Dad’s new “companion” after mom’s death

[Anonymous]

My mom passed away 6 years ago after a long battle with cancer. She was in her mid 60s. It’s still extremely heartbreaking to my family (me, my dad and my brother) and I miss her more than anything.

A few months ago, on a phone call with my dad (who is in his 70s now), he very casually mentioned that he felt like he was ready for some “companionship.” It took me completely by surprise as I couldn’t imagine my dad ever wanting to be with anyone after 40+ years of marriage with my mom. I voiced my surprise and confusion on the call and he didn’t bring it up again. A few months passed and he, again very casually, mentioned a childhood friend that he reconnected with. I also recently found out via another family member that they travel together and spend quite a bit of time together. Most recently, he brought her to a family function, which I must admit, was upsetting to hear.

I’m not sure how to process these emotions. Part of me feels like my dad is forgetting or replacing the 40 years he shared with my mom and her memory feels more and more distant. At the same time, I’m glad my dad isn’t completely alone because we don’t live near each other and I worry about him. Truth be told, I never want to meet this friend of his and I don’t want her to be a part of my life. I know she could never replace my mom. I guess I’m wondering if anyone else has navigated feeling this way or if I’m completely off base.

[Anonymous]

Grow up op. Your mom is passed. Let him live his life.

[Anonymous]

Woah op. You’re way out of line and are being extremely selfish. It’s been 6 years. Everyone deserves companionship. He will never replace your mom. He is just dating someone in this stage of his life. I can’t believe you thought he doesn’t deserve someone because he already had a wife.

I think you need to explore your grief if you aren’t able to let him have a girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

No. My mother also died relatively young and my father also started dating within a year (after being married to my mother for 45 years).

I was happy that he had companionship.

I think your reaction is extreme and unwarranted.

Who is talking about replacing your mom? You are probably like 40 years old or something. You should be much more mature about this.

[Anonymous]

Six YEARS after he held your mom’s hand until the end? Grow up, princess. It may shock you to hear that your father has a life of his own, and he deserves to be happy.

You’ll be grateful enough when she drives him to medical appointments and is there when he falls in the shower. Get therapy and get some perspective. It’s not all about YOU. I’m glad your father isn’t alone. Good for him.

[Anonymous]

While I understand it's hard for you to see him "replacing" your mom, he's a human who desires love, friendship, and companionship. Give him your blessing to be happy. It will do a world of good for your relationship with him. It's been six years. He should be ready for a new love by now, and that doesn't take anything away from his last and longest love.

[Anonymous]

How old are you?

[Anonymous]

Stop being a baby.

[Anonymous]

Op I am so sorry about your mom. Losing a parent is incredibly difficult. You are being very unfair to your dad though. Miss your mom, remember her, and please support your dad in living his life in the years he has left (he could have 20+! No one should have to do that alone because they had a spouse die earlier). Please know this has nothing to do with your fathers love for your mother. And to insinuate that to him would be cruel. It would also be quite selfish to not let him have her be a part of your lives together. It will impact your relationship and be very hurtful if you do.

Of course she won’t replace your mother, you are an adult! That is so far out of the equation. It is absolutely normal for your dad to have a companion, life partner etc. Please consider this and giving yourself and your father the gift of a relationship that grows and is flexible over time even through very hard things

[Anonymous]

OP, I know it's hard, but your dad deserves a next chapter in his life. It is unfair that 6 years after your mom died, he can't have a companion in his life.

And as you're seeing, you already disapproved and he has continued on anyway, without you. This will only get worse.

You need to mature here and accept this woman in his life. And very possibly, in your life if you want him to stay in yours.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. I think your feelings are natural but they are NOT something to act on. Your dad deserves happiness, and it's not a betrayl on his part to consider other women at all at this point whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you to the PPs who provided some perspective on this without insulting me. I love my dad and of course want him to be happy. I also recognize I am still grieving which is probably clouding my judgment and emotions.

[Anonymous]

OP, it’s not your approval he needs. Did you seriously think men just shut off the need for female companionship when a spouse dies or they get divorced? Kind of like they die too?

[Anonymous]

I think your dad is very kind to slowly attempt to introduce this idea to you and then back off and try again. It seems like other family members are more understanding. He deservirs your support at least not directly opposing this, as it seems like he is alone and attending family functions that you don’t attend. I’m happy that he has someone who he is comfortable enough with to Share.

Six years is a long time.

[Anonymous]

JFC OP. You don’t live near him and want to keep him in a box? If you’re so concerned about him, move to him.