Dad’s new “companion” after mom’s death

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you to the PPs who provided some perspective on this without insulting me. I love my dad and of course want him to be happy. I also recognize I am still grieving which is probably clouding my judgment and emotions.

If you’re not in therapy with someone who can help patients with grief, I would invite you to consider seeking it out. It’s perfectly fine for your dad to want and seek out companionship. In fact, it’s a strong sign that his marriage to your mom was solid and loving. He misses that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you to the PPs who provided some perspective on this without insulting me. I love my dad and of course want him to be happy. I also recognize I am still grieving which is probably clouding my judgment and emotions.

OP, it's wonderful that you're willing to recognize this is about you, not him. You may never adjust to a companion, but I would hate for you to lose your relationship with him because you want him to stay stuck in the past without companionship. Sending hugs.

[Anonymous]

Is some of your concern the possibility she will grab YOUR inheritance?

[Anonymous]

Yea we see my parent alone without the companion often but invite them to birthday dinners, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is some of your concern the possibility she will grab YOUR inheritance?

I genuinely feel sorry for you, you miserable human

[Anonymous]

Stop making your dad's happiness about you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woah op. You’re way out of line and are being extremely selfish. It’s been 6 years. Everyone deserves companionship. He will never replace your mom. He is just dating someone in this stage of his life. I can’t believe you thought he doesn’t deserve someone because he already had a wife.

I think you need to explore your grief if you aren’t able to let him have a girlfriend.

Six months, OP may have a point. Six years? Way out of line.

OP, consider this - you have one parent left, and you are making him less happy than he could be. I'm sure you don't want that, and I bet your mother wouldn't either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you to the PPs who provided some perspective on this without insulting me. I love my dad and of course want him to be happy. I also recognize I am still grieving which is probably clouding my judgment and emotions.

OP, it's wonderful that you're willing to recognize this is about you, not him. You may never adjust to a companion, but I would hate for you to lose your relationship with him because you want him to stay stuck in the past without companionship. Sending hugs.

This, plus the recommendation that you get grief counseling. You need to be able to support your dad or risk ruining your relationship/his life.

If he said he wasn’t ready to give up seeing you as his little girl and wanted you to stay alone forever, would that seem reasonable to you? (Not understandable, but reasonable?)

[Anonymous]

Your dad is my dad except he refuses to find new companionship and is alone all the time. The house is a shrine since my mom passed, he won’t move on. He won’t downsize. He want toss anything. He won’t go make new friends. It’s like he just stopped living a decade ago. Luckily he likes to come visit the grandkids, but we’re not close by enough to see him all the time. I worry about his being all alone. Try to find happiness for your dad if you can, it has no bearing on his love for you mom.

[Anonymous]

Are you comfortable saying to your dad, "Dad, I think it would be better if you were to be alone for the rest of your life spending your time thinking about and grieving the years you had with mom."

No? Then how about let him live his own life and be a supportive daughter. Try to stop thinking about yourself and even try to be kind and loving to someone who is very likely kind and loving to your dad in your absence.

[Anonymous]

This must be a troll.

[Anonymous]

I get it, op. I lost my mom young and it was hard to see my dad with someone else. It’s hard to grieve for a parent, and sometimes we get stuck in the process. I agree with other pp’s that you may want to explore therapy focused on your grief. Look into Hope Edelman’s workshops. A lot of women there are grieving moms they lost when they were young, but I believe she has workshops for women who were adults too. https://www.hopeedelman.com/motherless-daughters-1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it, op. I lost my mom young and it was hard to see my dad with someone else. It’s hard to grieve for a parent, and sometimes we get stuck in the process. I agree with other pp’s that you may want to explore therapy focused on your grief. Look into Hope Edelman’s workshops. A lot of women there are grieving moms they lost when they were young, but I believe she has workshops for women who were adults too. https://www.hopeedelman.com/motherless-daughters-1

OP here. Thank you for sharing that resource. I will definitely look into it.

[Anonymous]

Why is companion in quotes? That’s so disrespectful. Grow up, OP.

[Anonymous]

That is really cruel, OP. I hope you realize that.