My abysmal DECADE of OLD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"...divorced men with children"

Just don't.

As a woman, it is incredibly difficult to have a relationship when another woman's kids are involved - no matter how old they are, adult kids included.

You will never be fully accepted and it creates incredible strain (emotional and financial) on the relationship.

+1

[Anonymous]

what about an alumni network? My 20 something year old daughter is dating someone she met on snap. Went to same high school and college and initially just met up as friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is "low body count"?

The number of erect penises she's had up in her hoo-hoo can be counted on one hand, probably.

It's subjective of course but 5 would be an extremely low body count for a mid 30s woman in DC.

[Anonymous]

It took me over 10 years of OLD to find someone and a big part of getting there was doing a lot of work on myself in therapy. Before starting therapy, I would have said that I was doing everything right and keeping an open mind because I genuinely was putting a lot of effort into it, but once I dug in more I realized that I had a lot of childhood trauma that was affecting who I was drawn to and why I was so put off by some people, in ways that I didn’t realize. Not saying this is necessarily the situation for you, but I do think we all bring some baggage from our past that affects how we view and interact with the world. Not at all trying to blame you at all…just wondering if it might be worth exploring some of that?

However, I will add that OLD truly is brutal no matter what you bring from your past. FWIW I’ve known several people who ended up in long term relationships with people they eventually married who didn’t meet until their late 30s or older. So try not to blame yourself too much - a lot of it really involves luck and sticking it out.

[Anonymous]

It's one thing to date someone with full custody of a 6-yr-old and a toddler. It's something entirely different to date someone with a senior in high school where they share custody 50/50. Saying not to date a man with kids is going to be far too limiting for most women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's one thing to date someone with full custody of a 6-yr-old and a toddler. It's something entirely different to date someone with a senior in high school where they share custody 50/50. Saying not to date a man with kids is going to be far too limiting for most women.

My brother is dating a widow with kids 7 and 5. She’s wonderful and he’s crazy about her but dating is very difficult. She works full time so it’s not surprising that she doesn’t have a lot of time for him. He understands why so he just deals with it.

[Anonymous]

OP you’re probably overvaluing yourself and dating above your grade in terms of personality or looks. It is possible that you are not as good looking as you think you are or a more likely issue is that you are overly emotional or have an inflated sense of self worth who expects their partner to do all the relationship work.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP. I'm one of the guys who had some chemistry with you, and we really did have a fun first date. I didn't call back, even though I liked you and was attracted to you, because:

I got involved with someone else I met at the same time

I got back with an old girlfriend

I felt like you wanted something very serious and I'm only somewhat serious, unless I meet the perfect woman, and you're not perfect even though you're great

I couldn't really imagine hanging out with you AND my friends, and I'm tired of having girlfriends who don't like my friends, or vice versa

And so on.

I actually could have ended up with you. There's nothing wrong with you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. I'm one of the guys who had some chemistry with you, and we really did have a fun first date. I didn't call back, even though I liked you and was attracted to you, because:

I got involved with someone else I met at the same time

I got back with an old girlfriend

I felt like you wanted something very serious and I'm only somewhat serious, unless I meet the perfect woman, and you're not perfect even though you're great

I couldn't really imagine hanging out with you AND my friends, and I'm tired of having girlfriends who don't like my friends, or vice versa

And so on.

I actually could have ended up with you. There's nothing wrong with you

Ugh.
OP, try to avoid these kinda bores, looking for the perfect one. It's a lost battle.

[Anonymous]

An attractive woman who can’t find a decent relationship on OLD, that’s a you problem. OLD is an extremely advantageous playing field for women, most men barely get any matches unless they’re top 10%, so the bottom 80-90% are going to be desperate to continue contact especially if you’re decent looking.

If the guys you like aren’t chasing you, then you’re shooting too high and probably in this top 10% bracket. Are your pictures accurate? Men really care about looks, even the ones who pretend not to.

[Anonymous]

You haven’t killed that many people?

That right there is your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been using dating apps for TEN YEARS. First Okcupid, then Bumble, and now Hinge.
Throughout my life, including the years before online dating, I’ve only had boyfriends every four years. 2012-2013, 2016, 2020.

My online dating cycle goes exactly like this:
Swipe through 100+ guys who liked me. Match with about 25 of them. Respond to about 10 of them. Carry on conversations with 5 or 6. Go on dates with 3.
One date will be horrible. I’ll trek all the way from Maryland to Virginia in awful weather to meet a guy who is completely boring, or creepy, or incorrigibly awkward.
Another date will be reasonably fun. Carry on a good conversation but not much physical attraction.
Another date will be both attractive to me and fun, good conversation, and things seem great. The guys says he’s interested in a second date but never asks me.
I go on a second date with the guy who was reasonably fun, but not that physically attractive to me, thinking that if I give him a chance, there will be something about him that will ignite a spark. It doesn’t. He either senses that I’m not interested and doesn’t pursue anything further, or we go on a third date and I have to end it before it goes anywhere physical because I’m still not feeling it.

Get disillusioned with online dating and give up. Two weeks later, repeat the process. Or maybe I’ll reach back to one of the other matches, giving them a second look, but it’s usually too late.

As I said, I’ve only been in three relationships, one every four years. And they all fizzled out after about six months due to lifestyle differences or jobs.

The one upside is that even in my 30s, I haven’t seen a decline in quantity or quality of matches from when I first started. Maybe fewer obvious creeps. I’ve broadened my horizons to consider men into their 50s, divorced men with children, men without college degrees, and I’ve long since stopped caring about height and I never cared about race. And it’s 2024, so by that rule of my life I’m due to find a boyfriend this year, so…who knows.

For what it’s worth, I’m slender, I have long natural hair, I’m fiscally responsible/financially independent but not career-obsessed, I’m feminine in the ways that it matters, very low body count if that’s important, I think I have plenty to bring to the table in a relationship, but I’m perhaps too jaded and guarded to let loose and be flirty and feel sexy around strangers.

I think you are totally normal. And to be honest you seem like a nice woman most men will be happy to meet.

Here is the problem with the Apps, in my opinion. The Left/Right swiping is a major flaw I think. People have the illusion of endless options. But in reality they are just in a loop. And then the fact that women are drivers of these Apps is also a big issue. These women’s who get inflated because they have so many matches. In the meantime you have good guys who barely get a single match in a month. Hopefully better App will arrive. Those men who barely get likes should be made for visible to widen the choices for women and men. And this way women won’t have to compete with other women as well for the same set of guys. You say you are open to all races and that’s great. But do you get matches mostly from one set of race?

[Anonymous]

Relationships are just hard. Think of it this way, the average married person had maybe 10 or even 20 relationships before they got married, and 100% of them "failed. ". Most people end up getting desperate to have kids and so go with "the one "

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to spend less time online and more time in person meeting people. Join clubs or teams that have a good mix of guys and women: salsa, swing, tango, kickball, soccer, softball, alumni clubs, gaming, for example. Get a roommate or two and check out their hobbies. Go out to bars and parties in dc on weeknights like Tue/wed/thurs when the crowd is more mature. Accept all invites to parties. Invest in in person networking and ditch the apps. Just show up. You are burning precious time on that tiny screen to nowhere.

Salsa 100%. I hate dancing but my therapist FORCED to do something that gives me anxiety to work on my anxiety. I joined a Salsa club and that’s how I met my current fiancé. The club I was at had a mix of single, divorced, and married women. There were more men than women. And most of the men was between a 1 and 4 out of 10. I am more like a 7 or 8, in very good shape, bi-racial, tall (6’3) but very introverted and shy. I won’t lie that you I was a piece of meat. But it could have also been my luck. The particular club that I joined at the time that I joined might have been the right environment to meet a woman. But I’m glad I was lucky. Prior to this I had mix success on line. Despite being attractive on OLD I think many women never reached out to me because they perhaps thought they could always do better by scrolling who knows.

[Anonymous]

^^PP more women than men