Wife and I have dramatically different opinions about how much financial help should be given to adult kids

[Anonymous]

College - Yes, but only if the kids actually tried in high school and are trying in college

Grad school - maybe, only if you and spouse can comfortably afford it without jeopardizing your own retirement or financial future

Down payment- no. You already paid for your kids to get an education; it’s time for them to support themselves like adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents paid for all that and more. My siblings and I will do the same for our kids.

With your parents’ money. How generous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s wrong to pony up and pay for stepkids when you have bio kids and contribute nothing. My ex is paying his wife’s kids college tuition and gifted them new cars, while not throwing a penny at his own kids. Disgusting.
However, they are succeeding anyway.

Its sad but once a kid turns 18, parents don't owe them anything. Its their discretion to decide whom to spend their money on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents paid for all that and more. My siblings and I will do the same for our kids.

With your parents’ money. How generous

I didn’t write the PP but agree. Yes, I will use my parents’ money on their grandchildren while I am alive. That’s what my parents want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can comfortably afford it, definitely all three.

Anyone who looks around at comfortable UMC and rich people knows that those who got these things paid for by their parents had a very good head start. And anyone who thinks kids “should” pay for these things has their head in the sand. In places like dc, down payments and college costs are paid by parents a lot. It’s pretty standard MO and kids who don’t have this help are already starting out one step behind.

My parents paid for all these things. They are wealthy but not bagillionaires. I still managed to be married with a well maintained home by 26, graduate top of my class from law school, and now in my forties I make seven figures. I’m also married to a hardworking man who makes similar. He came from poverty and got nothing from his family. I don’t believe this kind of financial support plays any role in what kind of adult kids turn into - other than helping to ensure they are financially comfortable adults!

So you and your husband ended up in the same place, despite the fact that you got help and he didn’t. This shows that smart, hard-working people will be just fine, even without handouts from mommy and daddy.

I would also bet that her husband doesn’t have his head up his own @$$ like his spoiled brat wife…

[Anonymous]

As much as I can afford and still be able to retire in comfort.

So it's not about grand (stupid) principles of whether kids should pay their own way. It's strictly about my own finances and what I can afford. I will always help my kids if I can. Thankfully my husband agrees with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
As much as I can afford and still be able to retire in comfort.

So it's not about grand (stupid) principles of whether kids should pay their own way. It's strictly about my own finances and what I can afford. I will always help my kids if I can. Thankfully my husband agrees with me.

Amazing how so many people act as if it's impossible to spoil adult children. Then you end up with people like Trump "succeeding" in life and have to deal with their petulant, emotionally underdeveloped personalities that directly result from them never having to earn anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As much as I can afford and still be able to retire in comfort.

So it's not about grand (stupid) principles of whether kids should pay their own way. It's strictly about my own finances and what I can afford. I will always help my kids if I can. Thankfully my husband agrees with me.

Amazing how so many people act as if it's impossible to spoil adult children. Then you end up with people like Trump "succeeding" in life and have to deal with their petulant, emotionally underdeveloped personalities that directly result from them never having to earn anything.

It’s because they don’t care. It’s a fundamentally selfish attitude. Their spoiled brats get to be everyone else’s problem.

[Anonymous]

Paying for college. We’ll see if I can help with grad school. Unless I was independently wealthy I’d never pay for a home down payment - kids need to grow up sometime. That seems like helicopter parenting to me.

[Anonymous]

1 and 3 definitely
Help with 2 if they have a well thought out plan for why they need grad school and why they have to pay for it. So I'd help pay for med school for someone who wanted to be a doctor. I would not not help with law school for a liberal arts major who could not figure out what else to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of them if you can afford it without touching retirement.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As much as I can afford and still be able to retire in comfort.

So it's not about grand (stupid) principles of whether kids should pay their own way. It's strictly about my own finances and what I can afford. I will always help my kids if I can. Thankfully my husband agrees with me.

Amazing how so many people act as if it's impossible to spoil adult children. Then you end up with people like Trump "succeeding" in life and have to deal with their petulant, emotionally underdeveloped personalities that directly result from them never having to earn anything.

PP you replied to. Everyone I know who can afford it has helped their children (or grandchildren). Do you think millions of people are spoiled as a result?
Do you think that these people who have been helped by family don't have jobs, or earn money for their own food and shelter?


You're rude and irrational.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents paid for all three and I 100% believe I would be a better person today if I had been forced to provide 2 and 3 for myself. Totally unsurprising that the suburban NPCs in this thread who are auto-piloting the path that was laid down for them don't view themselves as having been negatively affected in any way by receiving a shitload of money from their parents, but that reflects an inability to introspectively contemplate their own lives.

Ha ha blaming your generous parents for your own shortcomings. Let me guess: you can’t pay for those things for your own kids and you feel inadequate.

[Anonymous]

College + grad school + a wedding is incredibly generous. Although, not possible for most parents to provide as they near retirement.

Do what you can without harming yourself. Assistance can be provided in other very meaningful ways — friendship, support, non judgmental advice, occasional babysitting, vacations, college contributions.

[Anonymous]

My parents paid for my college, law school, and helped with down payment. Kept me from getting high interest rate loans. I studied very hard and am very careful with money and have saved. I learned from them.

I will do same for my kids.