Considering Transition to a Stay at Home Mom

[Anonymous]

You can easily afford to stay home. There’s really nothing to plan. Either you want to and your husband is on board, or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think hard about whether you are willing to give up your career. Can you go part time?

The nanny isn’t that much on your husband’s salary.

If you quit and don’t have to pay the nanny, I bet your household finances change by about $1500 a month. It’s immaterial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve thought about going part time. I probably could. I’m honestly at the point where it just feels like I have no connection to my job—I feel like I’m leaning out, not in, and so much of my mental focus is on my kids and the household…but I hear you about the huge decision of giving up my career.

+1. I would like to be a sahm mom for a few years but our HHI is more like 350k without my 160k contribution + retirement. People do it on less, but there’s no way to slice it - you’re losing an income and retirement no matter what your HHI is. At 725k you should be able to fund two retirement accounts, but that’s just me talking on a 500k HHI budget.

If dh made 725k I’d leave my job for a few years. But people could say the same about me with a dh earning half of that- it’s all relative/what you’re accustomed to. 725k is objectively high even in a HCOL area.

[Anonymous]

Do you have family money outside of your husband? This could be a trust, or simply having parents who are “comfortable”.

I know many SAHMs who live idyllic lives, I also know quite a few who have been blind-sided by their spouse’s affairs, addiction / behavior changes, lay-off, or even early death.

Every other week on this website there is a post with the same sob story: their marriage was perfect! Of course it made sense to stay at home with the kids! But after 5 years, DH started spending more and more time at the office, DW did some snooping and surprise surprise, he is cheating.

you never know what the future holds-all of those posts come from people who were in your shoes at one point. If you have family money or your own resources outside of your DH, then you are much better positioned to take care of yourself and your children if things go south.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg. Your husband makes so much. I would do it in a heartbeat.

But she doesn’t actually want to be a SAHM, if so, she could have done it all along. She wants to be a lady of leisure now that both her kids will be in full time school. I know exactly the type.

This. The normal progression is stay at home from birth through Kindergarten, then start some sort of work again when kids are in school. You don't wait until the hard part is done and then decide to stay at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg. Your husband makes so much. I would do it in a heartbeat.

But she doesn’t actually want to be a SAHM, if so, she could have done it all along. She wants to be a lady of leisure now that both her kids will be in full time school. I know exactly the type.

This. The normal progression is stay at home from birth through Kindergarten, then start some sort of work again when kids are in school. You don't wait until the hard part is done and then decide to stay at home.

Exactly. The kids missed the major benefits of having a SAHM during the most important (and hard) time. At this point just be transparent that you want to relax and enjoy yourself. Men aren't fooled either.

[Anonymous]

I have been a SAHM for a long time. My oldest is in college and youngest in HS. I’ve been unable to find a position. Nobody wants to hire someone at 50. There’s not a lot to do once your youngest goes to K so it seems like a strange time to first leave the workforce. I would have gone back then if I could have but my mom was ill and my kids had disabilities that required multiple therapies. I filled my free time during the day by volunteering at school and for a few organizations. Essentially, working for free. If you have the option, go part-time instead.

[Anonymous]

Does your private school not offer after school care? Alternatively, what about one of the activity places that bus kids from schools to their location? What do the other families at the private school do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg. Your husband makes so much. I would do it in a heartbeat.

But she doesn’t actually want to be a SAHM, if so, she could have done it all along. She wants to be a lady of leisure now that both her kids will be in full time school. I know exactly the type.

This. None of the children need full time care at this point.

The hours kids are in school are not enough to allow for a full time job (6 hours a day) even if you could teleport to your work computer right as they get on the bus. You would have to do aftercare and/or rely on spouse to help out. And feeding and cleaning a big house and handling family business could easily take up that time. It’s not my thing I’d rather outsource that but it’s absurd to say there’s not enough work to do in the home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg. Your husband makes so much. I would do it in a heartbeat.

But she doesn’t actually want to be a SAHM, if so, she could have done it all along. She wants to be a lady of leisure now that both her kids will be in full time school. I know exactly the type.

This. None of the children need full time care at this point.

The hours kids are in school are not enough to allow for a full time job (6 hours a day) even if you could teleport to your work computer right as they get on the bus. You would have to do aftercare and/or rely on spouse to help out. And feeding and cleaning a big house and handling family business could easily take up that time. It’s not my thing I’d rather outsource that but it’s absurd to say there’s not enough work to do in the home.

All the private schools have aftercare and they aren't very expensive, especially compared to a f/t nanny.

[Anonymous]

No right or wrong, just a couple of things to point out:

1.) You could keep working for now, then take a few years off or with a greatly reduced schedule when the kids are teens. College visits, orthodontia, sports commitments, etc. are a lot easier to handle if there is a parent around. To say nothing of being home in the after-school hours when lots of kids are drinking in empty homes.

2.) Are you comfortable with the public schools in your area? If, god forbid, anything happened with your DH's job, school tuition would be an obvious first cost to cut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg. Your husband makes so much. I would do it in a heartbeat.

But she doesn’t actually want to be a SAHM, if so, she could have done it all along. She wants to be a lady of leisure now that both her kids will be in full time school. I know exactly the type.

This. The normal progression is stay at home from birth through Kindergarten, then start some sort of work again when kids are in school. You don't wait until the hard part is done and then decide to stay at home.

Yeah, this. Staying at home when your kids are really young (basically "being the nanny" from birth until full-time school) yields big benefits to the kids. You can be attentive to them and help them grow and they get very attached to you. It's really unclear what the benefit to the kids is to stay home when they are in full-time school. What will you do during that time?

I agree that it sounds like you just don't like your job. Your husband makes enough that you don't need two incomes, but what about your sense of achievement? I actually think maybe you should quit and then do some career soul-searching, and figure out if there is a career path that you actually feel excited about.

(this is coming from a mom who dropped to part time when the kids where born. now they are in full-time school and I work about 20 hours per week. It's perfect IMO. I can't imagine not having work projects -- they add a lot of interestingness to my life, and a source of money that is my own, and I still have plenty of time to take care of the kids and household stuff such that our life is pretty easy.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think hard about whether you are willing to give up your career. Can you go part time?

The nanny isn’t that much on your husband’s salary.

If you quit and don’t have to pay the nanny, I bet your household finances change by about $1500 a month. It’s immaterial.

If nanny was "full-time" like OP stated, at $25/hr and 40 hour weeks that is $1K/week, so $4K/month. Not "immaterial"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think hard about whether you are willing to give up your career. Can you go part time?

The nanny isn’t that much on your husband’s salary.

If you quit and don’t have to pay the nanny, I bet your household finances change by about $1500 a month. It’s immaterial.

If nanny was "full-time" like OP stated, at $25/hr and 40 hour weeks that is $1K/week, so $4K/month. Not "immaterial"

PP probably means net. So OP's $150K income is going to be taxed heavily given the DH's $750K income. Let's say 40% including all payroll taxes takes that $150K down to $90K. Subtract out $48K per your calculated cost of the nanny leaves OP with $42K net or $3.5K total per month. Maybe subtract out some costs that are outsourced now that she could do herself and bring that down to $2.5K per month loss of income. In any event, still immaterial in light of her DH's income from a financial perspective making the big assumption that her DH's job is stable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg. Your husband makes so much. I would do it in a heartbeat.

But she doesn’t actually want to be a SAHM, if so, she could have done it all along. She wants to be a lady of leisure now that both her kids will be in full time school. I know exactly the type.

This. None of the children need full time care at this point.

The hours kids are in school are not enough to allow for a full time job (6 hours a day) even if you could teleport to your work computer right as they get on the bus. You would have to do aftercare and/or rely on spouse to help out. And feeding and cleaning a big house and handling family business could easily take up that time. It’s not my thing I’d rather outsource that but it’s absurd to say there’s not enough work to do in the home.

Plus if OP actually wanted to do any of those things, she’d already be doing them. She isn’t.