda. I do believe she’s capable of higher-level work, or at least she wants to push herself toward that.

I think she has the potential to go farther than her current school allows. As for private counselors, we might look into it again, although some of the fees are sky high and we’ve already spent a lot on tutoring. And yes, the idea of grad school at a better-known university is on our radar, but she’d still prefer to fix her undergrad path if possible.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to focus on getting the best grades she can, do interesting internships, and set her sights on a good grad school.

[Anonymous]

What is her intended major?

Would you consider state flagships? Or are they not special enough?

[Anonymous]

Transferring into selective schools tends to have a higher acceptance rate than applying in as a first year - that said, you really do need to have top (not decent) grades. I understand you are frustrated, but I would want my kid to focus on working hard and excelling at the school she attends, not just try to trade up - especially since the former is necessary for the latter.