Just for laughs - a sex talk with my tween

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Op here. I told her there was another type of sex I didn’t know if she’d learned about, but that she shouldn’t ever do it if she’s pressured and if someday she chooses to do it she should know you can still catch diseases and need to protect yourself. I’d rather have that conversation when it’s not something she’d consider than wish I had told her later.

yeah, thanks. now your child is going to break the news to my child about all that stuff my child doesn't care about. i am sure she will focus on the exact elements you emphasized and flawlessly relay your perspective.

I would so much rather my kid's friends shared what they learned about this from their parents than from older siblings or TV. If you think your 11 year old isn't going to be hearing about this anyway whether OP educated her daughter or not, then you are part of the problem.

no, parents eager to talk oral sex with their uninterested 11 year olds are the problem.

You know that if you wait until your kid is interested it may already be too late, right?

you know that lectured don't work? that your child doesn't need more more charts and more information?

Part of parenting is to have uncomfortable conversations with your kids. Feel free to call it lecturing but it is my job as a parent. As the parent of MS aged girls it is important for them to know that sex encompasses multiple activities so they understand when someone tries to clumsily talk them into something by saying “it’s not really sex, so it’s fine”. But I’m sure burying your head in the sand about what tweens should know about sex will work out great for you.

if you are kids are so dumb to believe stuff like this, no lectures are not going to help them.

Wait, so parents aren’t supposed to talk to their kids about sex in more than basic general terms, but kids are supposed to instinctually understand that oral sex is sex and comes with many of the same risks, emotional or otherwise, as intercourse?

what are the risks of oral sex? weird take.

Many STDs are transmitted through oral sex, it carries the same emotional and physical risks as intercourse. Are you really this dumb?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my 11 yo kid got the same talk and had the same reaction, lol. Don't listen to the people who want kids to be ignorant until it's too late. She has 12 yos in her class and there are unfortunately kids watching porn or even sexually active at that age.

A couple years ago, my 11-12 year old cried actual tears and screamed "I didn't need to know all of this! I will never be the same!" when his dad told him. I hope he finds it disgusting for several more years.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Op here. I told her there was another type of sex I didn’t know if she’d learned about, but that she shouldn’t ever do it if she’s pressured and if someday she chooses to do it she should know you can still catch diseases and need to protect yourself. I’d rather have that conversation when it’s not something she’d consider than wish I had told her later.

yeah, thanks. now your child is going to break the news to my child about all that stuff my child doesn't care about. i am sure she will focus on the exact elements you emphasized and flawlessly relay your perspective.

I would so much rather my kid's friends shared what they learned about this from their parents than from older siblings or TV. If you think your 11 year old isn't going to be hearing about this anyway whether OP educated her daughter or not, then you are part of the problem.

no, parents eager to talk oral sex with their uninterested 11 year olds are the problem.

You know that if you wait until your kid is interested it may already be too late, right?

you know that lectured don't work? that your child doesn't need more more charts and more information?

Part of parenting is to have uncomfortable conversations with your kids. Feel free to call it lecturing but it is my job as a parent. As the parent of MS aged girls it is important for them to know that sex encompasses multiple activities so they understand when someone tries to clumsily talk them into something by saying “it’s not really sex, so it’s fine”. But I’m sure burying your head in the sand about what tweens should know about sex will work out great for you.

if you are kids are so dumb to believe stuff like this, no lectures are not going to help them.

Wait, so parents aren’t supposed to talk to their kids about sex in more than basic general terms, but kids are supposed to instinctually understand that oral sex is sex and comes with many of the same risks, emotional or otherwise, as intercourse?

what are the risks of oral sex? weird take.

Ok troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my strongest memories of 2nd grade is the indoor recess when a bunch of kids gathered in the corner and started talking about sex. What we heard, what we’d seen— and the misinformation was wild.

And now OPs kid will be paraphrasing and spreading who knows what gossip about oral to her friends. It will probably involve cows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my 11 yo kid got the same talk and had the same reaction, lol. Don't listen to the people who want kids to be ignorant until it's too late. She has 12 yos in her class and there are unfortunately kids watching porn or even sexually active at that age.

A couple years ago, my 11-12 year old cried actual tears and screamed "I didn't need to know all of this! I will never be the same!" when his dad told him. I hope he finds it disgusting for several more years.

HA HA HA

[Anonymous]

Op here. I know two children (boys) - one at our school and one at another who then transferred to ours - who were harassed in the bathroom at elementary school by another boy (different kids) asking them to put their mouths on his penis. This came up because my 7 year old was bullied and I was talking about bullying with some other parents. I also know the 8 year old sister of one of my 7 year old’s friends stumbled across porn last year. I also had a 21 year old not smoking college classmate who died of throat cancer. And of course as others said there’s pressure to do things at young ages.

My 11 year old is mature enough to not talk about this with friends. Nor do I think her friends would be interested at this point - I think she wouldn’t want to share / would seem weird if she raised it. I asked her not to share our talks in the past.


What really prompted it is a friend saying her son started laughing every time the thermostat was set to 69 in their home within weeks of starting 6th grade / middle school. I learned about sex from a book when I was four and about oral sex when I was 12 and a group of 12 year old girls were taking a Cosmo quiz. They all laughed at me because I thought they said aural sex and I was horrified that people try to stick a penis in someone’s ear. Despite learning about both I was always fairly conservative with my own choices. My first kiss by choice was just before my 17th birthday and my first sex was in college with the man I eventually married. From her reaction it was clear that yes, I probably shared too soon, but it’s hard to get the timing right and it’s not like she’s going to try sex (in any form) just because she now knows it exists.

Also, pretty much every woman I know (including me) has had one or more times we felt pressured into physical / sexual activities. Sadly sometimes as kids. So discussions about limits, consent etc are so important.

(And I agree with the person who pointed out that there are myriad studies that early / frequent sex discussions is better at preventing pregnancy, disease, etc)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I told her there was another type of sex I didn’t know if she’d learned about, but that she shouldn’t ever do it if she’s pressured and if someday she chooses to do it she should know you can still catch diseases and need to protect yourself. I’d rather have that conversation when it’s not something she’d consider than wish I had told her later.

yeah, thanks. now your child is going to break the news to my child about all that stuff my child doesn't care about. i am sure she will focus on the exact elements you emphasized and flawlessly relay your perspective.

I would so much rather my kid's friends shared what they learned about this from their parents than from older siblings or TV. If you think your 11 year old isn't going to be hearing about this anyway whether OP educated her daughter or not, then you are part of the problem.

no, parents eager to talk oral sex with their uninterested 11 year olds are the problem.

You know that if you wait until your kid is interested it may already be too late, right?

you know that lectured don't work? that your child doesn't need more more charts and more information?

Part of parenting is to have uncomfortable conversations with your kids. Feel free to call it lecturing but it is my job as a parent. As the parent of MS aged girls it is important for them to know that sex encompasses multiple activities so they understand when someone tries to clumsily talk them into something by saying “it’s not really sex, so it’s fine”. But I’m sure burying your head in the sand about what tweens should know about sex will work out great for you.

if you are kids are so dumb to believe stuff like this, no lectures are not going to help them.

They’re 11. Plenty of young kids know nothing about sex (because their parents refuse to talk to them about it) and will absolutely believe it if someone tells them this. Doesn’t make them dumb.

it absolutely does make them dumb.

No it doesn’t. But I’m clearly seeing that you’re an a$$hole. Who knows nothing about kids. Keep going on with your big bad self.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 11 year old had “puberty education” recently and was pretty open to discussing things she’d learned. In our district they then do additional sex Ed in eighth grade.

I decided she should know about oral as well since I’ve read about that being a thing some middle schoolers engage in and - while she has zero interest in any sexual activity now - I know things can change.

After telling her about this her reaction was horrified / “what?!? Why would anyone do that?!?”

I said that, as far as I’m concerned, if two adults consent to behavior where it’s respectful and safe and no one is hurt they can “dress up in cow costumes and moo at each other and I wouldn’t care.”
My DD’s reaction was “well that at least sounds like it would actually be fun!”

why are you pushing oral on your child?

NP, I was in 7th grade (age 12) when I started hearing rumors of people having oral sex and a bf in 8th grade tried running the idea past me. Sadly 11 is not too young to talk about this stuff.

It sounds like OP is covering bases with discussion of consent, safety, and respect. Hopefully this will create an environment where her DD can come talk to her about this type of thing in the future. This doesn’t mean OP is trying to get her DD to go give BJs.

So to your dumb comment PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I told her there was another type of sex I didn’t know if she’d learned about, but that she shouldn’t ever do it if she’s pressured and if someday she chooses to do it she should know you can still catch diseases and need to protect yourself. I’d rather have that conversation when it’s not something she’d consider than wish I had told her later.

yeah, thanks. now your child is going to break the news to my child about all that stuff my child doesn't care about. i am sure she will focus on the exact elements you emphasized and flawlessly relay your perspective.

Well then maybe you should have a convo with your child so you can give them correct info. now while they’re young enough to be receptive.

At least OP’s DD may give some accurate info. I’d be more worried about the kids getting info. from the internet or older siblings. The fact is you cannot control what your child is exposed to out in the world so it is on *you* the parent to talk to your child and have good communication with them. Which is what OP is doing.

[Anonymous]

Research shows that kids who are uninformed about sex are more frequently victims of rape and sexual violence then kids who are informed.

At the least, if you want to keep your kid dumb think about letting them know about how to protect themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who is the assistant to a school superintendent in the Midwest. There was an older child who had been molested by an uncle. That older child then molested his 6 year old brother. This younger brother then got other first graders to play his secret game (give him oral sex) in the back of the school bus. There were 3 or 4 kids who tried it. This didn’t come to light until one little boy who had been pressured to do it, but had refused, talked to his mom about what he’d been asked to do and how it made him uncomfortable.

There are 11 year olds watching porn. Just because you don’t talk to your kid about oral sex doesn’t mean they aren’t hearing about it.

OP, good for you for empowering your child with information and letting her know she can talk to you about anything.

What is the point of this post ?

Just let young kids know about good touch/bad touch. No need to teach 6 year olds about specific sexual acts.

Well the chain of events started when an older child was abused. We don’t know if someone talked about this with that child. Maybe it would have helped if that kid understood more about the act, consent, etc. instead of then replicating it on a younger sibling.

I also think the point is that kids are exposed to things out in the would, be proactive in preparing them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Research shows that kids who are uninformed about sex are more frequently victims of rape and sexual violence then kids who are informed.

At the least, if you want to keep your kid dumb think about letting them know about how to protect themselves.

please show your references

[Anonymous]

As someone who was mistaken for a college student more than once at age 11, I am glad that the OP had this conversation with her daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I know two children (boys) - one at our school and one at another who then transferred to ours - who were harassed in the bathroom at elementary school by another boy (different kids) asking them to put their mouths on his penis. This came up because my 7 year old was bullied and I was talking about bullying with some other parents. I also know the 8 year old sister of one of my 7 year old’s friends stumbled across porn last year. I also had a 21 year old not smoking college classmate who died of throat cancer. And of course as others said there’s pressure to do things at young ages.

My 11 year old is mature enough to not talk about this with friends. Nor do I think her friends would be interested at this point - I think she wouldn’t want to share / would seem weird if she raised it. I asked her not to share our talks in the past.


What really prompted it is a friend saying her son started laughing every time the thermostat was set to 69 in their home within weeks of starting 6th grade / middle school. I learned about sex from a book when I was four and about oral sex when I was 12 and a group of 12 year old girls were taking a Cosmo quiz. They all laughed at me because I thought they said aural sex and I was horrified that people try to stick a penis in someone’s ear. Despite learning about both I was always fairly conservative with my own choices. My first kiss by choice was just before my 17th birthday and my first sex was in college with the man I eventually married. From her reaction it was clear that yes, I probably shared too soon, but it’s hard to get the timing right and it’s not like she’s going to try sex (in any form) just because she now knows it exists.

Also, pretty much every woman I know (including me) has had one or more times we felt pressured into physical / sexual activities. Sadly sometimes as kids. So discussions about limits, consent etc are so important.

(And I agree with the person who pointed out that there are myriad studies that early / frequent sex discussions is better at preventing pregnancy, disease, etc)

Op it sounds like you did the right thing and that it was a low key light-hearted conversation that nevertheless conveyed important info.

Fwiw the sixth grade health teacher at our public middle school covered this as well. Kids have engaged in the bathrooms, so it's unfortunately not too soon to learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who is the assistant to a school superintendent in the Midwest. There was an older child who had been molested by an uncle. That older child then molested his 6 year old brother. This younger brother then got other first graders to play his secret game (give him oral sex) in the back of the school bus. There were 3 or 4 kids who tried it. This didn’t come to light until one little boy who had been pressured to do it, but had refused, talked to his mom about what he’d been asked to do and how it made him uncomfortable.

There are 11 year olds watching porn. Just because you don’t talk to your kid about oral sex doesn’t mean they aren’t hearing about it.

OP, good for you for empowering your child with information and letting her know she can talk to you about anything.

What is the point of this post ?

Just let young kids know about good touch/bad touch. No need to teach 6 year olds about specific sexual acts.

The point is that OP wasn’t “pushing oral sex” on her 11 year old; she’s educating her child in an age appropriate way and making sure the lines of communication are open, so that her child knows they can come to her with questions. It’s a bad idea to pretend an 11 year old won’t know anything about oral sex as long as parents keep it a secret.

according to OP, her child has no interest in sex, she pushed the topic on her because "she she read some middle schoolers are doing it". i sure hope she cover threesomes, choking etc as well, because someone somewhere is doing it.

Right? And OP thinks its cute that her DD came away with a completely incorrect understanding (that it is not enjoyable.) Clearly her DD wasn’t ready for this level of detail.

Of course an 11 yo is going to think it’s gross and doesn’t sound enjoyable. It would be very concerning if a child that age thought otherwise. My 10 yo still doesn’t understand why anyone uses birth control, because “why would you do THAT unless you are trying to make a baby?”

OP’s kid had an age-appropriate reaction to the information given to her.