POLL: Is boarding school on the table for your rising 8th grader?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Side question picking up on the original post: Is Peddie a well-regarded boarding school these days?

I think Peddie is pretty well-regarded these days, although still considered a notch below Lawrenceville. Equivalent to a Concord Academy or Loomis Chaffee perhaps, rather than an Andover or Choate (which would be in Lawrenceville's league).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me just say that boarding schools (the good ones) have no different drug or sex issues than ANY schools -- public or independent here. Most kids in HS are confronted with alcohol at parties and hooking up, whether under their parents roof or not. Some of you may feel you are better off with your kid watching them day to day,but for those contemplating boarding school, do not let some of this anonymous "no way" message board sway you one single bit. Many schools have a one strike you are out policy. That's a lot to risk and the overwhelming majority of kids abide by the rules. Big 3 schools here have had plenty of weed and teen age drinking issue,s but since it happens on a friday night away from school (usually), kids know who partakes but no one gets tossed since it did not happen at school.

When people say oh kids at boarding schools are having sex earlier, how the hell do they know that? And how? At our DC's school, there are dorm parents and single sex dorms and no visiting really and Saturday half day classes (thus only one night a week rather than 2 which is not a school night, less idle time to get into trouble!).

I urge those considering it to do so and ignore these anonymous postings that somehow make you feel you are a bad parent for possibly sending your kid.

I know that from having gone to boarding school. Don't get defensive and upset. Good parenting will usually win over drugs, etc. I'm just saying that my experience at bording school (as a day student) has swayed my opinion to NOT send my child. The question was "Is it on the table for YOUR child" and I answered the question. I gave the reason why. You can tell someone to ignore my reason, but the OP wanted to ask a question and hear responses, no reason to freak out about it.

Perhaps this hit a little close to home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having been a day student at a bording school (in Baltimore) no way. Let me say more clearly NO WAY. The bording school kids were having sex earlier and did drugs way before the day kids. Then we thought it was so cool...now I think it's horrific. I want him home with me - not for education but for the morality that parents bring (call me old fashioned, my kid - my rules).

Yeah, I'm sure it was quite a quality "bording" school you attended. Or maybe you're just a troll?

Sure, because I made one spelling mistake, I didn't receive a quality education. Or, I'm a troll. I just answered a question on a forum about what I plan to do with my child and why based on my experience. Based on your life experience, maybe boarding school is a great idea. I don't know, I don't you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having been a day student at a bording school (in Baltimore) no way. Let me say more clearly NO WAY. The bording school kids were having sex earlier and did drugs way before the day kids. Then we thought it was so cool...now I think it's horrific. I want him home with me - not for education but for the morality that parents bring (call me old fashioned, my kid - my rules).

I might note that the schools in Baltimore (and surrounding area) with boarding options are not the good boarding schools.

I'm sure people in New England say that about DC boarding schools.

[Anonymous]

No, bc I love my child and want to be there for them during the incredibly difficult teenage years.

I also want to know their friends, their teachers, their activities, and their habits. I want to know my child and be able to understand them and help nurture them. I think thats incredibly difficult to do a couple times a month.

[Anonymous]

I might note that the schools in Baltimore (and surrounding area) with boarding options are not the good boarding schools.

I'm sure people in New England say that about DC boarding schools.

Well, DC proper doesnt have any boarding schools (St Albans small group of boarders not withstanding). VA does: Episcopal, Madeira, Foxcroft, and Woodberry Forest are perhaps the best known and most well-regarded in this area but, indeed, they are not in the same league as Lawrenceville, Exeter or Choate. They are quite a bit better than Oldfields, Garrison Forest or St Tim's though (Balitmore area boarding schools). (I would also note that G'town Prep does have a boarding group but its akin to ST Albans (mostly day schools with a small boarding component)

[Anonymous]

When we lived in an area with much worse schools and generally low expectations for most students, boarding school was definitely on the table. The peer group is very important, and we lived in a town with the highest teen pregnancy rate in the country where most kids didn't go to college.

In the DC area, I don't worry so much about the peer group. However, I have told the kids that if boarding school is something that interests them, we will investigate the options. My current 8th grader is not interested. Her younger sister is intrigued, but we'll see when the time comes.

I always wanted to go to boarding school. My parents, in part because of my mother's wretched boarding school experience, would not even consider it. It's not for everyone, but I still think the right boarding school would have been a very good fit for me.

[Anonymous]

Yes, if the child is ready and really wants to go

[Anonymous]

They are the real prep schools. Like it or not, going home to mommy and daddy every night is not as good of a preparation for college/life as a boarding school. There are always exceptions, but it is safe to say that kids who go to boarding school have already dealt with many of the issues that make college life difficult. So the transition to college and set-up for success there is easier. If your kid wants it, let them go. Best thing my parents ever did for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are the real prep schools. Like it or not, going home to mommy and daddy every night is not as good of a preparation for college/life as a boarding school. There are always exceptions, but it is safe to say that kids who go to boarding school have already dealt with many of the issues that make college life difficult. So the transition to college and set-up for success there is easier. If your kid wants it, let them go. Best thing my parents ever did for me.

I dont understand why kids - not over 18 college students, but kids - need to "prep" for life and college and living away from home. College is there to transition people from child to adult, I just dont get why you need to be an adult when you start college. I'd much rather an 18 yr old make the typical first-time-away from home college mistakes than make them at 14-15.

[Anonymous]

let me offer a different perspective

some kids go away because they ahve exhausted their current school and they need a higher challenge
some kids go away because they play a sport and it is better for them to be in New England than in this area (ie hockey, sailing, water polo, more)
some kids go away because they want to and it is about them after all

it does not mean you don't know their friends or their teachers or their schedule or their day or that you only get to parent them a few times a year as a PP mentioned. How often do youthink you are going to see your teenager in high school anyway? Those who are not there yet have no idea the schedules these kids have in HS and then with sports or a job, and weekends with friends (boyfriends/girlfriends), you will be like ships passing in the night.

our child at BS is at a well known one and thriving. they value our family time now, and look forward to being with us. we are in contact with advisors, teachers, dorm parents, other parents and feel part of the community despite not living locally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I dont understand why kids - not over 18 college students, but kids - need to "prep" for life and college and living away from home. College is there to transition people from child to adult, I just dont get why you need to be an adult when you start college. I'd much rather an 18 yr old make the typical first-time-away from home college mistakes than make them at 14-15.

Well, a couple of reasons. First, boarding school is still a controlled environment. Students have an opportunity to learn to live independently of their parents constant supervision while still having a strong institutional support structure that is not available to a college student. A well run boarding school is not going to let its students run riot.

Second, a lot of kids who go to college, and who have no sense of not only the freedoms but also the responsibilities of independence, end up self-destructing during their transition to college. More times than I'd care to recount, I've seen kids leaving their parents' supervision for the first time going to college, and then spending all their time playing video games, taking drugs/drinking, sleeping all day, and completely ignoring their academic responsibilities. Does boarding school solve all of these problems? Not necessarily, but it is a transitional step that certainly helped me in my progression toward independence, and that could potentially help others in the same way.

I think the best advice given on this thread has been to see what works best for the specific child. Boarding school could be terrible for one kid, but a life changing opportunity for another. As with all things in education, one size does not fit all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I dont understand why kids - not over 18 college students, but kids - need to "prep" for life and college and living away from home. College is there to transition people from child to adult, I just dont get why you need to be an adult when you start college. I'd much rather an 18 yr old make the typical first-time-away from home college mistakes than make them at 14-15.

Well, a couple of reasons. First, boarding school is still a controlled environment. Students have an opportunity to learn to live independently of their parents constant supervision while still having a strong institutional support structure that is not available to a college student. A well run boarding school is not going to let its students run riot.

Second, a lot of kids who go to college, and who have no sense of not only the freedoms but also the responsibilities of independence, end up self-destructing during their transition to college. More times than I'd care to recount, I've seen kids leaving their parents' supervision for the first time going to college, and then spending all their time playing video games, taking drugs/drinking, sleeping all day, and completely ignoring their academic responsibilities. Does boarding school solve all of these problems? Not necessarily, but it is a transitional step that certainly helped me in my progression toward independence, and that could potentially help others in the same way.

I think the best advice given on this thread has been to see what works best for the specific child. Boarding school could be terrible for one kid, but a life changing opportunity for another. As with all things in education, one size does not fit all.

I'll agree that one size does not fit all, and also that the plural of anecdote is not data, but FWIW when I went to college the boarding school kids I knew did significantly more/harder drugs than the rest of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:let me offer a different perspective

some kids go away because they ahve exhausted their current school and they need a higher challenge
some kids go away because they play a sport and it is better for them to be in New England than in this area (ie hockey, sailing, water polo, more)
some kids go away because they want to and it is about them after all

it does not mean you don't know their friends or their teachers or their schedule or their day or that you only get to parent them a few times a year as a PP mentioned. How often do youthink you are going to see your teenager in high school anyway? Those who are not there yet have no idea the schedules these kids have in HS and then with sports or a job, and weekends with friends (boyfriends/girlfriends), you will be like ships passing in the night.

our child at BS is at a well known one and thriving. they value our family time now, and look forward to being with us. we are in contact with advisors, teachers, dorm parents, other parents and feel part of the community despite not living locally.

There are many ways to stimulate a child, other than boarding school - even if they have "exhausted their current school"

No sport is more important than spending formative, impressionable years with parent/family.

It is not all about the kids. It is about our family and me as a parent ensuring their safety and their postive and healthy growth while being an integral part of the everyday lives. I just dont see how thats possible when you are not with your child.

When I was in high school, and my siblings (within the last 10 years), we saw them every night and every morning. We spent time on the weekends together. My friends and my siblings' friends all hung out at my house. My parents knew them and we were all very close. How do you know their friends if they are in boarding school and you only see them on school breakds? I would imagine you know their friends and teachers, as well as my parents knew my college friends and professors - not very well at all.

[Anonymous]

why do you think you know better?

yes there are other ways to stimulate a child, but maybe resources are limited. the top schools provide a FREE ride for those with low incomes. maybe a big family with lots of siblings is unable to be involved at the competetive level that one kid desires. Don't get on some high horse that there are other ways without acknowledging that this could be ONE way.

and you are wrong about sports. No one is saying that sports are MORE important than spending formative, impressionable years with parents/family.

You think boarding schools are about shipping your kid off because you don't want to parent them anymore or because you don't have time for them or because you don't care enough. You have no idea. Have you visited any of the top schools (within the last few years, not some 20 year old anecdotal info)? It may not be for you, then answer the question for the OP (you did that) and move on without thinking that somehow you are better because you had a loving caring family because your parents saw you every night and every morning and everyone hung out at your house and no one ever drank, did drugs or had premarital sex either. Families come in all shapes and sizes and just because a kid is at BS doesn't mean they are not part of a loving family. Nor that you don't know their friends.

Do you have any idea as to the parental contact? Why can't you accept that FOR SOME KIDS this may be a great thing to be around friends and have greater balance in their lives than spending all the time driving around to extracurriculars. Everything is right there, including courses at a presitgious college if they exhaust the advanced curriculum at boarding school. Our child WANTED to go, we did not want them to go. But we did not want to deny them this opportunity, because it is indeed an unbelievable one. And this is coming from an involved, loving family who was at a Big 3 and happy. Our other children are still there and happy. But this one wanted this, and we let them go.