We're paying big $$$ for private college but our daughter is with public university friends every weekend

[Anonymous]

It took me a good semester to year to really get roots at my university freshman year. I had a boyfriend from home that was hard to let go of, a roommate who transferred out mid year, then I pledged a sorority second semester and when I moved back to school sophomore year, I never looked back. Let her nurture her comfortable friendships, the transition can be hard, I’m sure she’ll find her way at her current school and if not, the worst thing that could happen is she’ll transfer.

[Anonymous]

Just tell her you have made sacrifices to buy her way up society’s ladder. Now she has to take advantage of the opportunity and stop associating with the common folks.

[Anonymous]

It’s not jail. She’s allowed to leave. First I went to a college that was in the middle of nowhere. I hated it because I felt like there was no place to ever go. I was much happier after transferring to a college where I could go, have my life there but frequently get off of campus to have a life outside of the actual university. It was even better during my junior and senior year when I got a car, moved off campus and even got a job and gym membership NOT at the school. I loved having a life and friends away from the campus.

Your daughter is still meeting people at her school and will still earn her degree from whatever private she’s attending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Settle down, helicopter mom. She's a big girl now. You don't get to dictate her social life.

+1. I can't imagine my parents thinking about this or knowing what I was doing and who I was with every single day in college.

[Anonymous]

I get the criticisms here, but I also understand the frustration. And for me, it wouldn’t necessarily be a prestige/association thing. If she would rather be at the public that is cheaper, I’d much rather be paying the public price. End of story.

[Anonymous]

My son married a hygienist he met in dental school. They have been married 20 years and she is a fabulous mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well perhaps having poor friends will help her not become a pretentious ahole like her parents.

Where did you read the household incomes of any college kids involved? Where did you read the private college was [more] prestigious? You didn't, that is your own projection and imagination. OP merely said the public is relatively cheap, which is a dollars and cents fact. That is it.

It is deeply immature to attend college A but spend all of your free time at college B. And when college A costs a lot more, it is a slap in the face to your parents who make sacrifices to pay for it. Teens have no comprehension of what it takes to earn money, let alone the sums involved to pay for college these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You really should focus during the first few months on making friends at your own school. After the first semester it gets a lot harder. More students should know this ahead of time.

It's basically impossible after the first few weeks, unless you join a sorority or fraternity.

This is so weird and untrue. I transferred to a new university after my sophomore year. According to your beliefs, I should have remained a friendless outsider for my remaining time at school. Spoiler: I didn't. I made friends, like any normal person.

Some of you are just so frantic and overwrought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well perhaps having poor friends will help her not become a pretentious ahole like her parents.

Where did you read the household incomes of any college kids involved? Where did you read the private college was [more] prestigious? You didn't, that is your own projection and imagination. OP merely said the public is relatively cheap, which is a dollars and cents fact. That is it.

It is deeply immature to attend college A but spend all of your free time at college B. And when college A costs a lot more, it is a slap in the face to your parents who make sacrifices to pay for it. Teens have no comprehension of what it takes to earn money, let alone the sums involved to pay for college these days.

Since when? You must be OP gettimg defensive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get the criticisms here, but I also understand the frustration. And for me, it wouldn’t necessarily be a prestige/association thing. If she would rather be at the public that is cheaper, I’d much rather be paying the public price. End of story.

So transfer, then. End of story

[Anonymous]

Does the cheap public have Northern, Southern, Eastern or Western in its name? That would be a bridge too far.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to join a damn sorority.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she needs to transfer. What is the downside? Cheaper and she likes the social life at the other college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would this bother you as a parent? We're certainly not rich, it was somewhat of a stretch for us to afford a private college. (No debt.) She begged us and we made it happen. Well, a handful of her best high school friends landed at a large public university about 30 minutes away. She talks to or texts her mother on a daily basis and it seems every other day she's headed to and returning from the public university her friends are at. We're not worried about her grades, she's a great student, but I'm concerned she's not dedicating herself to the private college and classmates there. She claims she loves her college. I can't help but feel like what is the point of wasting 3x more for the private if she's itching to be at the cheap public all the time.

remove the public vs elite private.

I'd want my kid at their own school making friends for the first 2 months of school. After that, maybe a once a month visit with HS friends. Otherwise, everyone else will make their friends at her college and it will be hard to fit in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her you have made sacrifices to buy her way up society’s ladder. Now she has to take advantage of the opportunity and stop associating with the common folks.

+ 1 lol