Can't wait to change my surname, but notice many women keeping theirs, is there a reason for this trend?

[Anonymous]

According to a Pew Research survey conducted in 2023, roughly 80 percent of women surveyed opted to take their husband’s last name. (Roughly 14 percent opted to keep their given last name, and 5 percent hyphenated their last name.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My name is who I am, OP. Why would I change myself? My husband never wanted me to change my name either. Our children have a hyphenated name, to reflect both our families: my husband and I each have a different national and cultural background, so it was important to us. Which means there are three last names in our nuclear family. It doesn't bother us, and it doesn't bother any medical, border control, or government administration of any country in which we hold passports or residency permits.

You seem to have lived under a rock all these years. Women have been keeping their own names and identities for generations. Any man who thinks their wife should change their name is strange and weird, unless he'd be fine changing his name to his wife's if that was her preference.

Op is def under a rock. My mother got married in 1968 and insisted on hyphenating back then. I'm always a little proud when a woman keeps or hyphens her name and returns to it if she gets divorced. It says something about how she views her identity.

[Anonymous]

I never felt a tie to my maiden name. To me, it was just 7 letters. I like DHs name and thats pretty much all there is to it. Dh didn't care what I did. I have friends who have done all types of variations of last names when they got married and I think its nice that it is becoming more normal and acceptable. Let people do what they want and don't judge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People may think you are a divorcee or a difficult person if you haven't taken the last name. I said the silent part out loud, it does matter

People who think this about women are welcome to find me difficult. I don't try to appease random men who mean nothing to me.

+1 I didn't change my name because I nearly had a panic attack when someone suggested it after getting engaged. It felt like an identity crisis. Whether you change your name or not, has no bearing on me or society. It's a personal preference, period. There's no trend at all. It's women finally having choices (plural).

[Anonymous]

I started looking at my DCs’ class lists after a conversation on this subject back 8+ years ago during our daycare days. In my part of DC, it’s always about 50% of mothers that keep their name, with a few more that hyphenate. Kids universally have dad’s last name if it’s a two parent household. That’s a mix of ethnicities, including Latino households where keeping your name is the cultural norm.

It’s never in my decade of parenting and 15 years of marriage been a problem with school, paperwork, travel, etc. Maybe it’s different in other parts of the country, but in DC people automatically ask your last name and don’t assume.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What problems could it possibly cause “down the road”? I’m genuinely asking you.

I didn’t change my name, partly because I have an established professional license and publications in my maiden name, partly because I didn’t want to give up part of my identity while he kept his. Seems an unfair way to start things out. I suggested that both of us change our names (to his mom’s maiden name) and he didn’t want to do that. He also didn’t pressure me to change to his name. I might have changed it at least for personal use if his surname was an easy one, but it’s not (neither is my maiden name). Oh well.

PS - 15 years in, three kids with his surname, and no problems because of it.

No one cares about your profession maiden name, Hillary Clinton took the last name and she's as lib and professional as they get.

Yeah, I think it's actually not a huge deal. I am a reporter with many publications and when I got married, I changed my name and byline. I could still use the old pieces in my portfolio , but The things I published since then are also way better (because I'm more experienced.) You will always be judged based on recent history, and you have new work history and publications attached to your new name. It's a non issue IMO.

I changed it so that I could have the same last name as my kids, and it is a very useful shorthand for "we are related." Also I'm a brownish skinned woman with a white husband and white-passing kids; I have cousins who have different last names than their kids in the same situation and they needed special documentation to fly internationally with just their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I started looking at my DCs’ class lists after a conversation on this subject back 8+ years ago during our daycare days. In my part of DC, it’s always about 50% of mothers that keep their name, with a few more that hyphenate. Kids universally have dad’s last name if it’s a two parent household. That’s a mix of ethnicities, including Latino households where keeping your name is the cultural norm.

It’s never in my decade of parenting and 15 years of marriage been a problem with school, paperwork, travel, etc. Maybe it’s different in other parts of the country, but in DC people automatically ask your last name and don’t assume.

Doubtful, you must be in a very liberal difficult women high divorce area

[Anonymous]

Lol this is such a troll

[Anonymous]

In daily life, having the same surname as your spouse and children can streamline administrative tasks related to schooling, medical care, and legal matters. It removes the need for additional documentation to prove family relationships, making these often routine yet crucial tasks more straightforward.

FALSE. My kids are adults and I've never once had an issue.

Beyond practicalities, adopting your husband's surname symbolizes the unity and commitment within a marriage. It fosters a strong sense of family identity and belonging, reinforcing the familial bonds. This symbolic gesture is a powerful expression of the new life and journey you embark on together as a family.

NOPE. My name has no bearing on my commitment or our sense of family identity. But, we are a family of big thinkers.

You don't need to denigrate my choice to justify yours (besides speaking about things you clearly haven't lived.)

[Anonymous]

I kept my surname for business reasons until I left the corporate world but I took my husbands name upon getting married. I never gave it any thought and my surname was Smith-like so I was just one among millions.

[Anonymous]

My nieces H has a terrible last name so he’s taking hers.

[Anonymous]

I changed mine and then changed it again to “Maiden Married” with no hyphen a few years later when I realized that:

1. I lost my cultural credibility along with my maiden name. My job changed and had me working in south Louisiana, and I was treated with infinitely more respect using my Cajun last name. I was recognized as being “one of them” again.
2. The first 10 years of my career were under my maiden name, including many publications, association committees, and general SME activities (speaking engagements, podcasts, etc).
3. I lived a whole life with my maiden name that I didn’t want to be wiped away.

Because the names are not hyphenated, I can use them as standalone’s or together. My post-marriage friends know no different than when they met me, my pre-marriage friends don’t have to try to remember my husband’s name. My family uses my maiden name. Everyone is happy.

[Anonymous]

I mean, you either take a man’s name (your husband) or keep a man’s name (your father’s or grandfather’s).

[Anonymous]

For me it was that I knew I was settling and divorce was highly likely. Didn’t want to change a bunch of documents and then change them back. Also both my grandmas and my mother kept theirs though they didn’t divorce, so it was normal for me.
Also I didn’t grow up in the U.S. so maybe some implications of keeping my maiden name were unknown to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Taking your husband's name in marriage offers a harmonious blend of tradition, practicality, and symbolism, outweighing the potential drawbacks for many couples. This choice, as exemplified by influential women like Hillary Clinton and Melinda Gates, demonstrates that adopting your husband's surname doesn't hinder professional growth or personal identity; rather, it can complement and enrich them.

One of the standout advantages is the ease it brings to international travel, particularly in customs and immigration processes. Families sharing the same surname often experience smoother and quicker procedures, a significant benefit in today's globalized world. This commonality in the family name simplifies the identification process, especially useful when traveling with children.

In daily life, having the same surname as your spouse and children can streamline administrative tasks related to schooling, medical care, and legal matters. It removes the need for additional documentation to prove family relationships, making these often routine yet crucial tasks more straightforward.

Beyond practicalities, adopting your husband's surname symbolizes the unity and commitment within a marriage. It fosters a strong sense of family identity and belonging, reinforcing the familial bonds. This symbolic gesture is a powerful expression of the new life and journey you embark on together as a family.

In essence, the benefits of taking your husband's name — from smoother travel experiences and simplified daily logistics to the symbolic representation of family unity — significantly outweigh the cons. It's a choice that seamlessly blends tradition with modernity, allowing women to maintain their professional and personal identities while celebrating their marital bond and family unity.

Here you go, OP: ChatGPT agrees with you!

Lol! I was just wondering who copied and pasted that long, drawn-out speech from somewhere else that nobody is reading...