I want my kids to go to top schools. Sue me.

[Anonymous]

Why is it such a crime to want your child to get into a top school? Obviously “top” can mean different things, but whether it’s HYPSM or Ivies or even T50s, it shouldn’t be a horrible thing for parents to want their children to meet certain academic standards. It’s annoyed when people are attacked for wanting their kids to get a good education.

My hypothesis is that the people criticizing these parents are the parents of children who aren’t high-achieving enough to get into good schools. Otherwise, why does it matter to them so much?

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

I rarely comment on people's choice of academic desires for their child, but I do comment when parents ruin the process and deny their kids of a good education just because it's that parent's dream. For the most part, you're not getting a significantly different education as you climb the rankings. Most American colleges provide a "good education."

[Anonymous]

OP, most of DCUM agrees with you even if they won’t admit it.

[Anonymous]

You seem to think the only way to get a good education is to get into a top 50 school. I went to community college and learned a TON in some classes and absolutely nothing in others. But I'm 48 and still reference some of the things I learned in the good classes (which weren't even my major).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, most of DCUM agrees with you even if they won’t admit it.

+100

[Anonymous]

I think it is fine for you to value academic achievement! I do too. What some people may be reacting to is attitude you may be transmitting to your kid that the best/only way for them to make you proud is to get into an elite college. That can be motivating for some kids, and toxic for others.

What bother me (a lot) is the “of course my kid is going to go T50 or above because he’s not a stupid lazy looser like the kids who go to (Salisbury/Mary Washington/Juniata/insert your college of choice here). You don’t have to be that crass for the fear and class insecurity to come leaking through. Just keep it at what is best for your kid, and be respectful of what is best for others.

[Anonymous]

Do you think top schools = top notch education, or do you just want to be able to brag about where they go to school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, most of DCUM agrees with you even if they won’t admit it.

Everyone agrees that they want their child to have an amazing education. However, everyone also disagrees about what that means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think top schools = top notch education, or do you just want to be able to brag about where they go to school?

It's going to be both, isn't it? They will get a better education at MIT and most of the other top 20s. And more importantly, they will have a bright, accomplished peer group and an interesting college experience. And also generally better professional opportunities. And of course the parents are going to feel validated and think they did a good job with the parenting thing. Not sure where the issue is.

[Anonymous]

I think, when the kid also wants a T20 school, then there is synergy. Parents can work with kids to achieve the goal. And wanting what’s considered a good college in that case is never toxic.

If your kid do not have the desire to excel academically, then parents should not push anymore.

In most cases, parents here wanting child go to top colleges are ones whose kids also want to.

[Anonymous]

Very few people would say they don’t want a top school. But (a) defining “top schools” as though the rankings are definitive is asinine and (b) prioritizing rank and perceived prestige over fit is unwise.

[Anonymous]

Wanting your child to go to a top school is not bad, in and of itself. But the message you are sending your child from now until then matters. What if they don’t get into a top school (how might they think you feel about them if they don’t — that they are stupid or not worthy)? What if they don’t want to go to a top school because they want a regular college experience (will they feel like they cannot communicate that to you because your have been so focused not he top schools)? What if they get to a top school and feel like an underachiever, which leads to a mental health crisis (were they pushed by you to excel in high school and never developed the skills to succeed on their own)?

Just some things to think about. I am more proud of my kids for figuring life out on their own than any school they got into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it such a crime to want your child to get into a top school? Obviously “top” can mean different things, but whether it’s HYPSM or Ivies or even T50s, it shouldn’t be a horrible thing for parents to want their children to meet certain academic standards. It’s annoyed when people are attacked for wanting their kids to get a good education.

My hypothesis is that the people criticizing these parents are the parents of children who aren’t high-achieving enough to get into good schools. Otherwise, why does it matter to them so much?

Thoughts?

It's great to want that for your kid. I have questions about what parents DO to their kids in order to achieve that goal. I don't think it's worth the grinding preparation and incipient neurosis.

I also don't it matters as much as many people think. I went to a T14 law school from a 3rd rate LAC. My career and my life has been fine, and I actually had some fun in high school, and had the chance to experiment with classes and hobbies and activities in high school and college. I gave my kids the same space. They're both at mid-range schools that DCUM would heap scorn on, but they're also happy and doing great.

[Anonymous]

Most people want their kids to go to the best school they can afford. If you’re focused exclusively on the “best” part, it’s probably because you either have a giant amount of money or you’re naive about costs.

Also, everyone has a different definition of “top.” You mentioned “top 50” as one definition. You may be surprised to learn that these are some schools that are within the “top 50”:

UMD
UC Irvine
University of Georgia
University of Florida
University of Rochester
University of Richmond
Connecticut College
Depauw University

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think top schools = top notch education, or do you just want to be able to brag about where they go to school?

It's going to be both, isn't it? They will get a better education at MIT and most of the other top 20s. And more importantly, they will have a bright, accomplished peer group and an interesting college experience. And also generally better professional opportunities. And of course the parents are going to feel validated and think they did a good job with the parenting thing. Not sure where the issue is.

Cite?