13 year old dd and CPS

[Anonymous]

Something similar happened to me. A slap because kid was acting up and I was going through a bad divorce. A young school counselor (I was naive enough to actually ask for her services before because a young inexperienced teacher had behavior complaints) called CPS. The police came to do the interview and I didn’t deny it but said it was a one off and I regret it. In perspective I should have flat out denied it. The worker came later and her verdict was “inconclusive” so not great not terrible.
I pulled my kid out of counseling, requested all his records (just to make her feel nervous which I succeeded at doing - heard from her super who was probably worried about liability).
kid also learned a lesson. i never hit him again but i punished him by taking away screen time from then on without hesitation.
ive learned another lesson too - be extra caredul with therapy and only expweienced ones if absolutely necessary

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something similar happened to me. A slap because kid was acting up and I was going through a bad divorce. A young school counselor (I was naive enough to actually ask for her services before because a young inexperienced teacher had behavior complaints) called CPS. The police came to do the interview and I didn’t deny it but said it was a one off and I regret it. In perspective I should have flat out denied it. The worker came later and her verdict was “inconclusive” so not great not terrible.
I pulled my kid out of counseling, requested all his records (just to make her feel nervous which I succeeded at doing - heard from her super who was probably worried about liability).
kid also learned a lesson. i never hit him again but i punished him by taking away screen time from then on without hesitation.
ive learned another lesson too - be extra caredul with therapy and only expweienced ones if absolutely necessary

This is why you should speak to a lawyer OP. Seriously. You want to be prepared if CPS shows up on what to do/say or not say and what your rights are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cancel the phone. Send her to live with her dad.

Yes, add abandonment to the abuse. Every girl dreams of having a mom who gives up on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My advice is to deny the slap if CPS ever comes. Tell them your DD is difficult and likes to make things up to play victim.

Yes. Falsely accuse the daughter of being a liar. Great idea. If the daughter doesn't hate her mother (OP) now, she surely will after that.

[Anonymous]

I can’t even fathom what terrible parenting advice is being given on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Without a doubt, consult with a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Kids get abused in foster homes and then there's CPS in some areas putting parents through hell for a small infraction.

I told my kids if it ever comes to a situation like this they can go live in a foster home and then maybe see how much their parents do for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My advice is to deny the slap if CPS ever comes. Tell them your DD is difficult and likes to make things up to play victim.

Yes. Falsely accuse the daughter of being a liar. Great idea. If the daughter doesn't hate her mother (OP) now, she surely will after that.

+1. Also, not only that but there was a sibling present at dinner so what are you going to do ask the sibling to lie too? Seriously terrible advice and pretty messed up to ask the sibling to lie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cancel the phone. Send her to live with her dad.

Yes, add abandonment to the abuse. Every girl dreams of having a mom who gives up on her.

Come on. This is not abuse.

I don’t hit my kids but I occasionally witness some totally unacceptable behavior and the kids could absolutely use a slap or spanking. I have one friend who screams, yells, hits, scratches and throws things at her family. The parents ask nicely for her to stop since yelling at her doesn’t work. I couldn’t help but think that if this girl threw food at me or purposely spilled soup or milk on the table, she would get severely punished. She is the one kid that I think a good old fashioned spanking would do her good. Of course I have never said this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cancel the phone. Send her to live with her dad.

Yes, add abandonment to the abuse. Every girl dreams of having a mom who gives up on her.

Come on. This is not abuse.

I don’t hit my kids but I occasionally witness some totally unacceptable behavior and the kids could absolutely use a slap or spanking. I have one friend who screams, yells, hits, scratches and throws things at her family. The parents ask nicely for her to stop since yelling at her doesn’t work. I couldn’t help but think that if this girl threw food at me or purposely spilled soup or milk on the table, she would get severely punished. She is the one kid that I think a good old fashioned spanking would do her good. Of course I have never said this.

I'm 48 years old. When I was 13 (back in the late 80s) my Dad slapped me for talking back. It broke my tooth. I now have a cap, but it's never really looked right, so every single time I see myself in the mirror, it reminds me. I also occasionally (2-3 times a day) get a throb of pain in that tooth for a few seconds. More than thirty five years later.
No one can "use a slap" and the effects can last a life time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cancel the phone. Send her to live with her dad.

Yes, add abandonment to the abuse. Every girl dreams of having a mom who gives up on her.

Come on. This is not abuse.

I don’t hit my kids but I occasionally witness some totally unacceptable behavior and the kids could absolutely use a slap or spanking. I have one friend who screams, yells, hits, scratches and throws things at her family. The parents ask nicely for her to stop since yelling at her doesn’t work. I couldn’t help but think that if this girl threw food at me or purposely spilled soup or milk on the table, she would get severely punished. She is the one kid that I think a good old fashioned spanking would do her good. Of course I have never said this.

I'm 48 years old. When I was 13 (back in the late 80s) my Dad slapped me for talking back. It broke my tooth. I now have a cap, but it's never really looked right, so every single time I see myself in the mirror, it reminds me. I also occasionally (2-3 times a day) get a throb of pain in that tooth for a few seconds. More than thirty five years later.
No one can "use a slap" and the effects can last a life time.

I am so sorry this happened to you. I can not imagine the force it took to break your tooth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cancel the phone. Send her to live with her dad.

Yes, add abandonment to the abuse. Every girl dreams of having a mom who gives up on her.

Come on. This is not abuse.

I don’t hit my kids but I occasionally witness some totally unacceptable behavior and the kids could absolutely use a slap or spanking. I have one friend who screams, yells, hits, scratches and throws things at her family. The parents ask nicely for her to stop since yelling at her doesn’t work. I couldn’t help but think that if this girl threw food at me or purposely spilled soup or milk on the table, she would get severely punished. She is the one kid that I think a good old fashioned spanking would do her good. Of course I have never said this.

Slapping someone across the face is absolutely abuse. What would do if your spouse slapped you like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cancel her phone. Period. And if she won't / hasn't give yours back, buy a new one. truthfully. She needs to know she doesn't have the power. Also grounded.

Then counseling, not for anger (b/c one slap does, while not ok, does not an "anger management" problem make) but how to deal with your teen.

This, absolutely. Do not let her win, but don’t use anger to parent. I used the Social and Life Skills Center with success for a similar problem.

[Anonymous]

CPS is slammed with work. It’s unlikely they took the case. If you get a poor worker who comes to interview you, go over their head to a supervisor and explain. I would also speak to the therapist privately and explain, and say that you need help managing this child at home. You may need family therapy with someone very experienced. You should definitely leave the room if tempers are getting hot.

If CPS does come, they will likely recommend you take a parenting class, which you might want to do anyway.

Phones are a strong currency. Once things have settled down, I would recommend sitting down with your child when you are both calm and saying that her phone will be taken away for X amount of time for extreme disrespect or throwing things. Make it clear ahead of time. Make the amount of time long enough so there is an impact, but not so that she loses hope. Provide a cheap flip phone in its place.

And obviously, if you can get your ex to meet and agree that you need to present a united front for certain behaviors at both houses, that would help. The impact on your other child should also be considered. I do think you need someone experienced to help with this.

-school psychologist

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cancel the phone. Send her to live with her dad.

Yes, add abandonment to the abuse. Every girl dreams of having a mom who gives up on her.

Come on. This is not abuse.

I don’t hit my kids but I occasionally witness some totally unacceptable behavior and the kids could absolutely use a slap or spanking. I have one friend who screams, yells, hits, scratches and throws things at her family. The parents ask nicely for her to stop since yelling at her doesn’t work. I couldn’t help but think that if this girl threw food at me or purposely spilled soup or milk on the table, she would get severely punished. She is the one kid that I think a good old fashioned spanking would do her good. Of course I have never said this.

I'm 48 years old. When I was 13 (back in the late 80s) my Dad slapped me for talking back. It broke my tooth. I now have a cap, but it's never really looked right, so every single time I see myself in the mirror, it reminds me. I also occasionally (2-3 times a day) get a throb of pain in that tooth for a few seconds. More than thirty five years later.
No one can "use a slap" and the effects can last a life time.

I am so sorry this happened to you. I can not imagine the force it took to break your tooth.

Thank you.
My Dad claimed he really didn't hit me that hard. That he must have hit the tooth "just right." It's my front left tooth, so it's really prominent and visible.
My mom was out of state visiting family and this was in the morning before school. My dad called my mom and told her what happened, and they "let me" stay home from school that day (while they figured out what to do...)
When my dad took me to the dentist later that day, they told me to tell the dentist that I had been roughhousing with my younger brother and that's how it broke. They knew the dentist would be a mandated reporter. So that's what I did and I guess the dentist believed me.