How do I find a partner to have kids with? (Male 48)

[Anonymous]

Wanting to bring kids into an unstable home (I.e. a home where if their parents break up their mother is homeless….) means you’re not a good parent. That’s why people aren’t interested.

[Anonymous]

Neurodiversity is very common in children of older fathers. Not easy to keep up physically or emotionally with a kid with ADHD or ASD.

[Anonymous]

Troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I’m divorced. I have two kids. I’m wealthy, good health (physical, mental), post grad education, have a good to great drama free coparenting relationship with the mom. I’d say I would be a decent catch for most 40+ women who are done with or not interested in more kids. Except that I do want more kids.

I do not want to get married again but I am not closed to the idea.

Yep. I do want to have a couple more kids. I’m very involved with my current kids (50/50 coparent 100% involved) and feel a lot of pride and joy in being a father.

What is the best way to go about finding a partner to have kids with? Ideally we live together as a loving couple and raise the kids as a family (preferably not married, but I’m open to the idea ) but I am also completely open to an arrangement of sorts where we split custody and raise them 50/50.

Obviously barriers are my own age and the fact that I already have kids. How do I overcome the rejections and find potential women who may be interested in someone like me and something like this.

A "very involved" father would give stronger consideration to how his current children would feel about this arrangement and becoming half-siblings to babies at this point in their lives.

What's your aversion to being remarried if you have all the other trappings of a domestic partnership?

- A divorced 52 yo man with college-age children who absolutely does NOT want more children but looks forward to becoming a grandpa some day in the next decade or so.

+1

OP here:
i mentioned i am "open" to the idea of 2nd marriage. it is just not my preferrred path forward knowing that a lot of marriages end in divorce, and 2nd marriages seem to be even more likely to end in divorce (just going by studies published online .. I'm not some expert on the subject) so why the entanglement? this is 2024 and if you look around in our society a lot of people in the western world are happy to have kids and raise kids outside a formal "marriage"

my kids are at the age where they are growing very indepdentant and don't need daddy and mommmy's time as much

my kids surprisingly or naively LOVE the idea of having baby (half) siblings and a big family .. we actually talk about it all the time .. they know my past ex gf who already had grown kids was not interested in more kids which is one of the reasons we parted ways ... my exwife and i have worked hard to foster in our kids a sense of love for all, empathy and kindness. not jealousy, insecurity and a feeling of step siblings might mean less time, resources, attention away from them

I get it that for most people having kids late in life or just having more than a couple of kids is highly stressful due (primarily) to financial, health, social, emotional issues but I have none of these. i don't have to work 40-50hr a week at a job and therefore can spend 100% of my time being involved with my kids (current and future)

my exwife also knows i am interested in having more kids and she never expressed any negative thoughts or emotions .. or a feeling that me having more kids means that her own biological kids will have less of my care and attention. or that they will inherit less $$$ (and there is a fair bit of $$$ to be inherited) if I have 1-2 kids that are not hers. she knows I would do right for all my children not just in raising them but investing in their own futures.

also someone suggested i'm like Elon musk (haha how dumb) I'm not interested in a dozen kids just for the sake of making babies. I'm interested in 1-2 more kids so I can actually have JOY in parenting them. Being a dad is my favorite thing to do and now that my own kids are getting much more indpendent I feel like now is a good time to have a couple more being that I'm relatviely healthy and no reason I should not be able to have a healthy 20-25 more year lifespan to raise them right.

OP, why aren't you leaving your contact info for the PP who was interested in your offer?

I posted here to get some advice (which I haven't got. I have gotten a lot of negative comments) .. I did not post here as a "personals" or to find someone from dcum.

also I don't meet her requirements *shrugs*

So some late 40s short and overweight guy is looking for a lady who would have a kid with him and wouldn’t want the marriage protections.

Anything else here that’s amiss?

[Anonymous]

Leave the US and go to southeast asia, latin america, or eastern europe. Many attractive women there who won't care about your age as long as you're a wealthy American.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave the US and go to southeast asia, latin america, or eastern europe. Many attractive women there who won't care about your age as long as you're a wealthy American.

Add East Asia to the list. (Speaking as an East Asian.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave the US and go to southeast asia, latin america, or eastern europe. Many attractive women there who won't care about your age as long as you're a wealthy American.

Add East Asia to the list. (Speaking as an East Asian.)

Haha, surely a lot of gringas will love you as well. Don't make it about race.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave the US and go to southeast asia, latin america, or eastern europe. Many attractive women there who won't care about your age as long as you're a wealthy American.

These women are the best.

[Anonymous]

So the babies are all grown up and don’t need you anymore, so you’re bored and wish to bring more life into the world… until you’re bored with them too. How many children will you have until you’re satisfied? You’re going to experience the same lack of excitement once your new spawn are not babies. This is a perpetual cycle, and bringing endless children into the world is not a solution for your midlife crisis.

[Anonymous]

So you have your kids 50% of the time, and you want more kids, but still only 50% of the time. What’s the point? Why don’t you just actually parent the kids you have? Spend more time with them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave the US and go to southeast asia, latin america, or eastern europe. Many attractive women there who won't care about your age as long as you're a wealthy American.

But they want to get married right? OP doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave the US and go to southeast asia, latin america, or eastern europe. Many attractive women there who won't care about your age as long as you're a wealthy American.

Add East Asia to the list. (Speaking as an East Asian.)

Please. East Asian women are conservative and would never consent to a child without marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m divorced. I have two kids. I’m wealthy, good health (physical, mental), post grad education, have a good to great drama free coparenting relationship with the mom. I’d say I would be a decent catch for most 40+ women who are done with or not interested in more kids. Except that I do want more kids.

I do not want to get married again but I am not closed to the idea.

Yep. I do want to have a couple more kids. I’m very involved with my current kids (50/50 coparent 100% involved) and feel a lot of pride and joy in being a father.

What is the best way to go about finding a partner to have kids with? Ideally we live together as a loving couple and raise the kids as a family (preferably not married, but I’m open to the idea ) but I am also completely open to an arrangement of sorts where we split custody and raise them 50/50.

Obviously barriers are my own age and the fact that I already have kids. How do I overcome the rejections and find potential women who may be interested in someone like me and something like this.

Why don’t you look into fostering?

I have known 4 men (including two relatives) that all had children, divorced, and then got remarried and had more kids or had more kids with a LTP. I’ll be honest. All of their first sets of kids became an after thought.

Their new wives made them prioritize their second set and it hurt their relationships with the first. Two have grandchildren from the older kids who they hardly see and aren’t involved with because they have younger kids. I am sure people have successful
Children at all ages, but the men I know were all also older when they had their second sets of kids.

[Anonymous]

Imagine not wanting to commit to marrying someone but then going ahead and having a child with them, which is of course a lifelong commitment whether you stay together or not. lol

[Anonymous]

So you will be over 70 when kid graduates from college? Yikes