I’m really surprised at the number of people who bring siblings to parties

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I think you need to write "No siblings" if that's what you want. A lot of people don't follow or don't know the rules anymore. In my circle, the invitations are always addressed to the kid, with the understanding that the whole family is invited. I was confused about this at first and wasn't sure who we could/should bring.

I also think if you have a party that's far away, you need to understand that people may not come if they can't bring the other kids. Sometimes it's not possible to drive and drop-off for a 2 hour party if it's not right in the immediate neighborhood. And I think people would do well to remember that it's nice to host, but your guests are also carving time out of their busy weekends to attend your party and bring a gift. They are making an effort too.

There are always other things to do. Don't make lame excuses. Drop the kid then go get gas, do grocery shopping, run some other errand. Don't act like this venue is in a desert with nothing else around. You just really want to bring your kids and have them experience the activity. It's so obvious.

I don't do this myself, but I understand it. We invite everyone and serve full meals and have goody bags for all the RSVPs plus extra. I don't worry if an extra sibling shows up. I think most people are doing their best. It's a kids party, not a wedding. Life goes on.

Then you're not having a venue party where there are caps on sizes. Do you understand how there might be other constraints when the party is not in your backyard?

I do have venue parties but I plan for this. And if I was that constrained I would write "no siblings" or something to that effect on the RSVP. Like I stated in my first post. This is not worth worrying about- just make it clear.

Good to know you rent the entire venue out to accommodate everyone's extended family. Did it occur to you other people have more modest budgets and would like a fun party with a few close friends? Or is it: "no fun parties for poor kids because someone want to bring their cousin and Grandma too"?

Yes, that's why I said to write "no siblings" or to otherwise make it clear on the invitation. Then you can move on without worrying about who will show up randomly at the door. And you can enforce the rules. As someone else said upthread, this is not an unsolvable problem.

I have received invitations specifying space constraints- it's not a big deal!

Are you joking? Hosts now have to be bouncers and awkwardly eject people who show up uninvited? The crashers are counting on the hosts just being polite and not barring their entry. There is no enforcement b/c that would be awkward to counter someone else's rudeness.

I got nothing left. We know the families we invite and if an extra shows up, I believe them when they tell me they were in a bind and I make a place. But I actually like these people. Seems like many of you don't.

[Anonymous]

NP sure this can be a cultural things but lately it hasn't just been immigrant families, it has been EVERYONE, including wealthy caucasian families with two parents and 3+ children. No, Jessica, I do not care that you are a SAHM of 5 children and your husband can't handle 4 of them on his own. That is YOUR problem, not mine. You shouldn't have had more kids than Mike can handle.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’ve brought siblings to Chuck E Cheese style parties a couple of times BUT I would never dream of asking the host family to have siblings join the party, let alone pay for them! I always pay for their entry and food and goodies and entertain them away from the actual party (and yes, it’s in cases where I do not have alternate childcare).

What does this have to do w you deciding to take your other (non invited) kids to a bday party venue? Why not just drop the invited kid off and go home w your other kids? Why do you need childcare at all? Wouldn’t you be taking care of your kids regardless of whether one is attending a party or not?

Because in this area quite often these parties are not in the neighborhood, and with the length of most kids parties plus driving time to/from/to we’d be spending most of the time in the car. No thanks. (Not sure why it would bother anyone in the least to bring a sibling as long as it’s not actually infringing on the actual party. I agree that it’s rude to have a sibling tag along to the party itself unless the host has specifically okay’d it.)

Don't you have a husband?

Some people don't have spouses. Some people have spouses who work weekends.

It's amazing how these same people never have friends or know their classmates and can coordinate carpools or switch off on looking after each other's kids at these parties. The only solution is always bringing little brother so he can have fun too. There's also nothing else ever to do near the party, must crash the party, it's the only way.

Very often either my spouse or I are on work travel on weekends. (Not unusual for this area.) And it is not amazing that we don’t have a network of family or friends to help us, as we are both adult transplants to the area who work a lot. (This is also not unusual for this area, but thanks for rubbing it in!)

And in my initial post I explicitly said that while I sometimes have little sibling tag along I never let sibling impose on the actual party.

You seem like you are looking for a reason to be angry.

That poster very obviously hates children and parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve brought siblings to Chuck E Cheese style parties a couple of times BUT I would never dream of asking the host family to have siblings join the party, let alone pay for them! I always pay for their entry and food and goodies and entertain them away from the actual party (and yes, it’s in cases where I do not have alternate childcare).

What does this have to do w you deciding to take your other (non invited) kids to a bday party venue? Why not just drop the invited kid off and go home w your other kids? Why do you need childcare at all? Wouldn’t you be taking care of your kids regardless of whether one is attending a party or not?

Because in this area quite often these parties are not in the neighborhood, and with the length of most kids parties plus driving time to/from/to we’d be spending most of the time in the car. No thanks. (Not sure why it would bother anyone in the least to bring a sibling as long as it’s not actually infringing on the actual party. I agree that it’s rude to have a sibling tag along to the party itself unless the host has specifically okay’d it.)

Don't you have a husband?

Some people don't have spouses. Some people have spouses who work weekends.

It's amazing how these same people never have friends or know their classmates and can coordinate carpools or switch off on looking after each other's kids at these parties. The only solution is always bringing little brother so he can have fun too. There's also nothing else ever to do near the party, must crash the party, it's the only way.

Very often either my spouse or I are on work travel on weekends. (Not unusual for this area.) And it is not amazing that we don’t have a network of family or friends to help us, as we are both adult transplants to the area who work a lot. (This is also not unusual for this area, but thanks for rubbing it in!)

And in my initial post I explicitly said that while I sometimes have little sibling tag along I never let sibling impose on the actual party.

You seem like you are looking for a reason to be angry.

That is absolutely NOT common in this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t think normal people care. This is a popular sensationalized DCUM topic.

Popular birthday parties venues like public parks, trampoline places, bowling/arcade, no one cares if siblings are there. Generally parent drops the invites kid in the party area then pays for and entertains the sibling. No one cares.

They most certainly do not do this. They show up and expect the hosts to set another seat at the table, serve food and cake, and pay for entry. The idea that there are secret siblings there but out of sight just does not happen. Those siblings also are usually first in line demanding a goody bag.

The fact that you don’t know about it is the entire point, dummy.

[Anonymous]

Living the Expat life now and everybody brings siblings, whole families and people really expect it. I couldn't believe it at first, but after separating the familiy so many times (one parent at the party with kid and one parent at home with the other kid) and then seeing that everybody else brought siblings, we started doing it too (although I ask with the RSVP). My American self cringes every time, but thats how they do it. It's a very international crowd with people from all over the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP sure this can be a cultural things but lately it hasn't just been immigrant families, it has been EVERYONE, including wealthy caucasian families with two parents and 3+ children. No, Jessica, I do not care that you are a SAHM of 5 children and your husband can't handle 4 of them on his own. That is YOUR problem, not mine. You shouldn't have had more kids than Mike can handle.

Do you think it is Covid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve brought siblings to Chuck E Cheese style parties a couple of times BUT I would never dream of asking the host family to have siblings join the party, let alone pay for them! I always pay for their entry and food and goodies and entertain them away from the actual party (and yes, it’s in cases where I do not have alternate childcare).

What does this have to do w you deciding to take your other (non invited) kids to a bday party venue? Why not just drop the invited kid off and go home w your other kids? Why do you need childcare at all? Wouldn’t you be taking care of your kids regardless of whether one is attending a party or not?

Because in this area quite often these parties are not in the neighborhood, and with the length of most kids parties plus driving time to/from/to we’d be spending most of the time in the car. No thanks. (Not sure why it would bother anyone in the least to bring a sibling as long as it’s not actually infringing on the actual party. I agree that it’s rude to have a sibling tag along to the party itself unless the host has specifically okay’d it.)

Don't you have a husband?

Some people don't have spouses. Some people have spouses who work weekends.

Everyone I know in either of these situations has family around that helps them OR a solid network of babysitters. If you don't, you need to find one. You CANNOT be a single parent or one with a husband who works constantly without establishing a network of people who help or who you PAY to help you. You can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP sure this can be a cultural things but lately it hasn't just been immigrant families, it has been EVERYONE, including wealthy caucasian families with two parents and 3+ children. No, Jessica, I do not care that you are a SAHM of 5 children and your husband can't handle 4 of them on his own. That is YOUR problem, not mine. You shouldn't have had more kids than Mike can handle.

Do you think it is Covid?

What does Covid have to do with anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve brought siblings to Chuck E Cheese style parties a couple of times BUT I would never dream of asking the host family to have siblings join the party, let alone pay for them! I always pay for their entry and food and goodies and entertain them away from the actual party (and yes, it’s in cases where I do not have alternate childcare).

What does this have to do w you deciding to take your other (non invited) kids to a bday party venue? Why not just drop the invited kid off and go home w your other kids? Why do you need childcare at all? Wouldn’t you be taking care of your kids regardless of whether one is attending a party or not?

Because in this area quite often these parties are not in the neighborhood, and with the length of most kids parties plus driving time to/from/to we’d be spending most of the time in the car. No thanks. (Not sure why it would bother anyone in the least to bring a sibling as long as it’s not actually infringing on the actual party. I agree that it’s rude to have a sibling tag along to the party itself unless the host has specifically okay’d it.)

Don't you have a husband?

Some people don't have spouses. Some people have spouses who work weekends.

It's amazing how these same people never have friends or know their classmates and can coordinate carpools or switch off on looking after each other's kids at these parties. The only solution is always bringing little brother so he can have fun too. There's also nothing else ever to do near the party, must crash the party, it's the only way.

Very often either my spouse or I are on work travel on weekends. (Not unusual for this area.) And it is not amazing that we don’t have a network of family or friends to help us, as we are both adult transplants to the area who work a lot. (This is also not unusual for this area, but thanks for rubbing it in!)

And in my initial post I explicitly said that while I sometimes have little sibling tag along I never let sibling impose on the actual party.

You seem like you are looking for a reason to be angry.

That poster very obviously hates children and parties.

We don't know your other kids. Stop bringing them to parties and mooching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve brought siblings to Chuck E Cheese style parties a couple of times BUT I would never dream of asking the host family to have siblings join the party, let alone pay for them! I always pay for their entry and food and goodies and entertain them away from the actual party (and yes, it’s in cases where I do not have alternate childcare).

What does this have to do w you deciding to take your other (non invited) kids to a bday party venue? Why not just drop the invited kid off and go home w your other kids? Why do you need childcare at all? Wouldn’t you be taking care of your kids regardless of whether one is attending a party or not?

Because in this area quite often these parties are not in the neighborhood, and with the length of most kids parties plus driving time to/from/to we’d be spending most of the time in the car. No thanks. (Not sure why it would bother anyone in the least to bring a sibling as long as it’s not actually infringing on the actual party. I agree that it’s rude to have a sibling tag along to the party itself unless the host has specifically okay’d it.)

Don't you have a husband?

Some people don't have spouses. Some people have spouses who work weekends.

It's amazing how these same people never have friends or know their classmates and can coordinate carpools or switch off on looking after each other's kids at these parties. The only solution is always bringing little brother so he can have fun too. There's also nothing else ever to do near the party, must crash the party, it's the only way.

Very often either my spouse or I are on work travel on weekends. (Not unusual for this area.) And it is not amazing that we don’t have a network of family or friends to help us, as we are both adult transplants to the area who work a lot. (This is also not unusual for this area, but thanks for rubbing it in!)

And in my initial post I explicitly said that while I sometimes have little sibling tag along I never let sibling impose on the actual party.

You seem like you are looking for a reason to be angry.

That poster very obviously hates children and parties.

We don't know your other kids. Stop bringing them to parties and mooching.

Have never done this. Your parties aren’t fun though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t think normal people care. This is a popular sensationalized DCUM topic.

Popular birthday parties venues like public parks, trampoline places, bowling/arcade, no one cares if siblings are there. Generally parent drops the invites kid in the party area then pays for and entertains the sibling. No one cares.

They most certainly do not do this. They show up and expect the hosts to set another seat at the table, serve food and cake, and pay for entry. The idea that there are secret siblings there but out of sight just does not happen. Those siblings also are usually first in line demanding a goody bag.

The fact that you don’t know about it is the entire point, dummy.

Because it never happens. How dumb do you think everyone is? That kid always shows up when its time to cut the cake. I have 3 kids, going to weekend parties is like a 2nd job. I've seen this more times than I can count.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve brought siblings to Chuck E Cheese style parties a couple of times BUT I would never dream of asking the host family to have siblings join the party, let alone pay for them! I always pay for their entry and food and goodies and entertain them away from the actual party (and yes, it’s in cases where I do not have alternate childcare).

What does this have to do w you deciding to take your other (non invited) kids to a bday party venue? Why not just drop the invited kid off and go home w your other kids? Why do you need childcare at all? Wouldn’t you be taking care of your kids regardless of whether one is attending a party or not?

Because in this area quite often these parties are not in the neighborhood, and with the length of most kids parties plus driving time to/from/to we’d be spending most of the time in the car. No thanks. (Not sure why it would bother anyone in the least to bring a sibling as long as it’s not actually infringing on the actual party. I agree that it’s rude to have a sibling tag along to the party itself unless the host has specifically okay’d it.)

Don't you have a husband?

Some people don't have spouses. Some people have spouses who work weekends.

It's amazing how these same people never have friends or know their classmates and can coordinate carpools or switch off on looking after each other's kids at these parties. The only solution is always bringing little brother so he can have fun too. There's also nothing else ever to do near the party, must crash the party, it's the only way.

Very often either my spouse or I are on work travel on weekends. (Not unusual for this area.) And it is not amazing that we don’t have a network of family or friends to help us, as we are both adult transplants to the area who work a lot. (This is also not unusual for this area, but thanks for rubbing it in!)

And in my initial post I explicitly said that while I sometimes have little sibling tag along I never let sibling impose on the actual party.

You seem like you are looking for a reason to be angry.

That poster very obviously hates children and parties.

We don't know your other kids. Stop bringing them to parties and mooching.

Have never done this. Your parties aren’t fun though.

You don't get invited to many parties, that much is clear.

[Anonymous]

I think my DS’s birthday party at a big “kid” venue was half kids in his class/his invited friends and half their siblings. Not a huge deal, the parents paid separately for the siblings admissions, we had as much pizza/chip bags/juice boxes as the venue provided, we had favors for the invited kids. The venue wasn’t checking who was in the party room and didn’t seem to care about capacity. All the venue parties I’ve been to for other kids have had siblings tagging along. Yes my area does have a lot of Hispanic families who do a lot of stuff as a whole family, and a lot of military families where a parent may be deployed or working weekends so I’m sure that is a contributing factor. It is what it is at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve brought siblings to Chuck E Cheese style parties a couple of times BUT I would never dream of asking the host family to have siblings join the party, let alone pay for them! I always pay for their entry and food and goodies and entertain them away from the actual party (and yes, it’s in cases where I do not have alternate childcare).

What does this have to do w you deciding to take your other (non invited) kids to a bday party venue? Why not just drop the invited kid off and go home w your other kids? Why do you need childcare at all? Wouldn’t you be taking care of your kids regardless of whether one is attending a party or not?

Because in this area quite often these parties are not in the neighborhood, and with the length of most kids parties plus driving time to/from/to we’d be spending most of the time in the car. No thanks. (Not sure why it would bother anyone in the least to bring a sibling as long as it’s not actually infringing on the actual party. I agree that it’s rude to have a sibling tag along to the party itself unless the host has specifically okay’d it.)

Don't you have a husband?

Some people don't have spouses. Some people have spouses who work weekends.

It's amazing how these same people never have friends or know their classmates and can coordinate carpools or switch off on looking after each other's kids at these parties. The only solution is always bringing little brother so he can have fun too. There's also nothing else ever to do near the party, must crash the party, it's the only way.

Very often either my spouse or I are on work travel on weekends. (Not unusual for this area.) And it is not amazing that we don’t have a network of family or friends to help us, as we are both adult transplants to the area who work a lot. (This is also not unusual for this area, but thanks for rubbing it in!)

And in my initial post I explicitly said that while I sometimes have little sibling tag along I never let sibling impose on the actual party.

You seem like you are looking for a reason to be angry.

That is absolutely NOT common in this area.

“Common” and “not unusual” are not actually synonyms. You should get off this board and start your day drinking early, methinks. The stress of being this outraged is unhealthy.