Wife and I have dramatically different opinions about how much financial help should be given to adult kids

[Anonymous]

None. If kid works hard, they get merit to cover most of college and their own part time money to pay difference.
Everything else is on them.

[Anonymous]

Do you care if you have grandkids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you care if you have grandkids?

I haven't thought about it this way but great point. Mine paid for 1&2 + wedding (DH and I earned enough to comfortably buy a house and easier without student loan debt). It has made our financial situation so much easier and we have two young kids now.

[Anonymous]

Not overpaying the first two years of college. They are going to CC and I have enough for that.
Loans for years 3-4. I will help pay back the loans if needed/sign the loans too.
Maybe down payment, but buying a home versus renting has to make sense. I'm not helping if heart wants to buy, but math says 'no'.
I have money for their school and down payment already now. It's just growing faster in the market and I'm not taking it out just because.

[Anonymous]

If your kid is going legitimate public service / helping the world career instead of hoarding wealth, 1,2,3.

It also depends on how expensive that stuff is. A $200k house is different from a $2M house.

If your kid is chasing high pay, 1 at most or you are setting them up for failure in life when they realize what the real world is like.

[Anonymous]

1 and 2 is what our parents paid for. We were on our own for 3 (our parents have enough money that they definitely could’ve paid for 3, but they paid for 3 on their own too).

[Anonymous]

I would like to do all of this for my kids, but I am still paying my own student loans ($100k) and money doesn’t grow on trees. I am dutifully saving in their 529s and want to open investment accounts for them soon. I am working to climb the ladder (corporate) as quickly as I can so I can do more for them faster: they’re 10, 7, and nearly 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can comfortably afford it, definitely all three.

Anyone who looks around at comfortable UMC and rich people knows that those who got these things paid for by their parents had a very good head start. And anyone who thinks kids “should” pay for these things has their head in the sand. In places like dc, down payments and college costs are paid by parents a lot. It’s pretty standard MO and kids who don’t have this help are already starting out one step behind.

My parents paid for all these things. They are wealthy but not bagillionaires. I still managed to be married with a well maintained home by 26, graduate top of my class from law school, and now in my forties I make seven figures. I’m also married to a hardworking man who makes similar. He came from poverty and got nothing from his family. I don’t believe this kind of financial support plays any role in what kind of adult kids turn into - other than helping to ensure they are financially comfortable adults!

So you and your husband ended up in the same place, despite the fact that you got help and he didn’t. This shows that smart, hard-working people will be just fine, even without handouts from mommy and daddy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you care if you have grandkids?

I haven't thought about it this way but great point. Mine paid for 1&2 + wedding (DH and I earned enough to comfortably buy a house and easier without student loan debt). It has made our financial situation so much easier and we have two young kids now.

m

What is this great point? If you don’t help your kids, they won’t have children to spite you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can comfortably afford it, definitely all three.

Anyone who looks around at comfortable UMC and rich people knows that those who got these things paid for by their parents had a very good head start. And anyone who thinks kids “should” pay for these things has their head in the sand. In places like dc, down payments and college costs are paid by parents a lot. It’s pretty standard MO and kids who don’t have this help are already starting out one step behind.

My parents paid for all these things. They are wealthy but not bagillionaires. I still managed to be married with a well maintained home by 26, graduate top of my class from law school, and now in my forties I make seven figures. I’m also married to a hardworking man who makes similar. He came from poverty and got nothing from his family. I don’t believe this kind of financial support plays any role in what kind of adult kids turn into - other than helping to ensure they are financially comfortable adults!

But that's just it. My parents did a lot for us, too, but both of my siblings married people with significant student loan debt who, in both cases, also earned less than my siblings. My siblings' choice of spouses diluted all my parents’ hard-earned money. I'm the only one who thought more practically about my spouse, so my family’s lifestyle is quite a bit better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you care if you have grandkids?

I haven't thought about it this way but great point. Mine paid for 1&2 + wedding (DH and I earned enough to comfortably buy a house and easier without student loan debt). It has made our financial situation so much easier and we have two young kids now.

m

What is this great point? If you don’t help your kids, they won’t have children to spite you?

Finances is one of the main reasons why people defer or avoid having kids. To the extent that you alleviate their financial stress, you do encourage their fecundity. It is easier to contemplate having kids when you own vs rent.

[Anonymous]

Definitely college to best financial ability.

Grad school maybe if you have tons of money. I paid for grad school myself (with some contribution by my employer) and my parents gave my sister an interest-free loan for hers which seemed like a good approach that we might do for our kids

House downpayment I'd never give the whole amount but, again, if could help a bit, sure. 20 yrs ago My parents gave me & DH $10k to put towards our wedding but also said if we wanted to use it towards a house and just do a courthouse wedding/restaurant dinner that would be totally fine. DH already owned a house so we did the wedding.

If we did help with a downpayment it would only ever be for the first purchase, after that if you want a bigger/nicer/more expensive place that's on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you care if you have grandkids?

I haven't thought about it this way but great point. Mine paid for 1&2 + wedding (DH and I earned enough to comfortably buy a house and easier without student loan debt). It has made our financial situation so much easier and we have two young kids now.

m

What is this great point? If you don’t help your kids, they won’t have children to spite you?

Nope it's not that at all. It's that having kids was financially very feasible for us because we were not saddled with our debt and we were able to buy a home in our early 30s. We never even considered "can we afford kids" because yes we absolutely could.

[Anonymous]

#1 and a wedding.

Possibly help with #2 but I think #2 and #3 are best when young adults shoulder the responsibility, especially with #3.

I have too many friends whose parents did all 3 and they started out living beyond their means and continued to expect their parents to subsidize their lifestyles. I think it gives a false sense of wealth and entitlement with a lack of personal accountability when young adults get too much help.

[Anonymous]

I think 1.
I’m hoping my kids will take on loans for grad school and pay them off as I did.
We would help with a down payment if we are able.