Dad’s new “companion” after mom’s death

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is currently dying of cancer and the thought that my dad might have a new lady friend at some point has crossed my mind. We would of course talk about wills, POA, and other matters at the time, but I can't really expect he be a lonely widow for whatever time he has left without my mom. He's in his late 70s. In some ways it would give me peace of mind that he wasn't alone all the time and had someone there with him in case he fell, needed help, keep him up on his doctor appointments, keep him company, etc. I can't be there all the time I have my own life and young kids.

oops widower, not widow.

[Anonymous]

Understandable that this might be hard to process.

My friend’s mom passed away and since his dad re-married, my friend hardly sees him anymore. He’s not upset his dad has a new person, just that they choose to have a very distant relationship with the kids and grandkids. The dad is more passive and takes the new wife’s lead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you to the PPs who provided some perspective on this without insulting me. I love my dad and of course want him to be happy. I also recognize I am still grieving which is probably clouding my judgment and emotions.

Grow up.
Seriously grow up.

Your father should be happy period. And it is none of your business.

[Anonymous]

Are you close enough to your Dad to tell him it is upsetting you and you want him to end things with her? He may not realize this is distressing you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you close enough to your Dad to tell him it is upsetting you and you want him to end things with her? He may not realize this is distressing you.

If OP is in distress, that is for her to deal with it's illogical, not fair to her dad, and selfish for her to ask him to end it.

[Anonymous]

Change is the only constant in life. Might as well learn to roll with it

[Anonymous]

OP, are you 12? You sound dreadful. Your father deserves to be happy. Get OVER yourself!

[Anonymous]

No one will ever replace your mom, even if he were to get married again... how could anyone replace his long term partner and the mother of his kids? But he has room in his heart for another relationship, and that is okay and normal. It means he has good associations with marriage and liked being a partner. It doesn't take away a thing from your mom, I promise you.

[Anonymous]

If it was only six months I could understand why you might be upset. But six years? I’d be thrilled for my father unless the woman was a gold digger or PIA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you 12? You sound dreadful. Your father deserves to be happy. Get OVER yourself!

I will never understand how some people can get so triggered by a stranger’s situation on the internet

[Anonymous]

I sometimes think this forum has the meanest posters on DCUM.

OP, the overwhelming advice is correct. Your dad lost his wife and has spent years adjusting to that, but he deserves to find some happiness in his remaining years too. The poor guy has been so gentle with you, trying to ease you into the idea he's dating. He sounds like a super great dad.

Allowing competitive feelings or jealousy about your mother to creep into your psyche could be so damaging to your relationship with your dad. Your goal should be to get to a place where you can compartmentalize this relationship from that relationship and her from your mom - and find a way to meet her for your dad's sake. A therapist can help you with this.

Coupling up in old age can provide so many health benefits that could ultimately lead to your father living a longer life than if he were alone.

[Anonymous]

You need to stop being a whiner op. Six years ago is six years ago. Just stop being a snowflake.

[Anonymous]

Are you a narcissist op?

[Anonymous]

Aw, your poor dad. What he is doing is completely normal. And he seems to be honoring your feelings too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the loss of your mother, to cancer no less, followed by your father dating another woman must be very traumatic to you. Tell him how you feel, maybe write a letter. He should consider your feelings and get your permission if he wants to date, since you’re his daughter and you are speaking for your mother too. She may not want your dad to date either. Six years, or six decades, love knows no timeline.

This is simply the worst advice I have ever read on DCUM.

OP is an adult, not a 12 year old. She has no say in her dad's romantic life. If anything, she should find a way to be outwardly happy for her dad while she works on her feelings privately or with a therapist.

Mom is dead. She does not get to tell husband he can't date. Even the religious crazies agree that marriage ends at death. Furthermore, someone who truly and selflessly loved their spouse *would* want them to have companionship.