Anyone here “underperformed” according to their potential?

[lmaple]

My daughter is a 25 year old who has a decent job by any means, but is disappointing me (and I know that’s entirely a me problem and not a her problem!).

To give some background information, I am a single mom and a teacher with no generational wealth. I emphasized education as the path for upward mobility for DD all throughout her life, and she graduated from her MCPS high school at the top of her class. She had all the awards — National Merit Scholar, varsity captain of her sport, 4.0 UW GPA while taking 14 AP classes….

She went to an “elite” college (WASP SLAC, if anyone cares, but not super relevant here) on a hefty financial aid package. She graduated college in 2020 with a bachelor’s in Neuroscience and English, magna cum laude.

But she has not lived up to her potential. Since graduation, she has worked a series of low-paying jobs in journalism. Last year, she landed a job at a media company in LA that pays $70k/year.

I guess this is all to say that I am really worried about her. $70k in a city as expensive as LA does not go very far. And in general, media and journalism are not high-paying fields. She does not have any generational wealth.

I look at her high school classmates (many of whom I taught at her high school), and at 25 years old, they are making WAY more money than her despite being much less intelligent and hardworking. I can list countless classmates of hers who are making $200k+ in finance, tech, real estate, software sales, consulting, etc. I know for a fact that my daughter is more intelligent and more disciplined than many of those people.

It’s just frustrating to see her throw her potential away. I know that this is a me problem, but I can’t help but feel frustrated.

Anyone else in a similar situation here?

[Anonymous]

Is she supporting herself in LA on her salary? If so, she’s fine. 25 is the age to try out a job and a field and not worry too much about how much you earn. Journalism is not like working in fast food or some other dead end job. She is making contacts. She may also decide to go back to grad school in a few years. By no measure is she a failure.

[Anonymous]

Me: I was a straight a student, played variety sports, full scholarship to state college but accepted into much higher level schools I didn’t go to because I didn’t want to owe money when I graduated. I became a teacher: such a waste- right?! I loved it until recently and now wonder during my midlife crisis why I chose this. My sister is an ad exec and earns 600k a year- stupid me!

[Anonymous]

Ask her to focus on her looks and dating, and try to marry rich.

[Anonymous]

lmaple wrote:My daughter is a 25 year old who has a decent job by any means, but is disappointing me (and I know that’s entirely a me problem and not a her problem!).

To give some background information, I am a single mom and a teacher with no generational wealth. I emphasized education as the path for upward mobility for DD all throughout her life, and she graduated from her MCPS high school at the top of her class. She had all the awards — National Merit Scholar, varsity captain of her sport, 4.0 UW GPA while taking 14 AP classes….

She went to an “elite” college (WASP SLAC, if anyone cares, but not super relevant here) on a hefty financial aid package. She graduated college in 2020 with a bachelor’s in Neuroscience and English, magna cum laude.

But she has not lived up to her potential. Since graduation, she has worked a series of low-paying jobs in journalism. Last year, she landed a job at a media company in LA that pays $70k/year.

I guess this is all to say that I am really worried about her. $70k in a city as expensive as LA does not go very far. And in general, media and journalism are not high-paying fields. She does not have any generational wealth.

I look at her high school classmates (many of whom I taught at her high school), and at 25 years old, they are making WAY more money than her despite being much less intelligent and hardworking. I can list countless classmates of hers who are making $200k+ in finance, tech, real estate, software sales, consulting, etc. I know for a fact that my daughter is more intelligent and more disciplined than many of those people.

It’s just frustrating to see her throw her potential away. I know that this is a me problem, but I can’t help but feel frustrated.

Anyone else in a similar situation here?

A majority of the classmates I know who were making 200k+ or equivalent 125/150+ in early 20s were the following: generationally wealthy, attractive, or got jobs through family connections.

You are going through the lens of how hard it is to survive and excel when lower middle class. She is likely burnt out. If she isnt asking you for money, I would let it go.

[Anonymous]

Journalism is never going to pay well.
If she wants cash she needs to go into consulting, they love college level athletes with science and engineering degrees, and get a network of people that can give her a job after 2-5 years if she doesn’t like working that hard long term.

[Anonymous]

She's doing fine. Sit down.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I was like your daughter. I've done decently well in a low-paying field, as did my husband who i met in grad school. At age 40 our combined HHI is around 165k, so we would have felt like we were rolling in cash if we'd made 70k in our early 20s. Yes, our lawyer and tech friends make way more and live nicer lifestyles, it's true.

So what do you want to know, OP?

[Anonymous]

I got an engineering degree from Carnegie Mellon in the late 1980s and have never earned $100k. Some of us just never figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Me! I was a NMSF, straight-A student, entered college with 27 credits from APs, and then just kind of fizzled. I barely make $60K in my mid-40s.

[Anonymous]

lmaple wrote:My daughter is a 25 year old who has a decent job by any means, but is disappointing me (and I know that’s entirely a me problem and not a her problem!).

To give some background information, I am a single mom and a teacher with no generational wealth. I emphasized education as the path for upward mobility for DD all throughout her life, and she graduated from her MCPS high school at the top of her class. She had all the awards — National Merit Scholar, varsity captain of her sport, 4.0 UW GPA while taking 14 AP classes….

She went to an “elite” college (WASP SLAC, if anyone cares, but not super relevant here) on a hefty financial aid package. She graduated college in 2020 with a bachelor’s in Neuroscience and English, magna cum laude.

But she has not lived up to her potential. Since graduation, she has worked a series of low-paying jobs in journalism. Last year, she landed a job at a media company in LA that pays $70k/year.

I guess this is all to say that I am really worried about her. $70k in a city as expensive as LA does not go very far. And in general, media and journalism are not high-paying fields. She does not have any generational wealth.

I look at her high school classmates (many of whom I taught at her high school), and at 25 years old, they are making WAY more money than her despite being much less intelligent and hardworking. I can list countless classmates of hers who are making $200k+ in finance, tech, real estate, software sales, consulting, etc. I know for a fact that my daughter is more intelligent and more disciplined than many of those people.

It’s just frustrating to see her throw her potential away. I know that this is a me problem, but I can’t help but feel frustrated.

Anyone else in a similar situation here?

I don't see any issue with your daughter's pathway. If she wants to be a journalist, she has to work her way up and that sounds like what she's doing. If it doesn't pan out, she's young and has plenty of time to shift job pathways. I know plenty of former journalists who are now successful lawyers.

But, you need to remember that life is more than making lots of money, and there's no reason to race to a high paying job.

[lmaple]

Anonymous wrote:Journalism is never going to pay well.
If she wants cash she needs to go into consulting, they love college level athletes with science and engineering degrees, and get a network of people that can give her a job after 2-5 years if she doesn’t like working that hard long term.

OP here. I encouraged her to go into consulting but she refused, which was frustrating.

She played a sport in HS but not in college. Her personality is almost the opposite of the “Alpha College Athlete” type — she is introverted and bookish, and not gregarious at all.

In retrospect, I regret focusing so much on academics and wish I pushed her into team sports more so she could’ve developed the social skills and connections that are necessary for success.

I guess this is a warning to future DCUM parents: please put more pressure on your kid socially than academically. There is so much talk about colleges and AAP and GPA and SAT scores in this forum, but not enough about helping your kid develop the social skills necessary for success.

[Anonymous]

Is she independent and HAPPY? Those should be your only concerns.

[Anonymous]

lmaple wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Journalism is never going to pay well.
If she wants cash she needs to go into consulting, they love college level athletes with science and engineering degrees, and get a network of people that can give her a job after 2-5 years if she doesn’t like working that hard long term.

OP here. I encouraged her to go into consulting but she refused, which was frustrating.

She played a sport in HS but not in college. Her personality is almost the opposite of the “Alpha College Athlete” type — she is introverted and bookish, and not gregarious at all.

In retrospect, I regret focusing so much on academics and wish I pushed her into team sports more so she could’ve developed the social skills and connections that are necessary for success.

I guess this is a warning to future DCUM parents: please put more pressure on your kid socially than academically. There is so much talk about colleges and AAP and GPA and SAT scores in this forum, but not enough about helping your kid develop the social skills necessary for success.

All this drivel because a 25 year old is making 70k? You are nuts.

[Anonymous]

The 200k earning classmates had their parents connect them to internships at top PE firms that lead to full time jobs. Clearly your daughter is at a disadvantage because lacking support from you. Don’t worry, you are only 50, there is still a chance for you to transfer to a higher paid job in education.