Can't wait to change my surname, but notice many women keeping theirs, is there a reason for this trend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What problems could it possibly cause “down the road”? I’m genuinely asking you.

I didn’t change my name, partly because I have an established professional license and publications in my maiden name, partly because I didn’t want to give up part of my identity while he kept his. Seems an unfair way to start things out. I suggested that both of us change our names (to his mom’s maiden name) and he didn’t want to do that. He also didn’t pressure me to change to his name. I might have changed it at least for personal use if his surname was an easy one, but it’s not (neither is my maiden name). Oh well.

PS - 15 years in, three kids with his surname, and no problems because of it.

No one cares about your profession maiden name, Hillary Clinton took the last name and she's as lib and professional as they get.

Clinton, by the way, changed her name after Bill lost gubernatorial reelection in 1980.

https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/...lintons-name/418029/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Relying on survey experiments with U.S. college students, studies have shown that name-keeping women are viewed as less committed and less communal than name-changing women

You should make your decisions based on surveys of college students. I'll go another direction, but godspeed.[/quote
Amount non college educated it's even more so looked down upon to not take the last name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Relying on survey experiments with U.S. college students, studies have shown that name-keeping women are viewed as less committed and less communal than name-changing women

You should make your decisions based on surveys of college students. I'll go another direction, but godspeed.

Amount non college educated it's even more so looked down upon to not take the last name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What problems could it possibly cause “down the road”? I’m genuinely asking you.

I didn’t change my name, partly because I have an established professional license and publications in my maiden name, partly because I didn’t want to give up part of my identity while he kept his. Seems an unfair way to start things out. I suggested that both of us change our names (to his mom’s maiden name) and he didn’t want to do that. He also didn’t pressure me to change to his name. I might have changed it at least for personal use if his surname was an easy one, but it’s not (neither is my maiden name). Oh well.

PS - 15 years in, three kids with his surname, and no problems because of it.

Wouldn't it cause problems travelling or with certain documents for a process that you start as a married couple?

Been married 30 years. I kept my name and have no idea what you’re talking about. You don’t seem to have a clue either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Relying on survey experiments with U.S. college students, studies have shown that name-keeping women are viewed as less committed and less communal than name-changing women

And the fact that men can keep their own names without being questioned just goes to show how sexist many people are. Why should women start a trail of paper work to appease people with unfair standards?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People may think you are a divorcee or a difficult person if you haven't taken the last name. I said the silent part out loud, it does matter

I think that is a very dated view. The majority of my friends kept their names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband's last name was, I kid you not, Dickstein. Mine is Fisher. We are now, both, Fishers. Sometimes the reason is that simple.

I had a coworker who was born in another country. His last name was Butt. He goes by his wife’s name now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What problems could it possibly cause “down the road”? I’m genuinely asking you.

I didn’t change my name, partly because I have an established professional license and publications in my maiden name, partly because I didn’t want to give up part of my identity while he kept his. Seems an unfair way to start things out. I suggested that both of us change our names (to his mom’s maiden name) and he didn’t want to do that. He also didn’t pressure me to change to his name. I might have changed it at least for personal use if his surname was an easy one, but it’s not (neither is my maiden name). Oh well.

PS - 15 years in, three kids with his surname, and no problems because of it.

No one cares about your profession maiden name, Hillary Clinton took the last name and she's as lib and professional as they get.

Clinton, by the way, changed her name after Bill lost gubernatorial reelection in 1980.

https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/...lintons-name/418029/

Heh, that's a very DCUM passive-aggressive move! Change your name every time he disappoints you and change it back when he has success. Nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh forgot to say, we were an interracial/ethnic marriage and his name sounds very Anglo and I did not want that for myself.

Imagine a white person saying that about her husband’s name for a minute.

Lmao what? White women married to guys with ethnic surnames say this all the time as a reason to not change their names. You’re living in a right wing outrage echo chamber if you believe anyone would get any blowback for this in real life. Step away from the internet and go outside and talk to people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My name is who I am, OP. Why would I change myself? My husband never wanted me to change my name either. Our children have a hyphenated name, to reflect both our families: my husband and I each have a different national and cultural background, so it was important to us. Which means there are three last names in our nuclear family. It doesn't bother us, and it doesn't bother any medical, border control, or government administration of any country in which we hold passports or residency permits.

You seem to have lived under a rock all these years. Women have been keeping their own names and identities for generations. Any man who thinks their wife should change their name is strange and weird, unless he'd be fine changing his name to his wife's if that was her preference.

Meh, your name not who you are. It’s your father’s last name.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, are you?

[Anonymous]

I didn’t change my name after marriage but I did after I had my first baby. I’m sure it was all the hormones, but I couldn’t stand not having the same name as her. It was a bit of a hassle and I still have a credit card with my maiden name, but overall it was no big deal, either professionally or personally. The world is used to people changing their names and there are procedures in place to do so.

I understand the patriarchy argument, but ultimately, the last name I had at birth is as arbitrary as the last name my husband had at birth. Both were the product of 30+ generations of couples having the same last name and unless there’s a hereditary title or something, it doesn’t really signify.

I also do a ton of volunteer work with my kid’s school’s PTA. I see forms filled out and donations made where the parent’s and child’s last names don’t match. I also see where they do match. Either way is extraordinarily common and nobody cares or judges. Just make sure if your name is different that you put down your kids name! If I don’t know you, I have no idea that the permission slip signed by Larla Jones is for Larlo Smith!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What problems could it possibly cause “down the road”? I’m genuinely asking you.

I didn’t change my name, partly because I have an established professional license and publications in my maiden name, partly because I didn’t want to give up part of my identity while he kept his. Seems an unfair way to start things out. I suggested that both of us change our names (to his mom’s maiden name) and he didn’t want to do that. He also didn’t pressure me to change to his name. I might have changed it at least for personal use if his surname was an easy one, but it’s not (neither is my maiden name). Oh well.

PS - 15 years in, three kids with his surname, and no problems because of it.

No one cares about your profession maiden name, Hillary Clinton took the last name and she's as lib and professional as they get.

Clinton, by the way, changed her name after Bill lost gubernatorial reelection in 1980.

https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/...lintons-name/418029/

Ladies, it's all settled. You all need to change your names because Hillary Clinton changed hers 40+ years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t change my name after marriage but I did after I had my first baby. I’m sure it was all the hormones, but I couldn’t stand not having the same name as her. It was a bit of a hassle and I still have a credit card with my maiden name, but overall it was no big deal, either professionally or personally. The world is used to people changing their names and there are procedures in place to do so.

I understand the patriarchy argument, but ultimately, the last name I had at birth is as arbitrary as the last name my husband had at birth. Both were the product of 30+ generations of couples having the same last name and unless there’s a hereditary title or something, it doesn’t really signify.

I also do a ton of volunteer work with my kid’s school’s PTA. I see forms filled out and donations made where the parent’s and child’s last names don’t match. I also see where they do match. Either way is extraordinarily common and nobody cares or judges. Just make sure if your name is different that you put down your kids name! If I don’t know you, I have no idea that the permission slip signed by Larla Jones is for Larlo Smith!

If the man's and the woman's names are equally arbitrary, why do you rarely see children being given their mother's surname or men changing their surname to match that of his wife's/children? There's nothing equal about how surnames are chosen. Everyone has the right to choose any surname they want but to argue that the tradition is not unequal is dishonest.

[Anonymous]

I do not care my kids don’t have my last name. It’s never caused any issues. My husband didn’t care. Any guy who cares, much less is “ecstatic” has some ego issues to unpack.

The whole thing is weird. That you wake up one day as a full grown adult and start calling yourself some other name. When men start doing it as frequently as women do it, sign me up.

[Anonymous]

When men start changing theirs:
-to have the same last name as their children because the child was given mom's surname
-to symbolize their commitment to their wives
-to have a better sounding name
-to distance themselves from abusive family members
-to be romantic and all that
that's when I'll think of changing mine.