Considering Transition to a Stay at Home Mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why college educated women give up their career to be SAHMs honestly. I agree with PPs to go part-time rather than give up career entirely. There will be a time when you will want to go back. Your kids will need you less later on.

I agree. Save the money from college if you just want to laze around all day.

But thats how you bag the rich husband, so it's part and parcel for these women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did it when my three kids were in ES and MS. We had moved and I really wanted them to get settled. I quickly got very involved in the community because my kids were in school all day. Eventually I got involved with a no profit and I became the executive director. I loved the work and the pay was very low but I wasn’t doing it for the money. My husband was doing very well and he was very supportive of all the decisions I made. I do wonder how far I could have gone in the corporate world given I had an Ivy MBA but I have no regrets. My kids did very well, I loved my non profit work and our home life was a lot less stressful with me being around.

What a waste of time. Working for low pay when you could have been spending those hours on your family. Missed opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why college educated women give up their career to be SAHMs honestly. I agree with PPs to go part-time rather than give up career entirely. There will be a time when you will want to go back. Your kids will need you less later on.

Why? Because some people value being the one to raise their children instead of handing them off to a nanny or daycare. I work full time, but only because it’s in my family’s best financial interest that I do so. I went to a top university. I can be smart and have a biological urge to be present for my kids. Nothing against mothers who choose to work because they enjoy what they do, or are simply a better mother having a job outside the home. But making blanket statements like yours is ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why college educated women give up their career to be SAHMs honestly. I agree with PPs to go part-time rather than give up career entirely. There will be a time when you will want to go back. Your kids will need you less later on.

Why? Because some people value being the one to raise their children instead of handing them off to a nanny or daycare. I work full time, but only because it’s in my family’s best financial interest that I do so. I went to a top university. I can be smart and have a biological urge to be present for my kids. Nothing against mothers who choose to work because they enjoy what they do, or are simply a better mother having a job outside the home. But making blanket statements like yours is ignorant.

Also, I worked for seven years before I had any children. I’ve now been working for 12. In college, I had no idea if I was going to fall in love, find a spouse and have children. If I didn’t have children, I wouldn’t have an urge to stay at home the same way I do now. Staying at home with young kids is not laziness or a waste of a college education. And plenty of sahms re-enter the workforce after kids are in school more full time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why college educated women give up their career to be SAHMs honestly. I agree with PPs to go part-time rather than give up career entirely. There will be a time when you will want to go back. Your kids will need you less later on.

Because we made a poor choice for a spouse. Good at making money but not much else. Except now he’s mad that the kids are older, my life is easier and he wants me to jump back in full time with no change to his life. It was nice when they were small but I don’t recommend the situation I’m in at all. It’s the only thing we fight about. And he thought it was a great idea at the time, and all the years it was hard. But he’s all “what have you done for me lately?”

Does he understand compound interest? Similar concept with your investments in family.

He doesn’t care. Since in his mind he doesn’t need me to care for the kids any more, I’m only of value if I am working for pay. Even if it’s lower pay due to so many years out of work. And fairness to him. Because it’s “unfair” my life is now “easier” than his. True story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I made the decision for me to lean out of the workforce when our third child was born. It made sense, I liked being home and could also manage the older kids and the house better. What I didn't foresee was him dying in a car accident a year later, and not quite having the sufficient amount of life insurance to see our kids through college.

So sorry for that. Yes, it is very important to remind all parents they must have full life insurance on each parent. You want to be able to maintain the same lifestyle without forcing a parent back to work at that difficult time in the families life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why college educated women give up their career to be SAHMs honestly. I agree with PPs to go part-time rather than give up career entirely. There will be a time when you will want to go back. Your kids will need you less later on.

I have 2 BS degrees from a T10, and an MS from a T20. Worked for 6 years then have been SAHP ever since. Did work PT (15 hours/week) at a job outside my main career for 5 years once kids were in school. Two kids are grown and flown, the last has 2 years left of college. I don't regret staying home. It actually takes a lot to give up the power of working and moving up the ladder to quit to stay home with the kids. I'm mid 50s and "retired" and loving life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why college educated women give up their career to be SAHMs honestly. I agree with PPs to go part-time rather than give up career entirely. There will be a time when you will want to go back. Your kids will need you less later on.

Because we made a poor choice for a spouse. Good at making money but not much else. Except now he’s mad that the kids are older, my life is easier and he wants me to jump back in full time with no change to his life. It was nice when they were small but I don’t recommend the situation I’m in at all. It’s the only thing we fight about. And he thought it was a great idea at the time, and all the years it was hard. But he’s all “what have you done for me lately?”

Well if you married an ass you might regret it. But if you are happily married, they support you as SAHP. They recognize the benefits they get in life and at work for being able to more fully focus on their job (no staying home with a sick kid when you have a SAH spouse---no rushing to do the daycare pickup by 6:30pm so that your kid isn't the last kid and you are not billed $25/minute). They realize the weekends and evenings go much smoother when someone is home. They realize they can travel and do whatever they want in their job, without a second thought to "is my spouse traveling that week as well? can I go on this business trip or do I need to be home this week"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why college educated women give up their career to be SAHMs honestly. I agree with PPs to go part-time rather than give up career entirely. There will be a time when you will want to go back. Your kids will need you less later on.

Why? Because some people value being the one to raise their children instead of handing them off to a nanny or daycare. I work full time, but only because it’s in my family’s best financial interest that I do so. I went to a top university. I can be smart and have a biological urge to be present for my kids. Nothing against mothers who choose to work because they enjoy what they do, or are simply a better mother having a job outside the home. But making blanket statements like yours is ignorant.

That's pretty damn judgey. You clearly have something against mom's who work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why college educated women give up their career to be SAHMs honestly. I agree with PPs to go part-time rather than give up career entirely. There will be a time when you will want to go back. Your kids will need you less later on.

Two children with SN did it for me. Not enough time in the week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I made the decision for me to lean out of the workforce when our third child was born. It made sense, I liked being home and could also manage the older kids and the house better. What I didn't foresee was him dying in a car accident a year later, and not quite having the sufficient amount of life insurance to see our kids through college.

I’m so sorry, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why college educated women give up their career to be SAHMs honestly. I agree with PPs to go part-time rather than give up career entirely. There will be a time when you will want to go back. Your kids will need you less later on.

Why? Because some people value being the one to raise their children instead of handing them off to a nanny or daycare. I work full time, but only because it’s in my family’s best financial interest that I do so. I went to a top university. I can be smart and have a biological urge to be present for my kids. Nothing against mothers who choose to work because they enjoy what they do, or are simply a better mother having a job outside the home. But making blanket statements like yours is ignorant.

That's pretty damn judgey. You clearly have something against mom's who work.

I’m a mom who works! I don’t have anything against moms who work. The other poster does have something against moms who choose to “waste” their elite educations to stay home with their kids though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why college educated women give up their career to be SAHMs honestly. I agree with PPs to go part-time rather than give up career entirely. There will be a time when you will want to go back. Your kids will need you less later on.

Because we made a poor choice for a spouse. Good at making money but not much else. Except now he’s mad that the kids are older, my life is easier and he wants me to jump back in full time with no change to his life. It was nice when they were small but I don’t recommend the situation I’m in at all. It’s the only thing we fight about. And he thought it was a great idea at the time, and all the years it was hard. But he’s all “what have you done for me lately?”

Well if you married an ass you might regret it. But if you are happily married, they support you as SAHP. They recognize the benefits they get in life and at work for being able to more fully focus on their job (no staying home with a sick kid when you have a SAH spouse---no rushing to do the daycare pickup by 6:30pm so that your kid isn't the last kid and you are not billed $25/minute). They realize the weekends and evenings go much smoother when someone is home. They realize they can travel and do whatever they want in their job, without a second thought to "is my spouse traveling that week as well? can I go on this business trip or do I need to be home this week"

They screw over people who actually want a work/life balance and equality in their relationship, due to their workaholic tendencies.

This is why I will not work for people with SAHWs. They have no life or responsibilities other than work, and think no one else should either.

[Anonymous]

As someone mentioned above, there’s a lot to be said for having a spouse home who can devote their time to the house, the kids, and the husbands needs (I don’t mean that in an old fashioned way, but if he has a big job, he needs support), and the mom can keep thr ship running. There’s less stress for everyone involved, and there are plenty of husbands who deeply appreciate their wives providing this type of support.

[Anonymous]

Your husband makes 725k. Yes, you can quit.