Difficult ex wife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok please folks explain this to me. Is OP’s ex wife in a relationship or no? If yes why does it matter what her ex husband is doing? I am really confused here by the women taking her side. I actually feel bad for the guy the ex wife is dating. I wonder if he knows about her reaction. And I hope if he finds out to take the exit ASAP.

It only matters for the kids.

Kids are all that matter. And Op needs to start behaving like that.

Don’t dump custody time during the holidays for online dating. Don’t contact your ex spouse to take over a custody night for your online dating. Dont post here about a “difficult Ex” because of your dating/custody antics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok,

We are 1 year post divorce. The divorce surprisingly was uneventful, we used a mediator and agreed on everything. She asked for the divorce after having given me a list of things I failed to do throughout our marriage. As soon as the divorce was finalized she started dating and seemed very happy. When I pick up the kids we have quick chats and every time I ask her how she is doing she reminds me how happy she is and make a point to point out how better her life is with her new flame etc.

Now she has turned into a complete maniac. The other day I told her I was going on a date if she could watch our kids. She said No. A few hours later I got close to 20 text messages quizzing me about this girl imposing demands declaring that our kids will never see her etc. Anyways I ignored her and I thought she was just having a bad day with her new flame . Nope it’s total nightmare. She is taking me to court to revisit child custody, she also thinks that I got a promotion and make more and therefore she is going to go to court for higher child support payments. And she is now also sabotaging my time with our kids. I feel like she doesn’t want me to be happy. If I cheated on her or treated her badly during our marriage maybe I could understand her nutty behavior. Nope. She has gone crazy.

Anyone dealt or is dealing with a crazy ex spouse? When you divorce someone isn’t it over? I am just confused. This cannot be jealousy because we are not married anymore. Anyways I hope she gets back to her senses….She is 42 years old, I don’t get it….

Did get a promotion?

Dont your divorce docs take into account new salary, bonuses and COLA?

It’s pretty easy for an attorney to call your employer and find out, or get a forensic accountant involved if hiding or deferring or rolling income to avoid child support increases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok please folks explain this to me. Is OP’s ex wife in a relationship or no? If yes why does it matter what her ex husband is doing? I am really confused here by the women taking her side. I actually feel bad for the guy the ex wife is dating. I wonder if he knows about her reaction. And I hope if he finds out to take the exit ASAP.

I haven't seen anybody 'take her side.' Asking for a custody modification and more child support in response to what OP did is nutty. But people aren't taking OP's side either. Read the comments more carefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok,

We are 1 year post divorce. The divorce surprisingly was uneventful, we used a mediator and agreed on everything. She asked for the divorce after having given me a list of things I failed to do throughout our marriage. As soon as the divorce was finalized she started dating and seemed very happy. When I pick up the kids we have quick chats and every time I ask her how she is doing she reminds me how happy she is and make a point to point out how better her life is with her new flame etc.

Now she has turned into a complete maniac. The other day I told her I was going on a date if she could watch our kids. She said No. A few hours later I got close to 20 text messages quizzing me about this girl imposing demands declaring that our kids will never see her etc. Anyways I ignored her and I thought she was just having a bad day with her new flame . Nope it’s total nightmare. She is taking me to court to revisit child custody, she also thinks that I got a promotion and make more and therefore she is going to go to court for higher child support payments. And she is now also sabotaging my time with our kids. I feel like she doesn’t want me to be happy. If I cheated on her or treated her badly during our marriage maybe I could understand her nutty behavior. Nope. She has gone crazy.

Anyone dealt or is dealing with a crazy ex spouse? When you divorce someone isn’t it over? I am just confused. This cannot be jealousy because we are not married anymore. Anyways I hope she gets back to her senses….She is 42 years old, I don’t get it….

What does your promotion and child support payments have to do with your custody time?

And if yours worried about sabotaging your custody time, why are you choosing to go on dates during your custody time and inform your ex of that??

Furthermore, are there clauses about how many years until the children can meet a significant other? No one wants strangers raising their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you TELL her that you were asking her to take the kids because you had a date to go on? You were inviting drama. It's ridiculous but you should not have done that.

Hopefully things will calm down but wisen up. And you really should be using your time with the kids to spend with the kids, not on dates.

But OP's ex-wife is in a relationship herself. Why is she suddenly acting this way when OP finally is starting to date. Why would she even care????

I don't know, maybe she is crazy, maybe OP is leaving out details. That's irrelevant to my point. OP should not have invited drama by *telling* his ex this information, especially because he was asking her to do work for him to go on a date when most good parents would be using their limited time with the kids to spend time with the kids. What OP did was dumb, full stop.

I too would be very curious to hear the ex’s side of the story. It does sound like she was very strongly triggered, but I wonder if the issues she is pursuing (custody and CS) are valid and this is just what pushed her over the edge.

I agree. It's odd for someone to be totally amicable in a divorce that involves custody and child support and then go unhinged because of OP's request. The request was awful in all kinds of ways but doesn't warrant her reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you TELL her that you were asking her to take the kids because you had a date to go on? You were inviting drama. It's ridiculous but you should not have done that.

Hopefully things will calm down but wisen up. And you really should be using your time with the kids to spend with the kids, not on dates.

But OP's ex-wife is in a relationship herself. Why is she suddenly acting this way when OP finally is starting to date. Why would she even care????

I don't know, maybe she is crazy, maybe OP is leaving out details. That's irrelevant to my point. OP should not have invited drama by *telling* his ex this information, especially because he was asking her to do work for him to go on a date when most good parents would be using their limited time with the kids to spend time with the kids. What OP did was dumb, full stop.

At best, what OP did was dumb. At worst, it was cruel, and OP did it knowing how she would react. OP's ex may or may not be crazy, and OP may or may not have some responsibility in her current mental state, but from what we know, OP is either dumb or cruel.

[Anonymous]

Stop. You baited her, deliberately. Why would you arrange a date on what appears to be your time with your kids (necessitating a babysitter), and why on *Earth* would you expect her to babysit while you were on a date?

You are perfectly entitled to date, but common courtesy (and good parenting) dictates that you do it mostly during your non-child custody hours until you have dated someone long enough that you are serious with someone who you might want to marry.

Until then, if you are asking for custody scheduled changes because you have a "right of first refusal" arrangement, just say that you have an event and are offering her the time first per agreement and could she please let you know by X if you have to arrange a babysitter instead. If she asks what you're doing don't lie. Just say that what you're doing is irrelevant.

If you don't have a right of first refusal agreement, just arrange a babysitter. You wife is not obligated to watch the kids on your time.

Be careful about arranging too many babysitters during your custody time - the kids are with you to spend time with you, not a babysitter. If it becomes clear that you are regularly hiring a babysitter beyond that required to maintain your employment, your former spouse would be entirely justified in asking for a change in the custody schedule if she can show that you are not spending your custody time with the kids.

You are entitled to see people with your kids - but it's poor parenting to date in their presence or to bring a succession of sjort term relationships into your relationship with your kids.

[Anonymous]

A woman can't stand to know that she has been replaced. No matter the divorce and her new guy. She imagines someone better than her and it makes her insane. She wants to hold on to the illusion that she was the best you ever had and you'll never do any better and should be regretting losing her the rest of your life. Your new flame smacks her right I the face with the cold reality that dispels that notion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A woman can't stand to know that she has been replaced. No matter the divorce and her new guy. She imagines someone better than her and it makes her insane. She wants to hold on to the illusion that she was the best you ever had and you'll never do any better and should be regretting losing her the rest of your life. Your new flame smacks her right I the face with the cold reality that dispels that notion.

Amazing women can divorce men and they are still convinced that they are the center of their divorced wife’s universe.

I’m divorced. I ended our marriage. If I have any anxiety about my exDH dating a new woman, it’s because of the issues over which we divorced, which guarantee that he does not have the emotional maturity to date and consider the kids feelings. I know his subsequent fiancé was surprised that I still spent significant time with him and the kids, including at holidays. I’m sure that people still thought I was pining for him, but I was not at all. He was just super-irresponsible with the kids and I was somewhat afraid of leaving them alone with him for too long. His now-wife, would have been better off if she had asked herself why on earth he couldn’t take care of the kids himself and didn’t have significant custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok,

We are 1 year post divorce. The divorce surprisingly was uneventful, we used a mediator and agreed on everything. She asked for the divorce after having given me a list of things I failed to do throughout our marriage. As soon as the divorce was finalized she started dating and seemed very happy. When I pick up the kids we have quick chats and every time I ask her how she is doing she reminds me how happy she is and make a point to point out how better her life is with her new flame etc.

Now she has turned into a complete maniac. The other day I told her I was going on a date if she could watch our kids. She said No. A few hours later I got close to 20 text messages quizzing me about this girl imposing demands declaring that our kids will never see her etc. Anyways I ignored her and I thought she was just having a bad day with her new flame . Nope it’s total nightmare. She is taking me to court to revisit child custody, she also thinks that I got a promotion and make more and therefore she is going to go to court for higher child support payments. And she is now also sabotaging my time with our kids. I feel like she doesn’t want me to be happy. If I cheated on her or treated her badly during our marriage maybe I could understand her nutty behavior. Nope. She has gone crazy.

Anyone dealt or is dealing with a crazy ex spouse? When you divorce someone isn’t it over? I am just confused. This cannot be jealousy because we are not married anymore. Anyways I hope she gets back to her senses….She is 42 years old, I don’t get it….

Did get a promotion?

Dont your divorce docs take into account new salary, bonuses and COLA?

It’s pretty easy for an attorney to call your employer and find out, or get a forensic accountant involved if hiding or deferring or rolling income to avoid child support increases.

Also, unless there is a mandatory mediation clause, OP's ex-wife is perfectly justified in going to court because OP got a promotion. It's called "changed circumstances" and divorce lawyers make use of it all the time ... even to get other agreements not related to the "changed circumstances".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok please folks explain this to me. Is OP’s ex wife in a relationship or no? If yes why does it matter what her ex husband is doing? I am really confused here by the women taking her side. I actually feel bad for the guy the ex wife is dating. I wonder if he knows about her reaction. And I hope if he finds out to take the exit ASAP.

Because mothers will always have a problem with any other woman who gets involved with her ex because she MIGHT be in a motherly-like position to her kids. Period.

I know a woman who had an AP and filed for divorce. Once the husband had moved out after being served, she immediately moved her AP into the family home with the minor children. No consultation with father of children was sought.

When father expressed concern about AP/strange man moving in and living with his kids, he was told to MYOB and that her relationship was none of his business. AP was paraded around to family events and was fully accepted by woman's friends and family, because she made it a point to tell them all how happy she was with him. Divorce case wasn't even finalized.

Several YEARS down the road father remarries. Mom begins to tacitly manipulate kids and tells them they no longer have to visit father since it's probably uncomfortable there with dad's new wife, that mom understands they don't like her and that's OK, that this woman cannot ever be a mom to them so don't refer to her as a step"mom," tells kids to return gifts from woman because they are inferior, etc.

Complete double-standard.

Wow. I am not surprised though. All women need to tell anyone who wants to her it about their AP is that they are NOW HAPPY. That will disarm most people from criticisms. If a man were in a reverse situation he would not get the same sympathy. Women have a monopoly on happiness.

[Anonymous]

OP did not say he was going to introduce his kids to the new GF. His ex automatically declared that their kids will never meet her. I am sorry the woman is crazy. And by the way he just gave her a a reason why he wanted her to watch the kids. It’s probably only for couple of hours and y’all women are blaming the guy. Even in divorces women continue their obsessiveness.

OP needs to understand that a woman will always be selfish and will have no problem if you were to remain single for the rest of your life. As long as she is happily dating that’s all that matters. For some women divorcing their husbands is not enough. They want to continue “getting back” at the guy because oh well he is the reason for their misery. You would think a new fresh relationship will make them happy nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you TELL her that you were asking her to take the kids because you had a date to go on? You were inviting drama. It's ridiculous but you should not have done that.

Hopefully things will calm down but wisen up. And you really should be using your time with the kids to spend with the kids, not on dates.

But OP's ex-wife is in a relationship herself. Why is she suddenly acting this way when OP finally is starting to date. Why would she even care????

I don't know, maybe she is crazy, maybe OP is leaving out details. That's irrelevant to my point. OP should not have invited drama by *telling* his ex this information, especially because he was asking her to do work for him to go on a date when most good parents would be using their limited time with the kids to spend time with the kids. What OP did was dumb, full stop.

I too would be very curious to hear the ex’s side of the story. It does sound like she was very strongly triggered, but I wonder if the issues she is pursuing (custody and CS) are valid and this is just what pushed her over the edge.

I agree. It's odd for someone to be totally amicable in a divorce that involves custody and child support and then go unhinged because of OP's request. The request was awful in all kinds of ways but doesn't warrant her reaction.

He probably threatened her that if she didn’t take the kids the new date was going to come to him home and hang out with him and the kids.

That key bit of info makes everything make sense.

[Anonymous]

Women have a support network of other women giving empathy and telling them it isn't their fault (even when it is).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A woman can't stand to know that she has been replaced. No matter the divorce and her new guy. She imagines someone better than her and it makes her insane. She wants to hold on to the illusion that she was the best you ever had and you'll never do any better and should be regretting losing her the rest of your life. Your new flame smacks her right I the face with the cold reality that dispels that notion.

Lol

Pity the fool who tries to date that ahole. Happy to sit back and watch from afar, him repeat his blowups.