POLL: Is boarding school on the table for your rising 8th grader?

[Anonymous]

Here are some additional reasons:

Small class size with the use of a Harkness table, where students gather around an oval table rather than having a traditional classroom with a teacher lecturing at the front. The Harkness table is used to foster discussion and have eye contact and have everyone contribute to understanding. Most classes are 12 kids or even fewer.

More time in school! Some kids like school. If you live there, you live and breath the place. Many prep schools have Saturday classes. Experienced educators agree that HS kids who are busy (with school, with sports, with music, or some activity) are less likely to get int trouble.

Quality of faculty. This is no different from any good day school where most faculty have advanced degrees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think the best advice given on this thread has been to see what works best for the specific child. Boarding school could be terrible for one kid, but a life changing opportunity for another. As with all things in education, one size does not fit all.

Absolutely. My mother and my aunt went to the same boarding school. They were two grades apart, so they even overlapped for a couple of years. If you talk to my aunt, her experience at boarding school was transformative in a positive way. For my mother? One of the worst experiences of her life. Kids have different needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why do you think you know better?

yes there are other ways to stimulate a child, but maybe resources are limited. the top schools provide a FREE ride for those with low incomes. maybe a big family with lots of siblings is unable to be involved at the competetive level that one kid desires. Don't get on some high horse that there are other ways without acknowledging that this could be ONE way.

and you are wrong about sports. No one is saying that sports are MORE important than spending formative, impressionable years with parents/family.

You think boarding schools are about shipping your kid off because you don't want to parent them anymore or because you don't have time for them or because you don't care enough. You have no idea. Have you visited any of the top schools (within the last few years, not some 20 year old anecdotal info)? It may not be for you, then answer the question for the OP (you did that) and move on without thinking that somehow you are better because you had a loving caring family because your parents saw you every night and every morning and everyone hung out at your house and no one ever drank, did drugs or had premarital sex either. Families come in all shapes and sizes and just because a kid is at BS doesn't mean they are not part of a loving family. Nor that you don't know their friends.

Do you have any idea as to the parental contact? Why can't you accept that FOR SOME KIDS this may be a great thing to be around friends and have greater balance in their lives than spending all the time driving around to extracurriculars. Everything is right there, including courses at a presitgious college if they exhaust the advanced curriculum at boarding school. Our child WANTED to go, we did not want them to go. But we did not want to deny them this opportunity, because it is indeed an unbelievable one. And this is coming from an involved, loving family who was at a Big 3 and happy. Our other children are still there and happy. But this one wanted this, and we let them go.

Sorry, I simply dont buy it. I cannot believe that for any child that comes from a loving and supportive family, there is any better place for him/her to be during the teenage years that with his family. No matter how amazing the school is, nothing can substitute for time with parents (and siblings, if there are any).

I went to a private school and a top-tier university that had many boarding school students and none of the boarding school students were particularly close with their parents. They spoke to them on occassion and didnt care to go home for holidays. The primary influence in your teenager's life should be you and that just cant happen if you arent there.

[Anonymous]

PP here -

I will add the caveat that if your home life has some serious problems, not that you want to send your child away but that you cannot otherwise provide a stable or loving environment, then perhaps boarding school is the best choice. There are many good reasons, not blaming the parents, that this may happen - illness, etc... I just believe being at home is best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Sorry, I simply dont buy it. I cannot believe that for any child that comes from a loving and supportive family, there is any better place for him/her to be during the teenage years that with his family. No matter how amazing the school is, nothing can substitute for time with parents (and siblings, if there are any).

I went to a private school and a top-tier university that had many boarding school students and none of the boarding school students were particularly close with their parents. They spoke to them on occassion and didnt care to go home for holidays. The primary influence in your teenager's life should be you and that just cant happen if you arent there.

Well, I actually attended boarding school and I disagree. I think that this, like so many other issues, varies from person to person. I am VERY close to my family - in fact I think going to boarding school brought me closer to my brother in particular. He went to a different school about two hours away from mine, and we became really close once he left home (I was starting 7th grade when he moved out, so I stayed home for two more years.) Most of the kids in my core group of friends were then and remian very close to their parents. Sure, there are kids in every boarding school who don't have a great relationship with their parents - but that's true in day schools as well.

I'm not saying I will send my own kids to boarding school - I just think I'd miss them too much - but I don't think you can make a blanket statement like this. Particularly in light of the fact that you have no personal experience with boarding school.

[Anonymous]

PP says: "Sorry, I simply dont buy it. I cannot believe that for any child that comes from a loving and supportive family, there is any better place for him/her to be during the teenage years that with his family. No matter how amazing the school is, nothing can substitute for time with parents (and siblings, if there are any)."

That is exactly the same kind of mentality we hear around town. Oh what did your DC do that you sent them off?! We are a loving and supportive family and are VERY close. I am not trying to convince you to send your child off, as you don't feel it is best for you (and hopefully them). While we don't think it is best for us (we miss them) we see a bigger picture where they are flourishing and growing and experiencing their life the way they want to do so. They have greater balance as they don't spend 12-15 hours a week commuting anymore and that time is now used to study, participate in clubs and the arts and they are competing at a much higher level in a sport they love. The resources of this school dwarf those here, even our current Big 3 school where are other kids are. It is unlikely siblings will follow, as they are just not wired the same way. Their school offers all sorts of semester programs abroad and in the US (like City Year in NYC). Do you think these are inappropriate too? I think your mind is just closed to the possibilities. FOR SOME KIDS, this is the way to go. Our child, like everyone else at DCUM, is gifted and was in all sorts of CTy programs, and just loves being around all these kids from all over the US and world at school. Their conversations about books and politics and sports continue and don't end out of the classroom. And they continue with us, the family too.

Saying that there is no better place for your teenager is just ignorance IMHO. We do not have an unstable home, nor is their any illness. We are capable, involved parents who did NOT go to baording schools ourselves. It is definitely more of a NE thing to do. Our child begged us to apply and did the whole thing themselves, as we were not all that enthused about the prospects initially. We suggested perhaps a PG year there later on or a summer program might work, but they were steadfast.

You have never visited any of these schools as it is not on your radar screen. That is fine, as again I am not trying to convince you to send your child off as you clearly refuse to let go of this principle that there can only be one way. We have nightly video connections, constant emailing/texting and calling. We get up there to see games, go to parents weekend, and the breaks are significantly longer so students who live far away can make it home and have time to see their family and friends. We hear from the advisor all the time, more than we ever hear from the ones we have here at our Big 3 school.

We strongly believe we see our child face to face more than some of our friends here, as when our child is home, they want to be with us. Most of our friends pick their kid up from school here at 6:30 and then they disappear for homework. Dinner is a quickie usually and then the kid is gone again. At breakfast, everyone is rushing to get ready. On the weekends, high school teens typically go out with friends on Friday and Saturday nights. Our peers have sports on Saturdays and sometimes Friday nights and then have significant weekend studying. There is not that much interaction, just the fact they are under your roof.

We are still the parents, we are still a loving family, just that our DC is going to school several hours away. And while you may not buy it -- we did. We think the environment and the school is a BETTER place. They could have stayed here at their independent well regarded big 3 school and done very well. But our child wanted this, wanted to explore themselves and be independent. We still cry. We still wish they were here. It feels empty sometimes. But we know it is the best thing for them, as it is what they had in their heart to do and it is a wonderful, nurturing place, where they have close bonds with their adviser, dorm parents and teachers. They have brought friends home, and have visited others. We think it works, and we think you should really not judge other people's decisions untuil you are more informed about boarding schools. Fine that it doesn't work for you or that your mind is closed to the possibilities. But don't diss those that have chosen to let their child go. It is not easy, but it seems it was what was best for them.

[Anonymous]

11:18 PP here -

I am definitely not saying that parents who send their kids to boarding schools are trying to get rid of them or dont have their best interests at heart and in mind. I know that boarding school parents love their kids as much as any other parent and I am sure the decision to send young kids away to school is incredibly difficult.

Based on my own anecdotal experience and what I have read and studied (studied sociology with an emphasis in youth studies) I just dont think that its in the child's best interests when the other option is a loving stable home with decent school options.

[Anonymous]

There is a fair on September 21 at Norwood where the top boarding schools will be represented by alumni and/or admissions people. It is open to the public. For anyone with questions or looking to learn more about this option, they should go (with their kids). For anyone who thinks they already know everything there is to know about boarding schools even if they haven't attended, they should stay home.

[Anonymous]

Amen to the PP about the Norwood Fair.

To the PP who knows better based on her sociology degree and anecdotal evidence, enjoy your kids at home with you while you can.

My boarding school child today woke up themselves (unlike at home) and went to breakfast with friends from Korea (with imepccable english), one from chicago and one from harlem all down the hallway. They called to say good luck to a sibling who has something important today and then went off to a day of school wide meetings and classes and sports. Tonight won't be spent hanging out at the mall, or playing video games, or texting, IMing, facebooking all night (the internet shuts down at night) because they have a 1/2 day of class and sports tomorrow too!

We have a loving stable home and decent school options (unless you have issue with a Big 3 school too) and yet -- unlike you with your intimate knowledge -- still believe this is in their best interests. You made your point, and I hope I, along with others, made ours. Now go back to the other topics as this thread is for those who are interested in the possibilities, not for those who think somehow you are not doing the best for your child by sending them off to BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Amen to the PP about the Norwood Fair.

To the PP who knows better based on her sociology degree and anecdotal evidence, enjoy your kids at home with you while you can.

My boarding school child today woke up themselves (unlike at home) and went to breakfast with friends from Korea (with imepccable english), one from chicago and one from harlem all down the hallway. They called to say good luck to a sibling who has something important today and then went off to a day of school wide meetings and classes and sports. Tonight won't be spent hanging out at the mall, or playing video games, or texting, IMing, facebooking all night (the internet shuts down at night) because they have a 1/2 day of class and sports tomorrow too!

We have a loving stable home and decent school options (unless you have issue with a Big 3 school too) and yet -- unlike you with your intimate knowledge -- still believe this is in their best interests. You made your point, and I hope I, along with others, made ours. Now go back to the other topics as this thread is for those who are interested in the possibilities, not for those who think somehow you are not doing the best for your child by sending them off to BS.

That says a lot about how they are doing, but nothing about how they are feeling.

[Anonymous]

PP 13:02, just wanted to say "You go!" and ditto to all you have said. We have a DD who will be leaving for a top NE boarding school in a few days. She is leaving a top public HS in the area. Totally her choice/her idea. We of course will miss her, but we are soooo excited for all the possibilities that will be opened to her. 12:17 has just closed her mind. Fine. More chances for my kid and yours.

[Anonymous]

"Based on my own anecdotal experience and what I have read and studied (studied sociology with an emphasis in youth studies) I just dont think that its in the child's best interests when the other option is a loving stable home with decent school options. "

I've been reading this thread for a week now, resisting the desire to tell Mrs. "I know best, even though I have no experience to speak of, because I got my B.A. in sociology at Wichita Community College" that she is an idiot. But whoops, I just did.

Mrs. Sociology B.A.: I think what many of us find offensive is your passing judgment - on the basis of exactly nothing - on a) our relationships with our own parents/families; and b) our relationships with our own children. I come from a wonderful, loving family and am very close to my parents and siblings. And I loved, loved, loved my four years at a top East Coast boarding school. Allowing me to go away was one of the most selfless, caring things my mother did for me. I know it was hard for her to let me go, but she did it because she loved me. I flourished away at school: I finally found academically-similar peers, who I could learn from and be challenged by. I found teachers who were so smart and passionate about their subjects, that really taught me how to think, reason, and argue. I got to truly participate in all the wonderful things schools can offer - drama, sports, the newspaper, etc. - and spend my evenings with other kids who were as mature and passionate about things as I was. There is simply no way that a regular school, even a DC "top 3" private, could have offered the depth and range of experience to me that my school did, and I took advantage of all of it. My relationship with my family was vibrant and strong throughout - perhaps even more so, because they weren't arguing with me about the stupid teenage things (dirty laundry, talking on the phone, driving the car) and we could focus on the substance of life, thoughts & relationships.

I don't claim that boarding school is a good choice for all kids. Like most other posters, I believe that each child is unique and that there are many "right" options. If my children are interested and excited to go, I will absolutely allow them and support them. If not, I will work to find the best possible place for each of them. It is not possible to love anything/anyone more than I adore my two babies, and I would set them free to go away to school if I thought that were the place they would thrive the most.

It is insulting and ignorant for you to denigrate my family. Please stop.

[Anonymous]

best
post
ever

(yes maybe because it makes me feel good about letting my baby go, and shows I am not alone in feeling like it is a good thing)

[Anonymous]

I'm one of three kids. My eldest sister went to boarding school, my other sister and I did not. Guess which one is closest to our parents? The older one. She wanted to go to boarding school so my parents let her. She had a great experience and looks back very fondly on those 4 years. I stayed at home and went to a top private (in NYC), hated it and wish I had gone away too. We all got into about equal amounts of trouble...

[Anonymous]

Uhhh. Sounds to me like the sociologists kids might be better off in boarding school. At least I bet they will want to go.