I’m really surprised at the number of people who bring siblings to parties

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to write "No siblings" if that's what you want. A lot of people don't follow or don't know the rules anymore. In my circle, the invitations are always addressed to the kid, with the understanding that the whole family is invited. I was confused about this at first and wasn't sure who we could/should bring.

I also think if you have a party that's far away, you need to understand that people may not come if they can't bring the other kids. Sometimes it's not possible to drive and drop-off for a 2 hour party if it's not right in the immediate neighborhood. And I think people would do well to remember that it's nice to host, but your guests are also carving time out of their busy weekends to attend your party and bring a gift. They are making an effort too.

There are always other things to do. Don't make lame excuses. Drop the kid then go get gas, do grocery shopping, run some other errand. Don't act like this venue is in a desert with nothing else around. You just really want to bring your kids and have them experience the activity. It's so obvious.

I don't do this myself, but I understand it. We invite everyone and serve full meals and have goody bags for all the RSVPs plus extra. I don't worry if an extra sibling shows up. I think most people are doing their best. It's a kids party, not a wedding. Life goes on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to write "No siblings" if that's what you want. A lot of people don't follow or don't know the rules anymore. In my circle, the invitations are always addressed to the kid, with the understanding that the whole family is invited. I was confused about this at first and wasn't sure who we could/should bring.

I also think if you have a party that's far away, you need to understand that people may not come if they can't bring the other kids. Sometimes it's not possible to drive and drop-off for a 2 hour party if it's not right in the immediate neighborhood. And I think people would do well to remember that it's nice to host, but your guests are also carving time out of their busy weekends to attend your party and bring a gift. They are making an effort too.

There are always other things to do. Don't make lame excuses. Drop the kid then go get gas, do grocery shopping, run some other errand. Don't act like this venue is in a desert with nothing else around. You just really want to bring your kids and have them experience the activity. It's so obvious.

I don't do this myself, but I understand it. We invite everyone and serve full meals and have goody bags for all the RSVPs plus extra. I don't worry if an extra sibling shows up. I think most people are doing their best. It's a kids party, not a wedding. Life goes on.

Then you're not having a venue party where there are caps on sizes. Do you understand how there might be other constraints when the party is not in your backyard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve brought siblings to Chuck E Cheese style parties a couple of times BUT I would never dream of asking the host family to have siblings join the party, let alone pay for them! I always pay for their entry and food and goodies and entertain them away from the actual party (and yes, it’s in cases where I do not have alternate childcare).

What does this have to do w you deciding to take your other (non invited) kids to a bday party venue? Why not just drop the invited kid off and go home w your other kids? Why do you need childcare at all? Wouldn’t you be taking care of your kids regardless of whether one is attending a party or not?

Because in this area quite often these parties are not in the neighborhood, and with the length of most kids parties plus driving time to/from/to we’d be spending most of the time in the car. No thanks. (Not sure why it would bother anyone in the least to bring a sibling as long as it’s not actually infringing on the actual party. I agree that it’s rude to have a sibling tag along to the party itself unless the host has specifically okay’d it.)

Don't you have a husband?

Some people don't have spouses. Some people have spouses who work weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve brought siblings to Chuck E Cheese style parties a couple of times BUT I would never dream of asking the host family to have siblings join the party, let alone pay for them! I always pay for their entry and food and goodies and entertain them away from the actual party (and yes, it’s in cases where I do not have alternate childcare).

What does this have to do w you deciding to take your other (non invited) kids to a bday party venue? Why not just drop the invited kid off and go home w your other kids? Why do you need childcare at all? Wouldn’t you be taking care of your kids regardless of whether one is attending a party or not?

Because in this area quite often these parties are not in the neighborhood, and with the length of most kids parties plus driving time to/from/to we’d be spending most of the time in the car. No thanks. (Not sure why it would bother anyone in the least to bring a sibling as long as it’s not actually infringing on the actual party. I agree that it’s rude to have a sibling tag along to the party itself unless the host has specifically okay’d it.)

Don't you have a husband?

Some people don't have spouses. Some people have spouses who work weekends.

It's amazing how these same people never have friends or know their classmates and can coordinate carpools or switch off on looking after each other's kids at these parties. The only solution is always bringing little brother so he can have fun too. There's also nothing else ever to do near the party, must crash the party, it's the only way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve brought siblings to Chuck E Cheese style parties a couple of times BUT I would never dream of asking the host family to have siblings join the party, let alone pay for them! I always pay for their entry and food and goodies and entertain them away from the actual party (and yes, it’s in cases where I do not have alternate childcare).

What does this have to do w you deciding to take your other (non invited) kids to a bday party venue? Why not just drop the invited kid off and go home w your other kids? Why do you need childcare at all? Wouldn’t you be taking care of your kids regardless of whether one is attending a party or not?

DP. Doesn’t sound like she’s talking about drop off parties. It also sounds like she’s being super polite.

Ok but if it’s not a drop off party and she is in another area supervising her other kids, what is the point of her even being there? Usually if it’s not a drop off party that’s bc the kids are young enough that the hosts want parents to stay and help out w their kids but this pp comes to a party and goes to a totally different area w her other kids so she wouldn’t be helping watch the invited kid so it basically IS like she’s just dropping her kid off anyway…

Because this isn’t actually about childcare. It’s about making sure that one kid doesn’t get to do a fun activity that their sibling doesn’t. Gotta make sure both do the same activity.

I think this is actually it. Every time an uninvited sibling has shown up (and it has happened with both immigrant and non immigrant families) the mom gave the excuse that the little sibling would be heartbroken if they didn't get to tag along. Which is true! I just dealt with this yesterday with my youngest. But you find something else fun for them and figure it out, instead of imposing.

OP here. When my oldest started kindergarten, it was sometimes a struggle because my preschool younger child would get upset about not attending. I never once asked to bring a sibling. I did have some people who we got to know specifically invite both kids. I once took my older kid to a Chuck E. Cheese party of younger kid in kindergarten. I didn’t feel comfortable dropping off my 5yo at Chuck E. Cheese and also couldn’t leave my 7year old home alone. I paid for my 7yo and told him clearly not to join party. I think the mom still gave my older son a handful of tokens. This was before they used cards. That was the one and only time I brought a sibling.

Chuck e cheese hasn't used tokens in a very long time. How old are your kids now that you're still seeing siblings crash parties?

My oldest is now in high school. My youngest is still in elementary. We have not been invited to a Chuck E. Cheese party in years. I was just saying that is the one and only time I took a sibling. That must have been 7 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to write "No siblings" if that's what you want. A lot of people don't follow or don't know the rules anymore. In my circle, the invitations are always addressed to the kid, with the understanding that the whole family is invited. I was confused about this at first and wasn't sure who we could/should bring.

I also think if you have a party that's far away, you need to understand that people may not come if they can't bring the other kids. Sometimes it's not possible to drive and drop-off for a 2 hour party if it's not right in the immediate neighborhood. And I think people would do well to remember that it's nice to host, but your guests are also carving time out of their busy weekends to attend your party and bring a gift. They are making an effort too.

There are always other things to do. Don't make lame excuses. Drop the kid then go get gas, do grocery shopping, run some other errand. Don't act like this venue is in a desert with nothing else around. You just really want to bring your kids and have them experience the activity. It's so obvious.

I don't do this myself, but I understand it. We invite everyone and serve full meals and have goody bags for all the RSVPs plus extra. I don't worry if an extra sibling shows up. I think most people are doing their best. It's a kids party, not a wedding. Life goes on.

Then you're not having a venue party where there are caps on sizes. Do you understand how there might be other constraints when the party is not in your backyard?

I do have venue parties but I plan for this. And if I was that constrained I would write "no siblings" or something to that effect on the RSVP. Like I stated in my first post. This is not worth worrying about- just make it clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to write "No siblings" if that's what you want. A lot of people don't follow or don't know the rules anymore. In my circle, the invitations are always addressed to the kid, with the understanding that the whole family is invited. I was confused about this at first and wasn't sure who we could/should bring.

I also think if you have a party that's far away, you need to understand that people may not come if they can't bring the other kids. Sometimes it's not possible to drive and drop-off for a 2 hour party if it's not right in the immediate neighborhood. And I think people would do well to remember that it's nice to host, but your guests are also carving time out of their busy weekends to attend your party and bring a gift. They are making an effort too.

There are always other things to do. Don't make lame excuses. Drop the kid then go get gas, do grocery shopping, run some other errand. Don't act like this venue is in a desert with nothing else around. You just really want to bring your kids and have them experience the activity. It's so obvious.

I don't do this myself, but I understand it. We invite everyone and serve full meals and have goody bags for all the RSVPs plus extra. I don't worry if an extra sibling shows up. I think most people are doing their best. It's a kids party, not a wedding. Life goes on.

Then you're not having a venue party where there are caps on sizes. Do you understand how there might be other constraints when the party is not in your backyard?

If you have a venue party with constraints, you can very easily specify drop off and no siblings and the need for a head count. Stating this upfront in the invitation makes it easy to turn away siblings/families that randomly show up. This really isn't an unsolvable problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve brought siblings to Chuck E Cheese style parties a couple of times BUT I would never dream of asking the host family to have siblings join the party, let alone pay for them! I always pay for their entry and food and goodies and entertain them away from the actual party (and yes, it’s in cases where I do not have alternate childcare).

What does this have to do w you deciding to take your other (non invited) kids to a bday party venue? Why not just drop the invited kid off and go home w your other kids? Why do you need childcare at all? Wouldn’t you be taking care of your kids regardless of whether one is attending a party or not?

Because in this area quite often these parties are not in the neighborhood, and with the length of most kids parties plus driving time to/from/to we’d be spending most of the time in the car. No thanks. (Not sure why it would bother anyone in the least to bring a sibling as long as it’s not actually infringing on the actual party. I agree that it’s rude to have a sibling tag along to the party itself unless the host has specifically okay’d it.)

Don't you have a husband?

Some people don't have spouses. Some people have spouses who work weekends.

It's amazing how these same people never have friends or know their classmates and can coordinate carpools or switch off on looking after each other's kids at these parties. The only solution is always bringing little brother so he can have fun too. There's also nothing else ever to do near the party, must crash the party, it's the only way.

I recently asked about taking my kid and paying for a ticket at sky zone . I ended up taking younger child to target and she loved picking out valentines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to write "No siblings" if that's what you want. A lot of people don't follow or don't know the rules anymore. In my circle, the invitations are always addressed to the kid, with the understanding that the whole family is invited. I was confused about this at first and wasn't sure who we could/should bring.

I also think if you have a party that's far away, you need to understand that people may not come if they can't bring the other kids. Sometimes it's not possible to drive and drop-off for a 2 hour party if it's not right in the immediate neighborhood. And I think people would do well to remember that it's nice to host, but your guests are also carving time out of their busy weekends to attend your party and bring a gift. They are making an effort too.

There are always other things to do. Don't make lame excuses. Drop the kid then go get gas, do grocery shopping, run some other errand. Don't act like this venue is in a desert with nothing else around. You just really want to bring your kids and have them experience the activity. It's so obvious.

I don't do this myself, but I understand it. We invite everyone and serve full meals and have goody bags for all the RSVPs plus extra. I don't worry if an extra sibling shows up. I think most people are doing their best. It's a kids party, not a wedding. Life goes on.

Then you're not having a venue party where there are caps on sizes. Do you understand how there might be other constraints when the party is not in your backyard?

I do have venue parties but I plan for this. And if I was that constrained I would write "no siblings" or something to that effect on the RSVP. Like I stated in my first post. This is not worth worrying about- just make it clear.

Good to know you rent the entire venue out to accommodate everyone's extended family. Did it occur to you other people have more modest budgets and would like a fun party with a few close friends? Or is it: "no fun parties for poor kids because someone want to bring their cousin and Grandma too"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to write "No siblings" if that's what you want. A lot of people don't follow or don't know the rules anymore. In my circle, the invitations are always addressed to the kid, with the understanding that the whole family is invited. I was confused about this at first and wasn't sure who we could/should bring.

I also think if you have a party that's far away, you need to understand that people may not come if they can't bring the other kids. Sometimes it's not possible to drive and drop-off for a 2 hour party if it's not right in the immediate neighborhood. And I think people would do well to remember that it's nice to host, but your guests are also carving time out of their busy weekends to attend your party and bring a gift. They are making an effort too.

There are always other things to do. Don't make lame excuses. Drop the kid then go get gas, do grocery shopping, run some other errand. Don't act like this venue is in a desert with nothing else around. You just really want to bring your kids and have them experience the activity. It's so obvious.

I don't do this myself, but I understand it. We invite everyone and serve full meals and have goody bags for all the RSVPs plus extra. I don't worry if an extra sibling shows up. I think most people are doing their best. It's a kids party, not a wedding. Life goes on.

Then you're not having a venue party where there are caps on sizes. Do you understand how there might be other constraints when the party is not in your backyard?

If you have a venue party with constraints, you can very easily specify drop off and no siblings and the need for a head count. Stating this upfront in the invitation makes it easy to turn away siblings/families that randomly show up. This really isn't an unsolvable problem.

The excuses are already in here. 1) my kid can't handle drop off so I must be nearby 2) I live too far away 3) I'm just going to pay for sibling and be discreet 4) it's my culture to bring everyone 5) I do as I plead, don't know better, host won't mind 6) I'm not married and have no friends in my village to help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to write "No siblings" if that's what you want. A lot of people don't follow or don't know the rules anymore. In my circle, the invitations are always addressed to the kid, with the understanding that the whole family is invited. I was confused about this at first and wasn't sure who we could/should bring.

I also think if you have a party that's far away, you need to understand that people may not come if they can't bring the other kids. Sometimes it's not possible to drive and drop-off for a 2 hour party if it's not right in the immediate neighborhood. And I think people would do well to remember that it's nice to host, but your guests are also carving time out of their busy weekends to attend your party and bring a gift. They are making an effort too.

There are always other things to do. Don't make lame excuses. Drop the kid then go get gas, do grocery shopping, run some other errand. Don't act like this venue is in a desert with nothing else around. You just really want to bring your kids and have them experience the activity. It's so obvious.

I don't do this myself, but I understand it. We invite everyone and serve full meals and have goody bags for all the RSVPs plus extra. I don't worry if an extra sibling shows up. I think most people are doing their best. It's a kids party, not a wedding. Life goes on.

Then you're not having a venue party where there are caps on sizes. Do you understand how there might be other constraints when the party is not in your backyard?

I do have venue parties but I plan for this. And if I was that constrained I would write "no siblings" or something to that effect on the RSVP. Like I stated in my first post. This is not worth worrying about- just make it clear.

Good to know you rent the entire venue out to accommodate everyone's extended family. Did it occur to you other people have more modest budgets and would like a fun party with a few close friends? Or is it: "no fun parties for poor kids because someone want to bring their cousin and Grandma too"?

Yes, that's why I said to write "no siblings" or to otherwise make it clear on the invitation. Then you can move on without worrying about who will show up randomly at the door. And you can enforce the rules. As someone else said upthread, this is not an unsolvable problem.

I have received invitations specifying space constraints- it's not a big deal!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve brought siblings to Chuck E Cheese style parties a couple of times BUT I would never dream of asking the host family to have siblings join the party, let alone pay for them! I always pay for their entry and food and goodies and entertain them away from the actual party (and yes, it’s in cases where I do not have alternate childcare).

What does this have to do w you deciding to take your other (non invited) kids to a bday party venue? Why not just drop the invited kid off and go home w your other kids? Why do you need childcare at all? Wouldn’t you be taking care of your kids regardless of whether one is attending a party or not?

DP. Doesn’t sound like she’s talking about drop off parties. It also sounds like she’s being super polite.

Ok but if it’s not a drop off party and she is in another area supervising her other kids, what is the point of her even being there? Usually if it’s not a drop off party that’s bc the kids are young enough that the hosts want parents to stay and help out w their kids but this pp comes to a party and goes to a totally different area w her other kids so she wouldn’t be helping watch the invited kid so it basically IS like she’s just dropping her kid off anyway…

Because this isn’t actually about childcare. It’s about making sure that one kid doesn’t get to do a fun activity that their sibling doesn’t. Gotta make sure both do the same activity.

I think this is actually it. Every time an uninvited sibling has shown up (and it has happened with both immigrant and non immigrant families) the mom gave the excuse that the little sibling would be heartbroken if they didn't get to tag along. Which is true! I just dealt with this yesterday with my youngest. But you find something else fun for them and figure it out, instead of imposing.

I think this is it, too. Parents can't say no. I don't have a spouse (or a regular nanny/babysitter (or money to pay one)) and I still managed not to bring a sibling. Like a PP said, bring them to a nearby Target if it's too far to go home. I've seen people bring toddlers/preschoolers to parties at venues for older kids (e.g., lasertag, paintball). It's insanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve brought siblings to Chuck E Cheese style parties a couple of times BUT I would never dream of asking the host family to have siblings join the party, let alone pay for them! I always pay for their entry and food and goodies and entertain them away from the actual party (and yes, it’s in cases where I do not have alternate childcare).

What does this have to do w you deciding to take your other (non invited) kids to a bday party venue? Why not just drop the invited kid off and go home w your other kids? Why do you need childcare at all? Wouldn’t you be taking care of your kids regardless of whether one is attending a party or not?

Because in this area quite often these parties are not in the neighborhood, and with the length of most kids parties plus driving time to/from/to we’d be spending most of the time in the car. No thanks. (Not sure why it would bother anyone in the least to bring a sibling as long as it’s not actually infringing on the actual party. I agree that it’s rude to have a sibling tag along to the party itself unless the host has specifically okay’d it.)

Don't you have a husband?

Some people don't have spouses. Some people have spouses who work weekends.

It's amazing how these same people never have friends or know their classmates and can coordinate carpools or switch off on looking after each other's kids at these parties. The only solution is always bringing little brother so he can have fun too. There's also nothing else ever to do near the party, must crash the party, it's the only way.

Very often either my spouse or I are on work travel on weekends. (Not unusual for this area.) And it is not amazing that we don’t have a network of family or friends to help us, as we are both adult transplants to the area who work a lot. (This is also not unusual for this area, but thanks for rubbing it in!)

And in my initial post I explicitly said that while I sometimes have little sibling tag along I never let sibling impose on the actual party.

You seem like you are looking for a reason to be angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to write "No siblings" if that's what you want. A lot of people don't follow or don't know the rules anymore. In my circle, the invitations are always addressed to the kid, with the understanding that the whole family is invited. I was confused about this at first and wasn't sure who we could/should bring.

I also think if you have a party that's far away, you need to understand that people may not come if they can't bring the other kids. Sometimes it's not possible to drive and drop-off for a 2 hour party if it's not right in the immediate neighborhood. And I think people would do well to remember that it's nice to host, but your guests are also carving time out of their busy weekends to attend your party and bring a gift. They are making an effort too.

There are always other things to do. Don't make lame excuses. Drop the kid then go get gas, do grocery shopping, run some other errand. Don't act like this venue is in a desert with nothing else around. You just really want to bring your kids and have them experience the activity. It's so obvious.

I don't do this myself, but I understand it. We invite everyone and serve full meals and have goody bags for all the RSVPs plus extra. I don't worry if an extra sibling shows up. I think most people are doing their best. It's a kids party, not a wedding. Life goes on.

Then you're not having a venue party where there are caps on sizes. Do you understand how there might be other constraints when the party is not in your backyard?

I do have venue parties but I plan for this. And if I was that constrained I would write "no siblings" or something to that effect on the RSVP. Like I stated in my first post. This is not worth worrying about- just make it clear.

Good to know you rent the entire venue out to accommodate everyone's extended family. Did it occur to you other people have more modest budgets and would like a fun party with a few close friends? Or is it: "no fun parties for poor kids because someone want to bring their cousin and Grandma too"?

Yes, that's why I said to write "no siblings" or to otherwise make it clear on the invitation. Then you can move on without worrying about who will show up randomly at the door. And you can enforce the rules. As someone else said upthread, this is not an unsolvable problem.

I have received invitations specifying space constraints- it's not a big deal!

Are you joking? Hosts now have to be bouncers and awkwardly eject people who show up uninvited? The crashers are counting on the hosts just being polite and not barring their entry. There is no enforcement b/c that would be awkward to counter someone else's rudeness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve brought siblings to Chuck E Cheese style parties a couple of times BUT I would never dream of asking the host family to have siblings join the party, let alone pay for them! I always pay for their entry and food and goodies and entertain them away from the actual party (and yes, it’s in cases where I do not have alternate childcare).

What does this have to do w you deciding to take your other (non invited) kids to a bday party venue? Why not just drop the invited kid off and go home w your other kids? Why do you need childcare at all? Wouldn’t you be taking care of your kids regardless of whether one is attending a party or not?

Because in this area quite often these parties are not in the neighborhood, and with the length of most kids parties plus driving time to/from/to we’d be spending most of the time in the car. No thanks. (Not sure why it would bother anyone in the least to bring a sibling as long as it’s not actually infringing on the actual party. I agree that it’s rude to have a sibling tag along to the party itself unless the host has specifically okay’d it.)

Don't you have a husband?

Some people don't have spouses. Some people have spouses who work weekends.

It's amazing how these same people never have friends or know their classmates and can coordinate carpools or switch off on looking after each other's kids at these parties. The only solution is always bringing little brother so he can have fun too. There's also nothing else ever to do near the party, must crash the party, it's the only way.

Very often either my spouse or I are on work travel on weekends. (Not unusual for this area.) And it is not amazing that we don’t have a network of family or friends to help us, as we are both adult transplants to the area who work a lot. (This is also not unusual for this area, but thanks for rubbing it in!)

And in my initial post I explicitly said that while I sometimes have little sibling tag along I never let sibling impose on the actual party.

You seem like you are looking for a reason to be angry.

We know who you are and see you. You're rude and don't care.