13 year old dd and CPS

[Anonymous]

Call the phone company and shut off the phone. Get her stuff and give her to dad. She will do it to him soon enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you white and MC or UMC? If so, CPS may take your case as it’ll be “easier.” Unfortunately I’m in a support group where this has happened (one family was turned in by a nanny) to several people. It’s also been talked about on this board.

I’d speak to a lawyer.

CPS is far, far more likely to open cases on families who are poor and/or Black.

I wish this was true. My nanny was reported to CPS due to a misunderstanding. The social worker, who sounded crazy, said she would only drop the case if I fired her. I ignored this, and there was no follow up. She's a wonderful nanny and it's now ten years later and no other incidents.

I'm told that our type of situation is considered an easy case and helps their statistics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call the phone company and shut off the phone. Get her stuff and give her to dad. She will do it to him soon enough.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call the phone company and shut off the phone. Get her stuff and give her to dad. She will do it to him soon enough.

No, this is nuts. Be a grown-up. Shut off phone and behave impeccably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call the phone company and shut off the phone. Get her stuff and give her to dad. She will do it to him soon enough.

No she won't. She and her father will have an easy common enemy -- OP -- to focus all her adolescent rage on. And he will take full advantage of that.

[Anonymous]

I would change your story to when she threw water on your face you moved and threw up your hands because you thought she might throw the glass and your hand glanced her cheek. Could it have happened like that?

I would stick to that story if cos is involved. That’s what they are going to want to hear to close the case. Get the other sibling on board with it was a chaotic night. Did you te t or leave a message to anyone with a different version?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would change your story to when she threw water on your face you moved and threw up your hands because you thought she might throw the glass and your hand glanced her cheek. Could it have happened like that?

I would stick to that story if cos is involved. That’s what they are going to want to hear to close the case. Get the other sibling on board with it was a chaotic night. Did you te t or leave a message to anyone with a different version?

OMG, do not tell your kid to lie. What a terrible idea, for so many reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would smack my kid across the face if she called me those words too.
Stop stressing about cps. They’re probably not coming but if they do just explain the situation.
Assuming this is the first time you’ve done this no one is getting arrested or taken away.
Why has the phone not been taken away for longer? And I wouldn’t apologize for the slap either, she deserved it.

You sound like a psycho.

You can’t hit someone for words you don’t like.

Not a psycho. Just a mom who doesn’t let her DD swear at me and throw water at me, or anything else. My kid is 11 and not perfect, we clash at times, it’s hard. I’ve never hit her. If she stooped to that level of disrespect though it’s on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d cut off service to that phone number. You need anger management or parenting classes or something though.

This 100% this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Call the phone company and shut off the phone. Get her stuff and give her to dad. She will do it to him soon enough.

No she won't. She and her father will have an easy common enemy -- OP -- to focus all her adolescent rage on. And he will take full advantage of that.

They are doing that either way. So, either Dad grows up and coparents or let him deal with it. She may be an angel for him or a terror. At some point the terror will come out. You cannot fight this battle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would smack my kid across the face if she called me those words too.
Stop stressing about cps. They’re probably not coming but if they do just explain the situation.
Assuming this is the first time you’ve done this no one is getting arrested or taken away.
Why has the phone not been taken away for longer? And I wouldn’t apologize for the slap either, she deserved it.

You sound like a psycho.

You can’t hit someone for words you don’t like.

Not a psycho. Just a mom who doesn’t let her DD swear at me and throw water at me, or anything else. My kid is 11 and not perfect, we clash at times, it’s hard. I’ve never hit her. If she stooped to that level of disrespect though it’s on.

Not excusing OP behavior but there is a huge difference between an 11 year old and 13-15 rage/hormones some of which is normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would smack my kid across the face if she called me those words too.
Stop stressing about cps. They’re probably not coming but if they do just explain the situation.
Assuming this is the first time you’ve done this no one is getting arrested or taken away.
Why has the phone not been taken away for longer? And I wouldn’t apologize for the slap either, she deserved it.

This. She deserved to be snaked and I don’t hit my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would smack my kid across the face if she called me those words too.
Stop stressing about cps. They’re probably not coming but if they do just explain the situation.
Assuming this is the first time you’ve done this no one is getting arrested or taken away.
Why has the phone not been taken away for longer? And I wouldn’t apologize for the slap either, she deserved it.

You sound like a psycho.

You can’t hit someone for words you don’t like.

Not a psycho. Just a mom who doesn’t let her DD swear at me and throw water at me, or anything else. My kid is 11 and not perfect, we clash at times, it’s hard. I’ve never hit her. If she stooped to that level of disrespect though it’s on.

Not excusing OP behavior but there is a huge difference between an 11 year old and 13-15 rage/hormones some of which is normal.

Maybe I’ll be back in 2 years admitting I was wrong. My DD has had her period almost 2 years now though and is way in the throes of puberty. It’s not an excuse.

[Anonymous]

What you did was entirely unnecessary understandable, OP. You have my sympathy.

CPS isn’t going to do a darn thing.

Her father and the therapist acted correctly in this situation.

Learn some psychology to outwit your difficult teen, and hang in there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would smack my kid across the face if she called me those words too.
Stop stressing about cps. They’re probably not coming but if they do just explain the situation.
Assuming this is the first time you’ve done this no one is getting arrested or taken away.
Why has the phone not been taken away for longer? And I wouldn’t apologize for the slap either, she deserved it.

You sound like a psycho.

You can’t hit someone for words you don’t like.

Not a psycho. Just a mom who doesn’t let her DD swear at me and throw water at me, or anything else. My kid is 11 and not perfect, we clash at times, it’s hard. I’ve never hit her. If she stooped to that level of disrespect though it’s on.

Not excusing OP behavior but there is a huge difference between an 11 year old and 13-15 rage/hormones some of which is normal.

Maybe I’ll be back in 2 years admitting I was wrong. My DD has had her period almost 2 years now though and is way in the throes of puberty. It’s not an excuse.

It's very different when kids get older and when the phone gets involved it gets worse. Hopefully you will have the perfect child but we'll see. OP ex has been setting this up for years and handled it poorly. He should have taken the kid for the night sent her to her room and in the morning invited mom over or brought the kid back. Both should have apologized and both parents agree on consequences which for me would be losing the phone for at least 3 weeks and other consequences. CPS isn't the problem OP has to worry about. Dad is setting it up so mom will fail involving the therapist and more. You haven't been in this type of situation but it doesn't end well for the kids. My husband's ex did this stuff and alienated the kids against him and the kids are not doing nearly as well as they can (putting it kindly - one is doing well but never married/had kids but the others are pretty messed up and repeating mom's behavior exactly) as they didn't have good stable parenting. Dad will take this to court, get the therapist to testify against mom, Dad thinks he won and is proud of himself not realizing the long term consequences for his daughter. This situation was handled very badly. Not justifying mom's behavior as she shouldn't have smacked the kid but the kid taking her phone was not acceptable. I would have gotten an old phone, reactivated my line on it and shut off the child's line or switched my line to my child's phone but its hard to think of those things in the heat of the moment. And suspended child's line and changed the wifi password. (We switched phones around a lot when my were your kids age as it was cheaper than a monthly phone plan to change numbers every few months with a new deal).