My abysmal DECADE of OLD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t about OLD but about why your relationships fizzle out after 6 months. You are doing quite well on OLD.

This! OLD is for first introductions. It’s not its fault if you can’t evaluate and pick the right people from there.

You think OP has been missing the good ones for 10 years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a millenial, I have known way too many people that have met online and gotten married with children in the past 10 years for it to be OLD’s fault here.

Yup. It’s you, ma’am.

[Anonymous]

Most men- especially at your age- use OLD for sex. And that is it. Literally all of my guy friends use it for 'smashing' as they politely put it. My gfs use it like OP but almost never find a real relationship.

Personally, I want to know how you went 10 years without meeting someone IRL. I mean this without insult but are you ugly or fat?

[Anonymous]

What is "low body count"?

[Anonymous]

I think we are all missing that OP had a very GOOD decade on OLD! Every time she wanted to she secured a boyfriend. The problem is going on with the relationships, not how they meet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is "low body count"?

Body count refers to the number of people you have had sex with. 'Low' is subjective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think we are all missing that OP had a very GOOD decade on OLD! Every time she wanted to she secured a boyfriend. The problem is going on with the relationships, not how they meet.

Why do you say she secured a boyfriend every time she wanted to? That’s not at all what she said. Sounds like she’s been looking for a long term relationship, mostly unsuccessfully, for 10 years.

[Anonymous]

You need to spend less time online and more time in person meeting people. Join clubs or teams that have a good mix of guys and women: salsa, swing, tango, kickball, soccer, softball, alumni clubs, gaming, for example. Get a roommate or two and check out their hobbies. Go out to bars and parties in dc on weeknights like Tue/wed/thurs when the crowd is more mature. Accept all invites to parties. Invest in in person networking and ditch the apps. Just show up. You are burning precious time on that tiny screen to nowhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is "low body count"?

The number of erect penises she's had up in her hoo-hoo can be counted on one hand, probably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to spend less time online and more time in person meeting people. Join clubs or teams that have a good mix of guys and women: salsa, swing, tango, kickball, soccer, softball, alumni clubs, gaming, for example. Get a roommate or two and check out their hobbies. Go out to bars and parties in dc on weeknights like Tue/wed/thurs when the crowd is more mature. Accept all invites to parties. Invest in in person networking and ditch the apps. Just show up. You are burning precious time on that tiny screen to nowhere.

Tell me you got married in the 90s or 2000s without telling me you got married in the 90s or 2000s....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is "low body count"?

The number of erect penises she's had up in her hoo-hoo can be counted on one hand, probably.

Very normal way to describe an adult having sexual intercourse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we are all missing that OP had a very GOOD decade on OLD! Every time she wanted to she secured a boyfriend. The problem is going on with the relationships, not how they meet.

Why do you say she secured a boyfriend every time she wanted to? That’s not at all what she said. Sounds like she’s been looking for a long term relationship, mostly unsuccessfully, for 10 years.

A six-month relationship in your 20s is significant and OP had multiples of those.
I think I only had 3 relationships that lasted 6 months-year in my 20s and I never considered myself bad at dating. Interspersed with that was a lot of crushes, weeks-long situations, and periods I was too busy to date.

OP is pretty vague about how the relationships ended, so I think she should tell us more about that. Clearly her issue is not getting dates, but who she choses to commit to and then whay happens there.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. I think you're not an extrovert, and so while some people can find it fun to meet tons of strangers and go on dates that don't necessarily end in relationships, you and all the other introverts out there don't really find it all that amusing.

I'm an introvert with social anxiety, and would find OLD absolutely excruciating. Thank goodness I'm married. Not exactly super happily, but after 20 years of marriage, I don't know any couple who's wildly happy about their spouse.

Good luck, OP. I hope you can meet someone special.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been using dating apps for TEN YEARS. First Okcupid, then Bumble, and now Hinge.
Throughout my life, including the years before online dating, I’ve only had boyfriends every four years. 2012-2013, 2016, 2020.

My online dating cycle goes exactly like this:
Swipe through 100+ guys who liked me. Match with about 25 of them. Respond to about 10 of them. Carry on conversations with 5 or 6. Go on dates with 3.
One date will be horrible. I’ll trek all the way from Maryland to Virginia in awful weather to meet a guy who is completely boring, or creepy, or incorrigibly awkward.
Another date will be reasonably fun. Carry on a good conversation but not much physical attraction.
Another date will be both attractive to me and fun, good conversation, and things seem great. The guys says he’s interested in a second date but never asks me.
I go on a second date with the guy who was reasonably fun, but not that physically attractive to me, thinking that if I give him a chance, there will be something about him that will ignite a spark. It doesn’t. He either senses that I’m not interested and doesn’t pursue anything further, or we go on a third date and I have to end it before it goes anywhere physical because I’m still not feeling it.

Get disillusioned with online dating and give up. Two weeks later, repeat the process. Or maybe I’ll reach back to one of the other matches, giving them a second look, but it’s usually too late.

As I said, I’ve only been in three relationships, one every four years. And they all fizzled out after about six months due to lifestyle differences or jobs.

The one upside is that even in my 30s, I haven’t seen a decline in quantity or quality of matches from when I first started. Maybe fewer obvious creeps. I’ve broadened my horizons to consider men into their 50s, divorced men with children, men without college degrees, and I’ve long since stopped caring about height and I never cared about race. And it’s 2024, so by that rule of my life I’m due to find a boyfriend this year, so…who knows.

For what it’s worth, I’m slender, I have long natural hair, I’m fiscally responsible/financially independent but not career-obsessed, I’m feminine in the ways that it matters, very low body count if that’s important, I think I have plenty to bring to the table in a relationship, but I’m perhaps too jaded and guarded to let loose and be flirty and feel sexy around strangers.

It's not. Ugh -- internalized misogyny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't track across the DMV in bad weather. Meet where convenient, or not at all. You don't have to be unkind about it, just put your own time first.

+1 for meet where convenient. I think it's more likely for it to work out if the person is conveniently located.