POLL: Is boarding school on the table for your rising 8th grader?

[Anonymous]

Wow, the boarding school parents read DCUM too! Good counter-arguments although I could wish people did not attack the poster with the personal tone that has emerged. The original poster did seem open to both pro and con thoughts on sending a child to boarding school. I have taught in both day and boarding environments and agree that it probably really does depend on the child. For the reasonably outgoing and/or athletic types, boarding school can be a rich and empowering experience. For the very shy kid or the one who " doesn't fit in" I think being able to get OUT of the peer environment and just go home to your family at night is often better, assuming a good home environment. I also think that in the age of Skype, etc., it is easier for parents of kids at boarding schools to stay connected with day to day details. Happy we have both options by virtue of living in a place with strong day schools.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks, all, for sharing your thoughts and experiences. We're going to take a couple of tours, at least. We'll see what DS wants, how badly, and exactly what his options really are at the end of the day, and then we'll all make what could be a very tough decision (hopefully well).

[Anonymous]

There's obviously no blanket judgment to be made. I thought the best point made in this thread was the one about boarding school exposing students to peer pressure 24/7. I hadn't really thought about it in those terms. For some kids that would be invigorating and exciting and bring out competitive instincts and for others it would be a disaster. My DH loved, loved, loved his boarding school and it was positive and transformative, etc., and he's still close to those friends all these years later. He does, as it happens, have a nearly nonexistent relationship with his parents, but part of why he wanted to go to boarding school was because of his parents' lack of interest in him, and that would've been true, unfortunately, regardless of where he went to school. Among his HS friends there are some with close ties to parents and families and others who have quite spectacularly dysfunctional families.

[Anonymous]

On the 24/7 peer pressure front, do any of these schools have a particularly anti-materialistic culture?

[Anonymous]

I would only consider it if DD showed exceptional ability in something that the boarding school could offer on a national level (sports, military etc.) or if it were one of the top tier schools (Phillips-Exeter, etc.) and DD were pushing for it. I would consider Europe but I might have to tag along (we'll be renting that villa right down the hill, dear.)
My friends who went to boarding school were all State Dept. brats or in a similar situation, the countries their parents worked in did not have adequate, accredited high schools.
I am in no hurry to push my DDs out of the house. I do expect them to want to spend some college breaks or summers in other cities or traveling with friends, and to not move back in for very long after college unless it makes sense for some other reason.

[Anonymous]

Despite the small (at least for DCUM) ongoing spat going on, this thread has really been interesting and informative. I posted much earlier that I thought it really depends on the kid and that boarding school could really be a blessing for some kids and very difficult for others (including mine, I suspect, although it is too soon to know.)

I really appreciate hearing the positive posts as it does open up my mind and makes me more willing to consider this option down the road IF my child seems like a good candidate. For many, the question of whether to select the BS option will be made for them ... only those students who will clearly be able to thrive and make full use of the wide range of opportunities are likely to be accepted for admission in the first place, at least at the very top schools. In this case, I think it is a good thing for the kids that they not be accepted unless the knowledgable school admission folks see a child who they think will do well and be reasonably happy. I wouldn't let that judgment replace my own, of course, but it is an added layer of thoughtful input to the process that I would respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, the boarding school parents read DCUM too! Good counter-arguments although I could wish people did not attack the poster with the personal tone that has emerged. The original poster did seem open to both pro and con thoughts on sending a child to boarding school. I have taught in both day and boarding environments and agree that it probably really does depend on the child. For the reasonably outgoing and/or athletic types, boarding school can be a rich and empowering experience. For the very shy kid or the one who " doesn't fit in" I think being able to get OUT of the peer environment and just go home to your family at night is often better, assuming a good home environment. I also think that in the age of Skype, etc., it is easier for parents of kids at boarding schools to stay connected with day to day details. Happy we have both options by virtue of living in a place with strong day schools.

Lots of boarders and nons at multiple generations in my family and among my friends, and I think this advice is generally correct. For an athletic kid who enjoys easy popularity and has a strong sense of self--and who actually wants to go to boarding school--it is, by far, the best possible high school experience. For a kid lacking any of the above, boarding school can still be wonderful--for a true theatre buff, for example--but you should tread much, much more carefully.

[Anonymous]

"On the 24/7 peer pressure front, do any of these schools have a particularly anti-materialistic culture? "

Much may have changed since I was at school twenty years ago, but back then it was pretty anti-materialistic. There was a dress code, but everyone dressed down as much as they could get away with. Lots of thrift shop stuff, ll bean, beat up coats, tevas, flannel shirts, etc. No makeup - you would have been laughed out of the dorm. You carry a beat-up backback, not a $2000 bag like you might at Spence. No one has a car, of course, and everyone lives in the same dorm rooms that have walls you can't put nails in. The first day, some kids showed up in limos with drivers and others in beat-up hondas; after the parents left, it was really hard to tell who was who. The only place it was really noticeable was over the summer - some kids went to Europe and some had a job scooping ice cream. But during the year, we all looked exactly the same. I think those schools still have the hard-core old school wasp values going (cut the kleenex in half kind of thing) but I could be wrong.

[Anonymous]

You are a little out of date. Girls wear make up, at least at the coed schools! And more importantly at the top schools, about 40% of the class received financial aid, so there is a huge mix of values, classes etc. Our DC's school is more diverse than the big 3 here our other children attend, though the DC one has decent diversity, The difference of course is geographic diversity too which is not impossible here given the transient city in which we live and the political/diplomatic worlds, but not the same.

Cannot remember the exact statistics but something like 40 something states and 20 countries in this year's freshman class for example.

[Anonymous]

Hey, my kid goes to public school in this area and there are 75 countries represented. And it's free!

[Anonymous]

Well you are still reading the PRIVATE school forum honey.

So maybe it is not all that wonderful. 75 countries perhaps but how many are actually citizens there? I'm talking about kids who come from Africa or Asia or Europe, not kids who now live in the US with their families but may have been born abroad or their parents are from there. The boarding schools have that TOO. So the numbers cited only include those actually from those countries. Your public school cannot have that as you must have a local address to go there (and usually be in bounds, or get a waiver or pay to go if out of bounds). That's the whole concept of local schools, it includes those that live locally. A boarding school has freedom to take anyone they choose from anywhere...

And boarding school can be free too depending on your income level.

Most importantly, I'll match the quality of the teaching classes and depth and breadth of activities our child has over any public school. Some (ie TJ) have huge positives, not saying that there is anything wrong with all public schools, but so many of our US public high schools are failing. Arts, sports, music etc all being cut when there are budget issues. Crowded classes, entrenched labor unions, facility issues, the list goes on. Your school may face none of that, and if so, great, but our local public school stinks and the boarding school option was just beyond wildest dreams better.

[Anonymous]

Does anyone here have experience with any of the summer camps offered by some of the more well-known boarding schools (e.g., Andover, Exeter, Choate, NMH, etc.) for rising 7th-9th graders? If so, I'd love to hear about those experiences (and specifically whether they provide a realistic "preview" of boarding school life.) TIA!

[Anonymous]

Can anyone recommend a local consultant to discuss the possibility of boarding school "fit" (both in general and as to specific schools) for a boy who has just started 8th grade? Many thanks.

[Anonymous]

I personally don't thi k the local consultants will have much of a clue on boarding schools and would instead recommend you save your money. You can look at www.collegeconfidential.com and go to prep school admissions and do some homework yourself. Also, i would highly recommend the Ten Schools Admissions Association presentation as you will learn a lot from going to one of the local receptions:

Prince George’s County, MD

Sunday, October 24th (3:00-5:00pm)
The Westin Washington National Harbor
171 Waterfront Street
National Harbor, MD 20745
[phone]

Alexandria, VA

Sunday, October 24th (7:00-9:00pm)
Hilton Alexandria Old Town
1767 King Street
Alexandria, VA 22314
[phone]

All of the BS have catalogues and web sites and you can look at things at www.boardingschoolreview I think as well. This may help narrow your search as you might want "top" academic schools, only NE schools, schools with perfoming arts, etc. You could also describe your son (without any personal identifiers, such as great at math, plays an instrument, travel soccer, goes to public currently, etc) and I am happy to help suggest some possible fits! There is also nothing better than a visit too, if that is in the cards as the kids do have to interview at each place they apply. You do not have to go there as there are usually local interviews for the bigger, stronger schols with a presence here, or my DC also did one interview by phone too. The phone in school actually accepted him, so it was not a disadvantage at all. But seeing a school up close and personal helps to know if it is a good fit much more so than some highly paid consultant here who may have good insights into the local independent schools but probably is not as close with those not here (Madiera, Episcopal, maybe even Woodberry Forest, G Prep and St Albans excluded).

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone recommend a local consultant to discuss the possibility of boarding school "fit" (both in general and as to specific schools) for a boy who has just started 8th grade? Many thanks.

They definitely exist b/c a friend's husband used to work for one. As I recall, this place did general independent school consulting - so it was local and boarding and it was based in DC so you could do a Google search to find out the name.