13 year old dd and CPS

[Anonymous]

13 yr old dd is snarky, mean and entitled. She disrespects authority, doesn't take consequences seriously and lacks true remorse. On the otherhand, she can act incredibly polished, polite and charming to strangers. Recently we had a situation where she threw a glass of water on her sibling/me during dinner, and when I took her phone privilege away for a week, she took my phone and hid it saying I can't have my phone until she gets hers back. In the ensuing argument, tempers rose, lot of F word, and when she called me a f*ing B, I lost it and smacked her in the face. She called my ex who came to pick her up. He had her go speak to her therapist who reported me to the CPS. I am still waiting for a visit (its been 2 days) but I am heartbroken how this has turned out. I regret smacking her on the cheek and plan to apologize when I see her but I am concerned about her behavior. Her iphone has been returned and there is no consequence to her behavior which was unacceptable. I'm wracked with anxiety waiting for the CPS to come. Any advice? Your thoughts? I am full of regret and sadness.

[Anonymous]

Deal with your own issues quickly.

I’m sorry! BFD! Get your anger and control issues dealt with.

It’s amazing how teen becomes less of a nightmare when their mother stops being a psycho.

[Anonymous]

I would smack my kid across the face if she called me those words too.
Stop stressing about cps. They’re probably not coming but if they do just explain the situation.
Assuming this is the first time you’ve done this no one is getting arrested or taken away.
Why has the phone not been taken away for longer? And I wouldn’t apologize for the slap either, she deserved it.

[Anonymous]

Oppositional defiant disorder, OP.

[Anonymous]

Why does this kid get her phone back? Seriously. She threw water at you and took your phone.
Where is your ex on this. He needs to back you up.

CPS likely didn’t pick up the case. I wouldn’t worry. I’m an educator and make calls all the time. CPS doesn’t pick up (meaning they will assign a worker to investigate) more than you would imagine.

[Anonymous]

I’d cut off service to that phone number. You need anger management or parenting classes or something though.

[Anonymous]

Are you white and MC or UMC? If so, CPS may take your case as it’ll be “easier.” Unfortunately I’m in a support group where this has happened (one family was turned in by a nanny) to several people. It’s also been talked about on this board.

I’d speak to a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you white and MC or UMC? If so, CPS may take your case as it’ll be “easier.” Unfortunately I’m in a support group where this has happened (one family was turned in by a nanny) to several people. It’s also been talked about on this board.

I’d speak to a lawyer.

CPS is far, far more likely to open cases on families who are poor and/or Black.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t overly worry. CPS has real abuse to deal with, they don’t have the time.

In my experience - and you won’t like this - almost all teenagers who behave like this have immature parents. My best friend was like this with her daughter. It was so hard to watch - luckily she got a lot of therapy and now isn’t much like this (she was also in an emotionally abusive marriage that’s now ending). But was unnecessarily controlling - she would fly off the handle at every snarky word from her daughter and take her teenage angst like a personal rejection. Everything went back to centering herself - her daughter doesn’t appreciate her, like her, it was really weird. And I’ve noticed this pattern in my mom groups from parents with “disrespectful” teenagers. It’s SO personal to them. I think they lay on a guilt trip. Usually these are parents who were very dedicated moms to their young kids - like they can’t process their kids independence and adoration changing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oppositional defiant disorder, OP.

This.

And returning violence in this situation will only escalate her ODD.

It’s not uncommon with kids who have split families. It happens in other situations as well. It’s fairly common but it doesn’t have to be a permanent condition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oppositional defiant disorder, OP.

This.

And returning violence in this situation will only escalate her ODD.

It’s not uncommon with kids who have split families. It happens in other situations as well. It’s fairly common but it doesn’t have to be a permanent condition.

Her father is probably eating this up. Don't play into his hands, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you white and MC or UMC? If so, CPS may take your case as it’ll be “easier.” Unfortunately I’m in a support group where this has happened (one family was turned in by a nanny) to several people. It’s also been talked about on this board.

I’d speak to a lawyer.

+1

It makes their stats look more equitable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oppositional defiant disorder, OP.

This.

And returning violence in this situation will only escalate her ODD.

It’s not uncommon with kids who have split families. It happens in other situations as well. It’s fairly common but it doesn’t have to be a permanent condition.

You know ODD requires the mother causing issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would smack my kid across the face if she called me those words too.
Stop stressing about cps. They’re probably not coming but if they do just explain the situation.
Assuming this is the first time you’ve done this no one is getting arrested or taken away.
Why has the phone not been taken away for longer? And I wouldn’t apologize for the slap either, she deserved it.

You sound like a psycho.

You can’t hit someone for words you don’t like.

[Anonymous]

Cops will not care regardless of race. If it was a huge deal they would have been out in 24 hours. One slap no bruises is a mistake, but it’s not considered abuse if it was a one time thing. Don’t let people here scare you. What is dad doing about it? Did he give consequences to her? Shut down that phone and she does not get it back for a few months or longer.