Anyone here “underperformed” according to their potential?

[Anonymous]

Journalism is a HIGHLY competitive field where people are often expected to "pay dues" through low-paying jobs in order to build their reputation and portfolio to qualify for higher-paying jobs later. Does she have long-term goals she's working toward?

There's also nothing wrong with wanting more from work than money. Don't devalue her accomplishments by only looking at salary.

[Anonymous]

The problem here is not the education or upbringing. It’s that OP, the Mom, can’t accept that her daughter is introverted and bookish, which was a good match for the upbringing she provided, but not for the high-pressure, extroverted jobs her mother now hopes her daughter will accept. OP, why did you think your daughter would suddenly change personalities and become a money monger? That makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

She is 25 she has plenty of time to figure things out. Furthermore seems like you threw out some fields that sound high paying (such as consulting and real estate). Real estate is a crap field (full of hucketrs with 0/little education). Consulting does not pay that high at the start (unless you go into the very top firms such a BCG Bain or McK, which yeah nice pay but awful work life balance), for example say she went Accenture, if I am not mistaken at least I the DMV area that starts at like 75k (unless I am mistaken) and again the big bucks in consulting (at least the types like Accenture, Deloitte, etc) are further into the career.

Last, you compared her to her former HS classmates, but you fail to take into account that some of them may have had connections who helped land those jobs. Furthermore, and as you yourself noted, getting a job is not only about how smart you are/academics but also how you sell yourself socially. In hiring, one key thing a lot of people I know, including myself, ask themselves...if candidates are comparable enough on skill, who would I rather work with, who seems more enjoyable to work with (or put more bluntly, who can I see myself getting a drink with). The social aspect really matters (for better or worse).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

lmaple wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Journalism is never going to pay well.
If she wants cash she needs to go into consulting, they love college level athletes with science and engineering degrees, and get a network of people that can give her a job after 2-5 years if she doesn’t like working that hard long term.

OP here. I encouraged her to go into consulting but she refused, which was frustrating.

She played a sport in HS but not in college. Her personality is almost the opposite of the “Alpha College Athlete” type — she is introverted and bookish, and not gregarious at all.

In retrospect, I regret focusing so much on academics and wish I pushed her into team sports more so she could’ve developed the social skills and connections that are necessary for success.

I guess this is a warning to future DCUM parents: please put more pressure on your kid socially than academically. There is so much talk about colleges and AAP and GPA and SAT scores in this forum, but not enough about helping your kid develop the social skills necessary for success.

All this drivel because a 25 year old is making 70k? You are nuts.

Yup. Terrible mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

lmaple wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Journalism is never going to pay well.
If she wants cash she needs to go into consulting, they love college level athletes with science and engineering degrees, and get a network of people that can give her a job after 2-5 years if she doesn’t like working that hard long term.

OP here. I encouraged her to go into consulting but she refused, which was frustrating.

She played a sport in HS but not in college. Her personality is almost the opposite of the “Alpha College Athlete” type — she is introverted and bookish, and not gregarious at all.

In retrospect, I regret focusing so much on academics and wish I pushed her into team sports more so she could’ve developed the social skills and connections that are necessary for success.

I guess this is a warning to future DCUM parents: please put more pressure on your kid socially than academically. There is so much talk about colleges and AAP and GPA and SAT scores in this forum, but not enough about helping your kid develop the social skills necessary for success.

All this drivel because a 25 year old is making 70k? You are nuts.

Yup. Terrible mother.

My older sister graduated from Ivy and worked in a low paying career. She and her DH lived in a terrible school pyramid because both of them are not making enough to be able to afford a home in a good school district. I bought them a home in McLean so that their kids could attend Churchill/Cooper/Langley pyramid because I love my sister. Money will not solve all of your problems but not having enough money will cause so many issues especially when you have children, and god forbid, they are SN kids.

OP is NOT a terrible mother. She is looking out for her DD best interest as she should.

[Anonymous]

I became an academic research scientist instead of the MD my parents wanted me to be. No real regrets but I do feel an occasional twinge when I think of the income disparity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me! I was a NMSF, straight-A student, entered college with 27 credits from APs, and then just kind of fizzled. I barely make $60K in my mid-40s.

May I ask what happened? My mom pushed me and burned me out, but I rebounded and ended up okay.

[Anonymous]

She is young. She will have plenty of time to grow. Let her spread her wings now.

[Anonymous]

I'm a trained lawyer with experience in M&A and finance but i stopped that to be a pastry chef so it could be worse!

Let her live her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is 25 she has plenty of time to figure things out. Furthermore seems like you threw out some fields that sound high paying (such as consulting and real estate). Real estate is a crap field (full of hucketrs with 0/little education). Consulting does not pay that high at the start (unless you go into the very top firms such a BCG Bain or McK, which yeah nice pay but awful work life balance), for example say she went Accenture, if I am not mistaken at least I the DMV area that starts at like 75k (unless I am mistaken) and again the big bucks in consulting (at least the types like Accenture, Deloitte, etc) are further into the career.

Last, you compared her to her former HS classmates, but you fail to take into account that some of them may have had connections who helped land those jobs. Furthermore, and as you yourself noted, getting a job is not only about how smart you are/academics but also how you sell yourself socially. In hiring, one key thing a lot of people I know, including myself, ask themselves...if candidates are comparable enough on skill, who would I rather work with, who seems more enjoyable to work with (or put more bluntly, who can I see myself getting a drink with). The social aspect really matters (for better or worse).

I bet OP hasn’t spent a single day in consulting, Oliver Wyman pays their 25 year olds 130k. But you will be shredded alive by those aggressive type As.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I became an academic research scientist instead of the MD my parents wanted me to be. No real regrets but I do feel an occasional twinge when I think of the income disparity.

Same here.

[lmaple]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

lmaple wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Journalism is never going to pay well.
If she wants cash she needs to go into consulting, they love college level athletes with science and engineering degrees, and get a network of people that can give her a job after 2-5 years if she doesn’t like working that hard long term.

OP here. I encouraged her to go into consulting but she refused, which was frustrating.

She played a sport in HS but not in college. Her personality is almost the opposite of the “Alpha College Athlete” type — she is introverted and bookish, and not gregarious at all.

In retrospect, I regret focusing so much on academics and wish I pushed her into team sports more so she could’ve developed the social skills and connections that are necessary for success.

I guess this is a warning to future DCUM parents: please put more pressure on your kid socially than academically. There is so much talk about colleges and AAP and GPA and SAT scores in this forum, but not enough about helping your kid develop the social skills necessary for success.

All this drivel because a 25 year old is making 70k? You are nuts.

Yup. Terrible mother.

My older sister graduated from Ivy and worked in a low paying career. She and her DH lived in a terrible school pyramid because both of them are not making enough to be able to afford a home in a good school district. I bought them a home in McLean so that their kids could attend Churchill/Cooper/Langley pyramid because I love my sister. Money will not solve all of your problems but not having enough money will cause so many issues especially when you have children, and god forbid, they are SN kids.

OP is NOT a terrible mother. She is looking out for her DD best interest as she should.

OP here. That’s EXACTLY what I’m talking about!

This board is full of similarly minded parents who are concerned about their kids’ ability to survive in an increasingly unequal society. There’s constant chatter among parents here about pushing their kids into STEM and helping them get into T20 schools. This concerted cultivation is all so that the next generation can have a good life.

My concerns are normal — most mothers in my position would also be worried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

lmaple wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Journalism is never going to pay well.
If she wants cash she needs to go into consulting, they love college level athletes with science and engineering degrees, and get a network of people that can give her a job after 2-5 years if she doesn’t like working that hard long term.

OP here. I encouraged her to go into consulting but she refused, which was frustrating.

She played a sport in HS but not in college. Her personality is almost the opposite of the “Alpha College Athlete” type — she is introverted and bookish, and not gregarious at all.

In retrospect, I regret focusing so much on academics and wish I pushed her into team sports more so she could’ve developed the social skills and connections that are necessary for success.

I guess this is a warning to future DCUM parents: please put more pressure on your kid socially than academically. There is so much talk about colleges and AAP and GPA and SAT scores in this forum, but not enough about helping your kid develop the social skills necessary for success.

All this drivel because a 25 year old is making 70k? You are nuts.

Yup. Terrible mother.

My older sister graduated from Ivy and worked in a low paying career. She and her DH lived in a terrible school pyramid because both of them are not making enough to be able to afford a home in a good school district. I bought them a home in McLean so that their kids could attend Churchill/Cooper/Langley pyramid because I love my sister. Money will not solve all of your problems but not having enough money will cause so many issues especially when you have children, and god forbid, they are SN kids.

OP is NOT a terrible mother. She is looking out for her DD best interest as she should.

She's absolutely a terrible mother. she's measuring her daughter's "success" at such an early age entirely by one metric: how much the daughter is currently earning per year. That is so dumb.

And as someone else pointed out, her kid would have had a better chance of getting those high paying jobs if OP had connections or had built up her own social capital. The kids OP is comparing her daughter to have been running in a different race since the beginning. And then she's going to make her daughter feel inferior? I call all of that bad parenting.

[Anonymous]

lmaple wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

lmaple wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Journalism is never going to pay well.
If she wants cash she needs to go into consulting, they love college level athletes with science and engineering degrees, and get a network of people that can give her a job after 2-5 years if she doesn’t like working that hard long term.

OP here. I encouraged her to go into consulting but she refused, which was frustrating.

She played a sport in HS but not in college. Her personality is almost the opposite of the “Alpha College Athlete” type — she is introverted and bookish, and not gregarious at all.

In retrospect, I regret focusing so much on academics and wish I pushed her into team sports more so she could’ve developed the social skills and connections that are necessary for success.

I guess this is a warning to future DCUM parents: please put more pressure on your kid socially than academically. There is so much talk about colleges and AAP and GPA and SAT scores in this forum, but not enough about helping your kid develop the social skills necessary for success.

All this drivel because a 25 year old is making 70k? You are nuts.

Yup. Terrible mother.

My older sister graduated from Ivy and worked in a low paying career. She and her DH lived in a terrible school pyramid because both of them are not making enough to be able to afford a home in a good school district. I bought them a home in McLean so that their kids could attend Churchill/Cooper/Langley pyramid because I love my sister. Money will not solve all of your problems but not having enough money will cause so many issues especially when you have children, and god forbid, they are SN kids.

OP is NOT a terrible mother. She is looking out for her DD best interest as she should.

OP here. That’s EXACTLY what I’m talking about!

This board is full of similarly minded parents who are concerned about their kids’ ability to survive in an increasingly unequal society. There’s constant chatter among parents here about pushing their kids into STEM and helping them get into T20 schools. This concerted cultivation is all so that the next generation can have a good life.

My concerns are normal — most mothers in my position would also be worried.

This isn't normal. No one we'll adjusted parent would be worried about your daughter. She's doing well for herself. Rather than being happy for her, you act like she's a failure. Christ, you act like she's addicted to fentanyl and living in your basement.

And let's not forget your posts that got deleted by Jeff - one PP you called ignorant for saying that your daughter has plenty of time to change career paths if she wanted to. Another PP you asked whether they had a mental health crisis because they weren't a high earner after graduating from CMU.

You're either a troll or a nutcase.

[Anonymous]

Have patience. She’ll get sick of the low salary and eventually land a job in corporate communications. Sounds like she has solid writing skills, and neuroscience was a good second major, so maybe she’ll put that to use at a large corporation in a few years.