Visiting non-drinkers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would play dumb and bring a bottle of champagne. I am not a big drinker but I need a glass or two on New Year’s Eve!

No, you WANT a glass or two. There is actually a difference between “need” and “want”, even though the two terms are often conflated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were having dinner at a vegetarian’s house, would you take meat to have with dinner?

If you take a moment to think about it, this is a bad analogy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That this is even a concern for you suggests that alcohol is playing too large a role in your life.

This. If you can't go without, you have a problem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will be spending New Year’s Eve with my son’s girlfriend’s parents for the first time . They apparently do not drink (though are okay if their adult kids do). I enjoy wine with dinner, and to be honest would ideally have some wine on New Year’s Eve—especially in a socially charged situation—nothing excessive at all.

But, perhaps it is rude of me to bring wine, if they don’t drink? (No one under 21 will be present.) Thanks.

Bringing wine to a place where you know people are deliberately abstaining is excessive. If you can't go a night without it, even in "a socially charged situation" you may have a problem with alcohol use/dependence.

Spend a single sober night. You will survive. Unless, of course, you won't, in which case, you're already an alcoholic and will need supervised detox to deal with your DTs.

Seriously, though. The fact that the thought of being without booze for a single event is giving you this much stress indicates you have a problematic relationship to alcohol. There are all kinds of programs that can help you with this.

-7+ years sober (and I used to "sneak a flask" to all kinds of things I "enjoyed more w/o booze", so I get it)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes and its strange to me you can't go one night without it...hhhmmm

It's New Year's Eve though. It's traditional to have a drink that night. I'm the PP who doesn't drink but it wouldn't bother me if someone brought it to my home. Much better than expecting me to provide it because I wouldn't know what to get. I'm not abstaining due to health reasons or sobriety. I just don't care for it. Since these people don't care if their adult child drinks, I assume they are the same way, but since it is so fraught, maybe OP should check with their DC. I feel like with everyone I know it would be absolutely fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Offer to take them to dinner, somewhere with alcohol. If that’s not enough to get you through the night then self-reflection might be in order.

+1

[Anonymous]

Have your champagne after you get home.

[Anonymous]

As a non-drinker it wouldn’t bother me and friends do bring bottles of wine and they open it and drink it when they come over. Honestly makes it easier for me because I rarely have alcohol on hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes and its strange to me you can't go one night without it...hhhmmm

She stated her preference, not her requirement. I can see why an adult would want to have a drink on NYE, that is not some ominous red flag!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a non-drinker it wouldn’t bother me and friends do bring bottles of wine and they open it and drink it when they come over. Honestly makes it easier for me because I rarely have alcohol on hand.

Same here. I hosted Thanksgiving and encouraged others to bring alcohol they wanted because they would choose it best. Doesn’t bother me at all.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the PP that said to follow the lead of your son and his girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Flask.

[Anonymous]

Don’t drink.

[Anonymous]

I would not bring alcohol, but if the adult kids are drinking, I'd have a glass if they offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes and its strange to me you can't go one night without it...hhhmmm

It's New Year's Eve though. It's traditional to have a drink that night. I'm the PP who doesn't drink but it wouldn't bother me if someone brought it to my home. Much better than expecting me to provide it because I wouldn't know what to get. I'm not abstaining due to health reasons or sobriety. I just don't care for it. Since these people don't care if their adult child drinks, I assume they are the same way, but since it is so fraught, maybe OP should check with their DC. I feel like with everyone I know it would be absolutely fine.

It’s okay to break from traditions once in a while. OP should just abstain for the one night.