We're paying big $$$ for private college but our daughter is with public university friends every weekend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get the criticisms here, but I also understand the frustration. And for me, it wouldn’t necessarily be a prestige/association thing. If she would rather be at the public that is cheaper, I’d much rather be paying the public price. End of story.

So transfer, then. End of story

It doesn't sound like the child is considering a transfer, though? I'm saying this as a parent, observing that my child seems to like being at another college more than the more expensive one that we are paying for.

That said, I attended a private college several hours from home. I had great friends there. Then, when I would come home for breaks, I would hang out with friends I had at the local public university. In the summer, I spent a good deal of my time at one of the fraternity houses where several of my male friends lived. It was great to have friend groups in two places.

[Anonymous]

It’s tailgate szn at the football school degree mills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would this bother you as a parent? We're certainly not rich, it was somewhat of a stretch for us to afford a private college. (No debt.) She begged us and we made it happen. Well, a handful of her best high school friends landed at a large public university about 30 minutes away. She talks to or texts her mother on a daily basis and it seems every other day she's headed to and returning from the public university her friends are at. We're not worried about her grades, she's a great student, but I'm concerned she's not dedicating herself to the private college and classmates there. She claims she loves her college. I can't help but feel like what is the point of wasting 3x more for the private if she's itching to be at the cheap public all the time.

remove the public vs elite private.

I'd want my kid at their own school making friends for the first 2 months of school. After that, maybe a once a month visit with HS friends. Otherwise, everyone else will make their friends at her college and it will be hard to fit in.

+1

[Anonymous]

College is not just the classes. If that were the case every family should just find the cheapest online courses to get a degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son married a hygienist he met in dental school. They have been married 20 years and she is a fabulous mother.

That's a weird flex. Are you implying that he married beneath him but it's okay because she is a good mother? What's the private/public college connection here?

[Anonymous]

This is pretty hilarious. My DC went to Michigan and some of DCs private college friends came to visit during football season. I don't think they viewed it as slumming it. DC has also been very successful post graduation, as have his UM friends.

[Anonymous]

I went to Michigan and spent tons of time at Eastern Michigan. Ann Arbor is close to Ypsilanti. Also went to central, western, and state on weekends. My friends came to visit me. Michigan was more expensive, but I received a great education. I had no desire to transfer, but I didn’t care for many of the students - too liberal, east coast, snobby.

It all worked out well. I’m still close with my high school friends. Michigan still opens doors and is respected. I didn’t need friends from there to have a successful career after graduation. The extra money for Michigan was worth it.

[Anonymous]

The kid is taking the easy way out and avoiding putting herself out there to make new friends. This shouldn’t be celebrated.

[Anonymous]

I’d give it time, but there are Two issues here:
1. Student spends most of her free time off her own campus, potentially missing out on a full campus experience.
2. There’s a price difference between the two colleges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is pretty hilarious. My DC went to Michigan and some of DCs private college friends came to visit during football season. I don't think they viewed it as slumming it. DC has also been very successful post graduation, as have his UM friends.

But did they come to visit every weekend freshman year? Once is fine...but when you are starting college it is a well known fact that it is easier to make friends freshman year when everyone else is as well. That's why most colleges suggest your kid doesn't go home over Labor Day weekend--that the first trip home should be Fall break or Thanksgiving. Because that is when everyone is meeting people and building friends groups. If you don't do it then, it will become more challenging. Once people have their groups they don't feel the need to work about making new friends. So an introvert will have a much harder time.

So yeah, a onetime trip (after the first 3-4 weeks) to see football at the nearby school great. But going every weekend for the entire weekend---nope, not the best way to be social at your school

[Anonymous]

Obviously, she enjoys the state school a lot more than her private. Not surprising. You can receive an excellent education AND have a great time at publics. For far less money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would this bother you as a parent? We're certainly not rich, it was somewhat of a stretch for us to afford a private college. (No debt.) She begged us and we made it happen. Well, a handful of her best high school friends landed at a large public university about 30 minutes away. She talks to or texts her mother on a daily basis and it seems every other day she's headed to and returning from the public university her friends are at. We're not worried about her grades, she's a great student, but I'm concerned she's not dedicating herself to the private college and classmates there. She claims she loves her college. I can't help but feel like what is the point of wasting 3x more for the private if she's itching to be at the cheap public all the time.

remove the public vs elite private.

I'd want my kid at their own school making friends for the first 2 months of school. After that, maybe a once a month visit with HS friends. Otherwise, everyone else will make their friends at her college and it will be hard to fit in.

+1

+2. This is absolutely the time to make friends. Everyone is essentially shopping for friends now, but by second semester or sophomore year most of the social groups will have started to gel and it will be much more challenging to make friends. She should consider “friend making” to be one of her first year classes. If she doesn’t have good friends by end of first year, she can hang out with HS friends at state U as much as she wants. But she’s totally depriving herself of the college experience by not making the effort to make college friends. And I’m worried her HS friend group will start to disintegrate in a year or so and they she’ll be left without a good social network.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to Michigan and spent tons of time at Eastern Michigan. Ann Arbor is close to Ypsilanti. Also went to central, western, and state on weekends. My friends came to visit me. Michigan was more expensive, but I received a great education. I had no desire to transfer, but I didn’t care for many of the students - too liberal, east coast, snobby.

It all worked out well. I’m still close with my high school friends. Michigan still opens doors and is respected. I didn’t need friends from there to have a successful career after graduation. The extra money for Michigan was worth it.

I’m glad to hear that you are still friends with your HS friends. I’m in my 50s, all of my friends from elementary school and a few from HS are still my friends. Nobody from college though. I had fun, but the friendships didn’t last a few years post graduation.

[Anonymous]

How very odd, OP, for you to worry about something so silly. She’s doing well in school, and she enjoys time with friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to Michigan and spent tons of time at Eastern Michigan. Ann Arbor is close to Ypsilanti. Also went to central, western, and state on weekends. My friends came to visit me. Michigan was more expensive, but I received a great education. I had no desire to transfer, but I didn’t care for many of the students - too liberal, east coast, snobby.

It all worked out well. I’m still close with my high school friends. Michigan still opens doors and is respected. I didn’t need friends from there to have a successful career after graduation. The extra money for Michigan was worth it.

I’m glad to hear that you are still friends with your HS friends. I’m in my 50s, all of my friends from elementary school and a few from HS are still my friends. Nobody from college though. I had fun, but the friendships didn’t last a few years post graduation.

why do you think that is? I'm just curious.

I stayed in touch with friends from pretty much all stages of my life over the years. Emails and social media help, of course. Do you think you were just a couple years too early for that? I'm in my later 40s.