How much would this bug you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you get anyone to babysit for you if you are this rigid about exact times?... And I say that as someone who loves a good schedule and tried to keep my kids on a general one whenever I could. But you know what life happens.... Holidays babysitters emergencies impromptu schedule changes things happen.
Admittedly, I don't know much about this nanny camp thing, but is it possible the child was in the crib but just not sleeping yet?
I could not think of any circumstance in which I would watch my mother-in-law or my mom watch my children. If I felt I had to do that I would not have them. Maybe sit in the first place. She did not hold a gun to your head and tell you to leave. You could have still declined if you didn't feel comfortable.
My husband used to lie about things with our first child because he knew I would freak the f out if he did not do exactly what I said.... We had to come to Jesus moment when I caught him lying and he said listen. I feel like I can't parent with you hovering about and needing everything to be exactly your way. It just doesn't always go that way. So I want you to be happy so I lie. We set some parameters and non-negotiables and we both were much happy and he is an amazing father with great judgment. If he puts the kids to bed a little bit later or feeds them something that I would not, it really does not matter.

A kid waking up from a nap at 5 pm isn't worrying about exact times! I had bad sleepers and this would screw up their sleep for days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She lied because she felt she had to. Ask yourself why that is.

I CANNOT STAND this horrid line of thinking. It’s right up there with “my wife MADE me have an affair!”

She lied because she sucks. End of story.

No she lied because OP is high strung and overly rigid and anxious and sometimes it’s not worth getting into things with her.

Not wanting your kid to nap till two hours before bedtime isn't anxious and rigid, it's good parenting.

I'm sure the kid would have just gone to bed a little later. So what.

You obviously forgot what it was like to have little kids.

DP but not at all. I liked the schedule schedule because it worked for me. Grandma might be imposing a different schedule because it works for her. The nap too close to bedtime is an issue b/c it means crappy night sleep. But, guess what? Grandma has to deal with that fall out and then maybe she'll resume the normal schedule the next day. This is like a tree falling in the forest. Not my problem if I'm not there. If I was coming home that night, then I could see the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She lied because she felt she had to. Ask yourself why that is.

Why can’t MIL follow a very simple schedule?

Grandparents will do whatever tf they want. They think your routines, food choices and rules are ridiculous. Even your mom thinks that, op.

NP. That’s absolutely fine. They can be visitors, then, and not caregivers. It is 100% fine if they just want to visit and have fun, and not babysit. If they want to babysit, they will follow the rules.

You realize babysitting is a privilege for you, right? They are doing you a favor, not the other way around.

No, actually. Someone who is caring for my kid, and lying about how they do it (esp when it is contrary to the child's parents' wishes) is not doing me any favors whatsoever. If I cannot trust you to do as I ask, and I -know- you're lying about it, then not only is it NOT a favor. You're burdening me further by having to make sure you're telling me the truthing, doing as I ask, by causing me to worry.

So, no thank you.

If you want everything done to your exact standards, hire someone. Family members muddle along as best they can, but they're not going to quake in their boots if the kid doesn't go down exactly on time, or eats a couple of cookies. I would never have looked after my nieces and nephew if my SIL treated me like the hired help.

Did you read that OP didn’t ask her? If you push your way in to watching someone’s kids, be helpful! Don’t insist on watching them and lying.

OP could have refused to go. She wasn’t forced out of her home by gunpoint.

Sounds to me like she could have used the vacation to relax about life.

+1
OP you are borrowing trouble. Your dh could have thanked her for the tix and taken the kids or taken the kids and her while you stayed home.
Toddlers are harder to get down when with someone who isn’t part of their daily routine. You need to look at the big picture. I’d imagine your mil knows you’re neurotic and wants to try to pre-empt micro managing. Also, what I would give for any of my kids to be able to spend time with either of their grandmothers (who both died unexpectedly when they were little). Look at the big picture and be appreciative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you get anyone to babysit for you if you are this rigid about exact times?... And I say that as someone who loves a good schedule and tried to keep my kids on a general one whenever I could. But you know what life happens.... Holidays babysitters emergencies impromptu schedule changes things happen.
Admittedly, I don't know much about this nanny camp thing, but is it possible the child was in the crib but just not sleeping yet?
I could not think of any circumstance in which I would watch my mother-in-law or my mom watch my children. If I felt I had to do that I would not have them. Maybe sit in the first place. She did not hold a gun to your head and tell you to leave. You could have still declined if you didn't feel comfortable.
My husband used to lie about things with our first child because he knew I would freak the f out if he did not do exactly what I said.... We had to come to Jesus moment when I caught him lying and he said listen. I feel like I can't parent with you hovering about and needing everything to be exactly your way. It just doesn't always go that way. So I want you to be happy so I lie. We set some parameters and non-negotiables and we both were much happy and he is an amazing father with great judgment. If he puts the kids to bed a little bit later or feeds them something that I would not, it really does not matter.

A kid waking up from a nap at 5 pm isn't worrying about exact times! I had bad sleepers and this would screw up their sleep for days.

And how old are the kids now? Because once they're older, looking back on this, it all seems really inconsequential. In the moment it seems like a big deal because you're tired. But, when you're at Great Wolf Lodge its a good time to catch up on the sleep so you can go back well rested and better able to deal with bumps in the road like sometimes the schedule gets ignored. But it's really not a big deal in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She lied because she felt she had to. Ask yourself why that is.

We know why it is. MIL is self-centered and dishonest. She wants to do whatever it she wants, as she wants it, and will do whatever she has to to get it.

This is the only correct answer. Because even if mom was unreasonable, etc., as some of yo are implying, it is HER kid. Not MILs. You either follow mom's rules or guess what? You don't get to watch the kids overnight again.

This would be a huge problem for me, as well. If she's lying about this, what else is she lying about?

I'm not implying the mom is unreasonable, I'm outright saying it. There's nothing subtle about what I'm saying.

And you're looking at this entirely the wrong way. This is not "follow mom's rules or guess what, you don't get to watch the kids overnight again." WTAF. Holy micromanagement hell, Batman. People do different things when they are in charge of children and that's OK. And, btw, Mom is not the rule-maker. She may have preferences, but looking over a caregiver's shoulder? Pshaw. She'll never go out again. And then be all martyr mom later.

Chill. It's best for everyone. It takes a village.

A lying village apparently…

[Anonymous]

The lie would piss me off to no end. But I am big on honesty. My mom lies to my kids to smooth things over - for instance I say the kids can’t order hot cocoa with their snack at Starbucks and my mom jumps in to tell them the store ran out of cocoa. It infuriates me because, among other things, the kids are not dumb and so they (the older ones at least) know damn well that Nana is lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She lied because she felt she had to. Ask yourself why that is.

Why can’t MIL follow a very simple schedule?

Grandparents will do whatever tf they want. They think your routines, food choices and rules are ridiculous. Even your mom thinks that, op.

NP. That’s absolutely fine. They can be visitors, then, and not caregivers. It is 100% fine if they just want to visit and have fun, and not babysit. If they want to babysit, they will follow the rules.

You realize babysitting is a privilege for you, right? They are doing you a favor, not the other way around.

No actually getting to hang out with your grandkids is a privilege.

lol, ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you get anyone to babysit for you if you are this rigid about exact times?... And I say that as someone who loves a good schedule and tried to keep my kids on a general one whenever I could. But you know what life happens.... Holidays babysitters emergencies impromptu schedule changes things happen.
Admittedly, I don't know much about this nanny camp thing, but is it possible the child was in the crib but just not sleeping yet?
I could not think of any circumstance in which I would watch my mother-in-law or my mom watch my children. If I felt I had to do that I would not have them. Maybe sit in the first place. She did not hold a gun to your head and tell you to leave. You could have still declined if you didn't feel comfortable.
My husband used to lie about things with our first child because he knew I would freak the f out if he did not do exactly what I said.... We had to come to Jesus moment when I caught him lying and he said listen. I feel like I can't parent with you hovering about and needing everything to be exactly your way. It just doesn't always go that way. So I want you to be happy so I lie. We set some parameters and non-negotiables and we both were much happy and he is an amazing father with great judgment. If he puts the kids to bed a little bit later or feeds them something that I would not, it really does not matter.

A kid waking up from a nap at 5 pm isn't worrying about exact times! I had bad sleepers and this would screw up their sleep for days.

And how old are the kids now? Because once they're older, looking back on this, it all seems really inconsequential. In the moment it seems like a big deal because you're tired. But, when you're at Great Wolf Lodge its a good time to catch up on the sleep so you can go back well rested and better able to deal with bumps in the road like sometimes the schedule gets ignored. But it's really not a big deal in the end.

I think you’ve forgotten how exhausting little kid phase can be when even on good days you’re not getting nearly enough unbroken sleep

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you get anyone to babysit for you if you are this rigid about exact times?... And I say that as someone who loves a good schedule and tried to keep my kids on a general one whenever I could. But you know what life happens.... Holidays babysitters emergencies impromptu schedule changes things happen.
Admittedly, I don't know much about this nanny camp thing, but is it possible the child was in the crib but just not sleeping yet?
I could not think of any circumstance in which I would watch my mother-in-law or my mom watch my children. If I felt I had to do that I would not have them. Maybe sit in the first place. She did not hold a gun to your head and tell you to leave. You could have still declined if you didn't feel comfortable.
My husband used to lie about things with our first child because he knew I would freak the f out if he did not do exactly what I said.... We had to come to Jesus moment when I caught him lying and he said listen. I feel like I can't parent with you hovering about and needing everything to be exactly your way. It just doesn't always go that way. So I want you to be happy so I lie. We set some parameters and non-negotiables and we both were much happy and he is an amazing father with great judgment. If he puts the kids to bed a little bit later or feeds them something that I would not, it really does not matter.

A kid waking up from a nap at 5 pm isn't worrying about exact times! I had bad sleepers and this would screw up their sleep for days.

And how old are the kids now? Because once they're older, looking back on this, it all seems really inconsequential. In the moment it seems like a big deal because you're tired. But, when you're at Great Wolf Lodge its a good time to catch up on the sleep so you can go back well rested and better able to deal with bumps in the road like sometimes the schedule gets ignored. But it's really not a big deal in the end.

I think you’ve forgotten how exhausting little kid phase can be when even on good days you’re not getting nearly enough unbroken sleep

So you take the offer for a weekend away, catch up on sleep, and let the small shit slide, because it's worth it. A baby getting a late nap does not matter.

[Anonymous]

I'm really surprised by the varying opinions on this.

I'm most frequently in the IL camp when people complain about them here. But not this time. Outright lying to me about my kid is not OK. Ever.

And to those that say that OP is rigid and uptight, that may or may not be true. But this is where "two wrongs don't make a right" comes into play. If OP had rigid rules and Grandma just didn't follow them, I would be in the camp of letting it slide. But here OP had rules and Grandma, unprompted even, lied about it. That erodes trust and is never OK.

I would have a direct conversation about it- ask her why she told you something that wasn't true. Then wait for an answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised by the varying opinions on this.

I'm most frequently in the IL camp when people complain about them here. But not this time. Outright lying to me about my kid is not OK. Ever.

And to those that say that OP is rigid and uptight, that may or may not be true. But this is where "two wrongs don't make a right" comes into play. If OP had rigid rules and Grandma just didn't follow them, I would be in the camp of letting it slide. But here OP had rules and Grandma, unprompted even, lied about it. That erodes trust and is never OK.

I would have a direct conversation about it- ask her why she told you something that wasn't true. Then wait for an answer.

It could be that she simply lost track of time. Maybe it was close enough to nap time or that's when the baby seemed tired. This is not the hill I would die on, so to answer the question, it would not bug me very much. The chance to get away for 24 hours was worth it. Nobody offered that to me when my kids were little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised by the varying opinions on this.

I'm most frequently in the IL camp when people complain about them here. But not this time. Outright lying to me about my kid is not OK. Ever.

And to those that say that OP is rigid and uptight, that may or may not be true. But this is where "two wrongs don't make a right" comes into play. If OP had rigid rules and Grandma just didn't follow them, I would be in the camp of letting it slide. But here OP had rules and Grandma, unprompted even, lied about it. That erodes trust and is never OK.

I would have a direct conversation about it- ask her why she told you something that wasn't true. Then wait for an answer.

It could be that she simply lost track of time. Maybe it was close enough to nap time or that's when the baby seemed tired. This is not the hill I would die on, so to answer the question, it would not bug me very much. The chance to get away for 24 hours was worth it. Nobody offered that to me when my kids were little.

According to OP the bolded is not possible. MIL lied in real-time- she texted to say the kid was sleeping while the kid was not. It was an intentional lie.

"At 1:05 she texts that she got dd down for her nap right on time (at 1:00) at 3:00 she texts she got dd up and they’re heading to the park. Nanit (baby monitor that you can watch on your phone and logs activity) shows actually dd didn’t go down until 2:40 and was up at 5pm."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised by the varying opinions on this.

I'm most frequently in the IL camp when people complain about them here. But not this time. Outright lying to me about my kid is not OK. Ever.

And to those that say that OP is rigid and uptight, that may or may not be true. But this is where "two wrongs don't make a right" comes into play. If OP had rigid rules and Grandma just didn't follow them, I would be in the camp of letting it slide. But here OP had rules and Grandma, unprompted even, lied about it. That erodes trust and is never OK.

I would have a direct conversation about it- ask her why she told you something that wasn't true. Then wait for an answer.

It could be that she simply lost track of time. Maybe it was close enough to nap time or that's when the baby seemed tired. This is not the hill I would die on, so to answer the question, it would not bug me very much. The chance to get away for 24 hours was worth it. Nobody offered that to me when my kids were little.

According to OP the bolded is not possible. MIL lied in real-time- she texted to say the kid was sleeping while the kid was not. It was an intentional lie.

"At 1:05 she texts that she got dd down for her nap right on time (at 1:00) at 3:00 she texts she got dd up and they’re heading to the park. Nanit (baby monitor that you can watch on your phone and logs activity) shows actually dd didn’t go down until 2:40 and was up at 5pm."

Then I guess she was busted by the app. OP can just add herself to the list of millennials who have no help from the grandparents and see if that makes her happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised by the varying opinions on this.

I'm most frequently in the IL camp when people complain about them here. But not this time. Outright lying to me about my kid is not OK. Ever.

And to those that say that OP is rigid and uptight, that may or may not be true. But this is where "two wrongs don't make a right" comes into play. If OP had rigid rules and Grandma just didn't follow them, I would be in the camp of letting it slide. But here OP had rules and Grandma, unprompted even, lied about it. That erodes trust and is never OK.

I would have a direct conversation about it- ask her why she told you something that wasn't true. Then wait for an answer.

It could be that she simply lost track of time. Maybe it was close enough to nap time or that's when the baby seemed tired. This is not the hill I would die on, so to answer the question, it would not bug me very much. The chance to get away for 24 hours was worth it. Nobody offered that to me when my kids were little.

According to OP the bolded is not possible. MIL lied in real-time- she texted to say the kid was sleeping while the kid was not. It was an intentional lie.

"At 1:05 she texts that she got dd down for her nap right on time (at 1:00) at 3:00 she texts she got dd up and they’re heading to the park. Nanit (baby monitor that you can watch on your phone and logs activity) shows actually dd didn’t go down until 2:40 and was up at 5pm."

Then I guess she was busted by the app. OP can just add herself to the list of millennials who have no help from the grandparents and see if that makes her happy.

Or, or just maybe she could have a conversation with her MIL about why she lied.

As I said- I would let a lot of things slide- sleep schedules, food, toys, screens/electronics, all of it. But umprompted straight out lying to me? That is a different story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL was babysitting 1.5 yr for 24 hours. This was not a favor, she basically shoved us and older kids out the door to a night a great wolf she surprised us with knowing we (dh too) weren’t 100% comfortable with her having the kids alone. But it was at our house (vs hers with unsecured pool) with our easiest child so we decided to give it a try. I will agree she was trying to do something nice for us….and it was also self serving.

At 1:05 she texts that she got dd down for her nap right on time (at 1:00) at 3:00 she texts she got dd up and they’re heading to the park. Nanit (baby monitor that you can watch on your phone and logs activity) shows actually dd didn’t go down until 2:40 and was up at 5pm. Would the lying bug you? Or is it kind of in the realm of grandparent prerogative and if it wasn’t for today’s tech it’d never be a big deal? Would it raise concerns about trustworthiness to watch kids overall for you? I’d been about ready to let my 6yo who id feel comfortable with around a pool visit her for several days

Unless she held a gun to your head then you could have refused to go. Confront her and end relationship with her. You are such a s jerk.