Anyone here “underperformed” according to their potential?

[Anonymous]

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lmaple wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Journalism is never going to pay well.
If she wants cash she needs to go into consulting, they love college level athletes with science and engineering degrees, and get a network of people that can give her a job after 2-5 years if she doesn’t like working that hard long term.

OP here. I encouraged her to go into consulting but she refused, which was frustrating.

She played a sport in HS but not in college. Her personality is almost the opposite of the “Alpha College Athlete” type — she is introverted and bookish, and not gregarious at all.

In retrospect, I regret focusing so much on academics and wish I pushed her into team sports more so she could’ve developed the social skills and connections that are necessary for success.

I guess this is a warning to future DCUM parents: please put more pressure on your kid socially than academically. There is so much talk about colleges and AAP and GPA and SAT scores in this forum, but not enough about helping your kid develop the social skills necessary for success.

All this drivel because a 25 year old is making 70k? You are nuts.

Yup. Terrible mother.

My older sister graduated from Ivy and worked in a low paying career. She and her DH lived in a terrible school pyramid because both of them are not making enough to be able to afford a home in a good school district. I bought them a home in McLean so that their kids could attend Churchill/Cooper/Langley pyramid because I love my sister. Money will not solve all of your problems but not having enough money will cause so many issues especially when you have children, and god forbid, they are SN kids.

OP is NOT a terrible mother. She is looking out for her DD best interest as she should.

She's absolutely a terrible mother. she's measuring her daughter's "success" at such an early age entirely by one metric: how much the daughter is currently earning per year. That is so dumb.

And as someone else pointed out, her kid would have had a better chance of getting those high paying jobs if OP had connections or had built up her own social capital. The kids OP is comparing her daughter to have been running in a different race since the beginning. And then she's going to make her daughter feel inferior? I call all of that bad parenting.

I am the poster with the sister who graduated from Ivy. Life has been so easy for me because I was a former D1 athlete at one of the P-5 schools and I received endless opportunities after graduation from my alma mater athletic department. While my sister attended Ivy, she was not as fortunate as I was and didn't get many opportunities. While much of that was her fault, it is what it is. She is now having a lot of regrets but very grateful that I have so much financial resources to help her. As I've already mentioned, life can be very difficult without having a lot of money, especially when you have kids. I am sure most people here want to live in McLean/Langley/Potomac/Bethesda school districts and not Annandale or Falls Church.

That's why you see Asians, I am one, push their kids into STEM, law, or medicine because they know their children will, at least, make a very comfortable living after graduation.

Again, as I've already mentioned, OP is a caring mother who is looking out for her DD best interest, as she should. I would do the same if I were in her shoes.

OP here. This is exactly what I’m talking about. Thank you. You get it.

FWIW I am a White American. But I greatly admire the Asian work ethic and focus on financial stability.

This is quite the racist thing to say.

Asian work ethics benefit the capitalists, not society. Just look at Japan, Korea or China, workers work 996 and they don’t contribute to major innovation. Their young ppl are not launching indie bands just preparing for tests. Go to art district in Beijing and you find a bunch of white people.

More racism.

[Anonymous]

OP, your daughter is me -- NMSF, tons of APs, then went into journalism and my parents were so horrified. Let her be. She will work her way up and will be just fine.

Intelligence also ends up helping in this career, where being NMSF level is sort of rare. I ended up learning enough and having original thoughts and have published one book and am working on the next. Book income could propel her forward in unexpected ways, beyond salary. My parents ended up being so proud.

She is making enough to support herself and is in a field with a lot of potential -- just let her go and see what she can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

lmaple wrote:My daughter is a 25 year old who has a decent job by any means, but is disappointing me (and I know that’s entirely a me problem and not a her problem!).

To give some background information, I am a single mom and a teacher with no generational wealth. I emphasized education as the path for upward mobility for DD all throughout her life, and she graduated from her MCPS high school at the top of her class. She had all the awards — National Merit Scholar, varsity captain of her sport, 4.0 UW GPA while taking 14 AP classes….

She went to an “elite” college (WASP SLAC, if anyone cares, but not super relevant here) on a hefty financial aid package. She graduated college in 2020 with a bachelor’s in Neuroscience and English, magna cum laude.

But she has not lived up to her potential. Since graduation, she has worked a series of low-paying jobs in journalism. Last year, she landed a job at a media company in LA that pays $70k/year.

I guess this is all to say that I am really worried about her. $70k in a city as expensive as LA does not go very far. And in general, media and journalism are not high-paying fields. She does not have any generational wealth.

I look at her high school classmates (many of whom I taught at her high school), and at 25 years old, they are making WAY more money than her despite being much less intelligent and hardworking. I can list countless classmates of hers who are making $200k+ in finance, tech, real estate, software sales, consulting, etc. I know for a fact that my daughter is more intelligent and more disciplined than many of those people.

It’s just frustrating to see her throw her potential away. I know that this is a me problem, but I can’t help but feel frustrated.

Anyone else in a similar situation here?

So, what were you doing at age 25? Do you think your parents were disappointed in you? Your daughter is an adult and gets to live her life the way she wants to. It has zero reflection on you. Believe me, your dd knows you are disappointed but, you are lucky if you don't ruin the relationship. Would you rather her be miserable and make a ton of money? Is the reason you want her to do what you want her to do so you can brag about her? That is classic narcissism behavior.

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/why-narcissistic-parents-infantilize-their-adult-children

It’s narcissistic to care about your kid?

Please. You sound deluded. I’m not worried just so I can “brag about my DD.” I’m worried about her ability to support the next generation. This isn’t about me. It’s about her!

No, it’s about you. You are the one who needs to be supporting the next generation. You obviously failed at parenting, so now you need to make sure you leave enough income to provide for your grandkids, otherwise you will have failed them also. Get off of DCUM and get back to work!

[Anonymous]

What do your parents think about what’s going on here, OP? Hopefully they are not alive to see how badly you’ve messed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You burned her out early on. Poor kid is over it.

OP here. I absolutely did not “burn her out.” Why the hell would you think that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your daughter is me -- NMSF, tons of APs, then went into journalism and my parents were so horrified. Let her be. She will work her way up and will be just fine.

Intelligence also ends up helping in this career, where being NMSF level is sort of rare. I ended up learning enough and having original thoughts and have published one book and am working on the next. Book income could propel her forward in unexpected ways, beyond salary. My parents ended up being so proud.

She is making enough to support herself and is in a field with a lot of potential -- just let her go and see what she can do.

Holy shit. You are deluded. No one from a lower middle class background should rely on a book deal for financial stability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You burned her out early on. Poor kid is over it.

OP here. I absolutely did not “burn her out.” Why the hell would you think that?

Maybe because your deluded ass is complaining about how your happy, 25 year old daughter pursuing a journalism career is a total failure, who's "underperformed" their potential. I can assure you that you will not have a good relationship with her in the future if you don't fix your attitude ASAP. Don't come crying about how she doesn't provide you with enough grandkid time 10 years from now.

[Anonymous]

lmaple wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Journalism is never going to pay well.
If she wants cash she needs to go into consulting, they love college level athletes with science and engineering degrees, and get a network of people that can give her a job after 2-5 years if she doesn’t like working that hard long term.

OP here. I encouraged her to go into consulting but she refused, which was frustrating.

She played a sport in HS but not in college. Her personality is almost the opposite of the “Alpha College Athlete” type — she is introverted and bookish, and not gregarious at all.

In retrospect, I regret focusing so much on academics and wish I pushed her into team sports more so she could’ve developed the social skills and connections that are necessary for success.

I guess this is a warning to future DCUM parents: please put more pressure on your kid socially than academically. There is so much talk about colleges and AAP and GPA and SAT scores in this forum, but not enough about helping your kid develop the social skills necessary for success.

Yo, you guys are being punked. No way this isn’t a troll.

[Anonymous]

If this isn't a troll post it's very sad. Gross, actually. There are so many parents out there with children who have significant mental health or addiction issues. OP is upset that her 25 year old "only" makes 70k a year?? Cry me a river. If she's happy and supporting herself than OP needs to sit down and back-off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this isn't a troll post it's very sad. Gross, actually. There are so many parents out there with children who have significant mental health or addiction issues. OP is upset that her 25 year old "only" makes 70k a year?? Cry me a river. If she's happy and supporting herself than OP needs to sit down and back-off.

What's gross is that Jeff has allowed OP to keep trolling.

[Anonymous]

She lives in LA. Everything is through connections. Everything. Either help her (I assume you don't have connections because you would have already helped her) or stay out of it and accept that she's doing fine on her own.

[Anonymous]

OP is a piece of work, but I think she has a point. Every 6-8 weeks around here, there’s a thread by some middle aged parent bemoaning the fact that life is expensive and that they wish they had prioritized financial security when picking a career.

I wonder how people would react to OP if she was talking about her son? I do think some of the responses are assuming her daughter will just marry a high earning man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is a piece of work, but I think she has a point. Every 6-8 weeks around here, there’s a thread by some middle aged parent bemoaning the fact that life is expensive and that they wish they had prioritized financial security when picking a career.

I wonder how people would react to OP if she was talking about her son? I do think some of the responses are assuming her daughter will just marry a high earning man.

No, plenty of people think that $70k at 25 is absolutely fine, that OP's DD has plenty of time to choose what to do in her life, and that the main priority is for her to be happy. Not a single one of those points, all of which have been repeated ad nauseum, has implicit sexism in it, and would apply equally to a son. I think you might be projecting.