Very sad today--home clean out

[Anonymous]

Hugs OP. Just hugs.

[Anonymous]

OP: There are some evil people responding to your post. They have lived among us alll our lives and suddenly our culture has made it appropriate to spread hate. It’s only going to get worse.
What you are going through su(ks. We are going through the part where Muncie died and she is the gift that keeps on giving. Thats when you see what evil really is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
They "handled it all" for you on the front end from when you were born to age 18 (and maybe longer) and now that you're a fully capable adult you have to repay them for a much shorter period of time. Poor you!

Repayment goes by taking care of your own kids, not cleaning out tons of s* that has been sitting somewhere for 40 years! You should face your s* yourself, or are all the memories so unpleasant you cannot put your hand to them?!

Taking care of your own kids does not “repay” your parents for anything. That’s something you did for yourself. I’m going to keep what I want to keep to make my life pleasant and enjoyable, as is my right, even though my kids won’t want much if any of it.

I’ve cleaned out two full sized houses of parental stuff while feeling sad and while having kids under five. It was hard work but so what. I do not wish I could go back in time and scold and hector them like a jerk - “hey you’re gonna die soon, could you please get rid of all your sh*t, thx”. When they were alive I focused on enjoying the remaining time with them not being a selfish d!ck.

You can choose to be a martyr. The rest of us are choosing not to.

lol decluttering your parents house is the farthest thing from martyrdom. Your life must be super soft and sheltered if making some trips to Goodwill is like being burned at the stake or fed to the lions to you.

If it was just a matter of some tirps to goodwill on a weekend, you did not have to declutter much at all. That's a weekend project.

It took two weeks of twelve hour days to declutter a three story house with 40 years of hoarded stuff (plus three additional storage units also full of useless garbage) but it was still not “martyrdom” and I’m not in here crying like a baby about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
They "handled it all" for you on the front end from when you were born to age 18 (and maybe longer) and now that you're a fully capable adult you have to repay them for a much shorter period of time. Poor you!

Repayment goes by taking care of your own kids, not cleaning out tons of s* that has been sitting somewhere for 40 years! You should face your s* yourself, or are all the memories so unpleasant you cannot put your hand to them?!

Taking care of your own kids does not “repay” your parents for anything. That’s something you did for yourself. I’m going to keep what I want to keep to make my life pleasant and enjoyable, as is my right, even though my kids won’t want much if any of it.

I’ve cleaned out two full sized houses of parental stuff while feeling sad and while having kids under five. It was hard work but so what. I do not wish I could go back in time and scold and hector them like a jerk - “hey you’re gonna die soon, could you please get rid of all your sh*t, thx”. When they were alive I focused on enjoying the remaining time with them not being a selfish d!ck.

You can choose to be a martyr. The rest of us are choosing not to.

lol decluttering your parents house is the farthest thing from martyrdom. Your life must be super soft and sheltered if making some trips to Goodwill is like being burned at the stake or fed to the lions to you.

If it was just a matter of some tirps to goodwill on a weekend, you did not have to declutter much at all. That's a weekend project.

It took two weeks of twelve hour days to declutter a three story house with 40 years of hoarded stuff (plus three additional storage units also full of useless garbage) but it was still not “martyrdom” and I’m not in here crying like a baby about it.

Meh. That’s not a lot of time compared to what I’ve seen. But it sounds like you are on track to shit on your kids as well

[Anonymous]

Sorry op. It’s not a picnic. My parents place was so bad. There were mice. Truly a colosssl failure of planning ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: There are some evil people responding to your post. They have lived among us alll our lives and suddenly our culture has made it appropriate to spread hate. It’s only going to get worse.
What you are going through su(ks. We are going through the part where Muncie died and she is the gift that keeps on giving. Thats when you see what evil really is.

Agree. Some weirdos. Like why is this so offensive to some posters?

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. Get as much outside help as possible. Hire junk removers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It took two weeks of twelve hour days to declutter a three story house with 40 years of hoarded stuff (plus three additional storage units also full of useless garbage) but it was still not “martyrdom” and I’m not in here crying like a baby about it.

So you think your adult kids should use their yearly vacation time plus take extra time off work to clear out 40 years of stuff that nobody has wanted to touch? That's very "considerate" of you and you'll be remembered well. By remembered well I mean as someone with clear mental issues and inability to think ahead, making it all about yourself in the end (as always, not a surprise).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- how would you have had them plan? I'm sorry to push this at a sad time, but how do you say, at a cognitively clear moment, "mom, you're moving out next spring before you can't remember that you need to move out"? And then you would have executed that plan?

You plan by not buying so much stuff in your lifetime and by keeping an eye that you don't become a hoarder. This is not something you can solve in 6 months. Just a few generations ago (before boomers) it was normal not to have so much stuff. Maybe you have an older relative and you saw how they lived? Clearing out someone's stuff was literally never a problem before, because people didn't consume more than they needed, they didn't have resources nor opportunity. All the hoarding and storage unit business caused by overconsumption is a recent phenomena, and is very American. It's not something that is "normal" or inherent to us as human beings and most people in the world don't live this way.

My friends and I with Silent Gen and Greatest Gen parents went through the same thing. After the Great Depression and post-WW2 deprivation and subsequent prosperity, consumerism was reborn. They accumulated like crazy.

I think you have hit on something. People raised by parents who lived through the Great Depression accumulate stuff and can't let go of stuff. Even broken things or items that others are giving away seem like treasures. And they don't understand that all of their trinkets aren't collectibles. My mom in particular is completely overwhelmed by all of her stuff but won't (or can't) do anything about it. I assume I will have a lot to do at my parents' house but I don't see what I could or should say now to make them shed some of those things. It is their right to accumulate stuff during their lifetime, and my right to hire a junk hauler if I get overwhelmed cleaning out their house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your anger is totally fair, it's a valid feeling despite the other poster saying it's not...

It is a selfish and obnoxious feeling.

There is no such thing as a selfish or obnoxious feeling. Feelings and behavior are not the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- how would you have had them plan? I'm sorry to push this at a sad time, but how do you say, at a cognitively clear moment, "mom, you're moving out next spring before you can't remember that you need to move out"? And then you would have executed that plan?

You plan by not buying so much stuff in your lifetime and by keeping an eye that you don't become a hoarder. This is not something you can solve in 6 months. Just a few generations ago (before boomers) it was normal not to have so much stuff. Maybe you have an older relative and you saw how they lived? Clearing out someone's stuff was literally never a problem before, because people didn't consume more than they needed, they didn't have resources nor opportunity. All the hoarding and storage unit business caused by overconsumption is a recent phenomena, and is very American. It's not something that is "normal" or inherent to us as human beings and most people in the world don't live this way.

My friends and I with Silent Gen and Greatest Gen parents went through the same thing. After the Great Depression and post-WW2 deprivation and subsequent prosperity, consumerism was reborn. They accumulated like crazy.

I think you have hit on something. People raised by parents who lived through the Great Depression accumulate stuff and can't let go of stuff. Even broken things or items that others are giving away seem like treasures. And they don't understand that all of their trinkets aren't collectibles. My mom in particular is completely overwhelmed by all of her stuff but won't (or can't) do anything about it. I assume I will have a lot to do at my parents' house but I don't see what I could or should say now to make them shed some of those things. It is their right to accumulate stuff during their lifetime, and my right to hire a junk hauler if I get overwhelmed cleaning out their house.

Rights and responsibilities are two different things. They may have a right to keep their junk. However it’s not very responsible

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- how would you have had them plan? I'm sorry to push this at a sad time, but how do you say, at a cognitively clear moment, "mom, you're moving out next spring before you can't remember that you need to move out"? And then you would have executed that plan?

You plan by not buying so much stuff in your lifetime and by keeping an eye that you don't become a hoarder. This is not something you can solve in 6 months. Just a few generations ago (before boomers) it was normal not to have so much stuff. Maybe you have an older relative and you saw how they lived? Clearing out someone's stuff was literally never a problem before, because people didn't consume more than they needed, they didn't have resources nor opportunity. All the hoarding and storage unit business caused by overconsumption is a recent phenomena, and is very American. It's not something that is "normal" or inherent to us as human beings and most people in the world don't live this way.

My friends and I with Silent Gen and Greatest Gen parents went through the same thing. After the Great Depression and post-WW2 deprivation and subsequent prosperity, consumerism was reborn. They accumulated like crazy.

I think you have hit on something. People raised by parents who lived through the Great Depression accumulate stuff and can't let go of stuff. Even broken things or items that others are giving away seem like treasures. And they don't understand that all of their trinkets aren't collectibles. My mom in particular is completely overwhelmed by all of her stuff but won't (or can't) do anything about it. I assume I will have a lot to do at my parents' house but I don't see what I could or should say now to make them shed some of those things. It is their right to accumulate stuff during their lifetime, and my right to hire a junk hauler if I get overwhelmed cleaning out their house.

Rights and responsibilities are two different things. They may have a right to keep their junk. However it’s not very responsible

It's just no way to live, because the stuff gets overwhelming. But I think a sizable chunk of people who accumulate possessions on that level are trying to fill a hole in their lives. It is just very sad, and certainly frustrating for those left to sort through it all.

[Anonymous]

OP, our mom died in March and my sister is bringing an enormous box of our mom’s items for all 3 siblings to sort through and decide what we want. This is after we collectively assisted with moving her out of our childhood home and into an independent living apartment.

We have a small storage facility packed with furniture we’re hoping to clear out soon - this was the stuff older grandchildren said they wanted for apartments. I have a large moving box in my basement filled with cards, letters, photos and photo albums. I can’t even begin to sort through and organize or even scan. Not tossing out either.

Anyway, I feel like grief is compounded by all of this mess and possessions- here it is almost a year later and we’re still sorting through stuff.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the entire thread, but there are companies that specialize in doing clean outs and moves to downsize that can be really helpful. I have worked with Graceful Transitions twice and they were amazing! Yes, it was still work on my part, but they helped a lot.

They will take everything you don't want out of the house/apartment to their warehouse and sort to sell anything they think will sell either by consignment or in an online auction, donate to places like A Wider Circle, Habitat for Humanity, and Goodwill, recycle what can be recycled, shred documents if boxed and marked, and take care of getting anything left disposed of. They even took some furniture and delivered it to a local family member on the way to their warehouse for me.

They will send you itemized receipts of everything donated and a check for anything sold at consignment or auction.

When downsizing the move took 2 days - one to pack/move what was going to the new location and one to empty the rest of the space. For a clean out of a small space it only took a few hours - and since it was quicker than anticipated, they charged less than their estimate.

https://www.gracefultransitions.org

[Anonymous]

People in this country have too much junk and cyber Monday is not helping