Wife and I have dramatically different opinions about how much financial help should be given to adult kids

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If you can comfortably afford it, definitely all three.

Anyone who looks around at comfortable UMC and rich people knows that those who got these things paid for by their parents had a very good head start. And anyone who thinks kids “should” pay for these things has their head in the sand. In places like dc, down payments and college costs are paid by parents a lot. It’s pretty standard MO and kids who don’t have this help are already starting out one step behind.

My parents paid for all these things. They are wealthy but not bagillionaires. I still managed to be married with a well maintained home by 26, graduate top of my class from law school, and now in my forties I make seven figures. I’m also married to a hardworking man who makes similar. He came from poverty and got nothing from his family. I don’t believe this kind of financial support plays any role in what kind of adult kids turn into - other than helping to ensure they are financially comfortable adults!

So you and your husband ended up in the same place, despite the fact that you got help and he didn’t. This shows that smart, hard-working people will be just fine, even without handouts from mommy and daddy.

I don’t think you’re making the point you think you are.

My husband had to take out college and grad school loans, which I promptly paid off for him within three months of starting as a lawyer. And he benefited from that same first house as me. And fwiw, dh works hard, but I work WAY harder. And he makes a lot. But I make a LOT more than him. So if there is a lazier person in our home, it’s him. Not me - who grew up with parents who paid for these things. Also fwiw I’ve never taken another cent from my parents - out twenties were really lean because we just didn’t have much money. But now I’m loaded - because I worked so hard - and I’m able to throw money around like mad. In fact, my parents needed a new car and didn’t have enough cash in their checking account on the day we were at the dealership, and dh and I were like no worries we can write the check right now so you don’t have to wait a day for cash to move between your accounts, and you don’t have to pay us back. So yeah not entitled.

But pretty confident that when you remove financial impediments to 20 year olds, they can make better choices and end up in better financial places.

But shhhh sounds like you live in one of the middle class families that hasn’t figured out how many families do this for their kids and launch their kids into their own successful financial lives.

I don’t honestly believe this is true. The families in the DMV where the parents paid for lots of things are just not successful financially. They were never launched…they need their parents to still pay for lots of things, especially any private school (lots of these folks at Big3 privates). I assume because they knew there was a backstop.

So…not sure what the answer may be.

Most of my friends in DC had family help to buy their first home. Almost all my friends are highly driven and successful in their careers. There is no correlation.

The problem with you and your friends is that you have that “born on third base but think you hit a triple” mentality. So you not only get completely unearned advantages (for instance, rich kids using their family “help” money to drive the cost of real estate ever higher); you also use your unearned privilege to enact and support policies that f$@k over the actual hard-working adults in your community and your country.

Jealous?

I mean… of course? My husband and I actually have to work and save and sacrifice for what we have. It’d be great to be part of the American Royalty that doesn’t have to do jacksh!t and gets the food cooked in their mouths.

But what irritates me is when you societal leeches have the nerve to pretend that you’ve earned everything you have. Just because mommy paid for you to go to law school out of her trust fund and daddy’s golfing buddy hooked you up with a job in his firm making seven figures while contributing nothing.

Yeah, it must be nice

It is nice.

Glad you at least agree that you’re just a lucky loser!

Glad you agree you’re just a jealous whiner!

LOL. I’m not whining. I’m just trying to explain the concept of unearned privilege to you.

You don’t need to explain anything to me. My parents helped me, I help my kids and that’s how it goes on in my family. What you do or what you think is your problem.

The spoiled princess is mad about being called out. Poor baby, go cry to daddy, maybe he can get me fired.

With that attitude, no wonder you’re stuck being a loser. Meanwhile I am
enjoying my life and so are my kids. Reflect on why you’re so angry and bitter.

We’ve already established that work ethic, attitude, intelligence, etc. are not responsible for your good fortune in life. You are where you are due to your parents and grandparents spoiling you with wealth *you* didn’t earn and clearly don’t appreciate (i.e. you feel entitled to it).

I’m actually a very happy, content, and confident person. I was also born lucky in that I had stable parents who loved me, but my success in life is due almost entirely to my own choices and hard work. People like you will never know the satisfaction that comes from truly earning something on your own merits.

I know this is going to make you mad, but I suspect the vast majority of posters really appreciate the money they received and don’t feel entitled to it. And therefore really want to do the same for the next generation. I know that trashes your narrative but it is what it is.

+1. I’m so thankful my parents helped me with a down payment in a lower interest rate environment and before home prices doubled where we live now. It was not at all expected but it made a huge impact on our family financially.

I’m working hard to make sure I can help my kids with this kind of thing when they are adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can comfortably afford it, definitely all three.

Anyone who looks around at comfortable UMC and rich people knows that those who got these things paid for by their parents had a very good head start. And anyone who thinks kids “should” pay for these things has their head in the sand. In places like dc, down payments and college costs are paid by parents a lot. It’s pretty standard MO and kids who don’t have this help are already starting out one step behind.

My parents paid for all these things. They are wealthy but not bagillionaires. I still managed to be married with a well maintained home by 26, graduate top of my class from law school, and now in my forties I make seven figures. I’m also married to a hardworking man who makes similar. He came from poverty and got nothing from his family. I don’t believe this kind of financial support plays any role in what kind of adult kids turn into - other than helping to ensure they are financially comfortable adults!

So you and your husband ended up in the same place, despite the fact that you got help and he didn’t. This shows that smart, hard-working people will be just fine, even without handouts from mommy and daddy.

I don’t think you’re making the point you think you are.

My husband had to take out college and grad school loans, which I promptly paid off for him within three months of starting as a lawyer. And he benefited from that same first house as me. And fwiw, dh works hard, but I work WAY harder. And he makes a lot. But I make a LOT more than him. So if there is a lazier person in our home, it’s him. Not me - who grew up with parents who paid for these things. Also fwiw I’ve never taken another cent from my parents - out twenties were really lean because we just didn’t have much money. But now I’m loaded - because I worked so hard - and I’m able to throw money around like mad. In fact, my parents needed a new car and didn’t have enough cash in their checking account on the day we were at the dealership, and dh and I were like no worries we can write the check right now so you don’t have to wait a day for cash to move between your accounts, and you don’t have to pay us back. So yeah not entitled.

But pretty confident that when you remove financial impediments to 20 year olds, they can make better choices and end up in better financial places.

But shhhh sounds like you live in one of the middle class families that hasn’t figured out how many families do this for their kids and launch their kids into their own successful financial lives.

I don’t honestly believe this is true. The families in the DMV where the parents paid for lots of things are just not successful financially. They were never launched…they need their parents to still pay for lots of things, especially any private school (lots of these folks at Big3 privates). I assume because they knew there was a backstop.

So…not sure what the answer may be.

Most of my friends in DC had family help to buy their first home. Almost all my friends are highly driven and successful in their careers. There is no correlation.

The problem with you and your friends is that you have that “born on third base but think you hit a triple” mentality. So you not only get completely unearned advantages (for instance, rich kids using their family “help” money to drive the cost of real estate ever higher); you also use your unearned privilege to enact and support policies that f$@k over the actual hard-working adults in your community and your country.

Jealous?

I mean… of course? My husband and I actually have to work and save and sacrifice for what we have. It’d be great to be part of the American Royalty that doesn’t have to do jacksh!t and gets the food cooked in their mouths.

But what irritates me is when you societal leeches have the nerve to pretend that you’ve earned everything you have. Just because mommy paid for you to go to law school out of her trust fund and daddy’s golfing buddy hooked you up with a job in his firm making seven figures while contributing nothing.

Yeah, it must be nice

It is nice.

Glad you at least agree that you’re just a lucky loser!

Glad you agree you’re just a jealous whiner!

LOL. I’m not whining. I’m just trying to explain the concept of unearned privilege to you.

You don’t need to explain anything to me. My parents helped me, I help my kids and that’s how it goes on in my family. What you do or what you think is your problem.

The spoiled princess is mad about being called out. Poor baby, go cry to daddy, maybe he can get me fired.

With that attitude, no wonder you’re stuck being a loser. Meanwhile I am
enjoying my life and so are my kids. Reflect on why you’re so angry and bitter.

We’ve already established that work ethic, attitude, intelligence, etc. are not responsible for your good fortune in life. You are where you are due to your parents and grandparents spoiling you with wealth *you* didn’t earn and clearly don’t appreciate (i.e. you feel entitled to it).

I’m actually a very happy, content, and confident person. I was also born lucky in that I had stable parents who loved me, but my success in life is due almost entirely to my own choices and hard work. People like you will never know the satisfaction that comes from truly earning something on your own merits.

I know this is going to make you mad, but I suspect the vast majority of posters really appreciate the money they received and don’t feel entitled to it. And therefore really want to do the same for the next generation. I know that trashes your narrative but it is what it is.

You don’t understand. They feel entitled on an existential level. “My parents are wealthy, their parents were wealthy, therefore I *deserve* to be wealthy as do my children”…

I’m sure they say thanks to Mom and Dad for the handouts, but in their (your?) core, they feel like God’s chosen people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can comfortably afford it, definitely all three.

Anyone who looks around at comfortable UMC and rich people knows that those who got these things paid for by their parents had a very good head start. And anyone who thinks kids “should” pay for these things has their head in the sand. In places like dc, down payments and college costs are paid by parents a lot. It’s pretty standard MO and kids who don’t have this help are already starting out one step behind.

My parents paid for all these things. They are wealthy but not bagillionaires. I still managed to be married with a well maintained home by 26, graduate top of my class from law school, and now in my forties I make seven figures. I’m also married to a hardworking man who makes similar. He came from poverty and got nothing from his family. I don’t believe this kind of financial support plays any role in what kind of adult kids turn into - other than helping to ensure they are financially comfortable adults!

So you and your husband ended up in the same place, despite the fact that you got help and he didn’t. This shows that smart, hard-working people will be just fine, even without handouts from mommy and daddy.

I don’t think you’re making the point you think you are.

My husband had to take out college and grad school loans, which I promptly paid off for him within three months of starting as a lawyer. And he benefited from that same first house as me. And fwiw, dh works hard, but I work WAY harder. And he makes a lot. But I make a LOT more than him. So if there is a lazier person in our home, it’s him. Not me - who grew up with parents who paid for these things. Also fwiw I’ve never taken another cent from my parents - out twenties were really lean because we just didn’t have much money. But now I’m loaded - because I worked so hard - and I’m able to throw money around like mad. In fact, my parents needed a new car and didn’t have enough cash in their checking account on the day we were at the dealership, and dh and I were like no worries we can write the check right now so you don’t have to wait a day for cash to move between your accounts, and you don’t have to pay us back. So yeah not entitled.

But pretty confident that when you remove financial impediments to 20 year olds, they can make better choices and end up in better financial places.

But shhhh sounds like you live in one of the middle class families that hasn’t figured out how many families do this for their kids and launch their kids into their own successful financial lives.

I don’t honestly believe this is true. The families in the DMV where the parents paid for lots of things are just not successful financially. They were never launched…they need their parents to still pay for lots of things, especially any private school (lots of these folks at Big3 privates). I assume because they knew there was a backstop.

So…not sure what the answer may be.

Most of my friends in DC had family help to buy their first home. Almost all my friends are highly driven and successful in their careers. There is no correlation.

The problem with you and your friends is that you have that “born on third base but think you hit a triple” mentality. So you not only get completely unearned advantages (for instance, rich kids using their family “help” money to drive the cost of real estate ever higher); you also use your unearned privilege to enact and support policies that f$@k over the actual hard-working adults in your community and your country.

Jealous?

I mean… of course? My husband and I actually have to work and save and sacrifice for what we have. It’d be great to be part of the American Royalty that doesn’t have to do jacksh!t and gets the food cooked in their mouths.

But what irritates me is when you societal leeches have the nerve to pretend that you’ve earned everything you have. Just because mommy paid for you to go to law school out of her trust fund and daddy’s golfing buddy hooked you up with a job in his firm making seven figures while contributing nothing.

Yeah, it must be nice

It is nice.

Glad you at least agree that you’re just a lucky loser!

Glad you agree you’re just a jealous whiner!

LOL. I’m not whining. I’m just trying to explain the concept of unearned privilege to you.

You don’t need to explain anything to me. My parents helped me, I help my kids and that’s how it goes on in my family. What you do or what you think is your problem.

The spoiled princess is mad about being called out. Poor baby, go cry to daddy, maybe he can get me fired.

With that attitude, no wonder you’re stuck being a loser. Meanwhile I am
enjoying my life and so are my kids. Reflect on why you’re so angry and bitter.

We’ve already established that work ethic, attitude, intelligence, etc. are not responsible for your good fortune in life. You are where you are due to your parents and grandparents spoiling you with wealth *you* didn’t earn and clearly don’t appreciate (i.e. you feel entitled to it).

I’m actually a very happy, content, and confident person. I was also born lucky in that I had stable parents who loved me, but my success in life is due almost entirely to my own choices and hard work. People like you will never know the satisfaction that comes from truly earning something on your own merits.

I know this is going to make you mad, but I suspect the vast majority of posters really appreciate the money they received and don’t feel entitled to it. And therefore really want to do the same for the next generation. I know that trashes your narrative but it is what it is.

You don’t understand. They feel entitled on an existential level. “My parents are wealthy, their parents were wealthy, therefore I *deserve* to be wealthy as do my children”…

I’m sure they say thanks to Mom and Dad for the handouts, but in their (your?) core, they feel like God’s chosen people.

And so what if they do? Some people will always be more fortunate than others. Your jealousy is making you look very petty and foolish.

[Anonymous]

I am in a position to help with all three.

Paying for college I see as really a given.

I think grad school is a waste of $$$s, so I am not sure the verdict on that. Spouse is in BigLaw and doing everything in their power to make sure kids don’t follow the path. Seems to be working and kids are looking at lucrative paths that won’t require professional grad school (but one kid may pursue a PhD which would be fully funded).

Depending on the specific timing, may end up helping with a down payment…but fully expecting my kids to not need any help if they buy at say 28-30…and I can’t imagine either wanting to do prior to that. One is well on their way to HNW status by 30.

[Anonymous]

My parents paid for all three and set up trusts that will prob do the same for the next generation. Why wouldn’t you if you have the money- you can’t take it with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The whole point is you raise accomplished, successful people and then give them a leg up when you can to keep their momentum going. And they do the same for their kids and so on.

Debt isn’t some crucial life lesson you need to force your kids to undertake to become “real adults”. That’s some crabs in a bucket mentality.

Some successful adult kids and couples don’t need debt nor your equity or debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can comfortably afford it, definitely all three.

Anyone who looks around at comfortable UMC and rich people knows that those who got these things paid for by their parents had a very good head start. And anyone who thinks kids “should” pay for these things has their head in the sand. In places like dc, down payments and college costs are paid by parents a lot. It’s pretty standard MO and kids who don’t have this help are already starting out one step behind.

My parents paid for all these things. They are wealthy but not bagillionaires. I still managed to be married with a well maintained home by 26, graduate top of my class from law school, and now in my forties I make seven figures. I’m also married to a hardworking man who makes similar. He came from poverty and got nothing from his family. I don’t believe this kind of financial support plays any role in what kind of adult kids turn into - other than helping to ensure they are financially comfortable adults!

So you and your husband ended up in the same place, despite the fact that you got help and he didn’t. This shows that smart, hard-working people will be just fine, even without handouts from mommy and daddy.

I don’t think you’re making the point you think you are.

My husband had to take out college and grad school loans, which I promptly paid off for him within three months of starting as a lawyer. And he benefited from that same first house as me. And fwiw, dh works hard, but I work WAY harder. And he makes a lot. But I make a LOT more than him. So if there is a lazier person in our home, it’s him. Not me - who grew up with parents who paid for these things. Also fwiw I’ve never taken another cent from my parents - out twenties were really lean because we just didn’t have much money. But now I’m loaded - because I worked so hard - and I’m able to throw money around like mad. In fact, my parents needed a new car and didn’t have enough cash in their checking account on the day we were at the dealership, and dh and I were like no worries we can write the check right now so you don’t have to wait a day for cash to move between your accounts, and you don’t have to pay us back. So yeah not entitled.

But pretty confident that when you remove financial impediments to 20 year olds, they can make better choices and end up in better financial places.

But shhhh sounds like you live in one of the middle class families that hasn’t figured out how many families do this for their kids and launch their kids into their own successful financial lives.

I don’t honestly believe this is true. The families in the DMV where the parents paid for lots of things are just not successful financially. They were never launched…they need their parents to still pay for lots of things, especially any private school (lots of these folks at Big3 privates). I assume because they knew there was a backstop.

So…not sure what the answer may be.

Most of my friends in DC had family help to buy their first home. Almost all my friends are highly driven and successful in their careers. There is no correlation.

Define success…I don’t get it…successful people don’t need their parents help to buy their first home…even a $2MM+ home is a $400k down payment which isn’t all that much…for successful people.

This is how poor people think LOL.

What do you mean?

Poor people don’t know that successful doctors, lawyers, bankers, tech engineers save their bonuses and extra salary for their own downpayments? Or for their grad degrees?

Ignorant people might think no one is successful nor saving tons of money.

Ignorant people might believe everyone’s using their parents help to buy their homes.

But that’s not true. Successful couples are, and couples with family money are. There might some minimal overlapping couples, but what’s the point then.

Agree

I have seen ignorant poor people thinking everyone buying a house must be getting help from Mommy&Daddy.

And I have seen ignorant up class people think everyone was like them and got help form Bank of Mommy&Daddy.

Mass media likes to do articles on all the people getting help with down payments or indirect helocs too.

But vast majority are couples who saved their own down payment money from their jobs, good spending and wise investing.

And of course every country has a permanent renting class. Which is fine as well.

[Anonymous]

If a kid is going to medical school, high rank business school, good law school, engineering school, you can let them take debt as it would be easy with their income to pay back for grad school loans but if a child is going to grad school for a lower paying career degree, having loans would really hinder their ability to build a good life.

Obviously, it all depends on if you are in tier where there is some money but not enough to spend leisurely. For lower asset, its not affordable and for higher not a worry.

[Anonymous]

For undergrad, you need to pay at least for state school as if they aren't getting need based aid, its because your finances are a disadvantage for them.

[Anonymous]

You aren't responsible to pay for expensive private or out of state schools, just community college and state university.

[Anonymous]

State school is a necessity, choosing expensive college is a luxury.

[Anonymous]

No one can answer this question unless OP tells us how much money they have and how many kids they have. If they only have $500k saved for retirement and 5 kids, they should provide zero financial help to their kids and focus on getting themselves in a better position to retire and not burden their children in their old age. In many families (mine, in the case of my inlaws), this is the greatest gift you can give your kids. If OP has 2 biological kids with his spouse, who is also the parent of those children, and a net worth of $50m, OP should pay for all of their schooling and strongly consider helping with a house downpayment. Between those two scenarios is a grey area, and we need to know more to comment.

[Anonymous]

Think everyone should do what works best for them...

No right or wrong way ..
If you want to fund your child's life/education/whatever .. do so .. If you don't want to then don't.

Easy enough.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can comfortably afford it, definitely all three.

Anyone who looks around at comfortable UMC and rich people knows that those who got these things paid for by their parents had a very good head start. And anyone who thinks kids “should” pay for these things has their head in the sand. In places like dc, down payments and college costs are paid by parents a lot. It’s pretty standard MO and kids who don’t have this help are already starting out one step behind.

My parents paid for all these things. They are wealthy but not bagillionaires. I still managed to be married with a well maintained home by 26, graduate top of my class from law school, and now in my forties I make seven figures. I’m also married to a hardworking man who makes similar. He came from poverty and got nothing from his family. I don’t believe this kind of financial support plays any role in what kind of adult kids turn into - other than helping to ensure they are financially comfortable adults!

So you and your husband ended up in the same place, despite the fact that you got help and he didn’t. This shows that smart, hard-working people will be just fine, even without handouts from mommy and daddy.

I don’t think you’re making the point you think you are.

My husband had to take out college and grad school loans, which I promptly paid off for him within three months of starting as a lawyer. And he benefited from that same first house as me. And fwiw, dh works hard, but I work WAY harder. And he makes a lot. But I make a LOT more than him. So if there is a lazier person in our home, it’s him. Not me - who grew up with parents who paid for these things. Also fwiw I’ve never taken another cent from my parents - out twenties were really lean because we just didn’t have much money. But now I’m loaded - because I worked so hard - and I’m able to throw money around like mad. In fact, my parents needed a new car and didn’t have enough cash in their checking account on the day we were at the dealership, and dh and I were like no worries we can write the check right now so you don’t have to wait a day for cash to move between your accounts, and you don’t have to pay us back. So yeah not entitled.

But pretty confident that when you remove financial impediments to 20 year olds, they can make better choices and end up in better financial places.

But shhhh sounds like you live in one of the middle class families that hasn’t figured out how many families do this for their kids and launch their kids into their own successful financial lives.

I don’t honestly believe this is true. The families in the DMV where the parents paid for lots of things are just not successful financially. They were never launched…they need their parents to still pay for lots of things, especially any private school (lots of these folks at Big3 privates). I assume because they knew there was a backstop.

So…not sure what the answer may be.

Most of my friends in DC had family help to buy their first home. Almost all my friends are highly driven and successful in their careers. There is no correlation.

The problem with you and your friends is that you have that “born on third base but think you hit a triple” mentality. So you not only get completely unearned advantages (for instance, rich kids using their family “help” money to drive the cost of real estate ever higher); you also use your unearned privilege to enact and support policies that f$@k over the actual hard-working adults in your community and your country.

Jealous?

I mean… of course? My husband and I actually have to work and save and sacrifice for what we have. It’d be great to be part of the American Royalty that doesn’t have to do jacksh!t and gets the food cooked in their mouths.

But what irritates me is when you societal leeches have the nerve to pretend that you’ve earned everything you have. Just because mommy paid for you to go to law school out of her trust fund and daddy’s golfing buddy hooked you up with a job in his firm making seven figures while contributing nothing.

Yeah, it must be nice

It is nice.

Glad you at least agree that you’re just a lucky loser!

Glad you agree you’re just a jealous whiner!

LOL. I’m not whining. I’m just trying to explain the concept of unearned privilege to you.

You don’t need to explain anything to me. My parents helped me, I help my kids and that’s how it goes on in my family. What you do or what you think is your problem.

The spoiled princess is mad about being called out. Poor baby, go cry to daddy, maybe he can get me fired.

With that attitude, no wonder you’re stuck being a loser. Meanwhile I am
enjoying my life and so are my kids. Reflect on why you’re so angry and bitter.

We’ve already established that work ethic, attitude, intelligence, etc. are not responsible for your good fortune in life. You are where you are due to your parents and grandparents spoiling you with wealth *you* didn’t earn and clearly don’t appreciate (i.e. you feel entitled to it).

I’m actually a very happy, content, and confident person. I was also born lucky in that I had stable parents who loved me, but my success in life is due almost entirely to my own choices and hard work. People like you will never know the satisfaction that comes from truly earning something on your own merits.

I know this is going to make you mad, but I suspect the vast majority of posters really appreciate the money they received and don’t feel entitled to it. And therefore really want to do the same for the next generation. I know that trashes your narrative but it is what it is.

You don’t understand. They feel entitled on an existential level. “My parents are wealthy, their parents were wealthy, therefore I *deserve* to be wealthy as do my children”…

I’m sure they say thanks to Mom and Dad for the handouts, but in their (your?) core, they feel like God’s chosen people.

And so what if they do? Some people will always be more fortunate than others. Your jealousy is making you look very petty and foolish.

Yes, please keep deflecting and acting like your entitlement is everyone else’s problem (i.e. we’re all just jEaLoUS… are you 12?)

This country was never supposed to have a landed gentry. This is a real societal problem, and trying to wave it away with “too bad, so sad” is disingenuous at best and downright moronic at worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can comfortably afford it, definitely all three.

Anyone who looks around at comfortable UMC and rich people knows that those who got these things paid for by their parents had a very good head start. And anyone who thinks kids “should” pay for these things has their head in the sand. In places like dc, down payments and college costs are paid by parents a lot. It’s pretty standard MO and kids who don’t have this help are already starting out one step behind.

My parents paid for all these things. They are wealthy but not bagillionaires. I still managed to be married with a well maintained home by 26, graduate top of my class from law school, and now in my forties I make seven figures. I’m also married to a hardworking man who makes similar. He came from poverty and got nothing from his family. I don’t believe this kind of financial support plays any role in what kind of adult kids turn into - other than helping to ensure they are financially comfortable adults!

So you and your husband ended up in the same place, despite the fact that you got help and he didn’t. This shows that smart, hard-working people will be just fine, even without handouts from mommy and daddy.

I don’t think you’re making the point you think you are.

My husband had to take out college and grad school loans, which I promptly paid off for him within three months of starting as a lawyer. And he benefited from that same first house as me. And fwiw, dh works hard, but I work WAY harder. And he makes a lot. But I make a LOT more than him. So if there is a lazier person in our home, it’s him. Not me - who grew up with parents who paid for these things. Also fwiw I’ve never taken another cent from my parents - out twenties were really lean because we just didn’t have much money. But now I’m loaded - because I worked so hard - and I’m able to throw money around like mad. In fact, my parents needed a new car and didn’t have enough cash in their checking account on the day we were at the dealership, and dh and I were like no worries we can write the check right now so you don’t have to wait a day for cash to move between your accounts, and you don’t have to pay us back. So yeah not entitled.

But pretty confident that when you remove financial impediments to 20 year olds, they can make better choices and end up in better financial places.

But shhhh sounds like you live in one of the middle class families that hasn’t figured out how many families do this for their kids and launch their kids into their own successful financial lives.

I don’t honestly believe this is true. The families in the DMV where the parents paid for lots of things are just not successful financially. They were never launched…they need their parents to still pay for lots of things, especially any private school (lots of these folks at Big3 privates). I assume because they knew there was a backstop.

So…not sure what the answer may be.

Most of my friends in DC had family help to buy their first home. Almost all my friends are highly driven and successful in their careers. There is no correlation.

The problem with you and your friends is that you have that “born on third base but think you hit a triple” mentality. So you not only get completely unearned advantages (for instance, rich kids using their family “help” money to drive the cost of real estate ever higher); you also use your unearned privilege to enact and support policies that f$@k over the actual hard-working adults in your community and your country.

Jealous?

I mean… of course? My husband and I actually have to work and save and sacrifice for what we have. It’d be great to be part of the American Royalty that doesn’t have to do jacksh!t and gets the food cooked in their mouths.

But what irritates me is when you societal leeches have the nerve to pretend that you’ve earned everything you have. Just because mommy paid for you to go to law school out of her trust fund and daddy’s golfing buddy hooked you up with a job in his firm making seven figures while contributing nothing.

Yeah, it must be nice

It is nice.

Glad you at least agree that you’re just a lucky loser!

Glad you agree you’re just a jealous whiner!

LOL. I’m not whining. I’m just trying to explain the concept of unearned privilege to you.

You don’t need to explain anything to me. My parents helped me, I help my kids and that’s how it goes on in my family. What you do or what you think is your problem.

The spoiled princess is mad about being called out. Poor baby, go cry to daddy, maybe he can get me fired.

With that attitude, no wonder you’re stuck being a loser. Meanwhile I am
enjoying my life and so are my kids. Reflect on why you’re so angry and bitter.

We’ve already established that work ethic, attitude, intelligence, etc. are not responsible for your good fortune in life. You are where you are due to your parents and grandparents spoiling you with wealth *you* didn’t earn and clearly don’t appreciate (i.e. you feel entitled to it).

I’m actually a very happy, content, and confident person. I was also born lucky in that I had stable parents who loved me, but my success in life is due almost entirely to my own choices and hard work. People like you will never know the satisfaction that comes from truly earning something on your own merits.

I know this is going to make you mad, but I suspect the vast majority of posters really appreciate the money they received and don’t feel entitled to it. And therefore really want to do the same for the next generation. I know that trashes your narrative but it is what it is.

You don’t understand. They feel entitled on an existential level. “My parents are wealthy, their parents were wealthy, therefore I *deserve* to be wealthy as do my children”…

I’m sure they say thanks to Mom and Dad for the handouts, but in their (your?) core, they feel like God’s chosen people.

And so what if they do? Some people will always be more fortunate than others. Your jealousy is making you look very petty and foolish.

Yes, please keep deflecting and acting like your entitlement is everyone else’s problem (i.e. we’re all just jEaLoUS… are you 12?)

This country was never supposed to have a landed gentry. This is a real societal problem, and trying to wave it away with “too bad, so sad” is disingenuous at best and downright moronic at worst.

Oh you, the history scholar, again. The country was founded by landed gentry. What do you mean we were never supposed to have any?