I want my kids to go to top schools. Sue me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it such a crime to want your child to get into a top school? Obviously “top” can mean different things, but whether it’s HYPSM or Ivies or even T50s, it shouldn’t be a horrible thing for parents to want their children to meet certain academic standards. It’s annoyed when people are attacked for wanting their kids to get a good education.

My hypothesis is that the people criticizing these parents are the parents of children who aren’t high-achieving enough to get into good schools. Otherwise, why does it matter to them so much?

Thoughts?

Some just want their kids to get into the top school that’s appropriate for their ability. Parents who understand this are happier and less stressed.

Agree. Those who understand their kids’ individual abilities relative to the population and relative to their own school system will want the kid to end up at a school that challenges them yet also a place they can thrive. They will encourage them to do their best yet not push them to aim for T20s if they are out of reach. For parents who are just becoming aware how deep the “competition” is, it can be tempting to try to make your kid fit what you think AOs want, hence endless test prep and “packaging” and pushing them into non-genuine ECs. This strategy rarely works. Parents would better serve their kids if they took time to look at the data and understand that 75-80% of the students at UVA now are on a similar percentile level to what the top25% when they went to uva (from in state) the 90s. The parents who were an average UVA in state admit frequently were in the top 20% of their public school and hd some clubs and did regular stuff. Now it is very rare for UVA to admit outside the top10% from in-state public schools. UVA is much more popular for OOS , AND the VA high school population applying to college has grown astronomically. The same principle applies to the majority of the top20. Schools, even t10s, were more regional, and/or had a significant preference for feeders(ivies). There have always been side doors and hooks but for the unhooked kid, you used to mainly be competing against your region’s best. The top1% in your region had a much easier time standing out, as many less applied, and there were significant numbers of pell grant poor students who were diamonds in the rough so to speak but never applied anywhere outside of their local community college or directional state. The top 1% in a region, who used to waltz in to the top 10 popular to their region, now competes with top1% from all over the US and world. The top 5-10%ile kid who used to make up the AVERAGE /median student at almost every top 10, now cannot get in without a hook because the unhooked spots mostly get filled with 99th%ile kids.

Parents who understand all this and where their kid really stands only encourage top20 if the kid really is a top 1% kid on their own, needs that level of challenge in the peer set, academically, and can handle it emotionally. I have never met a parent who understood where their kid was who pushed them to be something they were not. It’s always the ones who are clueless or trying to relive their own college experience

[Anonymous]

IMO it’s because when people say that they start to believe their kids deserve it. Then they trash other kids for taking their kid’s “rightful” spot: actual kids who have “lower credentials,” POC, international kids, OOS, TO, legacy, and athletes (who they claim are all dumb as rocks).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it such a crime to want your child to get into a top school? Obviously “top” can mean different things, but whether it’s HYPSM or Ivies or even T50s, it shouldn’t be a horrible thing for parents to want their children to meet certain academic standards. It’s annoyed when people are attacked for wanting their kids to get a good education.

My hypothesis is that the people criticizing these parents are the parents of children who aren’t high-achieving enough to get into good schools. Otherwise, why does it matter to them so much?

Thoughts?

Yes, similar reason why they commit micro-aggressions toward Asian students by attacking them for their academic success. Asians cheat, steal and lie to get high GPAs and high SATs.

[Anonymous]

^^ That’s the difference by saying “top college” vs “best fit”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IMO it’s because when people say that they start to believe their kids deserve it. Then they trash other kids for taking their kid’s “rightful” spot: actual kids who have “lower credentials,” POC, international kids, OOS, TO, legacy, and athletes (who they claim are all dumb as rocks).

LOL. I’m rereading OP and looks like read too fast…OP already trashing kids. So, you are example A, though perhaps a troll. 👿

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it such a crime to want your child to get into a top school? Obviously “top” can mean different things, but whether it’s HYPSM or Ivies or even T50s, it shouldn’t be a horrible thing for parents to want their children to meet certain academic standards. It’s annoyed when people are attacked for wanting their kids to get a good education.

My hypothesis is that the people criticizing these parents are the parents of children who aren’t high-achieving enough to get into good schools. Otherwise, why does it matter to them so much?

Thoughts?

Some just want their kids to get into the top school that’s appropriate for their ability. Parents who understand this are happier and less stressed.

Agree. Those who understand their kids’ individual abilities relative to the population and relative to their own school system will want the kid to end up at a school that challenges them yet also a place they can thrive. They will encourage them to do their best yet not push them to aim for T20s if they are out of reach. For parents who are just becoming aware how deep the “competition” is, it can be tempting to try to make your kid fit what you think AOs want, hence endless test prep and “packaging” and pushing them into non-genuine ECs. This strategy rarely works. Parents would better serve their kids if they took time to look at the data and understand that 75-80% of the students at UVA now are on a similar percentile level to what the top25% when they went to uva (from in state) the 90s. The parents who were an average UVA in state admit frequently were in the top 20% of their public school and hd some clubs and did regular stuff. Now it is very rare for UVA to admit outside the top10% from in-state public schools. UVA is much more popular for OOS , AND the VA high school population applying to college has grown astronomically. The same principle applies to the majority of the top20. Schools, even t10s, were more regional, and/or had a significant preference for feeders(ivies). There have always been side doors and hooks but for the unhooked kid, you used to mainly be competing against your region’s best. The top1% in your region had a much easier time standing out, as many less applied, and there were significant numbers of pell grant poor students who were diamonds in the rough so to speak but never applied anywhere outside of their local community college or directional state. The top 1% in a region, who used to waltz in to the top 10 popular to their region, now competes with top1% from all over the US and world. The top 5-10%ile kid who used to make up the AVERAGE /median student at almost every top 10, now cannot get in without a hook because the unhooked spots mostly get filled with 99th%ile kids.

Parents who understand all this and where their kid really stands only encourage top20 if the kid really is a top 1% kid on their own, needs that level of challenge in the peer set, academically, and can handle it emotionally. I have never met a parent who understood where their kid was who pushed them to be something they were not. It’s always the ones who are clueless or trying to relive their own college experience

My kid made his own college list. He fits your last paragraph. He had all T10/20s and I didn’t even know he wanted an Ivy. He said he never said it out loud because he didn’t think he would get in. He got in two unhooked RD and is headed to 1 in the Fall.

Like sports, we let our kids decide and we will support—but we never helicoptered or pushed them to do things for our own egos. We have seen kids crash and burn in sports and school from parental pressure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think once you hit 40 you accumulate life experience and realize where people went to college matters very little. The college landscape has also changed so much that most people (maybe not DCUM people!) understand someone choosing an "inferior" school or a state school over an Ivy might have done it simply because their top choice was not affordable at all given current prices. And of course a good education can be obtained everywhere. So there is nothing wrong with whatever path your kids want, as long as you do not put down other choices or judge them as less worthy.

My mom is 80 years old, at a “over 55” complex and last night another resident asked her where she went to college. We had a laugh over that. The woman wanted my mom to know she went to Smith. BUT- the really big thing is everyone brags about where their grandkids go to college. My mom bought a t-shirt from my kid’s Ivy to wear around. Lol

That's a little sad!

[Anonymous]

I want my kid (rising sophomore) to go to a T20. I can't reasonably aim directly for T10 or HYPSM for them given the lottery effect, but I think T20 is a reasonable goal based on kid's abilities. I also talk up LACs, including a few lower ranked ones that fit kid's personality.

We live modestly and put all our extra resources into private school tuition, ECs, enrichment, test prep, summer programs, etc. I wouldn't do these if DC didn't generally enjoy them.

If DC gets in somewhere lower ranked I won't cry about it or blame other people. In that case, DC will be over prepared and on track to complete a difficult major with a high GPA. To a certain extent it's about the journey not the destination. But I do want that T20 spot for DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it such a crime to want your child to get into a top school? Obviously “top” can mean different things, but whether it’s HYPSM or Ivies or even T50s, it shouldn’t be a horrible thing for parents to want their children to meet certain academic standards. It’s annoyed when people are attacked for wanting their kids to get a good education.

My hypothesis is that the people criticizing these parents are the parents of children who aren’t high-achieving enough to get into good schools. Otherwise, why does it matter to them so much?

Thoughts?

Some just want their kids to get into the top school that’s appropriate for their ability. Parents who understand this are happier and less stressed.

Agree. Those who understand their kids’ individual abilities relative to the population and relative to their own school system will want the kid to end up at a school that challenges them yet also a place they can thrive. They will encourage them to do their best yet not push them to aim for T20s if they are out of reach. For parents who are just becoming aware how deep the “competition” is, it can be tempting to try to make your kid fit what you think AOs want, hence endless test prep and “packaging” and pushing them into non-genuine ECs. This strategy rarely works. Parents would better serve their kids if they took time to look at the data and understand that 75-80% of the students at UVA now are on a similar percentile level to what the top25% when they went to uva (from in state) the 90s. The parents who were an average UVA in state admit frequently were in the top 20% of their public school and hd some clubs and did regular stuff. Now it is very rare for UVA to admit outside the top10% from in-state public schools. UVA is much more popular for OOS , AND the VA high school population applying to college has grown astronomically. The same principle applies to the majority of the top20. Schools, even t10s, were more regional, and/or had a significant preference for feeders(ivies). There have always been side doors and hooks but for the unhooked kid, you used to mainly be competing against your region’s best. The top1% in your region had a much easier time standing out, as many less applied, and there were significant numbers of pell grant poor students who were diamonds in the rough so to speak but never applied anywhere outside of their local community college or directional state. The top 1% in a region, who used to waltz in to the top 10 popular to their region, now competes with top1% from all over the US and world. The top 5-10%ile kid who used to make up the AVERAGE /median student at almost every top 10, now cannot get in without a hook because the unhooked spots mostly get filled with 99th%ile kids.

Well said

[Anonymous]

Some people just don’t value status.

If my children want to apply to an Ivy, fine. I won’t discourage them. If they choose a state school, that is equally fine. They’ll do well wherever they go, and my respect/love for them won’t change.

It’s just a name on a sweatshirt to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it such a crime to want your child to get into a top school? Obviously “top” can mean different things, but whether it’s HYPSM or Ivies or even T50s, it shouldn’t be a horrible thing for parents to want their children to meet certain academic standards. It’s annoyed when people are attacked for wanting their kids to get a good education.

My hypothesis is that the people criticizing these parents are the parents of children who aren’t high-achieving enough to get into good schools. Otherwise, why does it matter to them so much?

Thoughts?

No one wants to sue you. But a lot of people don't want to believe that many smaller, less "prestigious" schools have outstanding academics and excellent overall experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want my kid (rising sophomore) to go to a T20. I can't reasonably aim directly for T10 or HYPSM for them given the lottery effect, but I think T20 is a reasonable goal based on kid's abilities. I also talk up LACs, including a few lower ranked ones that fit kid's personality.

We live modestly and put all our extra resources into private school tuition, ECs, enrichment, test prep, summer programs, etc. I wouldn't do these if DC didn't generally enjoy them.

If DC gets in somewhere lower ranked I won't cry about it or blame other people. In that case, DC will be over prepared and on track to complete a difficult major with a high GPA. To a certain extent it's about the journey not the destination. But I do want that T20 spot for DC.

But there’s that arrogance and over reliance on rankings again. You just assume that if a school is not top 20, it will be beneath your child’s abilities and your child will achieve a high GPA. That’s a baseless assumption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want my kid (rising sophomore) to go to a T20. I can't reasonably aim directly for T10 or HYPSM for them given the lottery effect, but I think T20 is a reasonable goal based on kid's abilities. I also talk up LACs, including a few lower ranked ones that fit kid's personality.

We live modestly and put all our extra resources into private school tuition, ECs, enrichment, test prep, summer programs, etc. I wouldn't do these if DC didn't generally enjoy them.

If DC gets in somewhere lower ranked I won't cry about it or blame other people. In that case, DC will be over prepared and on track to complete a difficult major with a high GPA. To a certain extent it's about the journey not the destination. But I do want that T20 spot for DC.

But there’s that arrogance and over reliance on rankings again. You just assume that if a school is not top 20, it will be beneath your child’s abilities and your child will achieve a high GPA. That’s a baseless assumption.

I wouldn't assume that for say UVA or UMD, but I would for some places. I also am not assuming that my kid will necessarily even get in to UVA or UMD at this point. It's early, those are still hard admits, and things can happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think once you hit 40 you accumulate life experience and realize where people went to college matters very little. The college landscape has also changed so much that most people (maybe not DCUM people!) understand someone choosing an "inferior" school or a state school over an Ivy might have done it simply because their top choice was not affordable at all given current prices. And of course a good education can be obtained everywhere. So there is nothing wrong with whatever path your kids want, as long as you do not put down other choices or judge them as less worthy.

My mom is 80 years old, at a “over 55” complex and last night another resident asked her where she went to college. We had a laugh over that. The woman wanted my mom to know she went to Smith. BUT- the really big thing is everyone brags about where their grandkids go to college. My mom bought a t-shirt from my kid’s Ivy to wear around. Lol

With a grandson at UMD, my mother is proudly sporting Terp gear in Phoenix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want my kid (rising sophomore) to go to a T20. I can't reasonably aim directly for T10 or HYPSM for them given the lottery effect, but I think T20 is a reasonable goal based on kid's abilities. I also talk up LACs, including a few lower ranked ones that fit kid's personality.

We live modestly and put all our extra resources into private school tuition, ECs, enrichment, test prep, summer programs, etc. I wouldn't do these if DC didn't generally enjoy them.

If DC gets in somewhere lower ranked I won't cry about it or blame other people. In that case, DC will be over prepared and on track to complete a difficult major with a high GPA. To a certain extent it's about the journey not the destination. But I do want that T20 spot for DC.

If you already are doing test prep for a rising sophomore then you are overreaching. Same if you used outside tutors or “enrichment “ to get the kid in the top math group(usually top 25-30% of a private school is the top math track). The kids who academically have the chops for being unhooked at T20 are naturally in the math group of the top 20-30% of their private school, are invited by 8th grade teachers into the highest level courses for 9th, no parent pushing, and typically have minimal 98th%ile on their own on Psat 8/9 or the private schools (unprepped) CTP or similar tests. At most too private day schools that send 15-20% of the unhooked class to T20s, those kids have no trouble scoring high on tests and getting into the top math track. Your private school should have given you results along the way, from elementary to middle. If the kid is not naturally there, it is a mistake to pushT20 if they are unhooked. It is highly unlikely they will get in.