POLL: Is boarding school on the table for your rising 8th grader?

[Anonymous]

8:53 here again. When I said that something is "amiss at home" with a number of these kids, I didn't mean that the kids are "troubled" in the sense of being in trouble or not good students. In every case, the members of my family I'm discussing would do great in a family interview, and would look, for all outward appearances "stable." The kids, for the most part, went on to do quite well in school, college, and graduate school. However, their relationships with their parents were, in the end, dysfunctional, and, as adults, often non-existent. I had a wonderful relationship with my parents (they are, unfortunately, no longer living) and my folks would have never let me go away to boarding school. As I said, in my family, at least, boarding school was a symptom, not a cause.

[Anonymous]

See I just have to say that I actually have a kid in boarding school today and don't see it that way. We have a wonderful relationship with our child. I know you might think I am just saying that, but DC is close with both parents and is very communicative with us (unlike many other teens). We had no desire for our child to go. It pains us. But we also did not want to stand in their way. So I actually resent this view as I feel defensive. For those that have not set foot on the campus at a place like Andover in the past few years, I don't feel like you are qualified to talk about what the schools are like these days. For those of you that don't not have a kid that wants to go, I don't feel like it is fair to say things like I could never send dear suzy or johnny away. No one in either of our families has ever gone off to prep school. We are not a trust fund family. We have a hugely happy kid that wanted to do this.

Just got off the phone tonight and I was ready to hang up and DC wanted us to call back in a few minutes as they had more to say! We tend to talk every night and there is a hole on my heart sometimes but I see our child flourishing and relishing the independence, soaking up everything a school of this caliber has to offer. Ah, they will be home in just 16 days...

[Anonymous]

Our DS #1 graduated from the school that is most often regarded as the top boarding school in the country. He now attends a 1st tier university. But he would have under any circumstances. Attending a top boarding school probabaly even limited his options. Our opinion is that boarding schools are way overrated. Boarding school cannot beat a great private day school or a top public high school combined with living at home with your loving parents and learning how to get along with them in close quarters. It's a much more real experience. That's why our other DS #2 HS senior has remained at home. Our experience with him has been much more positive. We are closer to him, get to participate in his HS life and athletic accomplishments, and he is much less self-centered than DS #1. The boarding school campuses are awesome with a huge wow factor, but they are a poor substutute to having a daily close relationship with your child during the formative and interesting HS years. DS #2 seems happier, is more likeable, and will attend an even more selective college than DS #1, even though DS #1 is the markedly better student. It's just our experience. I am sure there are many more experiences and opinions out there.

[Anonymous]

Yes our DC#2 will probably not go with their sibling now is. But DC2 is the self centered one by the way. We have close relationships with all 3, less so the youngest in some ways for now just because they are still a young kid and so communication stream is different. Our child at boarding school is at one of the top ones in the country/world but left a Big 3 school (which they loved). The boarding school is NOT overrated IMHO it is just different. It is like comparing apples to oranges. The big 3 school is wonderful and we will enjoy our DC2 staying and being with us.

Our oldest wanted to go and do this and has found greater balance in their life given their desire to pursue several extra curriculars and an intense athletic agenda. We believe we are participating in their HS life and have seen several games this season (fall is not their primary sport but they still paly one for the school in fall). We will be up there much more during winter. It is not as if months go by before we see our child.

I do agree that boarding school can hurt your chances rather than help them for top colleges as everyone there seems to want to go to the same schools. We think -- as with PP - that DC1 will go to a 1st tier university no matter where they went but admissions are definitely affected negatively by coming from the boarding school.

When we went through the process (the DC led the way) we refused to be "wowed" by the campuses or facilities. You don't go away for 4 years because of a building. We also refused to go where there were sweet talking coaches promising starting positions. We wanted to make an informed choice about where DC really wanted to be, and they were accepted to several of the top boarding schools. It came down to one boarding school versus the Big 3 school here and they wanted to try boarding school.

Our experience has been totally positive and they are thriving, the relationships with other siblings seems to be more substantive, and we all feel close still after a little over a year. We as parents were very skeptical that this would work as well as it has.

[Anonymous]

Many thanks to the PPs who have shared personal experiences!

[Anonymous]

It was not on the table for my rising 8th grader or even on the table for my rising 9th grader. But for my rising 10th grader... things changed! After finishing pre-k through 8th in private, we tried public for HS. As somebody mentioned earlier, we are like ships in the night. DS is either studying or involved in extra-curriculars, and rarely is there time for family dinners, outings, etc. Public school has shorter vacations, and the school year intrudes farther into the summer months. We took a family ski trip during his one week February break, but DS had to bring his back pack and write two essays while the rest of us were having fun together. I can't imagine seeing less of DS if he were in college! I noted that our friends whose kids had gone directly to boarding school for 9th grade enjoyed their undivided attention during breaks: 10 days at Thanksgiving and 2 to 3 weeks at Christmas and now 2-3 weeks in March. Envious, we threw in some last minute applications and got lucky: DS will be attending a well-regarded New England boarding school in the fall. If you have a great local day school and can get in (people who parse private school admissions will tell you it is more difficult to get into a competitive day school than a comparable boarding school) that's great. If you are compfortable with the public high school routine, that's great too. Our family feels that through boarding school we will be able to restore family time, at least, until he heads off to college!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was not on the table for my rising 8th grader or even on the table for my rising 9th grader. But for my rising 10th grader... things changed! After finishing pre-k through 8th in private, we tried public for HS. As somebody mentioned earlier, we are like ships in the night. DS is either studying or involved in extra-curriculars, and rarely is there time for family dinners, outings, etc. Public school has shorter vacations, and the school year intrudes farther into the summer months. We took a family ski trip during his one week February break, but DS had to bring his back pack and write two essays while the rest of us were having fun together. I can't imagine seeing less of DS if he were in college! I noted that our friends whose kids had gone directly to boarding school for 9th grade enjoyed their undivided attention during breaks: 10 days at Thanksgiving and 2 to 3 weeks at Christmas and now 2-3 weeks in March. Envious, we threw in some last minute applications and got lucky: DS will be attending a well-regarded New England boarding school in the fall. If you have a great local day school and can get in (people who parse private school admissions will tell you it is more difficult to get into a competitive day school than a comparable boarding school) that's great. If you are compfortable with the public high school routine, that's great too. Our family feels that through boarding school we will be able to restore family time, at least, until he heads off to college!

Perhaps you should try not overscheduling your child, before you try sending him away. There are other ways to make family time. If you think boarding school is best, great, but dont act like him living elsewhere for most of the year will allow you to see him more.

[Anonymous]

You bet it's on the agenda for my rising 8th grader. He can't wait to join the tradition of his father and grandfather before. Superlative academics and faculty mentorship, superlative athletics, superlative arts, superlative music, superlative grounds and resources, superlative opportunites for leadership and refining independent executive functioning skills making for easy transition to college and continued success. Tremendous social network and contacts for generations. We look forward to trekking up to his games, performances and other activities. My kids and their cousins have been on campus for a variety of events on several occasions since their toddler days and have already developed friends they hope to matriculate with to join the greater family.

Not for the weak of heart..just the muscular and confident

[Anonymous]

Can anyone recommend an overseas boarding school? I'm thinking of it for 11th & 12th as an opportunity for new experiences. I want my children to have the option depending upon their talents. I was a day student at a boarding school in PA, and I begged to be a boarder for 9th & 10th, but LOVED being a day student for 11th & 12th - I had much more freedom than the boarders!

[Anonymous]

TASIS might be the best known overseas boarding school group - Switzerland, Puerto Rico and England. I had a student attend the school in Leysin and he loved it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Sorry, I simply dont buy it. I cannot believe that for any child that comes from a loving and supportive family, there is any better place for him/her to be during the teenage years that with his family. No matter how amazing the school is, nothing can substitute for time with parents (and siblings, if there are any).

I went to a private school and a top-tier university that had many boarding school students and none of the boarding school students were particularly close with their parents. They spoke to them on occassion and didnt care to go home for holidays. The primary influence in your teenager's life should be you and that just cant happen if you arent there.

Well, I actually attended boarding school and I disagree. I think that this, like so many other issues, varies from person to person. I am VERY close to my family - in fact I think going to boarding school brought me closer to my brother in particular. He went to a different school about two hours away from mine, and we became really close once he left home (I was starting 7th grade when he moved out, so I stayed home for two more years.) Most of the kids in my core group of friends were then and remian very close to their parents. Sure, there are kids in every boarding school who don't have a great relationship with their parents - but that's true in day schools as well.

I'm not saying I will send my own kids to boarding school - I just think I'd miss them too much - but I don't think you can make a blanket statement like this. Particularly in light of the fact that you have no personal experience with boarding school.

What boarding school did you go to and what did you love about it/not love about it?

[Anonymous]

If parents and children have such a strong bond and dependence that physical separation at 17 for College provokes psychopathology I would also recommend the student stay at a college in the home town and commute. This will certify both parties continue to love one another and are close.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, I simply dont buy it. I cannot believe that for any child that comes from a loving and supportive family, there is any better place for him/her to be during the teenage years that with his family. No matter how amazing the school is, nothing can substitute for time with parents (and siblings, if there are any).

I went to a private school and a top-tier university that had many boarding school students and none of the boarding school students were particularly close with their parents. They spoke to them on occassion and didnt care to go home for holidays. The primary influence in your teenager's life should be you and that just cant happen if you arent there.

Would you let your 14 year-old child go to a supervised 4-6 week summer experience abroad -- or away from home? Probably not due to the strain on your seemingly tenuous bond/relationship.
An elite boarding school is definitely not for everyone just as either an elite day school education or an elite public school education is not for everyone. Thank God we have an abundant educational menu to choose from. I would not have it otherwise.

[Anonymous]

If parents and children have such a strong bond and dependence that physical separation at 17 for College provokes psychopathology I would also recommend the student stay at a college in the home town and commute. This will certify both parties continue to love one another and are close.

Don't knock it, I know some kids in their late thirties and early forties who have never left home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Sorry, I simply dont buy it. I cannot believe that for any child that comes from a loving and supportive family, there is any better place for him/her to be during the teenage years that with his family. No matter how amazing the school is, nothing can substitute for time with parents (and siblings, if there are any).

I went to a private school and a top-tier university that had many boarding school students and none of the boarding school students were particularly close with their parents. They spoke to them on occassion and didnt care to go home for holidays. The primary influence in your teenager's life should be you and that just cant happen if you arent there.

Would you let your 14 year-old child go to a supervised 4-6 week summer experience abroad -- or away from home? Probably not due to the strain on your seemingly tenuous bond/relationship.
An elite boarding school is definitely not for everyone just as either an elite day school education or an elite public school education is not for everyone. Thank God we have an abundant educational menu to choose from. I would not have it otherwise.

Do you really not see a difference between 4-6 weeks over the summer and a full school year? If not, perhaps your "elite boarding school" didnt teach you all that much.