13 year old dd and CPS

[Anonymous]

Op I’m sorry you are dealing with this. Don’t blame yourself or the divorce. Your daughter would likely pull this either way but she is able to use all the tricks right now because her dad is letting her. Let him have her for a month and he will be calling you in a month for help. Then take the high road and find a way to work together where you both enforce boundaries. Agree with the others the two week phone loss consequence should remain even after you apologize. You are running out of time to give this kid boundaries. You can’t control what he does but you having boundaries is how you show her love. Someday she will appreciate that. Whatever game your ex is playing will only backfire on him. Don’t let her play you two against each other to get her way, just hold firm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those on this thread minimizing domestic abuse/assault—hitting someone in the face!—should do some real soul searching.

Op, you need therapy and perhaps medication to deal with your anger. Parents are the adults. You have to get your own emotional house in order so you cannot be triggered/snap when children are acting childishly, which of course they will do because they are children.

Your ex may have legit concerns about his kid being with someone who became uncontrollably enraged and hit her in the face. The fact that you seem not to consider this possibility, and instead assume he is “milking” this situation, makes me wonder if you really are seeing things clearly.

brush!

+1. I was thinking the same. Kid might also need a few days to cool off after what was probably a traumatic experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those on this thread minimizing domestic abuse/assault—hitting someone in the face!—should do some real soul searching.

Op, you need therapy and perhaps medication to deal with your anger. Parents are the adults. You have to get your own emotional house in order so you cannot be triggered/snap when children are acting childishly, which of course they will do because they are children.

Your ex may have legit concerns about his kid being with someone who became uncontrollably enraged and hit her in the face. The fact that you seem not to consider this possibility, and instead assume he is “milking” this situation, makes me wonder if you really are seeing things clearly.

They don't need therapy and medication. It was a one time incident after the child kept pushing it. He is absolutely milking it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13 yr old dd is snarky, mean and entitled. She disrespects authority, doesn't take consequences seriously and lacks true remorse. On the otherhand, she can act incredibly polished, polite and charming to strangers. Recently we had a situation where she threw a glass of water on her sibling/me during dinner, and when I took her phone privilege away for a week, she took my phone and hid it saying I can't have my phone until she gets hers back. In the ensuing argument, tempers rose, lot of F word, and when she called me a f*ing B, I lost it and smacked her in the face. She called my ex who came to pick her up. He had her go speak to her therapist who reported me to the CPS. I am still waiting for a visit (its been 2 days) but I am heartbroken how this has turned out. I regret smacking her on the cheek and plan to apologize when I see her but I am concerned about her behavior. Her iphone has been returned and there is no consequence to her behavior which was unacceptable. I'm wracked with anxiety waiting for the CPS to come. Any advice? Your thoughts? I am full of regret and sadness.

It was wrong to hit her, but hardly at CPS level. She sounds like a spoiled brat who pushed it way too far. I think I'd suggest family therapy. She has to treat others with respect if she expects respect herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13 yr old dd is snarky, mean and entitled. She disrespects authority, doesn't take consequences seriously and lacks true remorse. On the otherhand, she can act incredibly polished, polite and charming to strangers. Recently we had a situation where she threw a glass of water on her sibling/me during dinner, and when I took her phone privilege away for a week, she took my phone and hid it saying I can't have my phone until she gets hers back. In the ensuing argument, tempers rose, lot of F word, and when she called me a f*ing B, I lost it and smacked her in the face. She called my ex who came to pick her up. He had her go speak to her therapist who reported me to the CPS. I am still waiting for a visit (its been 2 days) but I am heartbroken how this has turned out. I regret smacking her on the cheek and plan to apologize when I see her but I am concerned about her behavior. Her iphone has been returned and there is no consequence to her behavior which was unacceptable. I'm wracked with anxiety waiting for the CPS to come. Any advice? Your thoughts? I am full of regret and sadness.

I had a similar thing happen. Child attacked me when I took her phone away. Child literally put bruises on my arm for grabbing me too hard. I had to push child to get off me. I did not cause bruises on child, or any other harm but felt bad about pushing. I am in the middle of divorce and guess what SBXH did, told his therapist that I left bruises on child. CPS did a family assessment which I gather is a step down from a formal investigation. I showed them pictures of my bruises, and a medical report from an urgent care facility (I sensed SBXH was going to try and use the incident against me), and also told the attorney handling my divorce about the incident. CPS closed the case but recommended that I take parenting classes. One of the workers said it was 'traumatizing for my child for me to take his/her cell phone away' when child refused to give it to me after agreeing to handing it over five minutes earlier. It was insulting. I am a white BTW. Just be careful with CPS and consult with your lawyer before talking to them. I ended up talking to CPS without my lawyer present.

SBXH also tried to get me to turn on child's cell phone after the incident. He was actively undermining me to score brownie points. I suspended the account and turned it back on after 1 month of punishment. I let child's therapist know about the incident right away and she thought the 1 month without the phone was reasonable. In the state I am in, a slap on the face without leaving a bruise is not considered child abuse. Look up the law in your state. I though my child had ODD as well but was diagnosed with a form of anxiety and ADHD and now takes medication which has helped a lot with his/her behavior. It's been months since that incident and child's behavior is better. I definitely don't think which you did rises to the level of child abuse, but CPS in not an organization that I trust and other posters saying that it won't be investigated aren't necessarily correct. It very well could get dismissed since in my state a slap without leaving a bruise isn't child abuse, but it's not guaranteed b/c there is no way in my state a push during a physical attack on me rises to child abuse, but yet I got the house visit, and my child was interviewed at school without my knowledge. I also think in my case, SBXH told his therapist that I wasn't feeding my child b/c I was also investigated for neglect but the workers that came to interview me were more interested in the push incident. The whole thing was stressful and maddening. Look into ways to suspend your child's cell service so that you don't have to physically take it from her. I am sorry you are going through all this. I know people on this site are such harsh judges but when there is a child acting physically violent and disrespectful to calling you the b word/f u/ kill yourself, it takes a lot not to react. I have triggers though b/c SBXH is physically and emotional abusive, and I need to be mindful of that. I would also suggest posting in the Special Parenting section on this site b/c those parents are more helpful and gave me some resources to help if child acts violently towards me again that don't involve calling the police on them.