First period - how do you handle it with male members of family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whatever you do, don't be like my mom, who let my father and brother know by taking an aluminum folding chair and placing it next to the couch in the den and saying I had to sit there every time I got my period so I wouldn't stain the couch.

One time my brother's friend came over and I was embarrassed for him to know I had gotten my period (I thought a period chair was normal then) so I got up and left the room. I overheard this:

Friend: why was Molly sitting in that chair?
Brother: she's being punished
Friend: oh for what?
Brother: existing

This is absolutely horrifying, I can’t believe a mother would do this. I’m so sorry. Why wasn’t there already an aluminum chair for your Mom in the room, I’m guessing she was still having cycles?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had sort of a "period party" where we celebrated her transition from girl to young woman with a lot of pomp and flair. We thought it was important to recognize the event with a grand celebration.

Do the same for your son's first wet dream?

According to a few PP that’s totally different! And sacrosanct. I guess if the daughter gets the period chair of shame shouldn’t brother get the old sheets of shame in case he soils them? Everyone should be aware and discuss openly his nocturnal emissions. It’s just a body function.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Discussing it with fathers or male family members is not a question of shame, necessarily, it’s just about privacy. I don’t discuss my kid’s body with her relatives without her okay unless it’s necessary.

I am just unclear about how your kid finds telling her Dad that she has her period weird but is ok telling her Mom. In our household, that would never happen.

Of course you should follow your child’s lead. If she doesn’t want you to tell her dad, fine. I would never share my DD’s stuff with her aunts or anyone else without her permission. But in our family, Dad is in a different category. It would never occur to my child to look for “privacy” from her Dad.

Because I’m a woman and have the same body parts she does? Same reason I took her bra shopping and we change together but she doesn’t change in front of her dad. Personally I would tell him it happened because I think that’s relevant information for him to have (and I would tell DD I was telling him) but if she didn’t want to discuss it with him I’d tell him that too. -pp you’re replying ti

I don’t have excessive sweating issues like my DD does. Still when she found that normal pharmacy deodorants were not sufficient for her, her Dad found her a dermatologist and I took her to the appt. She is our daughter and her health is both of our business. Regardless of whether it’s something going on in her body that either of us has experienced before.

And to those who say that dads and brothers can be jerks, I totally don’t get this. Brothers, yes. Best I can tell my son lives to troll his sister. But her Dad would never ever consider saying something like this. What kind of fathers do you know?

You totally don’t get that brothers can be jerks yet you say your son trolls his sister? Wake up.

Sorry. I wasn’t clear. I could see brothers being jerks. I can’t see a grown man being a jerk to his DD.

[Anonymous]

We anointed everyone with a streak of blood on the forehead and went out to dinner at Outback Steakhouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Discussing it with fathers or male family members is not a question of shame, necessarily, it’s just about privacy. I don’t discuss my kid’s body with her relatives without her okay unless it’s necessary.

I am just unclear about how your kid finds telling her Dad that she has her period weird but is ok telling her Mom. In our household, that would never happen.

Of course you should follow your child’s lead. If she doesn’t want you to tell her dad, fine. I would never share my DD’s stuff with her aunts or anyone else without her permission. But in our family, Dad is in a different category. It would never occur to my child to look for “privacy” from her Dad.

Because I’m a woman and have the same body parts she does? Same reason I took her bra shopping and we change together but she doesn’t change in front of her dad. Personally I would tell him it happened because I think that’s relevant information for him to have (and I would tell DD I was telling him) but if she didn’t want to discuss it with him I’d tell him that too. -pp you’re replying ti

I don’t have excessive sweating issues like my DD does. Still when she found that normal pharmacy deodorants were not sufficient for her, her Dad found her a dermatologist and I took her to the appt. She is our daughter and her health is both of our business. Regardless of whether it’s something going on in her body that either of us has experienced before.

And to those who say that dads and brothers can be jerks, I totally don’t get this. Brothers, yes. Best I can tell my son lives to troll his sister. But her Dad would never ever consider saying something like this. What kind of fathers do you know?

You totally don’t get that brothers can be jerks yet you say your son trolls his sister? Wake up.

Sorry. I wasn’t clear. I could see brothers being jerks. I can’t see a grown man being a jerk to his DD.

Ok. But you realize not everyone is like you. And if you can see brothers being jerks, or dads, or even moms as some people in here can attest to then it makes it perfectly clear why making this a public issue in the house might be a bad idea. Why give people information they can weaponize against you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not their business. Did you guys talk about your sons wet dream?

To state the incredibly, incredibly obvious, these are not the same thing.

How are they not the same thing?

OP this is your daughter’s bodily function. You don’t need to discuss it with anyone other than any other bathroom issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a little torn on not telling the dad. I'm all for privacy, but also this is a medical thing that they dad should know. IMO, it's not the same as a wet dream.

yes it is. it’d not a “medical thing” - it’s a bodily fluid emission just like any other. no need to treat it any differently unless it becomes a medical issue, like anemia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever you do, don't be like my mom, who let my father and brother know by taking an aluminum folding chair and placing it next to the couch in the den and saying I had to sit there every time I got my period so I wouldn't stain the couch.

One time my brother's friend came over and I was embarrassed for him to know I had gotten my period (I thought a period chair was normal then) so I got up and left the room. I overheard this:

Friend: why was Molly sitting in that chair?
Brother: she's being punished
Friend: oh for what?
Brother: existing

This is absolutely horrifying, I can’t believe a mother would do this. I’m so sorry. Why wasn’t there already an aluminum chair for your Mom in the room, I’m guessing she was still having cycles?

My mom had already learned how to sit without leaking when on her period. I think?

[Anonymous]

My dad didn't know. He saw blood in the toilet once and thought I was severely ill. If I had a daughter I'd tell her dad. No need to wait for him to discover it in some embarrassing way on his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad didn't know. He saw blood in the toilet once and thought I was severely ill. If I had a daughter I'd tell her dad. No need to wait for him to discover it in some embarrassing way on his own.

It's not a daughter's obligation for her body to be a biology lesson for her father. A grown man should be able to figure this out on his own. If he's doing embarrassing things when he sees blood in a toilet in a house with women it's because he's an embarrassment of an adult male.

[Anonymous]

I got my period at age 11 and didn’t even tell my mom let alone my dad. A few years later my mom asked if I’d gotten it yet and I said I had had it for years and she was surprised. Then she bought me some supplies (I had been using my own babysitting $$ to buy supplies before that and walking over to Walgreens to buy them.) after that day, my mom and I have never ever discussed my period again and never discussed w my dad or my brothers.

In my family now, I will talk about it w both my kids (son and daughter) and my husband openly because there should be no shame about it. I’ve told my kids about it since they were little toddlers coming into public bathrooms with me or looking through bathroom cabinets and asking what tampons are. When my daughter gets her period, I hope she feels comfortable enough to talk about it with us but I’ll let her lead the way on that.

I hate how in my family of origin it was treated as gross or weird and never discussed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Discussing it with fathers or male family members is not a question of shame, necessarily, it’s just about privacy. I don’t discuss my kid’s body with her relatives without her okay unless it’s necessary.

I am just unclear about how your kid finds telling her Dad that she has her period weird but is ok telling her Mom. In our household, that would never happen.

Of course you should follow your child’s lead. If she doesn’t want you to tell her dad, fine. I would never share my DD’s stuff with her aunts or anyone else without her permission. But in our family, Dad is in a different category. It would never occur to my child to look for “privacy” from her Dad.

Because I’m a woman and have the same body parts she does? Same reason I took her bra shopping and we change together but she doesn’t change in front of her dad. Personally I would tell him it happened because I think that’s relevant information for him to have (and I would tell DD I was telling him) but if she didn’t want to discuss it with him I’d tell him that too. -pp you’re replying ti

I don’t have excessive sweating issues like my DD does. Still when she found that normal pharmacy deodorants were not sufficient for her, her Dad found her a dermatologist and I took her to the appt. She is our daughter and her health is both of our business. Regardless of whether it’s something going on in her body that either of us has experienced before.

And to those who say that dads and brothers can be jerks, I totally don’t get this. Brothers, yes. Best I can tell my son lives to troll his sister. But her Dad would never ever consider saying something like this. What kind of fathers do you know?

You totally don’t get that brothers can be jerks yet you say your son trolls his sister? Wake up.

Sorry. I wasn’t clear. I could see brothers being jerks. I can’t see a grown man being a jerk to his DD.

Some men are jerks. They are men so they produce sperm. Hence, some fathers are jerks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a little torn on not telling the dad. I'm all for privacy, but also this is a medical thing that they dad should know. IMO, it's not the same as a wet dream.

yes it is. it’d not a “medical thing” - it’s a bodily fluid emission just like any other. no need to treat it any differently unless it becomes a medical issue, like anemia.

I've never seen a health form that asked about a wet dream, but many do ask about menstruation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a little torn on not telling the dad. I'm all for privacy, but also this is a medical thing that they dad should know. IMO, it's not the same as a wet dream.

yes it is. it’d not a “medical thing” - it’s a bodily fluid emission just like any other. no need to treat it any differently unless it becomes a medical issue, like anemia.

I've never seen a health form that asked about a wet dream, but many do ask about menstruation.

So if he's filling out such a form he can ask. He doesn't need to be told proactively.

[Anonymous]

I see both sides here. You want dad to know just so he’s aware, but some men absolutely can’t handle it. Some are jerky and make fun when the daughter is feeling vulnerable. Some go nuts with the “protecting” because they’re afraid of teen pregnancy and relationships. Some will start using it against their daughter and immediately accuse her of PMSing whenever they have a disagreement. And some are normal and will just be like, oh ok cool I didn’t know and never mention it directly to the daughter. Which is what they should do. If you can feel confident he’s in the last group then go ahead and mention it, otherwise mom needs to keep it to herself.