The Introvert’s Disadvantage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Extroversion has zero to do with “emotional intelligence.” If anything, introverts have more emotional intelligence. They’re listeners, observers, they have more self awareness, they know how to navigate certain situations.

Knowing how to navigate certain situations is not the same as actually executing effectively on that knowledge. Many introverts may still have challenges with the latter.

Same goes for extroverts. Boy, there are plenty at my job, that know the theory of how to execute certain situations correctly, but in practice it goes completely sideways.

On the same token I have an introvert teammate that rocks the execution and then goes and recharges in quiet, seeking non contact if possible for a while.

What kind of work situation/execution do you mean exactly? Not all are created equal when it comes to extroverts and introverts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here:

Also, introvert does not necessarily equal social anxiety, just like not all extroverts feel the need to be front and center, they just love to socialize, but are not necessarily spotlight hogs (though many seem).

This is what I’m trying to explain to the introverts who are just like “oh no it’s fine, I’m completely successful and don’t have anxiety”

I’m sure that’s true. But even though extrovert does not necessarily mean “attention hog” it does still seem to be quite prevalent.

And there is of course, a spectrum, and I think a lot of people are close to the middle. The knowledge that day after day you’re going to be drained because world was built for and run by extroverts, while you’re an introvert; doesn’t cause you to feel distressed/anxious/depressed? Cool, but that’s obviously not the case for a large amount of introverts—otherwise people wouldn’t conflate introvert with shyness and social anxiety.

If you’re so introverted that after riding the bus to school, attending multiple hours long classes with dozens of other students, going to lunch and being in the presence of hundreds of other kids, then attending more classes with dozens of other kids. After that, an introvert is drained—along with the school work itself draining them the environment itself also drained them. Oh and then when you finally get home you also get to do homework! Ah but society has dictated you must do extracurriculars to have a good portfolio for admissions. As AOs always point out admissions are holistic and not only based on grades and test scores! So then if you even still have any energy left you get to go do more socializing at some extra activity!


This is just one example of the bias in favor of extroverts. But it’s a big one and shows how from the start there’s a bias. Extroverts get their energy and recharge their batteries from all that socializing.

It would be like the equivalent of making your extroverted DC do school without the socializing aspect. Just go, sit there by yourself and do your work and read. Go to a club, do sports? No just sit at home and build a website. Go to a party with a big group of friends? Nope you can *maybe* have a quiet time at home with one friend.. on occasion.

Do you think your children would be mentally healthy? Or do you think they’d find everything so boring and a huge drag that it would zap their motivation and make them depressed? Of course they could choose to be more social but in the world I am describing the introverts are the ones who have an advantage and the world is biased to them. So the more your DC chooses to be extroverted the greater chance for negative outcomes in the long run educationally/professionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here:

Also, introvert does not necessarily equal social anxiety, just like not all extroverts feel the need to be front and center, they just love to socialize, but are not necessarily spotlight hogs (though many seem).

Exactly. Extroversion simply means you are energized from being around others whereas introverts need time alone to recharge.

That’s it. Both can be equally effective leaders. Both can be socially skilled. Both can type B. Etc

[Anonymous]

New poster here. This part: The knowledge that day after day you’re going to be drained because world was built for and run by extroverts, while you’re an introvert; doesn’t cause you to feel distressed/anxious/depressed?

Short answer, no. If your job requires extroversion, it can be done as a mastered skill by and introvert, who then just goes home and recharges. While the extrovert goes out afterwards meeting friends.

As for kids, they will choose EC that will align and just recharge when at home. Maybe helping in an SPCA, cleaning/feeding will work better for them than a sales job. Don't see the issue really.

Also, not sure why homework alone at home should be draining to an introvert.

[Anonymous]

it can go either way. My introverted eldest was very driven and had tons of leadership positions in his passion fields - he also had his own business and teachers loved him because he was so smart. His resume going to college was near perfect. My next one getting ready to apply next year is an extrovert but just likes to hang with friends and chill. Dare I say a touch lazy? So, it depends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:it can go either way. My introverted eldest was very driven and had tons of leadership positions in his passion fields - he also had his own business and teachers loved him because he was so smart. His resume going to college was near perfect. My next one getting ready to apply next year is an extrovert but just likes to hang with friends and chill. Dare I say a touch lazy? So, it depends.

+1

Enough with the "WAAAAHHHH I'm an introvert nonsense"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. This part: The knowledge that day after day you’re going to be drained because world was built for and run by extroverts, while you’re an introvert; doesn’t cause you to feel distressed/anxious/depressed?

Short answer, no. If your job requires extroversion, it can be done as a mastered skill by and introvert, who then just goes home and recharges. While the extrovert goes out afterwards meeting friends.

As for kids, they will choose EC that will align and just recharge when at home. Maybe helping in an SPCA, cleaning/feeding will work better for them than a sales job. Don't see the issue really.

Also, not sure why homework alone at home should be draining to an introvert.

Because it’s still work?

[Anonymous]

? this makes no sense to me, sorry.

Homework at home can be stressful for an extrovert just as much as an introvert, but I would say that has more to do with the overall general workload or ability.

Nothing about homework is inherently more stressful for an introvert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it can go either way. My introverted eldest was very driven and had tons of leadership positions in his passion fields - he also had his own business and teachers loved him because he was so smart. His resume going to college was near perfect. My next one getting ready to apply next year is an extrovert but just likes to hang with friends and chill. Dare I say a touch lazy? So, it depends.

+1

Enough with the "WAAAAHHHH I'm an introvert nonsense"

Okay, just ignore the tons of documentation about how society is biased against introverts.

I think part of this is a misunderstanding of what some of us mean. If this is the scale with the vertical line in the middle being the dividing point. I’m not talking about the people at the “x”, I’m talking about the people at the “z”. There’s a difference.

More Introverted<___z___________x_|_______________>More extroverted

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:? this makes no sense to me, sorry.

Homework at home can be stressful for an extrovert just as much as an introvert, but I would say that has more to do with the overall general workload or ability.

Nothing about homework is inherently more stressful for an introvert.

It’s not the fact that the homework is inherently more hard/stressful/whatever. It’s that they are already drained from all the socialization at school. If one enjoys and is recharged by all that socializing, they’re going to have more energy at the end of the school day.

If you’re so introverted that after riding the bus to school, attending multiple hours long classes with dozens of other students, going to lunch and being in the presence of hundreds of other kids, then attending more classes with dozens of other kids. After that, an introvert is drained—along with the school work itself draining them the environment itself also drained them. Oh and then when you finally get home you also get to do homework!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here:

Also, introvert does not necessarily equal social anxiety, just like not all extroverts feel the need to be front and center, they just love to socialize, but are not necessarily spotlight hogs (though many seem).

Exactly. Extroversion simply means you are energized from being around others whereas introverts need time alone to recharge.

That’s it. Both can be equally effective leaders. Both can be socially skilled.

"Can be"... but 90% of the time, aren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it can go either way. My introverted eldest was very driven and had tons of leadership positions in his passion fields - he also had his own business and teachers loved him because he was so smart. His resume going to college was near perfect. My next one getting ready to apply next year is an extrovert but just likes to hang with friends and chill. Dare I say a touch lazy? So, it depends.

+1

Enough with the "WAAAAHHHH I'm an introvert nonsense"

Okay, just ignore the tons of documentation about how society is biased against introverts.

Society is only biased in favor of extroverts when it is a question of deciding who should be a leader for the simple reason that introverts are bad at it.

Society has no bias against introverts in follower positions. Introverts can have perfectly successful and satisfying lives getting the work done under the direction of extroverts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it can go either way. My introverted eldest was very driven and had tons of leadership positions in his passion fields - he also had his own business and teachers loved him because he was so smart. His resume going to college was near perfect. My next one getting ready to apply next year is an extrovert but just likes to hang with friends and chill. Dare I say a touch lazy? So, it depends.

+1

Enough with the "WAAAAHHHH I'm an introvert nonsense"

Okay, just ignore the tons of documentation about how society is biased against introverts.

Society is only biased in favor of extroverts when it is a question of deciding who should be a leader for the simple reason that introverts are bad at it.

Society has no bias against introverts in follower positions. Introverts can have perfectly successful and satisfying lives getting the work done under the direction of extroverts.

We’re having this discussion in a forum about college admissions being biased. Not the jobs and careers forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:? this makes no sense to me, sorry.

Homework at home can be stressful for an extrovert just as much as an introvert, but I would say that has more to do with the overall general workload or ability.

Nothing about homework is inherently more stressful for an introvert.

It’s not the fact that the homework is inherently more hard/stressful/whatever. It’s that they are already drained from all the socialization at school. If one enjoys and is recharged by all that socializing, they’re going to have more energy at the end of the school day.

If you’re so introverted that after riding the bus to school, attending multiple hours long classes with dozens of other students, going to lunch and being in the presence of hundreds of other kids, then attending more classes with dozens of other kids. After that, an introvert is drained—along with the school work itself draining them the environment itself also drained them. Oh and then when you finally get home you also get to do homework!

Okay I bite. This, to me, is a misunderstanding, otherwise all introverts in major cities would be drained non-stop. That is not the case. An introvert will go to lunch with their small friend group and only interact with them and will be just fine. There is no interaction with hundreds of other students. Introverts enjoy interaction, just with smaller groups or one-on-one.

I get a feeling your views are a bit extreme and not fitting most introverts. Sure, there are extremes, on both ends, but I that is not the majority of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. This part: The knowledge that day after day you’re going to be drained because world was built for and run by extroverts, while you’re an introvert; doesn’t cause you to feel distressed/anxious/depressed?

Short answer, no. If your job requires extroversion, it can be done as a mastered skill by and introvert, who then just goes home and recharges. While the extrovert goes out afterwards meeting friends.

As for kids, they will choose EC that will align and just recharge when at home. Maybe helping in an SPCA, cleaning/feeding will work better for them than a sales job. Don't see the issue really.

Also, not sure why homework alone at home should be draining to an introvert.

+1. I’m a strong introvert. But on my performance evaluations have always topped out the ratings on interpersonal skills. Usually a lot of comments like polite and courteous to all team members, from managers manger to entry level support staff; tactfully dealt with an uncomfortable situation; thoughtful approaches to complex and challenging interpersonal issues.

I also do a lot of training and mentoring new hires. I don’t mind training a large group and it doesn’t make me anxious, but I definitely need a slower pace after work and some time before bed to read or soak in the tub. It was challenging when my kids were young to train and walk in to little people who needed my immediate and full attention. I love 1:1 mentoring. It’s probably my favorite part of the job. I don’t find it draining at all, unless my mentee is argumentative, unpleasant and wants to debate every suggestion for improvement (as opposed to asking for clarifications or asking questions and making an effort to learn). This has happened once and the guy didn’t last a year. Of course, mentoring is usually an hour out of each day, and then I go back to less collaborative work. But introversion isn’t the same as anxiety or hating talking to other people.

BTW—I have actually been asked several times to move over to a role that requires more management. Hard Pass. I like the substantive work and have zero desire to mediate employee spats and be the time card police.