My abysmal DECADE of OLD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're only in your thirties. Stop wasting your time on divorced dads. Save that for when you are at least 44. There are still decent single guys around your age with no kids. Target those.

Divorced dads need a chance. They are so eager and attentive too. I’ve had great experiences with divorced dads!

It isn't the dads that can be challenging. It's dealing with their children's mother, family and even the children themselves. I know a woman who has a 60+ year old stepdaughter who has been trying to drive a wedge in her marriage for more than 40 years now. And no, she was not an AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My online dating cycle goes exactly like this:
Swipe through 100+ guys who liked me. Match with about 25 of them. Respond to about 10 of them. ... Go on dates with 3.

Get disillusioned with online dating and give up. Two weeks later, repeat the process.

consider men into their 50s, divorced with children, without college degrees, and [don't care] about height and ... race.

This pattern reflects lack of maturity, awareness, and control. If you match with 25 men, you cannot go on 25 dates. So you ignore 15 of them, and then go on the first 3 dates that ask. These are inconvenient, bad, and lack connection. Assuming this cycle takes one month, you have swipe through 1200+ men, matched with 300, responded to 120, and gone on 36 dates.

You don't know what you want. You swipe on 25%, but most women swipe right on less than 10%. Then you accumulate too many matches and randomly ignore 60%! Be more selective and swipe right on only 10% with better matches on age, education, and other commonalities. Then respond to all, have higher quality conversations, and go on better, convenient dates. Don't drive an hour just because a random guys asks you first.

This numbers game sucks. You just pile up mediocre matches with poor screening and waste everybody's time, without investing in the interactions. You attract men who also swipe on hundreds of women. Before you go on a date, you should know why you like him, why he likes you, and what makes you compatible. Instead of 3 crummy random dates in two weeks followed by 2 weeks of nothing, you need to choose a steady selective filter of 2-3 dates per month.

Your system: Swipe on 100 men (in two weeks) and go on 3 random dates with the best 25%.

My system: Swipe on 100-200 men (in four weeks), accept 10%, and go on the 2 best dates for attractiveness, compatibility, and mutual interest.

Put yourself on a Tinder diet! Make only 10 right swipes per week. Then maintain conversations to get the best 1 date out of those 10, in the same week or the next week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually OLD is a disaster for women. It gives them a false sense of desirability because they get so many likes. Men complain of not even getting any likes. But women have it worse I think because they are being sold an illusion of endless options.

They do have endless options for the initial contact and sex.
I don't think any of these women believe that all these men want to marry them.

[Anonymous]

I dated online for 4 months before I met my husband, ten years ago in my mid twenties. I used a paid site. Felt people were slightly more serious.

[Anonymous]

Op - what do you think your last decade should have looked like? Is your life really worse for not having had a consistent boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

OP, when I online dated, I treated it like a second job. It’s grueling. I see you give up after 2 weeks. That’s not enough time to develop the relationships. I met my spouse online, and we didn’t click until the fourth date. We’d chatted for a month before that. It was about two months of attention until I suddenly got excited about him.

One way to keep your spirits up is to remember that you’re valuable without a man. While I was OLD, I was also investing in weekly therapy to learn that. If you’re feeling desperate, the guys will notice, and that’s not attractive.

[Goodtime]

I’d love to get to know you. I’m 34, green eyes, 5’8” and slim. Send me a private message

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, when I online dated, I treated it like a second job. It’s grueling. I see you give up after 2 weeks. That’s not enough time to develop the relationships. I met my spouse online, and we didn’t click until the fourth date. We’d chatted for a month before that. It was about two months of attention until I suddenly got excited about him.

One way to keep your spirits up is to remember that you’re valuable without a man. While I was OLD, I was also investing in weekly therapy to learn that. If you’re feeling desperate, the guys will notice, and that’s not attractive.

I agree with this PP as I treated OLD like a favorite hobby. I tried to do it once a week, and I picked a favorite place in my neighborhood that was within walking distance, in my case, Barcelona, that I always suggested. I also always suggested meeting for happy hour there so dates wouldn't impact my sleep/next day. I had a first date outfit that I wore every time and did my hair and make up the exact same way so I didn't have to expend any energy trying to figure out what to wear. If a first date led to more dates, I viewed them as opportunities to try out new neighborhoods and restaurants/bars for free because the guys always insisted on paying. I also tried to view not so great dates as a source for funny stories to share with friends. It was also really fun if another friend was going on a date, and we could get ready to together. Good luck!