My abysmal DECADE of OLD.

[Anonymous]

I have been using dating apps for TEN YEARS. First Okcupid, then Bumble, and now Hinge.
Throughout my life, including the years before online dating, I’ve only had boyfriends every four years. 2012-2013, 2016, 2020.

My online dating cycle goes exactly like this:
Swipe through 100+ guys who liked me. Match with about 25 of them. Respond to about 10 of them. Carry on conversations with 5 or 6. Go on dates with 3.
One date will be horrible. I’ll trek all the way from Maryland to Virginia in awful weather to meet a guy who is completely boring, or creepy, or incorrigibly awkward.
Another date will be reasonably fun. Carry on a good conversation but not much physical attraction.
Another date will be both attractive to me and fun, good conversation, and things seem great. The guys says he’s interested in a second date but never asks me.
I go on a second date with the guy who was reasonably fun, but not that physically attractive to me, thinking that if I give him a chance, there will be something about him that will ignite a spark. It doesn’t. He either senses that I’m not interested and doesn’t pursue anything further, or we go on a third date and I have to end it before it goes anywhere physical because I’m still not feeling it.

Get disillusioned with online dating and give up. Two weeks later, repeat the process. Or maybe I’ll reach back to one of the other matches, giving them a second look, but it’s usually too late.

As I said, I’ve only been in three relationships, one every four years. And they all fizzled out after about six months due to lifestyle differences or jobs.

The one upside is that even in my 30s, I haven’t seen a decline in quantity or quality of matches from when I first started. Maybe fewer obvious creeps. I’ve broadened my horizons to consider men into their 50s, divorced men with children, men without college degrees, and I’ve long since stopped caring about height and I never cared about race. And it’s 2024, so by that rule of my life I’m due to find a boyfriend this year, so…who knows.

For what it’s worth, I’m slender, I have long natural hair, I’m fiscally responsible/financially independent but not career-obsessed, I’m feminine in the ways that it matters, very low body count if that’s important, I think I have plenty to bring to the table in a relationship, but I’m perhaps too jaded and guarded to let loose and be flirty and feel sexy around strangers.

[Anonymous]

What's the common factor over 10years?

Maybe you're a lesbian?

[Anonymous]

This is very typical, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Connect with the brother of this OP

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/reply/0/1177346.page

[Anonymous]

Don't track across the DMV in bad weather. Meet where convenient, or not at all. You don't have to be unkind about it, just put your own time first.

[Anonymous]

As a millenial, I have known way too many people that have met online and gotten married with children in the past 10 years for it to be OLD’s fault here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a millenial, I have known way too many people that have met online and gotten married with children in the past 10 years for it to be OLD’s fault here.

We met via OLD here in the DMV. We moved in together after one year and married two years after we met. We could not be happier.

It depends who you are and what you are looking for. Neither of us think that we are perfect nor were either of us looking for someone to “complete” us. We were happy on our own and even happier together.

[Anonymous]

This isn’t about OLD but about why your relationships fizzle out after 6 months. You are doing quite well on OLD.

[Anonymous]

What are the top 5 things you look for to move from swipe to conversation?

[Anonymous]

Try a matchmaker.

[Anonymous]

"...divorced men with children"

Just don't.

As a woman, it is incredibly difficult to have a relationship when another woman's kids are involved - no matter how old they are, adult kids included.

You will never be fully accepted and it creates incredible strain (emotional and financial) on the relationship.

[Anonymous]

As someone in their mid (maybe late?) 30s, I’d rather a divorced dad than a never married man.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you keep just choosing to meet the same three types of men out of that 100 (!) who swipe on you.

Mix it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone in their mid (maybe late?) 30s, I’d rather a divorced dad than a never married man.

It is much easier to deal with the potential quirks of a non-married man than a hostile ex-wife and unaccepting kids. The first has potential for positive change, the second doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t about OLD but about why your relationships fizzle out after 6 months. You are doing quite well on OLD.

This! OLD is for first introductions. It’s not its fault if you can’t evaluate and pick the right people from there.