Considering Transition to a Stay at Home Mom

[Anonymous]

Lol @ not caring about taking care of your kids while young, but now that theyre gone all day you want to?

Huh its almost like you barely care about your children at all in this scenario.

[Anonymous]

I did it when my three kids were in ES and MS. We had moved and I really wanted them to get settled. I quickly got very involved in the community because my kids were in school all day. Eventually I got involved with a no profit and I became the executive director. I loved the work and the pay was very low but I wasn’t doing it for the money. My husband was doing very well and he was very supportive of all the decisions I made. I do wonder how far I could have gone in the corporate world given I had an Ivy MBA but I have no regrets. My kids did very well, I loved my non profit work and our home life was a lot less stressful with me being around.

[Anonymous]

OP Here -- thanks so much for everyone's responses. They've given me a ton to think about...and I really wanted to try to air out all potential scenarios, problems, benefits, etc. And despite some of the punch comments, my kids and husband are actually at the forefront of my decision. My husband has pretty high stress, high hours job, and in order to support his career (and the high salary that comes with it), I am in charge of all things household and kid related. My job is much more flexible, and as I mentioned, I'm leaning out and not trying to work 50 hours a week. Having a full time job and running all aspects of our life is a lot, and frankly I want to be more present for my kids. A small example, is that I want to be able to take my kid to a doc appointment, and not feel like I'm rushing out of there, or constantly looking at my email seeing what I'm missing at work. I want to be the one who picks them up from school. It feels like it would lower the stress of all of us in the house. I do appreciate the suggestion for part time work...I'm going to consider that more seriously. Thanks again for the replies! I know I'm in a fortunate position.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I made the decision for me to lean out of the workforce when our third child was born. It made sense, I liked being home and could also manage the older kids and the house better. What I didn't foresee was him dying in a car accident a year later, and not quite having the sufficient amount of life insurance to see our kids through college.

[Anonymous]

Also, OP again -- we didn't have as much money when the kids were smaller. Like many in this town, my husband had a government job before the private sector. It's only been a few years that we've had that high salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d keep working until the kids are in middle school. I think they need you more as they get older.

If you don’t want to work FT, look for 20-25 hours a week.

Huh? What do they need you doing all day while they are at middle school?

When kids are little, they don’t necessarily need a parent, just a loving and kind adult, like a Nanny. As they get older, they need their parents more to help with all the changes they experience and it is harder on the parent. During the day while the middle school age kids are at school the parent can get errands done, food made, house cleaned etc, so that when the kids are home from school the parent can focus on them and support their needs as opposed to trying to fit in all the other things I just mentioned.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why college educated women give up their career to be SAHMs honestly. I agree with PPs to go part-time rather than give up career entirely. There will be a time when you will want to go back. Your kids will need you less later on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why college educated women give up their career to be SAHMs honestly. I agree with PPs to go part-time rather than give up career entirely. There will be a time when you will want to go back. Your kids will need you less later on.

Because we made a poor choice for a spouse. Good at making money but not much else. Except now he’s mad that the kids are older, my life is easier and he wants me to jump back in full time with no change to his life. It was nice when they were small but I don’t recommend the situation I’m in at all. It’s the only thing we fight about. And he thought it was a great idea at the time, and all the years it was hard. But he’s all “what have you done for me lately?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why college educated women give up their career to be SAHMs honestly. I agree with PPs to go part-time rather than give up career entirely. There will be a time when you will want to go back. Your kids will need you less later on.

Because we made a poor choice for a spouse. Good at making money but not much else. Except now he’s mad that the kids are older, my life is easier and he wants me to jump back in full time with no change to his life. It was nice when they were small but I don’t recommend the situation I’m in at all. It’s the only thing we fight about. And he thought it was a great idea at the time, and all the years it was hard. But he’s all “what have you done for me lately?”

Does he understand compound interest? Similar concept with your investments in family.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read through all the posts. But in doing the financial calculation, do not think about it short term. I was like you considering leaning out. I had a flexible job and stuck with it. Now, 10 years on, my salary is 5x what it was back then - still with the same flexible job - because I stuck with it. If you have the blessing of a flexible job, keep it if you can. It is short sighted to only consider cost of nanny vs. your salary. Think your long term career and financial goals. It is no picnic trying to get back in years later though it certainly can be done in some fashion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why college educated women give up their career to be SAHMs honestly. I agree with PPs to go part-time rather than give up career entirely. There will be a time when you will want to go back. Your kids will need you less later on.

<sigh> Not every field is amenable to part time. Not every boss is as progressive as they should be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why college educated women give up their career to be SAHMs honestly. I agree with PPs to go part-time rather than give up career entirely. There will be a time when you will want to go back. Your kids will need you less later on.

<sigh> Not every field is amenable to part time. Not every boss is as progressive as they should be.

This! What a dumb PP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read through all the posts. But in doing the financial calculation, do not think about it short term. I was like you considering leaning out. I had a flexible job and stuck with it. Now, 10 years on, my salary is 5x what it was back then - still with the same flexible job - because I stuck with it. If you have the blessing of a flexible job, keep it if you can. It is short sighted to only consider cost of nanny vs. your salary. Think your long term career and financial goals. It is no picnic trying to get back in years later though it certainly can be done in some fashion.

Thank you for this. OP here. My job is extremely flexible, has tons of PTO, and I've been there for over a decade and they are a very family oriented place. This is what is giving me lots of pause, to be honest. I don't feel like I'd be able to find that again...thanks again for your feedback.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here -- thanks so much for everyone's responses. They've given me a ton to think about...and I really wanted to try to air out all potential scenarios, problems, benefits, etc. And despite some of the punch comments, my kids and husband are actually at the forefront of my decision. My husband has pretty high stress, high hours job, and in order to support his career (and the high salary that comes with it), I am in charge of all things household and kid related. My job is much more flexible, and as I mentioned, I'm leaning out and not trying to work 50 hours a week. Having a full time job and running all aspects of our life is a lot, and frankly I want to be more present for my kids. A small example, is that I want to be able to take my kid to a doc appointment, and not feel like I'm rushing out of there, or constantly looking at my email seeing what I'm missing at work. I want to be the one who picks them up from school. It feels like it would lower the stress of all of us in the house. I do appreciate the suggestion for part time work...I'm going to consider that more seriously. Thanks again for the replies! I know I'm in a fortunate position.

Block out the time on your calendar for the doc appointment and don't look at emails until it's over. It sounds like you're creating that stress, not your work. You can certainly change jobs to something less stressful without leaving the workforce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read through all the posts. But in doing the financial calculation, do not think about it short term. I was like you considering leaning out. I had a flexible job and stuck with it. Now, 10 years on, my salary is 5x what it was back then - still with the same flexible job - because I stuck with it. If you have the blessing of a flexible job, keep it if you can. It is short sighted to only consider cost of nanny vs. your salary. Think your long term career and financial goals. It is no picnic trying to get back in years later though it certainly can be done in some fashion.

+1

I was tempted to SAH when my kids were small. A decade later, I look back, and I am glad I powered through. My life is hectic with my work and raising three kids, but I'm making incredible money, and I love the stimulation and the respect my career gives me (in addition to the income). It helps that I have a great DH who does a ton at home, in addition to his career. I won't lie - I do sometimes wonder what it would be like to SAH and have a lighter load. But 90% of me is happy with my decision and thankful I didn't give into the urge to quit.