Visiting non-drinkers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am from a non-drinking family and my parents would absolutely want a guest to fill comfortable and if that includes alcohol so be it. Some of my other relatives feel differently. Your initial posts suggests the GF’s parents are more like mine.

I do think it’s weird to not be able to abstain for one meal, but again, I grew up with no alcohol being the norm so none of the reasons people say they “need” resonate with me.

Curious though - why are you polling stranger and not asking your son his thoughts.

My take is that OP is spending the whole evening with them, dinner through midnight, so I don't think this is about abstaining for one meal. But agree the person she should be talking to is her son.

OP, ask your son to ask his GF what is appropriate: can you bring a bottle of something to share or should you abstain for the evening> You may learn that the hosts are plannign to serve something since it is NYE. I don't drink anymore but I would certainly plan to have something on hand for guests on NY.

[Anonymous]

Bring a flask.

[Anonymous]

It will seem odd that alcohol is so important.

It probably would go-over well enough though, if the girlfriend bought and served the wine. That would be a clear indication that it's fine to enjoy alcohol there, but bringing it yourself (in any form), no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be spending New Year’s Eve with my son’s girlfriend’s parents for the first time . They apparently do not drink (though are okay if their adult kids do). I enjoy wine with dinner, and to be honest would ideally have some wine on New Year’s Eve—especially in a socially charged situation—nothing excessive at all.

But, perhaps it is rude of me to bring wine, if they don’t drink? (No one under 21 will be present.) Thanks.

Bringing wine to a place where you know people are deliberately abstaining is excessive. If you can't go a night without it, even in "a socially charged situation" you may have a problem with alcohol use/dependence.

Spend a single sober night. You will survive. Unless, of course, you won't, in which case, you're already an alcoholic and will need supervised detox to deal with your DTs.

Seriously, though. The fact that the thought of being without booze for a single event is giving you this much stress indicates you have a problematic relationship to alcohol. There are all kinds of programs that can help you with this.

-7+ years sober (and I used to "sneak a flask" to all kinds of things I "enjoyed more w/o booze", so I get it)

Blah blah blah. It’s not just any night we’re talking about, folks. It’s NYE! Basically anyone who drinks has a glass of champagne on NYE. You’re acting like it’s a random Tuesday night in March. Get over yourself. Just because you’re an alcoholic doesn’t mean everyone is.

[Anonymous]

It depends on why they don't drink. But if you find out that it's ok with them through asking your son, please bring something fun without alcohol for them to drink too. Sure, they might have their own preferred beverages, but it's a nice gesture.

I don't drink any more because I'm in recovery, but I don't feel the need to tell everyone that. I would be uncomfortable with people bringing alcohol into my home, but then again, I wouldn't host on NYE for that reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That this is even a concern for you suggests that alcohol is playing too large a role in your life.

Oh stop it’s New Year’s Eve. Having a glass of champagne or similar is standard. Regular night in February, sure id completely agree this wouldn’t even be a question. But a holiday that typically features a specific alcoholic beverage?

New Year's Eve can be celebrated sober. The booze isn't part of the tradition unless you have an alcohol use issue. If you can't go one NYE without a drink, you really ought to consider why that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes and its strange to me you can't go one night without it...hhhmmm

It's New Year's Eve though. It's traditional to have a drink that night. I'm the PP who doesn't drink but it wouldn't bother me if someone brought it to my home. Much better than expecting me to provide it because I wouldn't know what to get. I'm not abstaining due to health reasons or sobriety. I just don't care for it. Since these people don't care if their adult child drinks, I assume they are the same way, but since it is so fraught, maybe OP should check with their DC. I feel like with everyone I know it would be absolutely fine.

Not for everyone! Consider that.

Obviously, since the post you're quoting is from a non-drinker. Wanting a drink on NYE doesn't make the OPs alcoholic. That's a night where people who only drink once or twice a year will have one.

If you don't need to drink, you don't need to drink.

If you need to drink, even though your hosts aren't... you may have a problem with alcohol use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be spending New Year’s Eve with my son’s girlfriend’s parents for the first time . They apparently do not drink (though are okay if their adult kids do). I enjoy wine with dinner, and to be honest would ideally have some wine on New Year’s Eve—especially in a socially charged situation—nothing excessive at all.

But, perhaps it is rude of me to bring wine, if they don’t drink? (No one under 21 will be present.) Thanks.

Bringing wine to a place where you know people are deliberately abstaining is excessive. If you can't go a night without it, even in "a socially charged situation" you may have a problem with alcohol use/dependence.

Spend a single sober night. You will survive. Unless, of course, you won't, in which case, you're already an alcoholic and will need supervised detox to deal with your DTs.

Seriously, though. The fact that the thought of being without booze for a single event is giving you this much stress indicates you have a problematic relationship to alcohol. There are all kinds of programs that can help you with this.

-7+ years sober (and I used to "sneak a flask" to all kinds of things I "enjoyed more w/o booze", so I get it)

Blah blah blah. It’s not just any night we’re talking about, folks. It’s NYE! Basically anyone who drinks has a glass of champagne on NYE. You’re acting like it’s a random Tuesday night in March. Get over yourself. Just because you’re an alcoholic doesn’t mean everyone is.

It's one night. There's nothing magical about a glass of alcohol on new year's. Plenty of people don't drink. If you can't be one of them, if you're so addicted that you have to bring booze somewhere you know it won't be, that's not about "enjoyment", it's about your addiction.

Fighting this hard for it, like it's some sort of sacred thing, represents a very flawed relationship to a food item. Do you go this hard for eggs on Easter? Goose on Christmas?

Sober up. If you can't, well, there's your problem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be spending New Year’s Eve with my son’s girlfriend’s parents for the first time . They apparently do not drink (though are okay if their adult kids do). I enjoy wine with dinner, and to be honest would ideally have some wine on New Year’s Eve—especially in a socially charged situation—nothing excessive at all.

But, perhaps it is rude of me to bring wine, if they don’t drink? (No one under 21 will be present.) Thanks.

Bringing wine to a place where you know people are deliberately abstaining is excessive. If you can't go a night without it, even in "a socially charged situation" you may have a problem with alcohol use/dependence.

Spend a single sober night. You will survive. Unless, of course, you won't, in which case, you're already an alcoholic and will need supervised detox to deal with your DTs.

Seriously, though. The fact that the thought of being without booze for a single event is giving you this much stress indicates you have a problematic relationship to alcohol. There are all kinds of programs that can help you with this.

-7+ years sober (and I used to "sneak a flask" to all kinds of things I "enjoyed more w/o booze", so I get it)

Blah blah blah. It’s not just any night we’re talking about, folks. It’s NYE! Basically anyone who drinks has a glass of champagne on NYE. You’re acting like it’s a random Tuesday night in March. Get over yourself. Just because you’re an alcoholic doesn’t mean everyone is.

It's one night. There's nothing magical about a glass of alcohol on new year's. Plenty of people don't drink. If you can't be one of them, if you're so addicted that you have to bring booze somewhere you know it won't be, that's not about "enjoyment", it's about your addiction.

Fighting this hard for it, like it's some sort of sacred thing, represents a very flawed relationship to a food item. Do you go this hard for eggs on Easter? Goose on Christmas?

Sober up. If you can't, well, there's your problem

"I know you're all vegan, but I REALLY NEED TO EAT EGGS BECAUSE IT'S EASTER OMG!!!!"

[Anonymous]

Have a cocktail before you go

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be spending New Year’s Eve with my son’s girlfriend’s parents for the first time . They apparently do not drink (though are okay if their adult kids do). I enjoy wine with dinner, and to be honest would ideally have some wine on New Year’s Eve—especially in a socially charged situation—nothing excessive at all.

But, perhaps it is rude of me to bring wine, if they don’t drink? (No one under 21 will be present.) Thanks.

Bringing wine to a place where you know people are deliberately abstaining is excessive. If you can't go a night without it, even in "a socially charged situation" you may have a problem with alcohol use/dependence.

Spend a single sober night. You will survive. Unless, of course, you won't, in which case, you're already an alcoholic and will need supervised detox to deal with your DTs.

Seriously, though. The fact that the thought of being without booze for a single event is giving you this much stress indicates you have a problematic relationship to alcohol. There are all kinds of programs that can help you with this.

-7+ years sober (and I used to "sneak a flask" to all kinds of things I "enjoyed more w/o booze", so I get it)

Blah blah blah. It’s not just any night we’re talking about, folks. It’s NYE! Basically anyone who drinks has a glass of champagne on NYE. You’re acting like it’s a random Tuesday night in March. Get over yourself. Just because you’re an alcoholic doesn’t mean everyone is.

It's one night. There's nothing magical about a glass of alcohol on new year's. Plenty of people don't drink. If you can't be one of them, if you're so addicted that you have to bring booze somewhere you know it won't be, that's not about "enjoyment", it's about your addiction.

Fighting this hard for it, like it's some sort of sacred thing, represents a very flawed relationship to a food item. Do you go this hard for eggs on Easter? Goose on Christmas?

Sober up. If you can't, well, there's your problem

If someone really wants to bring pumpkin pie to Thanksgiving it doesn't make them an addict. Some people treat alcohol like food. It's just another item on the table to sample and not consumed as a drug. It doesn't have a hold on us as it apparently does for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be spending New Year’s Eve with my son’s girlfriend’s parents for the first time . They apparently do not drink (though are okay if their adult kids do). I enjoy wine with dinner, and to be honest would ideally have some wine on New Year’s Eve—especially in a socially charged situation—nothing excessive at all.

But, perhaps it is rude of me to bring wine, if they don’t drink? (No one under 21 will be present.) Thanks.

Bringing wine to a place where you know people are deliberately abstaining is excessive. If you can't go a night without it, even in "a socially charged situation" you may have a problem with alcohol use/dependence.

Spend a single sober night. You will survive. Unless, of course, you won't, in which case, you're already an alcoholic and will need supervised detox to deal with your DTs.

Seriously, though. The fact that the thought of being without booze for a single event is giving you this much stress indicates you have a problematic relationship to alcohol. There are all kinds of programs that can help you with this.

-7+ years sober (and I used to "sneak a flask" to all kinds of things I "enjoyed more w/o booze", so I get it)

Blah blah blah. It’s not just any night we’re talking about, folks. It’s NYE! Basically anyone who drinks has a glass of champagne on NYE. You’re acting like it’s a random Tuesday night in March. Get over yourself. Just because you’re an alcoholic doesn’t mean everyone is.

It's one night. There's nothing magical about a glass of alcohol on new year's. Plenty of people don't drink. If you can't be one of them, if you're so addicted that you have to bring booze somewhere you know it won't be, that's not about "enjoyment", it's about your addiction.

Fighting this hard for it, like it's some sort of sacred thing, represents a very flawed relationship to a food item. Do you go this hard for eggs on Easter? Goose on Christmas?

Sober up. If you can't, well, there's your problem

If someone really wants to bring pumpkin pie to Thanksgiving it doesn't make them an addict. Some people treat alcohol like food. It's just another item on the table to sample and not consumed as a drug. It doesn't have a hold on us as it apparently does for you.

Your need to argue about it strongly suggests otherwise.

And if the house you're visiting is pumpkin free for some reason (allergy, maybe?) and you know this and bring a pie anyway, "for the tradition", you're a dick.

My point stands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be spending New Year’s Eve with my son’s girlfriend’s parents for the first time . They apparently do not drink (though are okay if their adult kids do). I enjoy wine with dinner, and to be honest would ideally have some wine on New Year’s Eve—especially in a socially charged situation—nothing excessive at all.

But, perhaps it is rude of me to bring wine, if they don’t drink? (No one under 21 will be present.) Thanks.

Bringing wine to a place where you know people are deliberately abstaining is excessive. If you can't go a night without it, even in "a socially charged situation" you may have a problem with alcohol use/dependence.

Spend a single sober night. You will survive. Unless, of course, you won't, in which case, you're already an alcoholic and will need supervised detox to deal with your DTs.

Seriously, though. The fact that the thought of being without booze for a single event is giving you this much stress indicates you have a problematic relationship to alcohol. There are all kinds of programs that can help you with this.

-7+ years sober (and I used to "sneak a flask" to all kinds of things I "enjoyed more w/o booze", so I get it)

Blah blah blah. It’s not just any night we’re talking about, folks. It’s NYE! Basically anyone who drinks has a glass of champagne on NYE. You’re acting like it’s a random Tuesday night in March. Get over yourself. Just because you’re an alcoholic doesn’t mean everyone is.

It's one night. There's nothing magical about a glass of alcohol on new year's. Plenty of people don't drink. If you can't be one of them, if you're so addicted that you have to bring booze somewhere you know it won't be, that's not about "enjoyment", it's about your addiction.

Fighting this hard for it, like it's some sort of sacred thing, represents a very flawed relationship to a food item. Do you go this hard for eggs on Easter? Goose on Christmas?

Sober up. If you can't, well, there's your problem

If someone really wants to bring pumpkin pie to Thanksgiving it doesn't make them an addict. Some people treat alcohol like food. It's just another item on the table to sample and not consumed as a drug. It doesn't have a hold on us as it apparently does for you.

Thank you.

Why are so many people using “need” interchangeably with “prefer?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be spending New Year’s Eve with my son’s girlfriend’s parents for the first time . They apparently do not drink (though are okay if their adult kids do). I enjoy wine with dinner, and to be honest would ideally have some wine on New Year’s Eve—especially in a socially charged situation—nothing excessive at all.

But, perhaps it is rude of me to bring wine, if they don’t drink? (No one under 21 will be present.) Thanks.

Bringing wine to a place where you know people are deliberately abstaining is excessive. If you can't go a night without it, even in "a socially charged situation" you may have a problem with alcohol use/dependence.

Spend a single sober night. You will survive. Unless, of course, you won't, in which case, you're already an alcoholic and will need supervised detox to deal with your DTs.

Seriously, though. The fact that the thought of being without booze for a single event is giving you this much stress indicates you have a problematic relationship to alcohol. There are all kinds of programs that can help you with this.

-7+ years sober (and I used to "sneak a flask" to all kinds of things I "enjoyed more w/o booze", so I get it)

Blah blah blah. It’s not just any night we’re talking about, folks. It’s NYE! Basically anyone who drinks has a glass of champagne on NYE. You’re acting like it’s a random Tuesday night in March. Get over yourself. Just because you’re an alcoholic doesn’t mean everyone is.

It's one night. There's nothing magical about a glass of alcohol on new year's. Plenty of people don't drink. If you can't be one of them, if you're so addicted that you have to bring booze somewhere you know it won't be, that's not about "enjoyment", it's about your addiction.

Fighting this hard for it, like it's some sort of sacred thing, represents a very flawed relationship to a food item. Do you go this hard for eggs on Easter? Goose on Christmas?

Sober up. If you can't, well, there's your problem

If someone really wants to bring pumpkin pie to Thanksgiving it doesn't make them an addict. Some people treat alcohol like food. It's just another item on the table to sample and not consumed as a drug. It doesn't have a hold on us as it apparently does for you.

Thank you.

Why are so many people using “need” interchangeably with “prefer?”

If it's a simple preference, there'd be no trouble going without. I'd prefer sunshine, but if it rains, so be it.

If you know a party/household is dry, but you're making all sorts of excuses about why you should bring booze, that's not "prefer". It's not really "need" either; nobody "needs" alcohol. But the mentality presents as a need, and the linguistic attempts to hide it (preference, tradition, enjoyment) are being called out as what they are: dodges and code words.

Nobody needs booze, and if it's true that you simply "prefer" it, well, you don't always get your preferences, right? For a non-addicted adult, this isn't even a question.

[Anonymous]

So you can't go one night without drinking?