Anyone here “underperformed” according to their potential?

[Anonymous]

lmaple wrote:My daughter is a 25 year old who has a decent job by any means, but is disappointing me (and I know that’s entirely a me problem and not a her problem!).

To give some background information, I am a single mom and a teacher with no generational wealth. I emphasized education as the path for upward mobility for DD all throughout her life, and she graduated from her MCPS high school at the top of her class. She had all the awards — National Merit Scholar, varsity captain of her sport, 4.0 UW GPA while taking 14 AP classes….

She went to an “elite” college (WASP SLAC, if anyone cares, but not super relevant here) on a hefty financial aid package. She graduated college in 2020 with a bachelor’s in Neuroscience and English, magna cum laude.

But she has not lived up to her potential. Since graduation, she has worked a series of low-paying jobs in journalism. Last year, she landed a job at a media company in LA that pays $70k/year.

I guess this is all to say that I am really worried about her. $70k in a city as expensive as LA does not go very far. And in general, media and journalism are not high-paying fields. She does not have any generational wealth.

I look at her high school classmates (many of whom I taught at her high school), and at 25 years old, they are making WAY more money than her despite being much less intelligent and hardworking. I can list countless classmates of hers who are making $200k+ in finance, tech, real estate, software sales, consulting, etc. I know for a fact that my daughter is more intelligent and more disciplined than many of those people.

It’s just frustrating to see her throw her potential away. I know that this is a me problem, but I can’t help but feel frustrated.

Anyone else in a similar situation here?

So, what were you doing at age 25? Do you think your parents were disappointed in you? Your daughter is an adult and gets to live her life the way she wants to. It has zero reflection on you. Believe me, your dd knows you are disappointed but, you are lucky if you don't ruin the relationship. Would you rather her be miserable and make a ton of money? Is the reason you want her to do what you want her to do so you can brag about her? That is classic narcissism behavior.

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/why-narcissistic-parents-infantilize-their-adult-children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disvalue your opinion when you say stuff like this. Plenty of people want to live in Falls Church and Annandale. Don't be an ass hole.

+2. People like this is exactly why I *don’t* live in McLean/Langley/Potomac/Bethesda. I can afford to live in all of those areas, but I don’t want to live around people whose priorities are all wrong like this.

There are many houses in Falls Church that send their kids to McLean HS even though Falls Church HS is much closer to them. Try to rezone those homes to Falls Church HS and you will see how people revolt. They tried that a few years ago and it didn't go well. People will talk sh_t until the rubbers meet the road.

You're insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

lmaple wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Journalism is never going to pay well.
If she wants cash she needs to go into consulting, they love college level athletes with science and engineering degrees, and get a network of people that can give her a job after 2-5 years if she doesn’t like working that hard long term.

OP here. I encouraged her to go into consulting but she refused, which was frustrating.

She played a sport in HS but not in college. Her personality is almost the opposite of the “Alpha College Athlete” type — she is introverted and bookish, and not gregarious at all.

In retrospect, I regret focusing so much on academics and wish I pushed her into team sports more so she could’ve developed the social skills and connections that are necessary for success.

I guess this is a warning to future DCUM parents: please put more pressure on your kid socially than academically. There is so much talk about colleges and AAP and GPA and SAT scores in this forum, but not enough about helping your kid develop the social skills necessary for success.

All this drivel because a 25 year old is making 70k? You are nuts.

Yup. Terrible mother.

My older sister graduated from Ivy and worked in a low paying career. She and her DH lived in a terrible school pyramid because both of them are not making enough to be able to afford a home in a good school district. I bought them a home in McLean so that their kids could attend Churchill/Cooper/Langley pyramid because I love my sister. Money will not solve all of your problems but not having enough money will cause so many issues especially when you have children, and god forbid, they are SN kids.

OP is NOT a terrible mother. She is looking out for her DD best interest as she should.

She's absolutely a terrible mother. she's measuring her daughter's "success" at such an early age entirely by one metric: how much the daughter is currently earning per year. That is so dumb.

And as someone else pointed out, her kid would have had a better chance of getting those high paying jobs if OP had connections or had built up her own social capital. The kids OP is comparing her daughter to have been running in a different race since the beginning. And then she's going to make her daughter feel inferior? I call all of that bad parenting.

I am the poster with the sister who graduated from Ivy. Life has been so easy for me because I was a former D1 athlete at one of the P-5 schools and I received endless opportunities after graduation from my alma mater athletic department. While my sister attended Ivy, she was not as fortunate as I was and didn't get many opportunities. While much of that was her fault, it is what it is. She is now having a lot of regrets but very grateful that I have so much financial resources to help her. As I've already mentioned, life can be very difficult without having a lot of money, especially when you have kids. I am sure most people here want to live in McLean/Langley/Potomac/Bethesda school districts and not Annandale or Falls Church.

That's why you see Asians, I am one, push their kids into STEM, law, or medicine because they know their children will, at least, make a very comfortable living after graduation.

Again, as I've already mentioned, OP is a caring mother who is looking out for her DD best interest, as she should. I would do the same if I were in her shoes.

OP here. This is exactly what I’m talking about. Thank you. You get it.

FWIW I am a White American. But I greatly admire the Asian work ethic and focus on financial stability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

lmaple wrote:My daughter is a 25 year old who has a decent job by any means, but is disappointing me (and I know that’s entirely a me problem and not a her problem!).

To give some background information, I am a single mom and a teacher with no generational wealth. I emphasized education as the path for upward mobility for DD all throughout her life, and she graduated from her MCPS high school at the top of her class. She had all the awards — National Merit Scholar, varsity captain of her sport, 4.0 UW GPA while taking 14 AP classes….

She went to an “elite” college (WASP SLAC, if anyone cares, but not super relevant here) on a hefty financial aid package. She graduated college in 2020 with a bachelor’s in Neuroscience and English, magna cum laude.

But she has not lived up to her potential. Since graduation, she has worked a series of low-paying jobs in journalism. Last year, she landed a job at a media company in LA that pays $70k/year.

I guess this is all to say that I am really worried about her. $70k in a city as expensive as LA does not go very far. And in general, media and journalism are not high-paying fields. She does not have any generational wealth.

I look at her high school classmates (many of whom I taught at her high school), and at 25 years old, they are making WAY more money than her despite being much less intelligent and hardworking. I can list countless classmates of hers who are making $200k+ in finance, tech, real estate, software sales, consulting, etc. I know for a fact that my daughter is more intelligent and more disciplined than many of those people.

It’s just frustrating to see her throw her potential away. I know that this is a me problem, but I can’t help but feel frustrated.

Anyone else in a similar situation here?

So, what were you doing at age 25? Do you think your parents were disappointed in you? Your daughter is an adult and gets to live her life the way she wants to. It has zero reflection on you. Believe me, your dd knows you are disappointed but, you are lucky if you don't ruin the relationship. Would you rather her be miserable and make a ton of money? Is the reason you want her to do what you want her to do so you can brag about her? That is classic narcissism behavior.

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/why-narcissistic-parents-infantilize-their-adult-children

It’s narcissistic to care about your kid?

Please. You sound deluded. I’m not worried just so I can “brag about my DD.” I’m worried about her ability to support the next generation. This isn’t about me. It’s about her!

[Anonymous]

70k sucks she chose poorly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

lmaple wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have patience. She’ll get sick of the low salary and eventually land a job in corporate communications. Sounds like she has solid writing skills, and neuroscience was a good second major, so maybe she’ll put that to use at a large corporation in a few years.

This was me. My first journalism job paid $40k back in the late 90s. I switched to corporate communications in 2009 and my current salary puts me in the top 2 percentile of household incomes. I love having control of my time and being able to afford things for my kids.

Isn’t corporate comms a dying field thanks to OpenAI and ChatGPT? I mean, writing in general is pretty much dead.

It's not all writing. It's also about designing communication strategies, engaging in media relations, organizing high-level events, etc. And the writing itself is varied: talking points, social media, speeches, Op-Eds, articles.

OP is a miserable human being.

Not having to worry about a salary is a form of privilege. It means that you have a good safety net to bail you out. I am a first gen American and I had to have a good salary because there would be no help buying a car, house, etc. No nest egg if I fell on hard times. I understand why OP feels this way, but it is ultimately up to the dd to make her own way.

$70k for a 25 year old single person is fine. OP is unreasonable and you are also being unreasonable.

In ,1990, look at the thread with the GMU CS major who made 175k base with a 50k signon bonus right out of college .https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/45/1174869.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

lmaple wrote:My daughter is a 25 year old who has a decent job by any means, but is disappointing me (and I know that’s entirely a me problem and not a her problem!).

To give some background information, I am a single mom and a teacher with no generational wealth. I emphasized education as the path for upward mobility for DD all throughout her life, and she graduated from her MCPS high school at the top of her class. She had all the awards — National Merit Scholar, varsity captain of her sport, 4.0 UW GPA while taking 14 AP classes….

She went to an “elite” college (WASP SLAC, if anyone cares, but not super relevant here) on a hefty financial aid package. She graduated college in 2020 with a bachelor’s in Neuroscience and English, magna cum laude.

But she has not lived up to her potential. Since graduation, she has worked a series of low-paying jobs in journalism. Last year, she landed a job at a media company in LA that pays $70k/year.

I guess this is all to say that I am really worried about her. $70k in a city as expensive as LA does not go very far. And in general, media and journalism are not high-paying fields. She does not have any generational wealth.

I look at her high school classmates (many of whom I taught at her high school), and at 25 years old, they are making WAY more money than her despite being much less intelligent and hardworking. I can list countless classmates of hers who are making $200k+ in finance, tech, real estate, software sales, consulting, etc. I know for a fact that my daughter is more intelligent and more disciplined than many of those people.

It’s just frustrating to see her throw her potential away. I know that this is a me problem, but I can’t help but feel frustrated.

Anyone else in a similar situation here?

So, what were you doing at age 25? Do you think your parents were disappointed in you? Your daughter is an adult and gets to live her life the way she wants to. It has zero reflection on you. Believe me, your dd knows you are disappointed but, you are lucky if you don't ruin the relationship. Would you rather her be miserable and make a ton of money? Is the reason you want her to do what you want her to do so you can brag about her? That is classic narcissism behavior.

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/why-narcissistic-parents-infantilize-their-adult-children

It’s narcissistic to care about your kid?

Please. You sound deluded. I’m not worried just so I can “brag about my DD.” I’m worried about her ability to support the next generation. This isn’t about me. It’s about her!

FYI women are more than money earning wombs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

lmaple wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Journalism is never going to pay well.
If she wants cash she needs to go into consulting, they love college level athletes with science and engineering degrees, and get a network of people that can give her a job after 2-5 years if she doesn’t like working that hard long term.

OP here. I encouraged her to go into consulting but she refused, which was frustrating.

She played a sport in HS but not in college. Her personality is almost the opposite of the “Alpha College Athlete” type — she is introverted and bookish, and not gregarious at all.

In retrospect, I regret focusing so much on academics and wish I pushed her into team sports more so she could’ve developed the social skills and connections that are necessary for success.

I guess this is a warning to future DCUM parents: please put more pressure on your kid socially than academically. There is so much talk about colleges and AAP and GPA and SAT scores in this forum, but not enough about helping your kid develop the social skills necessary for success.

All this drivel because a 25 year old is making 70k? You are nuts.

I made 60k when I was 25…which was 25 years ago. To make that as a 25 year old now is really nuts.

And my husband made 60K at 37 in 2019, despite having academic credentials much like OP's daughter. The world isn't all massive salaries at DCUM approved jobs.

That’s why your husband married you, right? You’re the breadwinner?

Lol we got married at 23, when I was in grad school and he was waiting tables. I make more ($100K) but neither one of us have the kind of salary it seems like OP wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

lmaple wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Journalism is never going to pay well.
If she wants cash she needs to go into consulting, they love college level athletes with science and engineering degrees, and get a network of people that can give her a job after 2-5 years if she doesn’t like working that hard long term.

OP here. I encouraged her to go into consulting but she refused, which was frustrating.

She played a sport in HS but not in college. Her personality is almost the opposite of the “Alpha College Athlete” type — she is introverted and bookish, and not gregarious at all.

In retrospect, I regret focusing so much on academics and wish I pushed her into team sports more so she could’ve developed the social skills and connections that are necessary for success.

I guess this is a warning to future DCUM parents: please put more pressure on your kid socially than academically. There is so much talk about colleges and AAP and GPA and SAT scores in this forum, but not enough about helping your kid develop the social skills necessary for success.

All this drivel because a 25 year old is making 70k? You are nuts.

Yup. Terrible mother.

My older sister graduated from Ivy and worked in a low paying career. She and her DH lived in a terrible school pyramid because both of them are not making enough to be able to afford a home in a good school district. I bought them a home in McLean so that their kids could attend Churchill/Cooper/Langley pyramid because I love my sister. Money will not solve all of your problems but not having enough money will cause so many issues especially when you have children, and god forbid, they are SN kids.

OP is NOT a terrible mother. She is looking out for her DD best interest as she should.

She's absolutely a terrible mother. she's measuring her daughter's "success" at such an early age entirely by one metric: how much the daughter is currently earning per year. That is so dumb.

And as someone else pointed out, her kid would have had a better chance of getting those high paying jobs if OP had connections or had built up her own social capital. The kids OP is comparing her daughter to have been running in a different race since the beginning. And then she's going to make her daughter feel inferior? I call all of that bad parenting.

I am the poster with the sister who graduated from Ivy. Life has been so easy for me because I was a former D1 athlete at one of the P-5 schools and I received endless opportunities after graduation from my alma mater athletic department. While my sister attended Ivy, she was not as fortunate as I was and didn't get many opportunities. While much of that was her fault, it is what it is. She is now having a lot of regrets but very grateful that I have so much financial resources to help her. As I've already mentioned, life can be very difficult without having a lot of money, especially when you have kids. I am sure most people here want to live in McLean/Langley/Potomac/Bethesda school districts and not Annandale or Falls Church.

That's why you see Asians, I am one, push their kids into STEM, law, or medicine because they know their children will, at least, make a very comfortable living after graduation.

Again, as I've already mentioned, OP is a caring mother who is looking out for her DD best interest, as she should. I would do the same if I were in her shoes.

OP here. This is exactly what I’m talking about. Thank you. You get it.

FWIW I am a White American. But I greatly admire the Asian work ethic and focus on financial stability.

This is quite the racist thing to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

lmaple wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Journalism is never going to pay well.
If she wants cash she needs to go into consulting, they love college level athletes with science and engineering degrees, and get a network of people that can give her a job after 2-5 years if she doesn’t like working that hard long term.

OP here. I encouraged her to go into consulting but she refused, which was frustrating.

She played a sport in HS but not in college. Her personality is almost the opposite of the “Alpha College Athlete” type — she is introverted and bookish, and not gregarious at all.

In retrospect, I regret focusing so much on academics and wish I pushed her into team sports more so she could’ve developed the social skills and connections that are necessary for success.

I guess this is a warning to future DCUM parents: please put more pressure on your kid socially than academically. There is so much talk about colleges and AAP and GPA and SAT scores in this forum, but not enough about helping your kid develop the social skills necessary for success.

All this drivel because a 25 year old is making 70k? You are nuts.

Yup. Terrible mother.

My older sister graduated from Ivy and worked in a low paying career. She and her DH lived in a terrible school pyramid because both of them are not making enough to be able to afford a home in a good school district. I bought them a home in McLean so that their kids could attend Churchill/Cooper/Langley pyramid because I love my sister. Money will not solve all of your problems but not having enough money will cause so many issues especially when you have children, and god forbid, they are SN kids.

OP is NOT a terrible mother. She is looking out for her DD best interest as she should.

She's absolutely a terrible mother. she's measuring her daughter's "success" at such an early age entirely by one metric: how much the daughter is currently earning per year. That is so dumb.

And as someone else pointed out, her kid would have had a better chance of getting those high paying jobs if OP had connections or had built up her own social capital. The kids OP is comparing her daughter to have been running in a different race since the beginning. And then she's going to make her daughter feel inferior? I call all of that bad parenting.

I am the poster with the sister who graduated from Ivy. Life has been so easy for me because I was a former D1 athlete at one of the P-5 schools and I received endless opportunities after graduation from my alma mater athletic department. While my sister attended Ivy, she was not as fortunate as I was and didn't get many opportunities. While much of that was her fault, it is what it is. She is now having a lot of regrets but very grateful that I have so much financial resources to help her. As I've already mentioned, life can be very difficult without having a lot of money, especially when you have kids. I am sure most people here want to live in McLean/Langley/Potomac/Bethesda school districts and not Annandale or Falls Church.

That's why you see Asians, I am one, push their kids into STEM, law, or medicine because they know their children will, at least, make a very comfortable living after graduation.

Again, as I've already mentioned, OP is a caring mother who is looking out for her DD best interest, as she should. I would do the same if I were in her shoes.

OP here. This is exactly what I’m talking about. Thank you. You get it.

FWIW I am a White American. But I greatly admire the Asian work ethic and focus on financial stability.

This is quite the racist thing to say.

Asian work ethics benefit the capitalists, not society. Just look at Japan, Korea or China, workers work 996 and they don’t contribute to major innovation. Their young ppl are not launching indie bands just preparing for tests. Go to art district in Beijing and you find a bunch of white people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

lmaple wrote:My daughter is a 25 year old who has a decent job by any means, but is disappointing me (and I know that’s entirely a me problem and not a her problem!).

To give some background information, I am a single mom and a teacher with no generational wealth. I emphasized education as the path for upward mobility for DD all throughout her life, and she graduated from her MCPS high school at the top of her class. She had all the awards — National Merit Scholar, varsity captain of her sport, 4.0 UW GPA while taking 14 AP classes….

She went to an “elite” college (WASP SLAC, if anyone cares, but not super relevant here) on a hefty financial aid package. She graduated college in 2020 with a bachelor’s in Neuroscience and English, magna cum laude.

But she has not lived up to her potential. Since graduation, she has worked a series of low-paying jobs in journalism. Last year, she landed a job at a media company in LA that pays $70k/year.

I guess this is all to say that I am really worried about her. $70k in a city as expensive as LA does not go very far. And in general, media and journalism are not high-paying fields. She does not have any generational wealth.

I look at her high school classmates (many of whom I taught at her high school), and at 25 years old, they are making WAY more money than her despite being much less intelligent and hardworking. I can list countless classmates of hers who are making $200k+ in finance, tech, real estate, software sales, consulting, etc. I know for a fact that my daughter is more intelligent and more disciplined than many of those people.

It’s just frustrating to see her throw her potential away. I know that this is a me problem, but I can’t help but feel frustrated.

Anyone else in a similar situation here?

So, what were you doing at age 25? Do you think your parents were disappointed in you? Your daughter is an adult and gets to live her life the way she wants to. It has zero reflection on you. Believe me, your dd knows you are disappointed but, you are lucky if you don't ruin the relationship. Would you rather her be miserable and make a ton of money? Is the reason you want her to do what you want her to do so you can brag about her? That is classic narcissism behavior.

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/why-narcissistic-parents-infantilize-their-adult-children

It’s narcissistic to care about your kid?

Please. You sound deluded. I’m not worried just so I can “brag about my DD.” I’m worried about her ability to support the next generation. This isn’t about me. It’s about her!

You are the deluded one. It is her life. Back off unless you want estrangement

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

lmaple wrote:My daughter is a 25 year old who has a decent job by any means, but is disappointing me (and I know that’s entirely a me problem and not a her problem!).

To give some background information, I am a single mom and a teacher with no generational wealth. I emphasized education as the path for upward mobility for DD all throughout her life, and she graduated from her MCPS high school at the top of her class. She had all the awards — National Merit Scholar, varsity captain of her sport, 4.0 UW GPA while taking 14 AP classes….

She went to an “elite” college (WASP SLAC, if anyone cares, but not super relevant here) on a hefty financial aid package. She graduated college in 2020 with a bachelor’s in Neuroscience and English, magna cum laude.

But she has not lived up to her potential. Since graduation, she has worked a series of low-paying jobs in journalism. Last year, she landed a job at a media company in LA that pays $70k/year.

I guess this is all to say that I am really worried about her. $70k in a city as expensive as LA does not go very far. And in general, media and journalism are not high-paying fields. She does not have any generational wealth.

I look at her high school classmates (many of whom I taught at her high school), and at 25 years old, they are making WAY more money than her despite being much less intelligent and hardworking. I can list countless classmates of hers who are making $200k+ in finance, tech, real estate, software sales, consulting, etc. I know for a fact that my daughter is more intelligent and more disciplined than many of those people.

It’s just frustrating to see her throw her potential away. I know that this is a me problem, but I can’t help but feel frustrated.

Anyone else in a similar situation here?

So, what were you doing at age 25? Do you think your parents were disappointed in you? Your daughter is an adult and gets to live her life the way she wants to. It has zero reflection on you. Believe me, your dd knows you are disappointed but, you are lucky if you don't ruin the relationship. Would you rather her be miserable and make a ton of money? Is the reason you want her to do what you want her to do so you can brag about her? That is classic narcissism behavior.

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/why-narcissistic-parents-infantilize-their-adult-children

It’s narcissistic to care about your kid?

Please. You sound deluded. I’m not worried just so I can “brag about my DD.” I’m worried about her ability to support the next generation. This isn’t about me. It’s about her!

You are the deluded one. It is her life. Back off unless you want estrangement

You never answered what you were doing at 25.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

lmaple wrote:My daughter is a 25 year old who has a decent job by any means, but is disappointing me (and I know that’s entirely a me problem and not a her problem!).

To give some background information, I am a single mom and a teacher with no generational wealth. I emphasized education as the path for upward mobility for DD all throughout her life, and she graduated from her MCPS high school at the top of her class. She had all the awards — National Merit Scholar, varsity captain of her sport, 4.0 UW GPA while taking 14 AP classes….

She went to an “elite” college (WASP SLAC, if anyone cares, but not super relevant here) on a hefty financial aid package. She graduated college in 2020 with a bachelor’s in Neuroscience and English, magna cum laude.

But she has not lived up to her potential. Since graduation, she has worked a series of low-paying jobs in journalism. Last year, she landed a job at a media company in LA that pays $70k/year.

I guess this is all to say that I am really worried about her. $70k in a city as expensive as LA does not go very far. And in general, media and journalism are not high-paying fields. She does not have any generational wealth.

I look at her high school classmates (many of whom I taught at her high school), and at 25 years old, they are making WAY more money than her despite being much less intelligent and hardworking. I can list countless classmates of hers who are making $200k+ in finance, tech, real estate, software sales, consulting, etc. I know for a fact that my daughter is more intelligent and more disciplined than many of those people.

It’s just frustrating to see her throw her potential away. I know that this is a me problem, but I can’t help but feel frustrated.

Anyone else in a similar situation here?

So, what were you doing at age 25? Do you think your parents were disappointed in you? Your daughter is an adult and gets to live her life the way she wants to. It has zero reflection on you. Believe me, your dd knows you are disappointed but, you are lucky if you don't ruin the relationship. Would you rather her be miserable and make a ton of money? Is the reason you want her to do what you want her to do so you can brag about her? That is classic narcissism behavior.

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/why-narcissistic-parents-infantilize-their-adult-children

It’s narcissistic to care about your kid?

Please. You sound deluded. I’m not worried just so I can “brag about my DD.” I’m worried about her ability to support the next generation. This isn’t about me. It’s about her!

You are the deluded one. It is her life. Back off unless you want estrangement

You never answered what you were doing at 25.

OP is a loser trying to compensate for her feelings of inferiority (based on metrics she buys into but couldn't acheive) through her daughter who clearly doesn't care about or judge herself by those metrics. OP wasn't doing crap at 25.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

lmaple wrote:My daughter is a 25 year old who has a decent job by any means, but is disappointing me (and I know that’s entirely a me problem and not a her problem!).

To give some background information, I am a single mom and a teacher with no generational wealth. I emphasized education as the path for upward mobility for DD all throughout her life, and she graduated from her MCPS high school at the top of her class. She had all the awards — National Merit Scholar, varsity captain of her sport, 4.0 UW GPA while taking 14 AP classes….

She went to an “elite” college (WASP SLAC, if anyone cares, but not super relevant here) on a hefty financial aid package. She graduated college in 2020 with a bachelor’s in Neuroscience and English, magna cum laude.

But she has not lived up to her potential. Since graduation, she has worked a series of low-paying jobs in journalism. Last year, she landed a job at a media company in LA that pays $70k/year.

I guess this is all to say that I am really worried about her. $70k in a city as expensive as LA does not go very far. And in general, media and journalism are not high-paying fields. She does not have any generational wealth.

I look at her high school classmates (many of whom I taught at her high school), and at 25 years old, they are making WAY more money than her despite being much less intelligent and hardworking. I can list countless classmates of hers who are making $200k+ in finance, tech, real estate, software sales, consulting, etc. I know for a fact that my daughter is more intelligent and more disciplined than many of those people.

It’s just frustrating to see her throw her potential away. I know that this is a me problem, but I can’t help but feel frustrated.

Anyone else in a similar situation here?

So, what were you doing at age 25? Do you think your parents were disappointed in you? Your daughter is an adult and gets to live her life the way she wants to. It has zero reflection on you. Believe me, your dd knows you are disappointed but, you are lucky if you don't ruin the relationship. Would you rather her be miserable and make a ton of money? Is the reason you want her to do what you want her to do so you can brag about her? That is classic narcissism behavior.

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/why-narcissistic-parents-infantilize-their-adult-children

It’s narcissistic to care about your kid?

Please. You sound deluded. I’m not worried just so I can “brag about my DD.” I’m worried about her ability to support the next generation. This isn’t about me. It’s about her!

You are the deluded one. It is her life. Back off unless you want estrangement

You never answered what you were doing at 25.

OP is a loser trying to compensate for her feelings of inferiority (based on metrics she buys into but couldn't acheive) through her daughter who clearly doesn't care about or judge herself by those metrics. OP wasn't doing crap at 25.

Or maybe she just cares about her kid?

[Anonymous]

You burned her out early on. Poor kid is over it.