Wife and I have dramatically different opinions about how much financial help should be given to adult kids

[Anonymous]

Which of the following do you think are appropriate things for a spouse to expect their spouse to pay for their kids?

1. college
2. grad school
3. down payment for a new house

[Anonymous]

Well I don’t think “expecting” your spouse to pay for any of it is the play, I think you just talk about it and negotiate along the way like any other big financial decision.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the context.

It’s fine to pay all of those. The only time I’ve seen it cause trouble is with failure to launch kids who refuse to function because their parents bail them out.

[Anonymous]

I assume these are your shared kids (not stepkids or blended family etc)?

In that case it just depends on financial resources and what you decide together. I don’t think there is a “right” answer. Some parents won’t contribute towards any of those items while others plan to pay for all 3. Many parents would like to do more for their adult children but cannot afford.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand the phrasing of the question.

Aren’t you paying for this stuff as a married couple? (As opposed to the way you phrased it)

Are you both the bio parents of these adult kids?

[Anonymous]

Ideally 1, if possible.

If you have enough extra money for it, then 2.

If you have gobs of money, then 3.

[Anonymous]

College and grad school yes.

If you can, help with a house if they need it.

[Anonymous]

If you can help and they are good kids, why wouldn’t you?

[Anonymous]

Only 1. 2, and 3 if you are at least decamillionaires.

[Anonymous]

All of them if you can afford it without touching retirement.

[Anonymous]

College only. If you can easily paying for grad look, then maybe.

[Anonymous]

1 no matter how much money you have.

[Anonymous]

^ meaning only 1

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand the spouse relationship here. We both work so it’s not just one of us funding expenses.

We have jointly fully paid for college for 2, grad school for 1, an expensive wedding for 1 and have offered down payments when the time comes. In my view only college is the parent responsibility but we have plenty of money and figure it’s better to help now rather than make them wait until we are dead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Which of the following do you think are appropriate things for a spouse to expect their spouse to pay for their kids?

1. college
2. grad school
3. down payment for a new house

I assume this is a second marriage situation?