Dad’s new “companion” after mom’s death

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is companion in quotes? That’s so disrespectful. Grow up, OP.

She didn’t want to say f@!k buddy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you to the PPs who provided some perspective on this without insulting me. I love my dad and of course want him to be happy. I also recognize I am still grieving which is probably clouding my judgment and emotions.

I think it's good that you are acknowledging that your grief is clouding your judgement. I am very sorry you lost your mother and are still grieving.

I think your father has tried to introduce the topic in a sensitive and gentle way. Take some time to get used to the idea, but ultimately try to see this from your dad's point of view.

Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, OP you’re going to have to override your emotions on this one and try to be welcoming and supportive because it’s the right thing to do. Even if you’re just pretending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom passed away 6 years ago after a long battle with cancer. She was in her mid 60s. It’s still extremely heartbreaking to my family (me, my dad and my brother) and I miss her more than anything.

A few months ago, on a phone call with my dad (who is in his 70s now), he very casually mentioned that he felt like he was ready for some “companionship.” It took me completely by surprise as I couldn’t imagine my dad ever wanting to be with anyone after 40+ years of marriage with my mom. I voiced my surprise and confusion on the call and he didn’t bring it up again. A few months passed and he, again very casually, mentioned a childhood friend that he reconnected with. I also recently found out via another family member that they travel together and spend quite a bit of time together. Most recently, he brought her to a family function, which I must admit, was upsetting to hear.

I’m not sure how to process these emotions. Part of me feels like my dad is forgetting or replacing the 40 years he shared with my mom and her memory feels more and more distant. At the same time, I’m glad my dad isn’t completely alone because we don’t live near each other and I worry about him. Truth be told, I never want to meet this friend of his and I don’t want her to be a part of my life. I know she could never replace my mom. I guess I’m wondering if anyone else has navigated feeling this way or if I’m completely off base.

Your feelings are understandable but he needs to live his life. His need to get laid and have company is not a reflection on the memory of your mom. Be happy for him.

[Anonymous]

Six years is a long time. My grandfather had a girlfriend six months after my grandmother died of cancer. And was married to her a few months later. Be happy for your dad but if they come to a point where they move in together or get married, have the conversation about what happens if your dad passes first.

But you should meet her and go into with an open mind. She likely has no intentions of replacing your mother.

[Anonymous]

I would be more worried if he didn't. Men that don't have a reason to care for themselves give up.

[Anonymous]

It’s a good thing you posted here, OP. Let it be the push you need to work through these feelings so you can act respectfully and supportively in person.

I would feel the same exact way and also approach this from a place of distrust BUT I would do everything I could to shift that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a good thing you posted here, OP. Let it be the push you need to work through these feelings so you can act respectfully and supportively in person.

I would feel the same exact way and also approach this from a place of distrust BUT I would do everything I could to shift that.

Who are you immature, self-focused people who would begrudge an old man some companionship six YEARS after he completely fulfilled his vows to the woman he married? Like honestly.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry that you are hurting, OP, but I am in my mid-50s, widowed less than 2 years, and I am more than ready for companionship. I can't imagine my children not understanding that.

[Anonymous]

You’re taking this way too personally. Like 80% of widowers remarry. That’s just how men are. Your dad waited a long time and you are not a minor child who will have to live with a stepmother.

[Anonymous]

6 years? You need to think about this differently. Your Dad has tried to raise this gently and you rebuffed him. Hear him out and meet this lady before you judge to harshly. A companion can be great (a wife is more potentially problematic).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a good thing you posted here, OP. Let it be the push you need to work through these feelings so you can act respectfully and supportively in person.

I would feel the same exact way and also approach this from a place of distrust BUT I would do everything I could to shift that.

Who are you immature, self-focused people who would begrudge an old man some companionship six YEARS after he completely fulfilled his vows to the woman he married? Like honestly.

+1. This is downright cruel. He’s a grown ass man who is dating someone who makes him happy. What is there to be mistrusting or unhappy about? I hope dad straight up tells the OP to grow the f up.

[Anonymous]

OP, the loss of your mother, to cancer no less, followed by your father dating another woman must be very traumatic to you. Tell him how you feel, maybe write a letter. He should consider your feelings and get your permission if he wants to date, since you’re his daughter and you are speaking for your mother too. She may not want your dad to date either. Six years, or six decades, love knows no timeline.

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand these feelings. My mom moved on extremely quickly after my dad died and it bothered me a lot. But there’s nothing I could or should do about it. Your dad is still alive and presumably deserves to be happy. This is about your grief, not him or the new girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

OP, that’s hard and totally understandable it would be difficult for you. Six years is a respectable amount of time. It might actually be better for his own health and longevity in the long run to have a companion.